TAMING THE PLAYBOY ALPHA - Chapter 103: Chapter 103

: BLANK STARE
FREYA'S POV:
I stand there, perplexed for more than a few seconds even till the hallway becomes empty again, and I'm the only person standing there like a daft idiot.
No way...
Maybe I had been wrong.
I had seen the wrong person.
Maybe it wasn't Silas.
But those cold silver eyes are impossible to confuse with anyone else's, and I know for a fact that it's him - my wolf does as well.
I felt it; my entire being recognized my Silas.
Then maybe, he hadn't really seen me...
That's right.
He hadn't seen me, and the glint of recognition in his eyes was a trick of the light. Because I'm anemic and exhausted, I'm seeing things, confusing things that aren't real.
It makes more sense that way.
It makes more sense that he hadn't really seen me than the narrative that he had just walked by... like I was nothing.
Yeah, Silas wouldn't do that.
I know this, yet my eyes sting and while I suddenly begin hyperventilating, my vision grows blurry and wetness pools of them.
Fuck these darn tears...
Why are you crying? He didn't see you.
I convince myself, yet my chest hurts from makeshift rejection.
This is what I wanted to avoid... growing entitled, growing needy, crying because he hadn't seen you, or held you the way you needed him too...
This is why I wanted the distance to strengthen my spine.
And yet my resolve turns to mush in his presence.
Sobbing, I walk straight ahead with no exact direction in mind. Just walking straight forward while engulfed with sadness and maybe, feelings of regret.
But I don't know what I should be regretting... Maybe I should have called once when we were apart. Is that why he's angry with me?
No Freya...
Remember, he hadn't seen you.
I stop right under a stairwell, leaning against the wall before sliding down till my butt hits the floor.
I fold myself, hugging my knees and moving deep into the dark corner to remain undetected.
I really don't want any nosy person to see me cry right now.
I pull out my phone and text Xena. I can't really see what it is I'm typing, leaving the placement of each letter to my memory until my entire vision is soaked and tears drip down my phone and stain the screen...
Great.
My phone begins vibrating and ringing, and I pick it without checking who it is; a part of me hoping it's him.
I sniffle and speak into the receiver.
"Hello?"
I wait for a response that takes a little more time.
"Freya... Freya, are you okay?" The voice finally speaks.
Oh, it's only Adam.
My shoulders slump again and the sob comes on again.
"Yeah... I'm fine." I mutter while shaking with the tears, hating how pathetic I sound.
"You sound like you're crying." I can hear the instant worry in his voice. "Where are you?"
"Adam, I'm fine... just..."
I drop the phone from my face, holding back the sob and sniffling in the tears that forcefully pour out of me.
I try to be strong and remind myself it's not a big deal. But I seem to always forget that I haven't been quite myself in a while and what usually works doesn't anymore.
I take deep breaths before I place the phone on the side of my face again.
"Freya... Freya, can you hear me?"
"Yeah."
I hear him sighing in relief and feel bad again. I must be a burden on him right now.
"Where are you?" He asks again.
"Under the stairwell, close to the female toilet." I say finally.
Then the call cuts and I'm alone in the silence again.
The screen returns back to my chat with Xena and she's blaring up my phone with constant responses that keep popping up too fast before I can read any of them.
I turn the screen off and close my eyes.
Even now, I'm being a burden and ruining their first day of school and being such a downer... and I can't help the self-hate that comes in again. More tears pour out, and I just let myself drown in despair.
I finally admit to myself that he did see me and walk away.
"Freya!"
I look up as Adam yells out my name, jogging down the hall way, rushing to where I am and he crashes onto his knees right next to me, breathing so hard to show just how much of a scare he's in.
Before I can apologize for being so terrible, he pulls me in his warm embrace, hugging me so tightly, so snuggly.
And all that residual sadness I had been holding back in me in an attempt at not being a crybaby rolls out, and I begin balling my eyes out right onto his shoulders.
"Adam..." I say, squeezing him right back as I cry.
He pats at my back, comforting me and no matter how hard I cry, he doesn't say a single word of admonishment.
"Where's she?" Xena says just as she runs down the hall to where we are.
This time, I'm sitting on the steps of the stairs right next to Adam, sipping my coke; the one I saved. It's a good thing I saved the coke.
The sweet and frizzy flavor keeps me at peace right now.
I look up at her, forcing a smile just as she walks up to me, looking so sad and dejected from seeing my swollen eyes.
That look on her face...
I just hate seeing it. I know it's normal for her to be worried, but I just wish I could make her less worried. "It's okay, Xena... I'm fine now."
"You don't look fine though." She says, getting annoyed.
She takes in a deep breath, pacing round a bit to calm herself down before facing me again.
"You said he saw you and said nothing?" Xena asks about the text I had sent only a few minutes ago.
I remain silent now, bowing my head.
Now that I'm a bit calmer, I feel more stupid for making it such a big deal.
"Yeah." I mutter in a hushed voice
"Fuck..." She curses, kicking a trash can on the side.
She paces again, visibly fuming while Adam sighs right next to me, getting ready for her outburst that comes next.
"How could he do that... What happened to all that I- can't-live-without-her act he was pulling only weeks ago? Like, even I was convinced that it was all fucking genuine." She begins fuming. Her face turns beet red.
"Relax, Xena... We don't know what happened yet." Adam tries to calm her down.
She pauses from her pacing and faces him. "Relax? No way... I feel horrible for hyping her up so much to see him again, only for the idiot to ignore her." There's as much pain as there is anger in her voice.
"Maybe he hadn't seen me." I say.
"Bullshit, Freya, even I can smell you a good distance away. You wanna tell me the goddamn glorified Alpha prince can't sniff out the girl he claims to be crazy about in a tiny hall way?"
"Xena... you're not helping the situation right now."
Adam tries again but this time, she glares at him, baring her teeth.
"Oh right, I forgot he's your best friend. That's why you're being too lenient with his shitty-ass behavior."
He frowns, glaring back.
I can already foresee the argument that's about to begin between the both of them, so I stand to my feet right infront of the both of them.
"Guys, can you please not argue right now?" I yell out, drawing both their attention to me.
They stop in their heated stare+war and look at me with less tense gazes. Instead, they look sad and worried for me again.
The same worrying they've constantly been doing for the past week...
Well, at least, they're not arguing.
I exhale with a heavy exhausted breath, dropping on the spot I've been sitting on next to Adam again.
"How are you feeling?" He asks, wrapping an arm round me. It's warm and comforting, so I lean onto his broad shoulder and rest my head.
"I don't know." I say in a hushed tone. "Maybe you should go back to your room and rest."
Xena says, stepping closer to me and crouching down till we're both eye to eye.
"No... I wanna see him again." I protest. "Freya..."
"I'm serious, Xena... I wanna face him again and be sure. If we need to have an awkward conversation, then so be it...but I'm done running away."
Just like she had said, we needed to talk about a lot of things. The awkward conversation was inevitable. The current situation made it weird, but I need to talk to him nevertheless.
She sees the determination in my eyes and backs down.
"Okay."
Then we all rise to our feet.
There's still a few minutes left of lunch time, and I know he was headed for the cafeteria from the direction he was walking in, so I begin walking there. The two of them walk closely behind till we reach the double doors of the hall and I stop just as they do. "I want to do this alone." I say, turning back to them.
Xena nods but Adam is reluctant, wanting to argue probably why he won't let me do that. But I plead with my eyes, and he finally gives in, nodding slowly. "Okay." He says.
I smile a little before turning ahead again. I'm so scared to open the doors, knowing there are a hundred people on the other side, waiting to stare at me shamelessly and also Silas.
I still am not ready to face him and with no pre- rehearsed words in mind, I push the doors open and step in.
The hall is lively and chatty as always while I walk in. Heads turn my way and whispering begins as expected, so I remain unfazed by any of it and look towards the direction I need to. To where I know he seats, his usual spot. I begin walking there till I can see the table perfectly clear from where I am and sure enough, he's there. Sitting and staring down at his lunch with a blank dead expression on his face, like the world around him doesn't exist.
Summoning all courage within me, I begin moving closer, while my heart races and my palms grow sweaty and cold.
Just as I get close enough, he suddenly looks up at me with the same look in his eyes he had in the hall way. Sad and shrouded in some kind of darkness, but alert ... knowing that I'm there without thinking too much. I freeze again like before, under the power of his gaze that pulls me again like a sirens call, and I begin praying he doesn't look away like before. I open my mouth to say something, to start the conversation or call him on his bullshit, and my eyes finally notice her now that he's not blocking her. Elena turns right then, leaning closer to him and dropping a peck on his cheek with a smirk playing on her lips.
He doesn't look angry or push her away. He lets her rub her grimy body against him before sliding his eyes away from me again.
Dread fills me instantly like icky grim crawling up my body, and the entire world freezes over. Suddenly, I wish I had taken Adam's advice and just gone home.