TAMING THE PLAYBOY ALPHA - Chapter 116: Chapter 116

: SHATTERED TRUSTS
FREYA'S POV:
I run as fast as my legs can take me, which might not be fast enough, with no direction in mind, only letting my subconscious mind guide me.
Hot tears that continuously drip out of my eyes blind my vision, and my heart pounds loudly in my ears coupled with my rushed breathing.
I continuously tell myself it's a lie. It has to be one but then, the crushing reality of it squeezes my chest even tighter, restricting air flow.
I force myself to breathe, and it feels like sandpaper rubbing against my breathing pipes.
Then there's this sharp sound ringing loudly in my ears and tuning everything out, piercing my brain in the process.
"Freya!"
A voice calls out to me from behind.
I gnash my teeth even harder, putting my strength in my leg muscles to propel me forward faster, not caring about the pressure increasing in my head from limited oxygen.
I hear wicked laughter all around me... It's ominous and echoes in my ears, taunting me.
"Freya... please!"
Large hands grip onto my shoulders, causing me to come to a crippling halt that makes me tumble, but I'm picked back onto my feet by those same hands.
I don't want his help, so I slap them away but my hands sting instead.
"Leave me alone!" I screech in his face.
The sound coming from me is foreign and filled with so much pain while my tears fall endless.
I look up and realize it's not even Silas...
Ofcourse, he wouldn't have the balls to defend himself right now. It's Adam instead, looking at me with fabricated emotions.
The laughing echoing in my head never seizes their taunt. They laugh at how vulnerable I had let myself become, at how easily I had become a game simply for entertainment.
I feel myself losing the grip on my sanity, unable to tell what is real or not anymore.
I shake my head rapidly, trying to get the voices out.
"Don't you fucking touch me!" I scream even louder, feeling tension in my throat.
"Freya, please, just listen to me." Adam begs, clasping his hands together in this pathetic stance meant to draw pity from me.
I try to focus my mind on him, but I can only feel the anger and hate inside me tipping over.
Every moment that we had shared with glee is tainted with lies and disgust... every good thing he's ever said to me becomes a joke.
"Why? So, you can lie to me again? Why should I listen to a disgusting liar? Why should I ever give a shit about anything you have to say to me?" I say lowly, burning my eyes into him.
He remains speechless, unable to defend himself again. Without his words, there was nothing he could do again.
I turn to walk away, but suddenly he grabs onto my arm again.
"I swear, there's an explanation - you just need to listen to me." He pleads, but I don't buy a single thing he says.
All this time, I had thought that he was the only sane one and that he had my side.
I was willing to shove down a lot of myself to try and pursue some kind of fucked up relationship with him...
Gosh! I had been so stupid. I must have seemed like a fool, falling for every well-constructed word he had spat in my face.
I turn to him, dragging my hand away again and shoving him back with all my strength, but he doesn't budge, instead I stumble backwards again and he tries to help me again.
I steady myself, slapping his hands away, frantically not wanting to be touched by him.
Flashes of a memory I had buried deep inside me for weeks now invade my vision while I'm hyperventilating again.
One second, I'm standing just outside the school doors. The next, I'm confined in a small space, towered over by a mad man with scissors in his hands.
"I said, don't touch me!" I scream at him again before taking deep slow breaths to calm myself and remind myself where I am. "Don't lay your disgusting hands on me." I repeat with a more tired breath.
He slowly tucks his hands away in his pocket and takes a step back, showing me that he wouldn't do it again, but I don't trust that.
I realize I don't really know him or what he's capable of. I don't know what had been real, if at all any of it had been real. From me taking a step back away, looking dejected.
"Right from the beginning, this friendship was a sham... All of it was a lie, nothing has ever been real with you, with anyone."
"Freya..."
"I trusted you. I fucking trusted you." My tears start pouring out again.
My mood shifts from blood thirsty anger to sadness.
No I can't do this. I can't let him see me cry like a pathetic person. I can't let them make fun of me any longer. There's no point telling him what he already knew to his face.
"Don't follow me." I say almost as low as a whisper.
His lips part to say one more thing but he gives up and his shoulders slump, and no more words leave his lips. I turn away from him, wiping more of the tears that leak out with the back of my palm just as the sound of thunder clashes from above me and lightning flashes.
Dark clouds gather in the sky and heavy winds begin picking up and getting stronger.
I barely hold myself together as I walk to my dorm, clutching my pieces together with both hands wrapped around my body.
As soon as I step into the female dorm building heavy, showers begin falling from the sky without remorse, with more thunder clapping.
The room is empty once I walk in.
I remember how I had been so happy earlier with my appearance when my eyes fell on the pile of clothes I had procrastinated folding hours ago.
The me from that time trying desperately to impress Silas.
What a pathetic fool I was.
I look to the mirror. I was once gleeful stood infront of it, second guessing myself for someone who cared little of how I felt, and rage over takes me again.
I walk forward and with enough force, pull the glass frame down till it comes crashing to the ground, smashing the glass with shards flying everywhere. It's completely destroyed but I'm not satisfied.
I reach for the lamp by my bedside, pulling the cords from the wall and smashing it into a million pieces of glass shards.
Then pull out the mattress from my bed frame, tossing it to the other end of the room while yelling out in anger.
All this leaves me breathing heavily. "Freya?" Her voice suddenly interrupts my train of violent thoughts.
I turn round swiftly, seeing Xena at the door, shocked at what I'm doing to the room.
The last piece of décor I had grabbed with plans of breaking falls down from my grip now that she's here. The rage melts away, dissipating slowly before it morphs into depressing sadness that chokes me and suddenly, weighs heavy on my body and limbs while drilling a whole into my heart.
Tears drip down my eyes now and she sees them. She dashes across the room in an instant. "Freya... Are you okay?"
She reaches out to touch me but I reflexively slap her hands away harshly. She looks at me, taken aback while clutching her sore hand. "Freya?" She says my name with her eyes asking so many questions.
"They're all fucked up, Xena. All of them." I burst into tears, falling on my knees that finally giveway underneath me.
My entire body trembles again like it had before when
I had run.
She drops to my level, trying to hold me but then, doesn't. "What happened? Who's fucked up?"
"All of them... Silas, Adam, Lucas - they're all fucked up. Everyone I had considered a friend or an ally is fucked up. I let them all in... How could they do this to me?" My voice trembles while I try to get the words out, to express just how much hurt I feel. She looks more flustered, unsure of what to do, especially since I don't want to be touched right now.
"Calm down, Freya, I can't understand what you're saying. What did they do... What did Lucas do?"
"Your boyfriend... He's the fucking worst out of all of them." I say venomously, just remembering the whole traumatizing ordeal all over again. She sighs now, reaching back to itch at her hair..
"Just tell me what he did, and I'll make him apologize. I'm sure he didn't mean it." She says.
I stop from my crying once the words casually roll out her lips and look up at her with widened eyes. "Oh my gosh... He hasn't told you yet, has he?" I say, not even surprised at this point.
"Tell me what...?" She asks with a raised brow, and I scoff, shaking my head back and forth.
I chuckle bitterly, looking away from her. Finding it unbearable to maintain eye contact for even a second more.
"What's going on?" She asks, seeing my reaction.
"Lucas has been deceiving you all this while, and I can't believe you can't even see it at this moment, with me crying on the floor. You're concerned solely about what Lucas did." I say coldly. What had I thought would happen? What exactly was I expecting even now? Xena was just like them. "That's not true, Freya. I'm concerned about you." She tries to sound more convincing, but I don't buy any of the crap for a second.
There's suddenly so much strength in my legs again, and I rise to my feet abruptly, uncomfortable with being cradled up like a weakling on the floor again.
I turn away from her.
"You know, he told me about how Silas suspected him but you defended him even when evidence pointed out that he was the bad guy when I was still in the cell." I say, void of emotions.
She jumps to her feet as well, turning to face my back.
"What the hell are you talking about, Freya?" Her voice rises in another octave. I scoff again at how much she still denies it. Just like everyone else, I didn't really know how much I could trust Xena, if she really put her relationship with Lucas over her reasoning, if she was ever really on my side or pretended to be.
"Were you also in on it?" "In on what?"
I turn to her now.
"The bet, of course. You're so obsessed with Lucas, I wouldn't be surprised if you're willing to sell your ass out just to keep him hidden." "What the fuck, Freya... I get you're upset, but don't go there right now." She gets defensive instantly, which makes me more doubtful. "Why? Scared of being caught in this elaborate scheme you've all plotted against me from the beginning? From the moment I stepped inhere, it's just been series of awful people that hide their true nature. How can I know you're not one of them?"
She looks at me, horrified by my words, stepping backwards a bit.
I see the light reflecting on the tear gathering in her eyes briefly as she looks at me, like my words are unbelievable.
Shockingly, I feel nothing.
Nothing at all.
"You just need to trust me, Freya. I'm not part of anything Lucas or the others did to you." She says but
I can see it even in her eyes, the uncertainty staring back at me.
"Trust?" I scoff at the word, feeling my chest empty and hallow, unable to feel or empathize with the hurt in her eyes.
Trust was a privilege I had never been able to afford and now, I was coming to terms with it. I look away from her teary eyes and walk out the door without another word.