TAMING THE PLAYBOY ALPHA - Chapter 61: Chapter 61
You are reading TAMING THE PLAYBOY ALPHA, Chapter 61: Chapter 61. Read more chapters of TAMING THE PLAYBOY ALPHA.
: FRIENDS?
FREYA'S POV:
Xena leaves on her own, stopping only to pat softly on my shoulders, giving an affirming squeeze on them before closing the door behind her and leaving me all alone with Silas.
At first, there's this silence, awkward and nerve- racking. I avoid his eyes while he stares blatantly at me, burning his eyes onto my face.
The chilling wind blows harshly and I shiver as its cold caress my open bare arms that my flimsy pajamas cannot shield.
He's next to me in seconds, taking off his jacket and gently placing it around my shoulders.
The heat and smell of it hits me hard. Comfort seeps into me, even into my bones and the cold is almost non-existent.
Which is weird because normally, this jacket, as thin as a simple cotton shirt, shouldn't be able to provide this much warmth, yet it does.
I wrap it tighter around me, taking a deep inhale of the scent that drives my wolf mad and spins my sense around till I'm dizzy and only wanting to drown deeper.
For a second, I forget he's still there and watching me. Once I remember, I clear my throat, composing myself again.
"Thank you. It's very... warm."
He nods.
"Uhm... I-I don't..." he begins forming words that come out jumbled.
"What?" I look up at him now.
He sighs.
"I don't know what to do or say. Should I apologize for being engaged before I knew anything?"
"No."
"Then should it be for being mated to Elena in a few months? That also isn't my choice, by the way." He seems more frantic, coming closer to me.
The pain I hear in his voice is enough to make me feel horrible.
I act like I'm excluded from any and every blame, yet we both share in it all.
"No, none of that is your fault, Silas," I admit, choking on my voice.
In a situation like this, maybe no one is really the perpetrator.
Elena and Silas were not given any choice right from childhood and so, they forced makeshift choices for themselves, all the while revolving around what they couldn't change.
Maybe if they had never been without a choice, maybe Silas would have been a different person...
"Then what should I say? Freya... I don't want you to be angry with me." The tone of his voice pleads along with his words.
He speaks so woundedly, like I've never heard before.
"I don't want to be angry with you either." I force out in a hushed tone, overwhelmed with an array of emotions on my own.
"Then why are we doing this? This back and forth; what is the reason for all of this?"
"You have Elena, Silas."
"I know that." His head hangs low as he stops in his tracks
"If you become mates, you wouldn't even mind anymore." I try to sound hopeful enough, consoling this sad boy forced into something he clearly is so much against.
The truth remains that Elena just might be a good person underneath all her jealousy and hate.
If he were to love her from the forced mate bond, he could bring out the best. They could be happy.
"The mate bond won't change how I feel, even if she really is my mate somehow. I hate the idea of my choices already predestined by someone else." He adds painfully.
In a way, I can understand him.
A mating bond, real or forced, was no different from being in a forced betrothal with someone you know little of, against your own consent.
Despite being glorified as a gift given by the moon goddess, it was also a curse in many ways.
It constantly reminded wolves that even if they found love, once they met their mates, their wolves would be forced into this attraction against their will, which they have to honor or else they lose their humanity.
It's sick.
"I kind of agree with that." I say.
"I pegged you as more of the romantic type, waiting for your mate and all."
"He might be out there, maybe. But honestly, sometimes I pray we never meet. It's unfair having to bear with someone's baggage and craziness against your will. I wouldn't wish that on anyone."
I wouldn't want to have to bring an innocent soul into the web of lies I've spun around myself.
It would be best to live out my life alone, the best way I need it to be, and not alter it all because of unwanted circumstances.
"Neither would I."
"Seems like we're on the same page about something.
Finally, it's been a while." I chuckle, unable to hide my amusement.
It's not like it's the first-ever agreement, just very peculiar in this very situation, especially since recent happenings.
We haven't seen eye to eye in a long time.
"Yeah, with you running away and all." He smiles despite the truth in his words, probably attempting to diffuse the mood.
An awkward night turns into something less bothering and more friendly.
I can feel the big shift between us and based on his expression, I suspect he does too. I already know that we're going to be fine nevertheless.
Whatever is going on will pass and whatever we have will stand firm against the tide.
"Promise me something though. Promise you're not going to run away again like you're used to." His eyes bore into mine.
"I do not run away."
"Really? You want me to list countless times you've sprinted in the other direction, excluding earlier today?"
I remain silent, contemplating.
All I've done is indeed run, but all that was a defense mechanism and if I was ever in threaten again, there's no way I would run the other way.
But I'm obviously not going to tell him any of that.
"I promise."
"That sounds half-baked, but I'll take it."
"Like you have a choice right now."
We both chuckle lightly.
The weights on my chest lift with every fit reverberating out of my body.
It's soothing once more and the night doesn't seem as cold and dreary as it had only a few minutes ago.
Silas is less tensed and his shoulders fall naturally. He looks at me with a much softer gaze.
He strides over to me, slowly taking away the little distance between us, holding my eyes with his so strongly that I cannot look away even if I wanted to.
I know I don't want to.
He leans up to stroke away a stray strand of hair whisping in the gentle breeze, tucking it behind my ear lobe.
The gesture is enough to draw heat on my cheeks and the tips of my ear, where his large and warm fingers graze.
Just one graze and I'm holding myself from making a sound at the back of my throat.
He leans in and I'm too expectant, raising my head to meet him, even rising on my tippy toes to reduce the distance.
I close my eyes, waiting for it but the feel of his tender lips pressed onto the top of my head tells me otherwise.
Disappointment and embarrassment follow next.
I try to take a step back to get myself together and hide my face, but he grabs both my arms and throws me into his hard chest in a tight hug. We just finished somewhat discussing boundaries, right? So, it would make no sense for him to kiss me even if I really wanted a kiss that would warm me up all night. It's all good though.
The warmth of his hug offers a different form of comfort.
He pulls away seconds faster than I need him to and all that's left is the overwhelming feeling of emptiness swirling deep inside my chest. "I guess I better get going."
He swerves off quickly. Fast actually, like he's running away, reaching out to the ledge about to leap off into the night.
"Wait!" I call out too desperately.
For some reason, I'm panicking. I feel as though if he would leave now, it would be our last night just alone like this.
That shouldn't bother me as much but it does - painfully.
I grab onto his arm eager and look up at him.
"We never defined what we are," I say.
He looks shocked for a moment but his expression is soon replaced by something sad. "That's right." He agrees.
I just want a few more seconds...
"Friends?" I say the words without thinking about the meaning behind them.
He smiles.
"Friends."
FREYA'S POV:
Xena leaves on her own, stopping only to pat softly on my shoulders, giving an affirming squeeze on them before closing the door behind her and leaving me all alone with Silas.
At first, there's this silence, awkward and nerve- racking. I avoid his eyes while he stares blatantly at me, burning his eyes onto my face.
The chilling wind blows harshly and I shiver as its cold caress my open bare arms that my flimsy pajamas cannot shield.
He's next to me in seconds, taking off his jacket and gently placing it around my shoulders.
The heat and smell of it hits me hard. Comfort seeps into me, even into my bones and the cold is almost non-existent.
Which is weird because normally, this jacket, as thin as a simple cotton shirt, shouldn't be able to provide this much warmth, yet it does.
I wrap it tighter around me, taking a deep inhale of the scent that drives my wolf mad and spins my sense around till I'm dizzy and only wanting to drown deeper.
For a second, I forget he's still there and watching me. Once I remember, I clear my throat, composing myself again.
"Thank you. It's very... warm."
He nods.
"Uhm... I-I don't..." he begins forming words that come out jumbled.
"What?" I look up at him now.
He sighs.
"I don't know what to do or say. Should I apologize for being engaged before I knew anything?"
"No."
"Then should it be for being mated to Elena in a few months? That also isn't my choice, by the way." He seems more frantic, coming closer to me.
The pain I hear in his voice is enough to make me feel horrible.
I act like I'm excluded from any and every blame, yet we both share in it all.
"No, none of that is your fault, Silas," I admit, choking on my voice.
In a situation like this, maybe no one is really the perpetrator.
Elena and Silas were not given any choice right from childhood and so, they forced makeshift choices for themselves, all the while revolving around what they couldn't change.
Maybe if they had never been without a choice, maybe Silas would have been a different person...
"Then what should I say? Freya... I don't want you to be angry with me." The tone of his voice pleads along with his words.
He speaks so woundedly, like I've never heard before.
"I don't want to be angry with you either." I force out in a hushed tone, overwhelmed with an array of emotions on my own.
"Then why are we doing this? This back and forth; what is the reason for all of this?"
"You have Elena, Silas."
"I know that." His head hangs low as he stops in his tracks
"If you become mates, you wouldn't even mind anymore." I try to sound hopeful enough, consoling this sad boy forced into something he clearly is so much against.
The truth remains that Elena just might be a good person underneath all her jealousy and hate.
If he were to love her from the forced mate bond, he could bring out the best. They could be happy.
"The mate bond won't change how I feel, even if she really is my mate somehow. I hate the idea of my choices already predestined by someone else." He adds painfully.
In a way, I can understand him.
A mating bond, real or forced, was no different from being in a forced betrothal with someone you know little of, against your own consent.
Despite being glorified as a gift given by the moon goddess, it was also a curse in many ways.
It constantly reminded wolves that even if they found love, once they met their mates, their wolves would be forced into this attraction against their will, which they have to honor or else they lose their humanity.
It's sick.
"I kind of agree with that." I say.
"I pegged you as more of the romantic type, waiting for your mate and all."
"He might be out there, maybe. But honestly, sometimes I pray we never meet. It's unfair having to bear with someone's baggage and craziness against your will. I wouldn't wish that on anyone."
I wouldn't want to have to bring an innocent soul into the web of lies I've spun around myself.
It would be best to live out my life alone, the best way I need it to be, and not alter it all because of unwanted circumstances.
"Neither would I."
"Seems like we're on the same page about something.
Finally, it's been a while." I chuckle, unable to hide my amusement.
It's not like it's the first-ever agreement, just very peculiar in this very situation, especially since recent happenings.
We haven't seen eye to eye in a long time.
"Yeah, with you running away and all." He smiles despite the truth in his words, probably attempting to diffuse the mood.
An awkward night turns into something less bothering and more friendly.
I can feel the big shift between us and based on his expression, I suspect he does too. I already know that we're going to be fine nevertheless.
Whatever is going on will pass and whatever we have will stand firm against the tide.
"Promise me something though. Promise you're not going to run away again like you're used to." His eyes bore into mine.
"I do not run away."
"Really? You want me to list countless times you've sprinted in the other direction, excluding earlier today?"
I remain silent, contemplating.
All I've done is indeed run, but all that was a defense mechanism and if I was ever in threaten again, there's no way I would run the other way.
But I'm obviously not going to tell him any of that.
"I promise."
"That sounds half-baked, but I'll take it."
"Like you have a choice right now."
We both chuckle lightly.
The weights on my chest lift with every fit reverberating out of my body.
It's soothing once more and the night doesn't seem as cold and dreary as it had only a few minutes ago.
Silas is less tensed and his shoulders fall naturally. He looks at me with a much softer gaze.
He strides over to me, slowly taking away the little distance between us, holding my eyes with his so strongly that I cannot look away even if I wanted to.
I know I don't want to.
He leans up to stroke away a stray strand of hair whisping in the gentle breeze, tucking it behind my ear lobe.
The gesture is enough to draw heat on my cheeks and the tips of my ear, where his large and warm fingers graze.
Just one graze and I'm holding myself from making a sound at the back of my throat.
He leans in and I'm too expectant, raising my head to meet him, even rising on my tippy toes to reduce the distance.
I close my eyes, waiting for it but the feel of his tender lips pressed onto the top of my head tells me otherwise.
Disappointment and embarrassment follow next.
I try to take a step back to get myself together and hide my face, but he grabs both my arms and throws me into his hard chest in a tight hug. We just finished somewhat discussing boundaries, right? So, it would make no sense for him to kiss me even if I really wanted a kiss that would warm me up all night. It's all good though.
The warmth of his hug offers a different form of comfort.
He pulls away seconds faster than I need him to and all that's left is the overwhelming feeling of emptiness swirling deep inside my chest. "I guess I better get going."
He swerves off quickly. Fast actually, like he's running away, reaching out to the ledge about to leap off into the night.
"Wait!" I call out too desperately.
For some reason, I'm panicking. I feel as though if he would leave now, it would be our last night just alone like this.
That shouldn't bother me as much but it does - painfully.
I grab onto his arm eager and look up at him.
"We never defined what we are," I say.
He looks shocked for a moment but his expression is soon replaced by something sad. "That's right." He agrees.
I just want a few more seconds...
"Friends?" I say the words without thinking about the meaning behind them.
He smiles.
"Friends."
End of TAMING THE PLAYBOY ALPHA Chapter 61. Continue reading Chapter 62 or return to TAMING THE PLAYBOY ALPHA book page.