TAMING THE PLAYBOY ALPHA - Chapter 76: Chapter 76

: WEIRD CONVO
SILAS' POV:
I hate to admit it.
My pride stands in the way, strongly disagreeing but deep down, Adam was right
No more than a friend, an acquaintance, nothing more serious to bind myself to her. No title to claim her for myself alone like I badly need to.
No matter how much I rage about it, she would still be classified as single and would be sought after by Adam and men like... Norman.
The thought alone sets me on edge.
The idea of her being with someone else, the thought of another bastard holding her and feeling that luscious skin that should be mine alone to feel and grope to my heart's content.
Freya should be mine.
Yet, I cannot claim her the way I want to, being tied down to this betrothal.
Even with the break up, I am still chained to Elena with things like responsibilities and duties to the pack. This goddamn alliance that was beneficial to our future.
I groan painfully, pulling on my hair again as thoughts rage through my mind, spinning me to madness.
This unnerving feeling growing more in my gut. This unease and desperation to find her was making me do and think crazy shit.
I can't stand still without pacing or having the need to punch a wall.
I need fresh air.
I don't waste another second stepping out of my room and leaving the dorm.
The sky has an orange hue from the slowly setting sun that casts a beautiful ombre shade.
The school grounds are practically empty as most students have returned home, so there's more quiet around.
Silence that feeds my thoughts.
I walk with no direction in mind, stopping by a huge oak tree and rest under it's shadow.
The scenery is beautiful and should be enough to distract me, but my mind only wonders just how much she'd love to see it and gush about how better school is with less people.
She'll talk endlessly about things she finds peculiar, and nag me when I give a response she dislikes.
An even though she acts like she hates it, I'd somehow initiate a make out session and she'd moan and writhe in my arms.
I wonder how her laughter would echo in the wind that blows briefs, rustling the branches.
With each wonder, I sink deeper into despair, anxiety. The thought of something bad happening to her, I couldn't bare it.
I would never forgive myself if she gets hurt.
I'm about to give into the idea of taking a run when I hear footsteps approaching.
The scent that follows is familiar. I turn in her direction before she reaches me, finding Xena purposely walking up to where I am.
Hmm.
"Hey." She says just as she gently drops next to me, but with a reasonable distance away.
Conversations or by chance meetings with Xena are always weird, mostly because I can feel her dislike dripping out of her when I'm around, and I'm mostly indifferent to whatever grudge she holds me.
So, I assume she wants to know what's going on.
"Hey." I respond.
"Any news or clues?" She asks what I was expecting.
I say nothing for a while, hating to accept that there's nothing I can do but sit still with no clues whatsoever, while she's out there.
"Nothing yet." I respond curtly, holding back the stress
I fucking hate that I don't know what to do.
I should have never left her. Damn it.
If I had just stayed or dragged her along with me...
"You okay?" She asks from nowhere.
I don't know what answer to give, instead I make a sound in my throat, grumbling as a response.
"Yeah, I can see it. The eye bags and dark circles, your crunched up forehead that's constantly in a frown. You look like utter crap right now." She says inspite of my lack of answer to her question
I sigh tiredly.
"Yeah."
"No sleep, right?" She asks another personal question.
I haven't been able to, tormented by my guilt and nightmares, dreaming of the possible worst that could happen to her.
It's absolute torture alone to close my eyes and wake up in only five minutes, drenched in sweat with a pricking sensation on my skin.
The dreams are beginning to feel too real.
"This is my fault." I answer
I feel her eyes move to me now, piercing into my side, probably in hatred. I don't mind it, maybe I deserved it in some way.
It's my fault but I will find her, and rip the motherfucker who dared to touch her into pieces.
"There's a possibility it is." She begins again, looking away this time.
"Freya has been through a whole lot of shit, and the sad part is that the shit doesn't have an end, so I'm constantly worrying about where she is or what she's doing. Now that she's missing, I can't help but be on edge as well." She pours out her heart.
I don't know what to say or offer because I'm in no position to comfort anyone.
I did not think she's ever considered me a likely candidate to rant her feelings to, so I remain silent.
"From the first day I met her, she's been in a whole lot of shit." She continues.
I agree with her. Half the shit is because of me as well.
"But, Freya isn't the average girl that just gives up on fighting just because of a little hardship and bumps on the road. She's strong and resilient and wherever she is right now, I'm sure she's fighting her best right now."
I say nothing still, remaining silent when her gaze falls on me again.
"I know you're stressed, Silas, but let's have a little more faith in Freya, just as she probably has in us in hoping that we find her. We'll find her." She's right. Freya is a nut too tough to crack. She withstood against Elena and her antics, and survived a whole lot more.
I hate that I can't find her but if she could hold on just a bit. I need her to hold on just a bit, till I find her and bring her into my arms, where no one can touch her again.
I nod slowly as a response, and I feel her wide warm smile even without turning to her. "This was a weird conversation." She adds again, letting out a strained breath and resting her back against the tree trunk.
"I agree." I add but less stiffly.
I'm grateful for her concern for Freya and her attempt at trying to put me at ease, despite the dynamic of our 'relationship' if there is in fact any, or if anyone could call it that.
"I guess I'll give a little bit of wisdom as appreciation."
"What?"
"Lucas is a heartless asshole, almost as bad as I am, and no matter how much he fights it or acts like a goat, he's still heavily smitten by you." I say. She says nothing, immediately looking the other way again, fiddling with the end of her shirt. A frown settles on her once smiling face.
"I don't believe that."
"That fine. You don't need to believe me."
I slowly rise to my feet, stretching out my back. That's enough air and break for now. "Why are you telling me this?" She asks as I stretch out the knots in my shoulders, formed from sitting on the ground and supporting my weight with them.
I pause, turning to her.
She's looking up at me with a frown, yet her eyes hold so much hope and desperation to hear the things she needs to hear from me.
"Just felt like you should know, and I hate owing favors."
She rolls her eyes, scoffing at me, returning back to the Xena I'm used to.
"The whole rumor thing going on back then was a lie which I'm sure you know. He's just too much of a wuss to claim you like a man." "I'm not an object." Her frown deepens cheeks blush a peach pink, and she avoids my eyes to clutch onto them.
"Whatever." I say, shrugging and turning to leave.
I need to head back and continue the search, get my eyes and ears everywhere, widen the search scale and rescue my girl before it's too late.
I stop a good distance away, and look back at her.
"Hey!"
She looks at me again, still frowning. "What!" She yells out to me, annoyed for some stupid reason.
I could never understand women, but I smirk and raise my voice loud enough so she hears and I don't have to say for the second time, because I won't.
"Thanks!"