Teach Me to Please | Please Me #1 - Chapter 43: Chapter 43

R O M A N
a few days ago
I had a plan. Yes, a plan. That was what I did when I didn't know what to do, I made plans. And this plan? I was kind of proud of it.
"Your left, Roman!" my dad called and them I felt an impact on my left cheek. Fuck.
"He said watch your left." Jesse smiled opposite me.
"No shit." I grumbled and shook it off. After days and nights cramped up by Skye's side, my dad finally forced me to go boxing. It wasn't like I haven't been in ages, in fact I now went every morning and evening to get out stress, but she wasn't awake at those times. Now I was out when she was awake and I hated it, but I knew Sienna was with her and she told me that she needed 'girl time' whatever the hell that meant.
I mean, what was she going to talk to her about? TV shows? Skye was an anime addict and I was positive Sienna didn't watch anime, not when she spent all her time reading instead of watching TV anyways. Periods? No, Skye hasn't gotten her menstrual cycle in years and even when she first got it she was very open about it, and I mean very open about it, like saying 'don't fuck with me, I'm bleeding' every time I as so much as looked at her. Was it about boys? Nope, she wasn't dating till was she thirty-five, dad and I both agreed on that.
So, what did she need? Maybe she was sick of you. Too bad, I'm her brother.
Impact hit me on the right. "Fuck!" I cursed.
"Damn, you're really in your head today." Jesse chuckled. He wasn't wrong. I've been in my head all week but today for much bigger reasons because, as I said, I had a plan.
"Just got a lot on my mind." I replied, composing myself back to fight. My dad put me on a strict defence game this round and I hated defence, mainly because Jesse was one hell of an attacker, and I was getting beaten to shit.
"Hmm, let me think. Does it start with 'Si' and end in 'enna' ?"
"Ha, ha, funny." I rolled my eyes and managed to block a punch.
"What? Just stating the obvious, you're really whipped about that girl, huh?"
He threw another punch and I ducked. "I'm not," I ducked another punch, "Whipped."
Jesse laughed and stepped back a bit to and I knew he was trying to reach for a better angle. "You know, I used to think she was playing you a bit, you know taking high school cliches into context, but she seems to be really taken with you." What did he mean by that?
"Taken how?" I narrowed my eyes in confusion.
"You know," Jesse began to elaborate, "Like you could run over her cat and she'd still like you." I didn't see what he was trying to get at exactly. Sienna doesn't really like cats anyways. "She has a massive crush on you basically." I was taken aback slightly but not from disturbance, from surprise. Did it seem that way? Did she have a crush on me?
"If you ladies are gonna chit-chat the whole time, get out of the ring!" my dad called out. He was still on edge because of Skye, and I was still mad at him for shipping her off to Germany, but I knew he wasn't too happy about it either. When I got back home that day, I heard my mom crying in her bedroom, like full-on breakdown crying.
My mom was the happiest person I knew so seeing her so distressed in the hospital that day made me worry and then hearing her breakdown, it was heart shattering. Out of all of us, she visited Skye the most, she almost lost her jewellery business multiple times from how much time she spent away from work to be by Skye's side. Yet, she always kept hope, so to see her break like that broke me, and I was sure it broke my dad even more.
My parents, I felt like, had this epic love story, and I knew their love for one another was intense and all-consuming just by how they looked at one another. So, I couldn't imagine the toll it took on my dad to see my mom like that, and then to have Skye dealing with her own issues too... I respected him for how much he kept it together and cared for the people he loved, but sometimes I was scared he kept it too much together.
"A break sounds great, Coach! Thanks for the suggestion." Jesse took a step back and started pulling off his gear. He had a nerve to play with my dad like that, but I knew my dad had a soft spot for him.
"You've got some nerve, Gomez." My dad sighed but I caught the slight chuckle in his tone. We both climbed out of the ring and walked back to the bench.
"So, you gonna make a move?" Jesse asked as he grabbed his bottle of water. I brushed my hair out of my face and reached for my own.
"What d'you mean?"
"Sienna. Are you gonna make a move?" oh yeah. Right. "You know, for a smartass, you're really emotionally dense."
"Gee, thanks." I rolled my eyes.
He held his hands up in defence, "Just saying."
Should I tell him? Maybe telling people was bad luck? No, I needed to get an opinion... just to make sure.
"I'm going to ask Sienna to the Spring Fling."
He looked back at me, a look of surprise at first which them shifted to delight. "Really?" I nodded in response. "Good for you, man. That's great!" he slapped my back and laughed, "Finally getting the confidence, yeah?"
"Yeah." I chuckled. "You have no idea." She was also turning me into a sex addict. I didn't believe people when they said that once you had sex for the first time, it'll be all you wanted to do. I thought it was an exaggeration, but I can tell you now that it wasn't. Now all I want to do around Sienna has have sex with her. Only her. That was what made the difference. I didn't have those urges around other girls, yet when I looked at Sienna, it felt like I was on fire with every piece of emotion that my body could possibly take on.
"It's crazy, you know." I admitted as Jesse flung a T-shirt over his shoulder. "Sometimes I feel so nervous and insecure in myself, and then she shows up and suddenly everything's..."
"Okay?" he suggested, raising a brow.
"Yeah." I sighed, "She makes everything okay."
"Yeah, that what happened with Haley." Haley was his fiancé. She was one of the sweetest women I'd met, like the type to bake you cookies when you have a rough day. "Every time I was out fighting, a letter from her and suddenly everything was going to be fine." I was glad I wasn't going crazy because I've felt like I've been going crazy for weeks. "You better protect that though."
"Oh, trust me, I'm starting to feel that protective instinct everyone talks about." I chuckled lightly and rolled my shoulders feeling a small ache in them thanks to Jesse's previous punches.
"Yeah, just don't go all caveman. Don't get me wrong, I think it's adorable when my girl gets all jealous sometimes. However, even though they make it look sexy in the movies, going all caveman is so unattractive – not to mention, annoying." I could see what he meant, but seeing Sienna get jealous was a little bit amusing. I remembered that time that girl tried to flirt with me in the halls by my locker and Sienna went all 'mean-girl' on her. What she said was slightly alarming and a bit disturbing, but it was amusing, nonetheless.
"No land before time shit, got it." I saluted and he jokingly shoved my shoulder.
"I'm really happy for you though, man. After everything, you've really found yourself a great girl. When did you wake the fuck up and realise?"
"I think I've liked her for a while." I confessed. "But when we first had sex, that night when I was holding her – fuck, I've never felt that happy and scared before. That was when I knew. It's crazy, isn't it? This feeling. Like it terrifies me, but I never want it to go away."
"Young love, my friend." Jesse clapped my back, "And even when you get older, you're still terrified. Mainly of her when she told you to put the laundry away when she left and then comes back to see that you haven't done it. That's the only time you can go caveman. Not for jealousy reasons though, but for survival instincts."
I laughed and ran a hand through my hair, "Yeah I can imagine. Sienna is a feisty one."
"But the feisty ones are always the most vulnerable, so just be careful." I didn't take that warning lightly. Not after her telling me about her family, not after how much of a dick Adam was. I knew she carried scars and the last thing I wanted to do was open them or create new ones. I wanted to heal them. There was something my dad told me a while back and it was that covering scars can make a person feel shameful of the hurt they've been through, even if it wasn't their fault, accepting them and helping heal them can make a person feel cared for and understood. That's what I wanted to do with Sienna. I wanted to help heal her scars.
I just hoped she'd let me. In all honesty, to the point I was at now, I would fight for her. Unless she didn't feel the same, then the last thing I wanted to do was push her. Despite that, after Jesse's confidence and my sister's, I'm feeling pretty confident.
I went back to the hospital later that night. I promised my mom I was going back to school tomorrow but I could still stay late here and then go back home. I knocked on the door, waiting for Skye to answer. Once she did, I came back in.
I hated the tubes. I had to restrain myself from ripping them out of her, but I knew that would get me nowhere. Instead, I had to suck it up and face it, as much as it made me want to cry.
"Hey big bro, got any drugs?" was the first thing she said as I walked in.
"Not funny." I snapped but she didn't seem to care. "I could get kicked out if the hospital staff hear you."
"Maybe that's the point." She smiled mischievously, sitting cross-legged on her bed. "You are really annoying."
"I'm your brother, dumbass. Would you like me to braid your hair and kiss your feet?"
"Actually, that doesn't seem too bad." She playfully grinned. I rolled my eyes and threw my gym bag down by her bed. "Hey, can you untwist my tubes? They've gotten caught again on the bed."
"Sure." I replied and walked around her bed. I could see what she meant, the always got caught on a little hook on railings of her bed whenever she moved too much. Carefully, I untwisted it and straightened it out for her.
She winced a little and a shot of concern spread through me, "Shit sorry! Did that hurt?"
"No, you just pulled a little too hard." She brushed it off and I quickly moved away. "Thank you."
"It's okay. How was Sienna?" she smiled brightly as soon as I said her name, the knowing look on her expression teasing me.
"She's good. Missing you though."
"Really?" I raised a brow.
"Yep." She nodded. "I told her about my diagnosis." She then sighed.
I could feel her unhappiness flooding the room, "And how'd she take it?"
"Pretty good, actually. Apart from the fact she looked like she wanted to cry half the time." I felt bad for Sienna. I had dragged her into this mess and made her worry about things she shouldn't. It felt like more of a burden to her sometimes.
"Rome?!" Skye cut me out of my thoughts.
"Huh?"
"My anaemia meds. Can you pass them to me?" oh shit.
I pulled myself together and walked back to her bedside, "Yeah, here." I handed the small box to her. She thanked me and swallowed down the pills with the water glass by her side. "You know you're supposed to take them after food, right?"
"Yeah, that's the hospital's way of trying to trick me." She scoffed and placed the glass back down.
I picked up the medicine box and studied it, "It says here you have to eat before you take them.
"Hey, you take ibuprofen before eating even though it says not to. Your stomach lining must be burnt to a crisp by now."
"Funny." I rolled my eyes. "I've actually got something to run by you though."
She suddenly sprung up excitedly. "Ooo! Tell me!"
"I just need your opinion on it." Knowing Skye, she was going to scream about it on the top of her lungs to everyone she met.
"Okay! Tell me, tell me!" she impatiently slapped my arm.
"Okay!" I held my hands in the air and laughed. "I'm going to ask Sienna to the Spring Fling." She looked a little lost for words. Not the reaction I was expecting.
"Rome –"
"Just hear me out, okay?" I interrupted. "I have it all planned, and I need to make sure it's good enough. You're a girl and you like cute shit, just tell if this works, okay?"
She frowned slightly. "Rome, I need to tell you –"
"I'm going to get her a bouquet of flowers. Roses."
"Rome –"
"I know, I know. Roses are super cliché, but I think it's her favourite flower. She has these pillows on her bed and they've got little roses on and so I think it's a safe bet. But I want to ask her in our school's library. You know, because she's a huge bookworm and I'm going to ask the librarian if I can have it all to myself after school, so we have a bit more privacy. I need to talk to Rya though to make sure she'll come." I needed to get Rya's number. I had AP Spanish with her so I should ask her then.
"I need to tell you something –"
"But you haven't heard the best part! I'm also going to ask her out." She stayed silent. Maybe she was shocked? But I wanted to do this. I had a plan. Plans always worked. "Sienna told me that her dream date was a picnic, so I'm going to make her one. Although I might need your help because I have zero clue what to do for that and –"
"Roman!" she suddenly exclaimed, cutting me short and shutting me up. "Sienna's not going to the Spring Fling." She said slowly. I froze. What?
"What?"
"She's not... going to the Spring Fling." She repeated with a sad sigh.
"And how d'you know that?" she was kidding. She had to be kidding.
"Because I asked her to ask you to the Spring Fling." She finally confessed. Skye asked Sienna to ask me? Who knew my sister liked to play matchmaker?
"But what if I asked her? She'd reconsider, right?" Skye stayed silent. "Right?" I tried to pry.
I studied the frown deepening on her lips. "I asked her about that too." She said yes. I'd love to go with Roman because he means something to me, and I like him, and I want to go out with him on some stupid picnic date.
"She said, and I quote, 'I just don't feel that way about him to be his date'. I'm so sorry, Rome. I really thought she liked you too." She frowned down at her lap. I knew Skye wanted Sienna and I to be together since I first started talking about her. She really had her hopes up for us and now I feel like I've disappointed her.
"She... She doesn't like me then." Fuck, why did that hurt? I thought she did. I really thought she did. Throughout everything, literally everything, all we've been through, and she didn't feel the same? I'm an idiot. A total, complete idiot.
'You tutor me in school, I tutor in sex', that's what this was. This was for my stupid crush on Emily. This was for her graduating. Maybe she was playing up to it so she'd get on my good side and make her tutoring more bearable. No. Sienna wasn't like that. However, I didn't understand it. Did I read her wrong? I thought we had more.
I guess we didn't.
"May... Maybe she didn't mean it." Skye suggested. "Maybe she's scared you don't feel the same."
"How could she not see that I liked her? I took her to that fucking library in the museum for fuck's sake. How could she not see that?" was she playing me? Was this all a piece of fun? No. She wouldn't do that. Would she?
"Maybe you should ask her anyways. See what she says." And get rejected? Ruin our friendship? Whatever we had now? That sounded worse.
This was just the deal. Maybe that's what it was to her. Just a deal. Maybe she wanted me to ask Emily. Maybe that was the plan.
Skye could see that I wasn't too up for talking anymore. "I'm so sorry, Rome. I really am."
I sighed, "I know. It doesn't matter anyways. I was being stupid."
"No, you weren't –"
"Just leave it, Skye." I cut her off a little too sharply for my liking.
She shrank back and whispered, "Sorry." Great, now I felt like a shit brother.
"No, I'm sorry, just... just leave it for now. Okay?" she nodded, and I slumped back in the chair by her bedside. Sometimes plans didn't work then.
❦❤︎❦
present day
There's a phrase in German that says 'abwarten und tee trinken', it literally translates to 'wait and drink tea', but it's meaning is the equivalent to 'wait and see'. That was a piece of advice my mom always gave. Wait and see. You can imagine being the 'smart one' in school, people put you up to certain expectations. Students, teachers, everyone knew I was going to succeed however, ironically, the only person that didn't believe I would, was me.
Every time I would panic or stress out about something, primarily schoolwork, the constant comments of 'you're going to get an A anyway', or 'if you fail, then we've all failed', or 'why are you so stressed? You know you're going to get the top mark' didn't help in the slightest. It only put more pressure on. Yet, my mom never said any of those things, all she said to me was 'wait and see'. I don't think she realised how big that comment was to me, but it was. As my mom, she was supposed to love me no matter what, but she could still be disappointed and that's what I was scared of. Disappointment. Failure.
However, whenever my mom said that phrase, it made me realise that she didn't care if I got top marks or not, it meant that whatever happened she would stand there and be okay and make sure that on whatever outcome I got, everything would be sorted out.
Funnily enough, when I actually had some confidence in myself, it got completely shattered.
I sat in the middle of AP History. Mr Dennis was off sick and so Mr Wright, an English teacher, had to be substitute. I tapped my pen against the hard wood of the desk and rubbed my eyes trying to focus on the task at hand, making notes on a few textbook pages. Although, I couldn't get her out of my mind.
Asking Emily Lewis to the Spring Fling wasn't necessarily my favourite thing to do. It's funny how for so long it would have been amazing and the fact she so enthusiastically said 'yes' would have been a dream come true. Not anymore, however. I didn't really plan on asking her, she kind of came out of the blue. You see, Sienna didn't see me the days I came back to school, but I saw her.
I didn't have the nerve to talk to her in fear I wouldn't be able to keep myself together, but I still saw her. She'd talk to boys before class, after class, at lunch. Their little grins as they scoured their pervy eyes up and down her body made something stir within me, and the little smirks they gave whenever she giggled with them made my fists clench. Whether they were coming on to her and she was just being polite or she was genuinely interested in them, I couldn't tell. All I could remember was what Skye told me. 'I just don't feel that way about him'. She wasn't interested in me.
So, in a moment of pure jealously, I asked Emily. But I didn't want Emily. Hence why I had sex with Sienna pretty much straight after because I wanted her. I couldn't help myself. It wasn't the pleasure of said sex I craved; it was the feeling of her being so close to me. So intimate. And I felt like an idiot because I knew she didn't view it the way I did, yet whatever way I could have her, I'd take like a fool. Then I felt like a dick for having sex with her after having asked out another girl, so I knew I had to tell her about it, and then I felt like even more of a dick when she reacted the way she did. I was a mess, I was all over the place, I couldn't even think straight.
Play it cool, Roman. Play it cool. But maybe I played it too cool? I don't know. One minute she was telling my sister how she didn't have any feeling for me behind my back when we do all these 'couple-like' things together, and then she's acting like I've stabbed her in the heart when I try and follow her lead and play along.
Girls are so complicated.
And Sienna was the boss level enigma.
See, the thing is, I know Sienna can be really vulnerable, and has probably felt all kinds of pressures all her life, so the last thing I wanted to do was add more pressure with the 'what are we?' question. I wanted to follow her lead, give her control, let her decide, because the last thing I wanted this to be was an irrational decision out of pressure which she'd soon regret.
Mr Wright walked past with papers in his hands. I knew he was grading tests, but as he walked past me, a paper slipped out a fell to the floor, and as I reached down to grab it, a name caught my eye. Sienna Callum.
Sienna'a paper? She must have Mr Wright as her English teacher. I never once questioned her progress in English because she wasn't failing in it.
Despite that, as I looked at the mark, my eyes popped out of my head. A+. A+?! It was a lengthy essay to say the least but, god, did it look good as I skimmed through it. Hell, I couldn't even write an English essay this good. She really knew her stuff.
"Oh, thank you, Roman." Mr Wright kindly smiled and took the paper back. "Would have been a shame to lose that." He then chuckled.
I looked back at him, still in shock. "You teach Sienna?" obviously, dumbass. I should have connected the dots. Sienna loves reading, so she must be good at English. I just didn't realise how good.
"Yeah, she's one of my top students." He nodded. Top students. Sienna wasn't stupid, I knew that well, she actually had a really impressive mind. She mainly had problems with attendance, homework completion, and understanding the basics. Everyone had their faults, but everyone also had their strengths.
I kept thinking about it for the rest of the lesson, and as I got up to leave with the rest of the students, Mr Wright called me back.
"Roman, you tutor Sienna, don't you?" it wasn't weird for Mr Wright to know that, pretty much all the teaching stuff did. I bet they liked the gossip.
"Erm, yeah. Why?" I answered.
"I've been trying to talk to her for weeks about something really important, but she's always managed to slip away." He chuckled lightly "And I was wondering whether you could ask her to talk to me after her class tomorrow." Was she in trouble?
"Actually, Sir, I'm tutoring her tonight so I can pass on the message if you'd like?" right. Tutoring. Tonight. Like that wasn't going to be awkward.
Mr Wright looked as if he was debating with himself for a good few minutes before caving. "You're her tutor actually so this might involve you too." Involve me?
I walked further into the room as Mr Wright walked to his desk to find something. "You know we had open days the last few weeks for future students to look around the school and see if they liked the place?"
"Yes." My teachers asked me to submit some of my work for display. I didn't mind doing so, so I agreed to it.
"Well, I usually collect my students' best work in a portfolio so I can use them as exemplars for lower grade classes. I left it out for the display, and I caught someone flicking through it, seeming really interested. Really interested in Sienna's work in particularly." He took out the portfolio from a drawer in his desk and handed it to me. I caught Sienna's initials on a post-it-note sticking out and flicked to it.
It was an essay analysing the character of 'Emma' from Jane Austen's novel, and as I skimmed over it, it looked amazing.
"I talked to them, and they told my how it's rare to read work that good and that they're a representative from UNC Chapel Hill's scholarship admissions team, and they said how they loved Sienna's work so much and would love to suggest her for a scholarship to their English major." My jaw dropped to the floor and the portfolio almost fell out of my hands.
"However," Mr Wright continued. "When they asked about her grades in other classes, along with the state of her GPA at the moment, they weren't so impressed. I asked them at to see if they could strike a condition, and with tons of persuading about how talented she is on my end, the only one they gave is B's."
"B's?" I questioned.
"Because they were so moved by her work and believed that the English department back at UNCCH would feel they same, they told me that if she started working at B rates maybe even getting some A's, they could supply enough evidence for her to be offered the scholarship." Holy shit. "It's still a long shot." He then hastily warned, "But they've been looking for some real talent for their department for a while and her English work is so superb – amazing, to say the least as I'm sure you can see for yourself." I could definitely see it. She honestly had a talent.
"You think she has a chance?"
"I really do, and when I told them she's been receiving tutoring from a future Ivy-League student, who has been thoroughly impressed by her dedication and progress, they seemed to ease up a bit, especially as they think her story could inspire many others too." I noticed how he didn't doubt the fact I was getting into Ivy-League without having had my interview yet but decided to ignore it. Sienna has worked so hard. They effort she's put into everything is truly inspiring.
"So you want me to get her to B's?" he nodded in response.
"Yes, maybe some A's too, and for you to write a letter to the admissions team telling them how great she is – like a reference. She's gonna need all the support she can get to convince them, but considering her essays are so fantastic, she can carry the main weight."
Sienna could get a scholarship. She could get a scholarship to UNC Chapel Hill! No community college, no Wisconsin. She could get into a college with a course she'd love out of state. It was like a dream.
"She obviously has to agree to it first, but if you could tell her and then get her to talk to me as soon as, it'd be much appreciated." Would Sienna agree to it? She had to. I could imagine the look on her face as I told her. Although it was actually telling her I knew I wasn't ready for.
❦❤︎❦
S I E N N A
This was awkward.
In all the thing we've been through, sex and all, this had to be the most awkward tutoring session ever.
We were back in Roman's kitchen, sitting at the table in complete silence, no talking, not even looking at one another.
I didn't really know how to feel. Lately, so many emotions had been running around my senses I've had no chance to actually make sense of them. Sometimes I felt like I needed to go to the edge of a cliff in the middle of nowhere and meditate in the stillness to finally figure out all my emotions.
At the moment, however, the one thing I could pick out was awkwardness. I've had time to re-evaluate the whole Emily-Roman situation and realised that this what was what it all was about. This started off as a way for Roman to get Emily. Obviously, down the line we became friends and soon that line of friendship blurred. For me at least. Clearly not for him.
Friends with benefits. That's how they put it. Still hurt like a thousand knives being stabbed in my back... and heart.
I heard him place his pencil down and his chair squeak. Deciding to risk it and look up, he was now leant back in his chair, arm folded across his torso, looking at me. I accidently caught his eye and stared down at my work to avoid embarrassment.
In all fairness, I was getting decent grades now. I was at C's in pretty much everything and I realised that my low grades before hand were due to a lack of effort, motivation and complete misunderstanding between me and my teachers. The fact that they gave up on me so early into my failure in classes certainly didn't help and I couldn't help but wonder why they became teachers in the first place if all they were going to do was help the smart ones succeed and discard the not-so-smart ones to fail. It seemed so wrong. I knew teachers who would do anything for their students, and then there were those who were lazy. It really was a 'whoever draws the short straw' circumstance when it came to which teacher you'd get in school sometimes.
"You're good in English." Roman suddenly stated. I looked up to see his eyes fixed hard on me. Where was this coming from?
"Um, yeah. I sort of assumed the books would indicate that." I never read for the intellectual side of it, I read because I liked it. I liked stories, I had since I was a child, and if I didn't pick up this whole 'mean-girl' persona, I would probably be classed as a 'book nerd' in an alternate reality. Although, I didn't really try to hide the fact I liked reading. I had plenty of books in my locker, carried some around between classes. People just didn't pick up on it because they stereotyped too much.
A popular girl can't like reading. Just like how a nerd can't like boxing. Ironic, isn't it?
"No, like really good. You're getting straight A's across the board." He emphasised. I guess I did? Some things came naturally to you. English was one of those things. "I talked to Mr Wright after my class – well, he talked to me."
Why did Mr Wright talk to Roman? I knew that he was trying to talk to me about something, but I assumed it was something useless. Maybe I was failing in my recent tests? "Why?"
"D'you remember the open days a few weeks ago?" he asked.
"Yeah."
"Well, turns out some... scouts came to it as well." Okay? And what did that have to do with me? He could see I wasn't getting it and decided to bite the bullet. "A UNC Chapel Hill academic scholarship representative came to the open day and saw your work. They want to offer you a scholarship."
I froze. Did I hear him right? No, there's no way I heard him right. I tried to watch his expression break to let me know that this was some sort of joke... but it didn't.
"Very funny." I rolled my eyes. His expression remained the same. "This is a joke? Right?" I laughed a little. There was no way that me – me of all people – could be given a scholarship.
"Sienna –"
"No, no, you're joking. You're genuinely joking." This couldn't be true. None of it could be true. People like me didn't get scholarships.
"I wouldn't joke about something like this." He shook his head seriously. Something in me still didn't believe me.
"No. I... I don't believe you." I refused to give in.
"You don't believe in me, or you don't believe in yourself?" he shot back. "You don't believe that you could get an opportunity like this, but you have – you will, we have to work on it a bit, but I know you can –"
"They want to give me a scholarship..." I whispered to myself, completely awestruck in a blizzarding haze. "H-How?"
"They read some of your essays and, Jesus, Sienna, they're so good. I don't think I can even write that well in some of my essays. You're amazing, truly amazing and I'm not surprised that they want to give it to you. Besides they were really inspired by you're dedication through these past months too, and how far you've really come." His eyes were shinning as they looked at me. "But there are some conditions. You have to start getting B's in all of your classes — maybe some A's too — which means you've really got to work your ass off, but I have no doubt you can do it."
Scholarship. A scholarship. A freaking scholarship. The word ran around my mind at a million miles per hours, jumping on every section of my brain. Why? I didn't think my work in English was that good? Sure, everything came naturally, but I didn't once believe it was 'amazing'. Now UNCCH was interested in me. They wanted to give me a mother-freaking scholarship.
"I... you... wha – how?" I couldn't think. Oh my god, I was finding it hard to even breathe.
"Hey." He reached across the table. "They haven't given you the scholarship yet, you're really going to have to work for it, but I'll be with you every step of they way. Sienna Callum doesn't go down without a fight, right?" he smiled slightly.
"This is... this is a lot." I couldn't quite wrap my head around it. "I... I can't get B's in time — let alone A's! It's not going to happen. It'll be a waste –"
"Stop it." His voice cut me off, the stern, demandingness of it echoing in my bones. "You can do this. I know you, you're not as stupid as people set you out to be, I've seen that smartness in you with my own eyes."
I still couldn't get it. The look on my parents face as I told them I got a scholarship. How proud they would be. How I could really make something out of myself. More doubt crept in however.
"And if it doesn't happen?"
"It will." How could he be so sure of that?
"But if it doesn't?" I could feel all confidence in myself shrinking away.
His eyes bled into mine and he tightened the grip on my hand. "Then I'll go up to that school myself and tell them that they're idiots for letting you go."
I pulled my hand out of his, remembering how he did let me go. He let me go when he asked Emily to the dance behind my back. When he then had the nerve to have sex with me thinking he did nothing wrong.
"I... I need... I need to talk to Mr Wright." I finally came to the conclusion. I witnessed as he took his hand off the table to rest it in his lap.
"Okay." He agreed quietly. "But I promise you that no matter what, I'm going to make sure you get this."
A scholarship. I could get a scholarship. As if my life wasn't hectic enough.
"Okay." I nodded, holding my breath as I swallowed down all the anxiety. You can do this, Sienna. "Okay."