Tear In My Heart - Chapter 1: Chapter 1

I awoke to the mouth-watering smell of bacon and eggs.
Unfortunately, I couldn't enjoy the heavenly concoction thanks to the millions of tiny German men angrily grunting as their jackhammers plummeted into the sidewalks of my brain. Or, as many people better know it, I was hung over.
I groaned as I slung my arm over my eyes as I racked my brain in an effort to remember at least half of what happened last night. I remembered Jessie texting me to come over–or was it Anna?–but I turned her (whichever one it was) down knowing that she only wanted one thing, but I wasn't interested, no matter how good the boys said she was. That was the thing with me; even though I don't know if I'd fully accepted it or not- the fact that I might've been gay. Okay, not might've been. I was definitely gay. I shook my head, hating how much that word made my heart sink. Especially when I thought about talking to my Nonna about the subject that I knew so little about.
I shook my head once more, trying to get back on track. I remembered going to the Night Vixen, a lowkey club that you wouldn't know about unless someone told you. The building itself was a simple brick building that didn't give off "club" vibes from the outside, but once you stepped through the doors it was a completely different world. Glow in the dark body paint, lips locking, laughter, and best of all, no judgment whatsoever when a guy decided to french kiss another guy or when a girl decided to grind on another girl. It was a self-proclaimed "gay-straight alliance" club where gays are gays and straights are straights without one side having to worry about the other judging them or telling them to go to hell over something the latter didn't choose. And even though I was still trying to figure my heart and what it wanted out, I had to admit that it was absolutely amazing.
After arriving with my fake ID, I recalled dancing a bit before I started ordering drink after drink after drink...after drink after drink. I cringed at my carelessness as small bits of memory flashed through my head, as brief as lightning. Sharing laughter. Dancing on the dance floor. Watching a guy a handstand longer than my brain could hold information from school. But then I remembered a tall lean figure though I couldn't see his face. It was like someone had made a mistake and tried to erase it, leaving a dark smudge where the face should've been. Was it a girl? Not likely due to how fast I remember my heart beating. Had I finally met Ryan Reynolds but I'd been too drunk off my nuts to remember anything? I groaned again at the thought of meeting Ryan drunk. All the embarrassing nonsense I'd spew while messily leaning on him and trying not to fangirl. I cringed at the image. I was a very messy drunk. I was actually surprised that I managed to get home without Nonna beating me with her cane because of how intoxicated I was. At the thought of Nonna, my mind went back to the amazing smell that was hanging heavy in the air and making my stomach growl.
I lazily lowered my arm from over my eyes and opened them, but I quickly shut them again due to the bright light that had instantly stormed into them. I must've forgotten to close my curtains last night. I let out a few curses as I slowly sat up, my head pounding with a German fierceness and my mouth with the dryness of the Sahara desert. My feet hit a soft plush material that I didn't recognize. My room had hardwood floors without a single rug in the room except in the bathroom that I shared with Nonna, and I knew she wouldn't put anything in my room without telling me first.
I opened my eyes and confusion instantly found me as my eyes were bombarded by foreign things in a room I didn't recognize. Cream-colored walls instead of my usual navy blue ones. Strangely satisfying abstract art pieces decorating the wall instead of my usual soccer posters. I looked down at my feet and wiggled my toes in the soft carpet that covered the clean floor, a stark contrast my hardwood floor that was barely visible under piles of clothes, soccer uniforms, and schoolwork that I was too lazy to actually organize or put in my backpack.
Why wasn't I panicking? I should've been panicking. Why wasn't I panicking?
My eyes landed on the nightstand that was next to me, where a bottle of ibuprofen sat next to a bottle of water. But what attracted my eyes the most was the note that was propped against the glass. ′Thought this would help- Madison ;)′ the note read, causing my eyebrows to knit in confusion. Madison...even in my drunken state, I didn't think I'd sleep with a girl. Wait, had I slept with someone? I quickly peeked beneath the sheets that were still pooled at my hips. A sigh of relief escaped my lips once I saw that I was still in my briefs, but the messed up sheets to my left confirmed someone had been there, which made my heart beat a bit faster. I quickly scanned the room and found my pants in the middle of the room, but unfortunately, my shirt was nowhere to be found. I quickly pulled them on, thankful that my phone and wallet were still in my pockets. I quickly made sure that all my money and cards were still in it. At least I knew that Madison wasn't a thief...but to be fair I didn't know how much I spent at the bar last night so she could've robbed me blind and I would've never known.
Suddenly a loud crash came from outside the door followed by a long string of curses from a deep male voice. Both alarmed and curious, I followed, but not before I grabbed the bottle of water, prepared to use it as a weapon if necessary. I walked out of the bedroom and followed the sound through the modern apartment until I ended up in the kitchen with the stranger's beautifully sculpted back facing me. He was hunched over picking up broken shards of a plate with his bare hands which were covered in tattoos as well as his muscular arms, but I couldn't see his face, only the messy brown hair on top of his head. "I swear to God if I break another plate this month..." he trailed off as he stood up and instantly his eyes met mine and I froze, captivated. His eyes were beautiful, a mixture of green and brown. They were soft, yet held a mischievous glint in them. His face was perfectly sculpted with thick eyebrows, high cheekbones, and stubble on his sharp jawline that the tips of my fingers were oddly inticed to trace. I couldn't help my eyes slowly trailing down his body, which was sculpted in a way that a mix of physical labor and strategic workouts could produce. His abs were prominent and a thin line of hair moving from the bottom of his belly button all the way down until it disappeared below his black sweatpants, which were hanging dangerously low.
"You finally woke up," he said, his deep voice causing my heart to skip a beat as my eyes snapped to his once more. Then it was his turn to look me up and down. "I thought I'd have to stuff your body down the garbage chute," he chuckled as he used his head and motioned toward the steel door that rested on the wall while he threw the plate shards he was holding in the trash can. "Sit down and make yourself comfortable. Breakfast will be ready shortly."
"Where's Madison?" I blurted, a blush instantly making its way on my face when he raised his eyebrow.
"Oh yeah, I always forget that in the morning everyone forgets each other's names and all that stuff," he said as he closed the trash can and moved to the sink where he started washing his hands, "but if you must know, I am Madison."
"Woah," was all I could say, not because I wasn't used to a boy having a name like Madison because that was irrelevant. No. It was because I'd somehow managed to end up in the same bed as that beautiful man and I didn't remember a single second of what we did...or more importantly, what I'd said.
"I know right. I'm the sexiest Madison you've ever seen," he said jokingly as he resumed working on the breakfast he'd been working on before he dropped the plate. He was definitely the sexiest Madison I'd seen. Actually, he was the sexiest anyone I'd seen. My eyes were glued to his muscles as they flexed and pulled with every movement, causing his tattoos to dance on the surface of his smooth skin. As if he felt my eyes on him, he turned around with his eyebrow raised once more, though amusement was dancing behind his eyes. "So...are you gonna sit or..?"
"Yeah. Sorry," I apologized before I quickly hurried to the table and set down my water-bottle-weapon. I mentally cursed myself for locking up so much in his presence and being caught staring at him not once, but twice within the span of forty seconds. What was it about him that made me this way? His looks? His voice? The fact that he was super attractive and could cook too? I sighed and put my head in my hands. No Noah.. Get yourself together. He could be a killer for all you know! You just need to politely decline then–
"Breakfast is served," Madison's deep voice said from right in front of me. My attention snapped to him so fast that I was surprised that I hadn't given myself whiplash. But the sudden movement caused the jackhammers of my hangover to drill deeper into my head, drawing a wince from my lips. "Did you take the painkillers?" he asked as a plate filled with pancakes, bacon strips, and eggs effortlessly slid from the palm of his hand and onto the table in front of me. I shook my head. "Why?"
"Because my Nonna always told me not to take pills from strangers because it could actually be molly or something," I said before thinking about what I was saying. I had to restrain myself from face-palming myself so hard the German construction workers would be put out of a job and fall out of my ears.
Why was I like this?
"Your Nonna's smart," he smiled, unfazed by my awkwardness. My heart skipped a beat as his perfectly straight teeth were put on display, even though it was only for a second. "But you don't have to worry about me though. Plus, if I really wanted to get you hopped up on pills, which I don't, I would've done it last night."
Last night. What happened last night? The question burned on my tongue and as he ate a piece of his pancake, the words slowly started forming until they pushed passed my lips.
"So," I awkwardly started before I cleared my throat. His intense eyes instantly landed on me and I had to resist the urge to squirm. "About last night..." I trailed, and almost as if he knew where this was going, the corners of his lips turned up in a little smirk, but he made no effort to fill in the rest of the question, forcing me continue. I could tell he enjoyed seeing me flustered.
"About last night..?" he prompted after I remained quiet and didn't finish my question. I could tell he was loving every moment of this.
"We didn't do anything last night, did we?" I rushed out before I shoved a syrup-drenched piece of pancake in my mouth. He chuckled, a low yet heartwarming sound. I felt my cheeks heat up.
"You're so cute when you're flustered, Noah," he said, causing me to nearly choke at the fact he knew–or rather remembered my name seeing that drunk Noah probably said something along the lines of, "I'm Noah and I like your face. Dance with me". It wouldn't surprise me. I'd probably say it sober too.
Wait, did he just call me cute?
"But to answer your question, we unfortunately, didn't do anything last night," he said, his lips turning up in the same knowing smirk as he slowly rose to his feet. Before I knew it, he'd reached over and his thumb gently swept my bottom lip, causing me to take a sharp intake of breath at his sudden actions. His smirk grew. Once he removed his thumb, a small drop of syrup that missed my mouth was revealed. "Not even a kiss," he mused before he sucked the syrup off his thumb, his mischievous eyes boring into mine every second while he did it. Needless to say, I had the biggest blush on my face. "But speaking of last night," he said as he sat back down as if he hadn't affected me as he knew he had, "you also said something about being the German construction worker to my sidewalk."
I felt heat rise up my neck as my mouth became dry. Good God, please don't tell me he said what I think he said. He chuckled once more before his tongues darted out to moisten his lips, and despite my eminence embarrassment, I couldn't take my eyes off him while he did it. "But don't worry though. You're a cute drunk in a sloppy way."
"Thanks?" I said more as a question than a statement as I awkwardly shifted in my chair, unsure whether that was a compliment or not. "But, uh, what else did drunk Noah do?"
"Well," Madison started as he took a bite of the bacon strip that was in his hand before he leaned back in his chair, his eyes leaving mine as he recalled what had happened the night before. After a few moments, he finally spoke. "When I bumped into you–quite literally might I add–you were already drunk off your balls and dancing like a mad man on steroids."
I couldn't keep myself from cringing at the visual.
"But don't worry, you were a beast on the dance floor," he grinned, and as if it were contagious, I felt the corner of my lips tug up as well. "You started dancing on me and saying a ton of random things, most of them consisting of the words 'German construction workers', not that I minded. You totally drew me in with your carelessness and the way you moved your body against me," he said as casually as if we were discussing the weather, but I couldn't help but respect how little he cared about being judged for sharing his true feelings and thoughts on the subject, which in this case, was me.
"But I could tell this is your first rodeo with a guy," he continued.
Then it was my turn to raise an eyebrow. "What makes you think that?" I asked, suddenly defensive even though what he was saying was the truth.
"Because," he said as he started on his pancakes, while I'd barely touched any of the hot, delicious smelling food that was on my plate, "even in your drunken state, you were a bit...hesitant, if you'd say. Though you were wild, you still restricted yourself as if you were a bit nervous, like you've been doing all morning. You look like you have so much to say, but you only share a tiny portion of it."
I blinked. He was observant. Noted.
"I-I'm not usually like this," I stammered out, instantly regretting it as his lips turned up yet again.
"Then why are you like this now?" He teased. "Do I make you nervous?" He smirked as his eyes slowly looked me up and down, causing my heart to pound against my rib cage.
You definitely 100% do.
"Not at all," I said, lifting my chin a bit in order to seem more confident than I was. "You're a stranger. That's why I'm so closed off. How do I know you're not an organ seller on the black market or an axe murderer or any kind of criminal for that matter? I don't even know how old you are, you could've kidnapped me for all I know."
"You don't." He nonchalantly shrugged. "But I know as much about you as you know about me, yet I still trusted you enough to let you in my home," he pointed out, causing me to roll my eyes. "As for my age, I wasn't about to catch a case, Noah. I'm only nineteen, and, if what you told me last night is true, you're eighteen, correct?"
"Yeah, I am, but I can still be kidnapped," I stated very matter of fact.
Madison chuckled as he leaned back in his chair. "Okay, sure, Noah."
I tried not to focus too much on the way my name effortlessly slid past his lips in a way that made me melt. I had to focus on the very important matter at hand. "Speaking of letting me in your house, how did I end up half naked in your bed?" The question had been my main concern as soon as I'd woken up and now I was infinitely more concerned seeing that he'd been the one I'd been sleeping next to.
"That's a good question. Maybe you should ask drunk Noah. He's way more fun than sober Noah."
I narrowed my eyes at him. "Just answer the question," I demanded, causing him to raise his hands in mock surrender.
"Okay, okay. Dang, if I would've known you'd be so demanding I would've had more fun with drunk Noah," he grumbled before he picked up his now empty plate and headed toward the sink to rinse it off. "But to answer your question, because by the look in your eye you'll kill me if I don't, you were super wasted, so I offered to drive you home since I didn't really drink, but you wouldn't tell me where you lived, I decided to bring you here. After carrying your drunken counterpart up thirteen flights of stairs and in here, you started complaining you were thirsty so I gave you some orange juice which completely missed your mouth when you tried to drink it, so you stuck your bottom lips out like a cute little puppy before you took it off–it's in the dryer right now BTW." If I hadn't heard half of the things I'd done prior to this, I would've been super embarrassed, but now I was half expecting it. It only would've surprised me if he had said I ripped off my shirt and revealed the "S" that was hidden beneath it and had flown out the window or something.
"But then you started teasing me," he continued, as he started wiping the plate down, his muscles rippling beneath his slightly tanned skin. "First you took off your pants claiming that you were getting too hot, but then you started touching me as if you knew exactly what got me going. Running your fingers through my hair. Feeling me up. It took all my will power not to just let you have your way." He paused and sighed as he put his plate on the rack to dry before he turned to face me with his back leaning against the counter and his eyes locked on mine. "But I remembered that you were not only drunk, but that I'm also the first guy you've 'been with'," he said putting air quotes around "been with", "so I stopped you because I knew you'd more than likely regret it in the morning."
I fell silent, feeling both relieved and confused. Why did this guy care so much? Most people go to clubs to either get wasted or find someone to bang for the night then ditch the morning after. And that's what this was– the morning after. And I was ready to commence with the next step: leave him and hopefully never see his godly face ever again.
"Well, uh, thanks for not letting me crash here and looking after drunk Noah," I said as I stood up from my chair, causing the table with my uneaten food to rattle a bit as I stood, "but if you'd kindly give me back my shirt then I'll be out of your hair–"
"Why in such a rush?" He genuinely asked, now fully standing on his feet as well. "I got to know the drunk Noah, but now I want to know sober Noah. The real Noah."
I shifted.
"My Nonna is probably worried sick about me and I don't want her to give herself heart palpitations or anything."
"Caring and a wide vocabulary," Madison joked, causing me to roll my eyes once more though the smile on his face caused butterflies to flutter in my stomach.
"Can I just get my shirt please?" I asked, more urgent to leave.
"Alright," Madison sighed as he ran his fingers through his hair, his lips drawn down in a slight frown. "Follow me."
I silently followed him through the hallway before he opened a door that looked like it would belong to a closet, but it revealed a dryer stacked on top of a washer.
He reached up and pulled open the dryer door before handing me my shirt which I quickly put on. "If it's worth anything, I'd like for you to stay and at least finish your breakfast," he said almost bashfully as he shoved his hands in his pockets and leaned against the door frame.
Even though I knew I should've instantly said no and bolted, I found myself hesitating with my bottom lip between my teeth as I tried to weigh the pros and cons. Pros: I'd get to stay here with this really attractive guy for at least a solid 5 minutes while I tried to formulate a story to tell my Nonna to keep her from whipping me to death, and I'd get a really good breakfast. Cons: he's super hot and makes me super nervous, I might say something stupid, he might actually steal my organs, I might not want to leave.
The answer was pretty obvious at that point.
I sighed and looked him in the eyes. "Fine," I relented, causing him to show off a smile that took my breath away, "but only because I still need to work off this hangover and I'd rather not have Nonna beat me over the head with her cane when I get home...I also really like bacon."
"Great," Madison said, still smiling before he led me back to the kitchen.
Oh god, what did I just agree to?