ten reasons - Chapter 9: Chapter 9

one would think that sakusa kiyoomi doesn't care about much, that he is a very secure person.
and while...yes, he's quite aloof, funnily enough, he often finds himself getting upset over the smallest things, wether it be seeing an employee giving him the uncomfortable gaze (yes, he often gets it), or a random woman at the gym. he will never let people see his discomfort—not in the slightest—but such events will plague his mind for hours on end.
why are people so uncomfortable around me?
am i that unapproachable?
other times he will fall deep into insecurities about you.
yes, you.
you who always made sure he felt safe and warm, trying your best to make him feel as loved as possible. you tried, you really did...but somehow, kiyoomi found himself wondering if you were as happy in your relationship as he was. obviously he felt silly for even thinking such things, especially after being together for as long as you have.
but day after day he saw men leering at you (and not bad looking ones at that), and he began to convince himself that maybe...you didn't really need him.
you're an idiot, kiyoomi. (name) very obviously loves you.
but am i enough?
most of the time, he manages to shove these feelings down his mental wastebin and focus on what's in front of him which, right now, is you and alisa gushing over people magazine's 2020 sexiest man alive article (which didn't make him feel any better after today's inner battle).
"michael b jordan, huh?" alisa gawked, ripping the tabloid out of your hands. "you think i could pull him?"
"yes, you moron," you deadpanned, "you're a world famous russian-japanese supermodel, i doubt even, like...jin could turn you down!" alisa blushed as you crossed your arms, sakusa sitting on the ground with shino and hinata a few feet away.
"(name), please tell me you're not a jin stan when taehyung literally exists!" atsumu whined next to bokuto as if you were an idiot, and you scowled as the man spoke again. "i expected more out of you."
"shut the hell up, my choice is completely valid. and i'm not a stan, okay? i'm a simple observer." you frowned as you snatched back your magazine to take another look at the winner for last year. "he is cute...just not like kiyo."
sakusa can at least admit that the remark warmed his heart.
"what?!" alisa screeched, "you can think someone's attractive without comparing them to sakusa-san!"
shut the hell up.
he grimaced, causing hinata to give him raised brows, but he didn't see them. instead his eyes were fixed on shino laying on his back in between the two men.
"i know that, but why would i focus on somebody that isn't yoomi?" you grinned, "i'll bet you think he's hot, don't ya?" you raised your brows, and alisa's brows raised.
"well, yeah," she giggled, and you went along with her, "but i know he's yours, (name)."
"he is mine, that's why i'm not comparing the two," you said, "there's nothing to compare! yoomi wins by a landslide." you turned behind you to look at sakusa, who was already staring at you with star struck eyes.
"shut the fuck up, i'm here to get drunk, alright? not watch and listen to your sappy..." he stuttered and struggled to come up with his next line, making you grin at him again. "omi is the bestest most adorable guy on earth! shit like always, (name)."
"don't insult me in my own home, slut. i'll kill you." you pointed roughly at him, and bokuto felt the need to guffaw alongside alisa at your banter.
"tsumu's just mad because his girl dumped him a few days ago." bokuto said, causing you to scoff and alisa to shake her head with a chuckle ("why would you tell them, bokkun?!").
"now let's go make some drinks~!" you smiled, jumping up and noticing that it was only three o'clock and frowning.
"it's 5 o'clock somewhere!" alisa teased and opened up the liquor cabinet.
kiyoomi ended up putting shino in your bedroom so that he wouldn't be subject to atsumu and alisa's drunken attention, and everyone gathered around the island for hinata to make their drinks (you all had elected him to be your groups bartender, seeing as he worked nights as one in college).
as sakusa was shutting the bedroom door behind him, you approached and placed your hand on the back of his shoulder. this made him turn to look at you, and he looked drained.
"what's up?" you asked, and sakusa stared at you for a small moment before wordlessly bending down to hug you. he held you close to his chest as he buried his nose in your hair, suspiciously out of character for him. "are you good?" you murmured as you played with the ends of his hair.
"yes," he said, "i love you."
"well, aren't you needy today?~" you kissed sakusa's cheek and placed your hands on either side of his face to look at you, "and i love you more, kiyo."
"you mean that, right?" there was a tinge of a blush on his ears, contrary to his face which was as still as stone, icy gaze boring deep into your own eyes.
"of course i do..." you whispered, "did something happen?"
"no." he said shortly, grasping your hand and pulling you towards your friends in the kitchen, in which alisa sat on the counter, bokuto and atsumu were preparing to take their first round of shots, and hinata was perfecting his mimosa.
you wanted to know why kiyoomi was so on edge.
did something upset him? was he jealous? even as curious as you were, you knew he wouldn't talk until you both were alone, and as the time ticked on, you grew more distressed. your friends couldn't even notice this mood change of yours as they were all getting more intoxicated by the minute, and as the late hours of the night turned to small hours of the morning, everyone slowly began to fall asleep in their designated spots.
bokuto began murmuring quiet goodnights as you laid a blanket over him on the couch, while atsumu and alisa slept next to each other in the middle of the living room floor, pinkies barely just touching. just to screw with her, you put one blanket over the both of them as kiyoomi snorted beside you.
"she's gonna be mad at you when she wakes up."
"yeah, but tsumu won't be," you walked into the kitchen quietly as to not wake anyone, "what is he doing?" you gasped as you saw hinata laying on the countertop with about three blankets wrapped around him.
"just leave him," sakusa took your hand and led you to your bedroom, "are you sleepy?"
"a little." you replied, watching him open the door quietly and shino knocked out on the floor by sakusa's side of the bed. "but i want you to tell me what happened earlier."
he shot you a confused glance, "you mean before we started drinking?" and when you nodded, kiyoomi sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed, beckoning you next to him with a wave of his hand. "it's the same old insecurities that everyone gets, okay? don't worry your pretty head about it."
"i've never once lied to you, kiyoomi," you said seriously, "so why are you insecure?"
"i guess it's just the small things...like the magazine ordeal." he decided not to bring up you being under the male gaze quite frequently, but he knew from one look that you could understand where he was coming from.
"you are the only person in this universe that i could ever want," you grabbed his hand, leaning in close to his ear and whispering, "you are my sun, moon and stars, kiyoomi."
sakusa turned his head to stare at you, noses not even an inch apart before he closed the gap, lips pressing against your own for a brief moment of bliss until he pulled away, still close enough to make your heart shake an insane amount.
"and that entire universe conspired to help me find you." you told him.
he wasted no time in kissing you again, pushing you down onto the mattress by the slight touch of his hands against your shoulder. he held himself up above you, arm planted on the side of your head as he trailed kisses from your lips down to your jaw, your ears, and the middle of your neck.
"the stars in this universe will go out before i stop loving you." he murmured against your skin, making you whimper with need. kiyoomi kissed you again, slower this time, and you began to run your hands along his sides, this making him sink down lower against you until he came up for air one more time. "number eight, (name), is that you always make me feel valued."
you didn't get a chance to answer before kiyoomi returned his lips to your neck, and you knew you wouldn't be going to bed anytime soon.