The Alpha's forbidden omega mate - Chapter 102: Chapter 102

Rowan’s POV:
The scent of my father's blood stuck with me.
It was like a ghost smell, always there, no matter how hard I tried to scrub it away. It clung to my fur, deep into my bones.
Every time I smelled it, I was back in that awful moment, the night I had to become both his savior and his executioner.
Being Alpha was heavy. The title felt like a giant weight pressing down on me, suffocating me.
Was I really ready for this? I wasn't so sure.
Derek was amazing as a Beta. He handled everything with the pack so easily.
He organized the patrols, made sure the hotel was fixed up after the attack, and talked to all the worried pack elders.
He was a natural.
“You’re doing great, Derek,” I said, trying to smile as we looked over some money stuff.
The numbers swam before my eyes. Each one felt like a reminder of my father’s greed, his need for power.
Derek looked at me, his eyes full of understanding… and something else I couldn't quite figure out.
“We’re getting there,” he said quietly.
“The pack is still scared, but they’re starting to believe in you. They see how strong you are, how much you care.”
Care. That word felt strange to me now.
It was like a hollow shell of the things I used to believe in. All I felt was guilt, a heavy stone in my gut.
And fear. Fear that I was becoming the monster I'd fought so hard to stop.
Every time I looked at Lucas, my little son, I saw a flash of my father’s anger. I heard his voice whispering about weakness and betrayal.
I had to protect Lucas from that darkness, from that poison.
I pushed everyone away, even Catrina, the one person who could make me feel better. I knew it was wrong, but I couldn't help it.
One night, as I was pacing the training grounds, trying to burn off the nervous energy that always buzzed under my skin, she found me.
“Rowan, we need to talk,” she said softly, but I could hear the hurt in her voice.
I couldn’t face her. Not now.
"Not now, Catrina," I said, my voice rough. "I need to clear my head."
“But-”
“Later,” I snapped, harsher than I meant to. I turned and walked away, leaving her standing there alone.
The sight of her, even from a distance, was a painful reminder of everything I was too scared to have.
Later that night, I found myself in the city, in a small office. There was a human woman sitting across from me. A psychologist named Dr. Evans.
"It's not your fault, Rowan," she said kindly. Her voice was quiet and soothing.
“You did what you had to do. What you needed to do."
I gripped the arms of the chair, my claws digging into the soft leather.
"Easy for you to say," I growled. "You didn't see him. You didn't hear the things he said… He wasn't my father anymore. He was a monster."
The memories flooded back. The smell of fear and lightning, the metallic tang of blood.
My father's eyes, for a brief second, held a spark of recognition before the darkness took over.
Then, nothing. Just the cold emptiness of the Kezrach Larva, eating away at his soul.
Dr. Evans knew about werewolves. Derek had told me she specialized in helping us, especially Alphas.
Part of me wanted to believe her, wanted to believe there was a way out of this darkness. But a bigger part of me was drowning in guilt and fear.
"Have you tried talking to Catrina about this?" she asked, her voice soft.
I scoffed.
"Talk to Catrina? About what? 'Oh, by the way, I had to kill my own father because he turned into a beast hell-bent on destroying everything we hold dear? How was your day, honey?'"
She didn't react to my sarcasm. “She's your mate, Rowan. Your equal. Sharing what you're going through won't make her love you any less. It might even bring you closer.”
I knew, deep down, that she was right. Catrina had always seen the best in me.
But what if the darkness inside me was too much? What if I hurt her just by being near her?
"I can't," I mumbled, my throat tight. "I can't risk it."
Dr. Evans nodded. "Okay, Rowan. But at least think about it, okay? Keeping it all inside...it's not good for you."
I gave her a small nod. "I'll try."
The session ended. I had to get out of that office.
I needed to breathe, to move, to do something, anything, to escape these thoughts.
The pack house felt like it was closing in on me. Every little sound made me jumpy, reminded me of what I’d done.
Derek was waiting for me in the training yard. I could see the worry and sadness in his eyes.
He blamed himself for not getting to my father sooner, for not seeing the signs of the Kezrach Larva. I knew it wasn't his fault.
There was nothing he could have done. But the guilt hung heavy between us.
“Ready for another round, Alpha?” he asked, his voice quiet.
I didn't correct him. It was easier to just go along with it.
“Let’s do it, quickly” I growled. I could already feel the shift coming.
Bones popping, muscles stretching, fur pushing through my skin. For a few minutes, I could lose myself in the change, forget everything else.
“I have a pack to lead.”
We sparred. I moved fast, attacked hard.
The physical exhaustion helped to quiet the noise in my head, but not for long. Everywhere I looked, I saw my father. I heard his voice, felt his presence.
Catrina… her smell, something so uniquely her, followed me like a shadow.
I wanted to be near her, to hold her, to feel her warmth. But I was too afraid. I was a monster, a danger to her and to Lucas.
Until I knew how to fix myself, how to get rid of the darkness inside me, I wanted to keep my distance.
I would watch her from the shadows, happy to hear her laugh, to smell her scent, and being a ghost in her life.