The Alpha's Gamble - Chapter 84: Chapter 84

MADELINE
The pain in Noah’s eyes was too much; I had to look away, but looking at my father wasn’t any better. He was not only looking like the shell of a man I knew, but he was… I don’t know, disappointed?
“You didn’t,” Noah’s voice cracked and I hitched a breath before it was sucked back into my lung.
Why is it that all of a sudden, when I was finally doing something for my own peace of mind, they cared like this? But when I was there, within reach and earshot, there was nothing. Was there?
“No, there wasn’t. You’re a nuisance. A hindrance for everyone, and the one thing you could do to save them, you failed at.”
I tried to block her voice. I couldn’t see her, somewhere in the shadows she hid, and her voice was hollow, but nevertheless, it was there. Always. Constantly.
When I shut my eyes to control her, to at least try and chain her up and block her out, it was like there was nothing there. I couldn’t feel her, but I heard her.
My god, I’m insane. My sanity has officially crumbled into bits, and she’s licking them up like it’s fresh meat. I was spun around, my feet shifting on the rock, and Noah’s fingers dug into my shoulders while his eyes pinned me to the spot. His broad chest heaved, brushing against mine while his face contorted in desperation.
“Don’t ever,” he took a deep breath, his brows pinched together, and his eyes flickered between mine fast and heavy.
“Don’t ever do that again. I don’t want—”
“Stop,” my arms hung limp at my sides, and I struggled to keep eye contact, but dug my toes into the ground.
“It’s too much, Noah. All of it. The wolf, the voices, Dad, you, Mom, Landon,” a desperate laugh peeled out, and I scoffed. “Even fucking Tilly! It’s all too much and I can’t— I don’t want to handle it anymore. I’m tired, and it’s never going to get any better. It may not have happened here,” I said, and gestured to the cliff. “But in a few weeks, it’ll happen in the Ring. Instead of on my terms, it’ll be in front of spectators who will cheer at my demise.”
Noah was shaking his head with every word I spoke. Maybe he was in denial, or maybe he was trying to convince himself that so wasn’t the case, but he knew. We all did. My chances in the Ring were slim to begin with. Even with my advanced abilities in combat, my wolf wouldn’t even out the odds, but she was supposed to give me a fighting chance against Volokov’s warrior.
“Stop.” He pinched his lips in a firm line, wrinkles forming around the edges of his mouth, and his jaw clenched, reminding me of how I traced his face with my eyes last night, the breathtaking beauty of his features when he relaxed. Noah was never an expressive guy. Cool and collected is how I’d describe him. Not even that, he was just… he just was. You could never read him past what he allowed, but with time, these last weeks, his walls have lowered around me. And when he slept, unbothered and safe, when his guards were all the way down and I could see all of him, he wasn’t the cold, stone-faced guy I’ve grown up with. The soon-to-be Alpha, who carried the weight of the world, who always cleaned up after his little brother, he was just Noah.
It’s a weird feeling, something spread through me, but it didn’t settle, it passed through, and then it was gone.
But God, he’s beautiful. Even now, when he’s looking at me with nothing but pain and grief.
“You’re not allowed to tell me what not to do, because you haven’t lived my life.”
“Doesn’t mean I don’t understand what it means to be tired of the fate that has been dealt.”
“Fate?” I scoffed. “What fate? Eternal misery and pain?”
“No,” he shook his head. “The fate you’ll never get to experience if you’re not here.”
“I’ve already lost my mother, Maddie.” The words gathered on his tongue fall flat. I’ll never know what they were because he closed his mouth and circled his arms around my back, pulling me in against his chest.
“Please don’t do that again,” he whispered breathlessly. I felt his heart beating between our chests, racing against his ribs and forcing my own like an electric shock. We pulled back and I saw my father through the corner of my eye; hands clasped in front and his warrior shield covering his face. The one he always used during training to keep the students from mistaking his friendliness with his combat leadership.
“Before you two leave, we need to talk.” I sighed and shook my head, pinched the bridge of my nose, and swallowed the lump that formed in my throat.
“We don’t need to talk about this.” We wouldn’t. I couldn’t. But my father slowly turned his head left and right.
“Not about this. Did you read my note? The one I left with the flowers?”
Shit… I’d forgotten all about it. Understandably so, but still.
“Right.” I chewed on my tongue and looked down at my feet. He wanted to meet at midnight to talk about something, and instead, he found me here. Doing what I almost did.
“Noah has had his assumptions for a while now. It’s time we cleared a few things up.” His voice was cold, every word passed through a thorough vetting before being spoken. I wasn’t sure what Noah knew, or what he had assumed, but he was rarely wrong when it came to seeing people for who they were. A surreal ability to see past facades and sugarcoated lies.
Noah raised his head and I think his wolf was alarmed because I felt him edging forward to take part in whatever news was about to be spilled.
“What does he mean?” I asked. Noah glanced down at me for a second.
“There was something about Trevor’s feeble-minded attempt to challenge my father in his own home that got me thinking. No man, no matter how foolish, would dare to challenge his Alpha.”
My dad attacked Jack after finding out about my upcoming participation in the Ember Ring.
“He’s a warrior. You know his strength.” I shrugged my shoulders, not seeing what it was that Noah was getting at. My father had always been among the strongest strength-wise; mentally, he was a spineless coward living a meek life under the thumb of my mother.
“It wasn’t how he fought,” Noah’s eyes pierced my father’s. “It was the fact that he had the ability to do it at all. It’s encoded in our DNA; if loyal to the leader, we do not challenge or charge. Even if a seed of thought is planted, acting on it means going against our nature.” He looked down at me, searched my eyes with soft ones, and drew a breath.
“Logan is the only one not affected by my aura, the strength I carry. He won’t submit unless I force it. Logan is more susceptible to our father’s dominance as the second born, but I can hold mine against him.”
I was lost, not at all on the same road he was, with where this was all heading. It sounded like he’d figured something out, but he was going in circles relaying it to me.
“You looked into me,” my dad said.
“There’s no record of you living in this pack before I was born.” The mask on his face was bulletproof, emotionless, and steady.
“Only one year after I came, did you move here. It says nothing of where you came from or why.”
I thought my dad was brought up in this pack. He told me that his parents died fighting when he was young. My mother told me the same thing, that their loyalty to Jack was so strong they would sooner die and leave their son behind than step aside.
Noah took one step.
“Who are you, Trevor? And why the fuck did you run away from your home?”