The Art of Being a F*ck Up - Chapter 5: Chapter 5

Maddy stands in front of me, poised to attack as she waits for an explanation she thinks she deserves. How am I supposed to explain this one though? All I can think is that running into my ex-girlfriend might feel like nothing more than a funny coincidence if I hadn't already just saw my dad. Or if my best friend hadn't unwittingly set me up. Or if she didn't hate my guts completely. Seriously, I'd like to get the odds on this because its seeming more and more like I'm the single most unlucky son of a bitch on the planet. Between her and my dad I wonder who despises me more, it's hard to say when he's been so passive aggressive about it, but she doesn't share his conviction.
"Wait, do you two know each other or something?" With a confused chuckle, Devin looks between us in an effort to decipher the instant hostility. Of all his stupid ideas, he's really fucking outdone himself this time, and while I might actually give him an answer if I could pick my jaw up off the floor, Maddy's much quicker to the draw when she holds up a hand to silence him.
"Speak! Not you. You," she directs her vitriol my way. This isn't my first time seeing her since the breakup, not when we've been attending the same college, but I've made a conscious effort to avoid her all these years. I'm sure it's the same for her, it's no wonder she's so pissed, it's not some closely guarded secret that she still carries a grudge from way back when. That's not my fault—or, I don't know, I guess it is—but I've moved on. She refuses to, "no, let me guess actually, you knew I'd laugh in your face if you came crawling back for help, so you sent your little butt buddy to beg for you. Is that it?"
"Butt buddy?" Devin panics when he's dragged under by her current. "Excuse me—"
"Shut it, Frankenstein!" She snaps at him. He might deserve her frigid glare for getting us into this mess, but I don't. Like, I get that she thinks she's the victim, and okay whatever, she might have a point, but she's always blown things way out of proportion. There's a very good reason we try not to occupy the same airspace, and it's obvious one of us will have to be the adult.
"Devin," I address my terrified best friend, my eyes still locked straight ahead. "Remember all those stories I told you about my ex? You know, the one I dated pretty much through all of high school? Well, meet Madison Locke."
"Simplify history, much? How about your ex that you lied to, cheated on, and then left for another man?" Evidently time hasn't chilled her out any, even though we were on and off for years I'll never get how she can't grasp why things didn't work out between us. After I came out she went around telling everyone she already knew I was gay because I only ever wanted to do anal, which I guess is kind of true, but it always felt like she was more upset about being made to look like a fool than anything else. I've never blamed her for that, I remember how important it was to be popular and perfect in high school too.
"I don't want to do this with you, this whole stupid thing wasn't my idea—I wouldn't have agreed if I'd known." We could argue, if that's what she wants. There are plenty of skeletons I could drag out of the closet too, my infidelity was only one thing on a long list that made our relationship toxic. What would be the point though?
"So what, you're too good for me all of a sudden then?" Her hands slide instinctively onto her hips, and I know the look all too well. There's nothing I can say here that won't piss her off.
"That's not what I said, I just don't want to fight."
"Wouldn't that be a first. How many classes are you failing? Two, three?"
"None of your business." I try hard to resist her current, but she makes it almost impossible.
"Probably more," she smirks. She and I spent a lot of time together before Jonah came along, she knew so much about me once, and while there's no telling how much of that's become lost, she definitely still remembers how to inflict the most damage. "You always were dumber than a bag of wet hair."
"I'm smart enough to know you hate me." The response comes through clenched teeth.
"Hate's a pretty strong word. But in this case it might not be strong enough."
"Why do you always have to be a bitch, Maddy?" My temper gets the best of me and I lash out, drawing a few sets of curious eyes. I can't help it though, it was an ugly breakup and, sure, that brings out the worst in people, but it's always been more than that. She's the gasoline and I'm the open flame—a perfect disaster waiting to happen. "No wonder your last boyfriend broke up with you."
"You would know, wouldn't you, at least he had the balls to do it to my face instead of over text." Maddy swings low again, seemingly unfazed by my insult. I thought I had her there, she's had nothing but a string of failed relationships but apparently she doesn't care. In all likelihood she ate through every last one of them like she did me. This is her element, she'll only keep going, so to preserve the dignity I have left now that people are starting to stare I step back and cross my arms. She laughs, "aw, what, no witty comeback?"
"I told you I didn't want to fight."
"That's what I thought," she gets in my face, sneering. "Do me a favor and go fuck yourself. Oh, and um, when you're done with that why don't you go straight to hell and fuck yourself there?"
There's some wayward snickering when she storms through the room to make a dramatic exit. She was always good at that. After she's gone I'm not really sure what to do, but then I remember that Devin's been here the whole time and I look over to see him watching me with big, horrified eyes and his mouth agape. If he had thought he'd had any chance with Maddy before this, he can rest assured that I've singlehandedly shot it right in the goddamn face.
"Dude." It's all he says when I shove passed him, which is lucky for him since I have the overwhelming urge to kick him square in the dick. His intentions may have been good, but I don't care about that right now, so I go right back into the kitchen to grab another drink. I was wrong before about feeling asleep or not really being able to feel much of anything—it's apparently just the good stuff I can't feel. But this? I keep right on drinking until it doesn't seem so bad. It's not a perfect solution, but I'm grateful for it all the same when my phone dings.
Jonah has finally returned my text from before, and I glance back towards the front door expectantly as I wait for him to walk through it. He does, but much to my disappointment I see that he's also brought Grace with him. Beyond last weekend's awkward dinner with his parents I hadn't gotten to see him much because of her, so I was looking forward to getting him all to myself now. What's she still doing here? In just the few seconds it takes me to down the rest of my beer, my best friend descends upon them.
"There he is," Devin, who perhaps likes to gossip more than anyone else I've ever known, announces my arrival, "I was just telling them what happened!"
"I never could trust you to keep your mouth shut," I grumble, much to his dissatisfaction. On the bright side, Jonah grabs my arm the moment I come close enough to drag me in, offering up half a smile before he leans in for a kiss. As a consequence I kiss him for longer than he was probably expecting, and I don't break until I hear someone clear their throat.
"You've definitely been drinking," Jonah chuckles, his smile growing. Everything else about him is soft though, he's prepared himself to be the cushion that breaks my fall. He continues to hold my face, even after our lips have parted, and he speaks to me gently. "Sorry about Madison, do you want to get out of here?"
"Fuck that! You guys just showed up, you can't bail already. Besides, I want to get to know your friend a little better." Leave it to Devin to insert himself in a private moment, but his selfish motivations become crystal clear when he starts sizing Grace up. For like a whole second I actually consider pawning her off on him so I can get Jonah alone, and I almost go through with it until I remember that she's my friend too. I wouldn't do that to her.
"She's not stupid," I loudly and mercilessly repay Devin as his cheeks redden, "I'm sure she can tell you just want to have sex with her."
"You prick!" He bites before addressing her solely. "Don't listen to him, he's basically an idiot, I think he was dropped on his head one too many times as a baby."
"Let's just see how the night goes, how about that?" Surprisingly, Grace doesn't dismiss the idea outright like I thought she would. It's good she'll be here to distract him, because if I have to stay—and make no mistake, I do, if only so I don't look weak—then I'm glad he won't be coming at me so hard. She's off to a successful start so far, "I hear you guys throw the best parties around, I figured I should check it out while I'm here."
"Hell yeah we do. I want to make sure you have a great time tonight, is there anything special you wanted to do? What's your thing?"
"Why don't you surprise me? I'm Grace, by the way." She weathers his horrific attempts at flirting well, while I stand back with Jonah and try not to cringe. Devin's never been known to turn down a challenge, so just like that I'm suddenly roped into helping him seduce a friend. After offering her something to drink we start a game of beer pong, me and Devin versus Jonah and Grace. I'll be the first to admit I underestimated her, I didn't think a Stanford girl would be so good at party games.
Things don't really change though, not even after everyone starts to get a little buzzed and they're not all looking at me anymore. Maybe the embarrassment lightens up a bit but that's all, I'm not having the kind of fun they appear to be having. That unwavering nostalgia doesn't help either. These were some of my best times in college, and that's exactly how I would've wanted to remember it once I'm gone, but that's not what I'll have now—it'll be the accident, this knee brace, all the bad stuff. I don't think Grace or Devin or Jonah can see as we switch up the teams for the next game.
By the end I stand as the ultimate victor—a feat I don't feel all that much like celebrating—but I'm still petty enough to enjoy that losing puts Devin in a sour mood. With the game over he pools all his energy into winning Grace over, which is just too much of a gruesome scene to watch, so eventually I volunteer to go grab more drinks. It's only a ploy so I can get away, because I don't even go to the kitchen, I head into the hallway where there aren't as many people to catch my breath.
"Finally, alone at last." Jonah breathes a sigh of relief, having followed after me. Obviously I was wrong about that too, I didn't think any of them were still looking but Jonah's been watching the whole time. He leans against the wall at my side, "you sure you don't want to go? I really don't think they'll miss us now."
"Think so?" I join him in leaning around the corner to peek back into the living room, catching a glimpse of Grace and Devin making out all sloppy like. Poor girl, at least I tried to warn her. Jonah and I have a laugh at their expense, which feels better than anything else has today. What is it about him that makes everything okay? I reach out for him slowly, suggestively, "we don't have to go yet, I know you just got here."
"I don't mind," he matches my advance, moving forward to press his lips to my jaw, "I would've been here sooner but Lilah wanted help cleaning out the extra bedroom. I guess it's going to be the nursery, god, I still can't wrap my head around it."
"You're here now, that's all I care about." Am I a dick for being salty about it earlier? As much as it sucked dealing with Maddy it does help knowing it was for a good cause, it warms my heart to hear he was off getting ready for the newest little Pierson. That's my guy, and I run my fingers through his hair, "we can do whatever you want."
"Anything?" Jonah teases, his hand sliding down onto my crotch. "Because I was thinking maybe we could pick back up where we left off before. It's the only thing I've been able to think about all day."
"Here?" The idea arouses more than just a smile in me. My hands have free license to feel him, his neck, his arms, down his back and onto his ass. I scoff, "with our luck your parents will probably walk in again."
"They don't have any room to talk, next time we'll give them a show."
"Careful, that's how babies are made."
"Well I know how much you hate to pull out." Jonah purrs flirtatiously, pressing into me harder with another kiss. This isn't at all how I thought my night would end, not after the day I've had, but I suppose my luck must be changing. One final check shows that Grace and Devin are still going at it, so I give into Jonah fully, already anticipating that the wait will have been more than worth it from the way he can't stop touching me. We take it a little farther than we probably should right here in front of everybody, but when that festering anticipation becomes too much Jonah grabs my hand and drags me upstairs to my room.
I can't imagine a future without this; I can't imagine not being able to kiss these lips or hold his hand. I'll never want anything more than him, and I'll never feel more like a man than I do when he looks at me in that way of his. When I push him back onto the bed it hits me how lucky I really have been, I could've ended up just like Maddy or worse, but Jonah's always made me better. I could go on and on about how much I love him, but all I want right now is to be with him for the first time in way too long, so I put the rest aside as I lay down and take him into my arms, forgetting for a moment that—without him—I wouldn't be anything.