The Art of Being a F*ck Up - Chapter 6: Chapter 6

Come morning I'm one of the first guys up, which isn't like me at all and its mostly because I had to piss, but I take advantage of the opportunity to get a jump start on some of my assignments. The house is totally trashed from the party, and at first it kind of felt like I should probably clean up a little, but fuck that, I'm getting too far behind in my classes and I know if I don't force myself to chip away at it now then I'm never going to get around to it. Believe me, it's not what I want to be doing, but sometimes I swear it seems like I have to work twice as hard to do even half as good as everyone else.
"Jesus, I must still be wasted because it looks like you're actually doing your homework for once." Devin hops off the bottom step, his wild beach sand hair even messier than usual. The shirt he's put on—backwards, mind you—has a few mysterious stains on it, but I choose to ignore it as he lumbers over on stiff legs to lean on the back of the couch, trying to get a glance at what I'm doing, "shit, it's way too early for that many words, bro."
"What are you whining about? I'm the one who's got to get this done by Monday." I type away at my computer, pretending like I've been using my time to be nothing but productive as he hops over to sit beside me. When I'm sure he can't see the screen anymore, I pull my feed back up to resume my compulsive dive down the social media rabbit hole.
"Blow it off, or pay some underclassman to do it for you, that's what I do." He shrugs away the urgency and throws his feet up on the coffee table. At this point I'm only half listening to him, mostly since I'm stuck obsessively reading the status updates from my old teammates that confirm, yes, they did win the game yesterday. They're all so happy and proud, and everybody is congratulating them. Apparently two seconds is too long to ignore Devin, because he offers up another playful remark, "after last night it's probably the best you can hope for, it looks like the whole tutor thing isn't going to work out."
"Don't even joke about it, you twat."
"Touchy much? You'll be fine, can't you just get Jonah to help you?"
"With Grace here? They're practically inseparable."
"Yeah, she's something else, isn't she?" Devin snorts, dangerously close to drooling. "I've never met anyone like her."
"Thanks, I don't need the details."
"No? You're not getting squeamish on me now, are you? I couldn't help but notice you sneaking off last night with your boyfriend." He emphasizes the last word, employing an almost mocking tone while he elbows my ribs. "Did you finally get laid?"
"Why, you jealous?" I deflect, giving him just an inch with the smallest smirk since I'm balls deep in boredom.
"Taking it like a man, that's my boy," his voice carries loudly through a house that already has paper thin walls, earning faint snickers from some of the guys.
"You're a fucking moron," I state plainly, "I don't think you have any idea how sex actually works."
"Maybe not with guys, but when it comes to chicks I can play that shit like a fiddle." Devin makes his point by wiggling his fingers in the air, while I'm left to only hope he's playing an imaginary instrument rather than imitating something far more crass.
"Damn, so romantic, how can anyone resist you?"
"Right? That's what I'm saying! Do you think Grace would go out with me?"
"Not a chance." The rate at which my response causes his carefree demeanor to disappear makes me laugh, but before he can defend his honor we hear a commotion coming from up the stairs. After all this is a frat house, and when you get a bunch of perverted guys together, especially the night after a party, it's bound to get wild. It's essentially a tradition, the way they whistle and catcall tells us that the first wave of unlucky girls have commenced the walk of shame.
Two come running down the steps at full speed, trying to sprint for the front door as quick as possible without being recognized, while the other guys who've been lingering downstairs join in. Devin and I just sit quietly, we've been to a lot of parties and watched many a walk, so we've had our fun. Besides, I never really got why girls are so embarrassed about hooking up with someone, back when I was a freshman I always felt proud whenever I left Jonah's dorm in the morning. To each their own, I guess.
When we start to think it's over there's one more set of soft footsteps that come treading down into the room, and I'm shocked to see Grace. She switches between looking at me and Devin, but it's unclear who she's more mortified to see. The guys whistle at her too, which prompts me to launch my textbook at whoever's closest, effectively silencing the teasing when it clocks someone in the head. Meanwhile Devin has clamored to his feet to go over and talk to her.
"Hey, how are you feeling?" Suddenly he's all charm while running a hand through his hair to get it under control. Not that he has to try, honestly she's more of a mess than he is, which is odd considering how collected she normally prides herself on being. She's got her shoes in hand, and at least she managed to put her shirt on right, even if it has a few of its own mystery stains.
"Did we, last night I mean, we didn't," Grace stammers. After that she coughs nervously and waits for a reply, but whatever she's able to read from his reaction must not comfort her because she squeezes her eyes shut and curses. "Oh my god, please tell me this isn't happening."
"No it's cool, we didn't do anything weird. Well, not too weird, anyway." He winks, and I realize he must actually in fact be a fucking moron because he can't take a hint for nothing. Part of me is tempted to go over there and put them both out of their misery, but the other part thinks he deserves to be punished for setting me up with Maddy. "So I was wondering if maybe you wanted to stay and hang out for a bit. Or I could totally give you my number."
"I, uh," she stammers, blinking, "I have to go."
"You what?" Devin sounds shocked when she hurries out of the house, and I try really hard to stifle my laughter before I go pat him on the back. I want to be supportive, but my attempts to comfort him only end up being more sarcastic than intended, so he just returns to the couch looking depressed. He'll probably pout for a while, I bet he's more stunned than anything seeing as he doesn't get rejected that often. Devin's good looking and funny, he's never had a problem getting girls, but I warned him that Grace can be particular.
"Sounds like I missed all the fun." Jonah's next to come down the stairs, but no one really pays him any attention on account that he practically lives here already—he's basically an honorary Theta bro. In fact, most of the shit in my room belongs to him, which is probably why he's put together far better than any of our other distinguished guests. "Did I hear Grace?"
"Yeah, you just missed her." I reciprocate his warm smile as he furrows his brows, curious. While I'm sure he could connect the dots all on his own, especially with how dramatic Devin's being over on the couch, I help him reach a conclusion when I mouth the words. "They hooked up."
"No way! After all the crap she gave us? I'm so going to make her pay, you okay if I go check on her?" He asks, still in disbelief. "I won't be long, meet me in the student center and we'll go over your essay."
"Aw, you're the best." For effect I kiss him once, twice, and then a third time to be sure he gets it, but when I go to pull away he latches on, pulling me back in for a final passionate kiss that drags out. The act is enough to attract the attention of the guys again, who start to whistle and tease him too, but he throws his middle finger up over his shoulder in protest before finally setting me free to go see about Grace. After he's gone I check on my best friend too, but Devin's still pouting by the time I've rounded up all my stuff to make for the student center.
Even on a Saturday there are plenty of people here, so I find the closest empty table and get settled. Despite my spotty academic record, writing really is my strongest subject, so I'm confident I can get a decent amount of work done on my own while I wait. It's definitely a more worthwhile endeavor than stalking my old team anyway. Since I've got the time I even consider snagging a few more numbers off the board to call, but right when I've almost convinced myself I see Maddy come in.
Forgetting for a second how nasty she was last night, I do feel kind of guilty. It's no wonder she's offering to tutor so cheap, I don't think there are many people that interested in hanging around her after all the gossip that's surrounded her since we first started here. Life hasn't been easy for her since we graduated, I've never seen someone go from being so high to being so low. But hey, I guess that makes two of us now. Things were so bright for us once upon a time, how the hell did it get like this?
If you had asked me back then where she'd be, I would've said someplace glamorous, because even though she can be a bitch she still has a lot going for her, she's always been really pretty and surprisingly smart. Most of all, when no one's looking, she's actually got a big heart too. Maddy never really talked about life after high school though, I'm not sure why, but I'll go out on a limb and guess that coming to one of our shitty local colleges wasn't part of her plan. Just, there weren't a lot of options left for her from what I hear.
The summer after graduation was the worst, or so the story goes, she got into some pretty heavy stuff and ended up wrapping her car around a tree. Nobody was hurt, thank god, but her parents cut her off, saying she needed to find her own way in the world. In my opinion I think they just wanted to distance themselves from their fuck up of a daughter. She didn't stand a chance, not when the way our school operated made us so entitled. That's where we're different, evidently I'm the only one who ever learned how to cope. Not that she didn't try in her own way.
Sleeping around wasn't the answer, but she gave it her best shot when college started. If she were a guy people would've been giving her high-fives—I mean, damn, Devin has probably slept with way more people than Maddy has—but she instantly got labeled a slut. Then there was the nasty rumor that she spread an STD, which got her labeled a dirty slut, and she just never recovered from it. Now, she doesn't have a lot of friends, and as bad as things are between us, I can't feel anything other than sorry for her.
I can tell from here that someone's defaced the ad she put up, but I don't need to be able to see it to guess the mean and reductive things that are scribbled on the paper. Through all of this she's maintained a tremendous amount of pride, and honestly, I can't envision a scenario that would ever break her spirit—it's who she is. With head held high she takes the ad down and crumples it into a ball, only to replace it with another one. Does she really think it'll be any different this time around?
It's ironic to think that we were so similar in high school, and now, years later after we've become completely different people, we're right back in the same boat. We're both fuck ups. Then again we always have been a perfect match in more than one way, and I do owe her for making sure I ever made it as far as I did. She's the only other person besides Jonah who was ever able to get through to me, I don't know why, truth be told she was probably more concerned for her image and making sure that she had the perfect boyfriend, but it worked.
And while my grades did start to get worse towards the end there when shit got harder and I began avoiding her more, it wasn't her fault. If only I could find someone like that now, you know, without the whole hate aspect. I get that she was asking for it, but empathy comes along to fuck me up so that I'm forced to regret what I said to her last night—not that it was even that bad, or untrue. Still, when she scans the room, perhaps looking for the culprit or maybe even a friendly face, she comes to rest her gaze on me.
Because I really am the king of terrible fucking decisions, I hold up my hand as a gesture of goodwill, as if she could possibly want anything more from me now, and right on cue she settles into a comfortable scowl before returning my wave with a flip of her middle finger. There's something to be said about her constitution, that having me as a friend would be worse than having no friends at all, but I've got to respect her dedication to staying so mad for this long, because I know it can't be easy. Maybe the anger's all she has left.
A text comes through from Jonah then, breaking my stare when I glance down at it to learn that he won't be able to make it here after all now that Grace is apparently in crisis. It's nothing more than a harrowing reminder of how direly I need to find a tutor, so now that Maddy's gone I go up to the board to take some numbers. Maybe it's that I feel bad, or just that she really has been the only other person capable of helping me, but for some reason I can't rationalize, I take her number too. It's like the same kind of kismet pull I get with Jonah, because seeing her here for the second day in a row, no matter our history, I start to get this inevitable feeling that I'm not finished with her yet.