The Emancipation of a Fuckboy - Chapter 21: Chapter 21

Dominic
The next morning, I woke up comfortably, curled up in Spencer's inner spoon as he hugged me while he snored inaudibly. I can feel his skin against mine. My eyes took some time to struggle and adjust from the bright filaments of the sun rising towards the horizon that cut right into the room. Parts of Spencer's sheet were still drenched with our mixed sweats from last night's unbelievably steamy session. Pulling Spencer's arm tighter on me, I shut my eyes once again and convinced myself to go back to sleep, but I couldn't. My first time with him was just gentle, nothing aggressive, but last night was undoubtedly even more hardcore than I could've ever expected from him. I didn't recognize that I was already putting Spencer on a pressure cooker to perform with such heat and intensity until I accidentally moaned Valentine's name. I don't know if he heard what I said and just chose to brush it off of his shoulder. I'm pretty sure he's deeply absorbed by what his performance that he forgot about it almost immediately. Little did he know that in my fantasy world, I was looking at Valentine when, in reality, it was Spencer who's making me scream and twitch with a maximum dosage of pleasure.
Does Spencer deserve this kind of treatment? I asked myself. The pang of guilt gutted me alive.
In my head, the visions never stopped. The film started from the first time that I kissed Valentine at the back of a sedan at Francine's house party, and it quickly transitioned to when he kissed me in the comfort room and then when we were both alone in detention. It continued from our unplanned first date at the beach towards those steamy times we spent inside his car, the cuddle moments in my bedroom, and his bedroom. I became the witness of how genuinely happy he was back then. I saw how he was finally starting to let me inside the walls he'd built to protect himself. I saw how he was ready to change because of me until it suddenly went to a sharp curve to where I had no other choice but to destroy him in front of everyone.
Did I really have no other choice? I asked myself once again. Maybe there had been a lot of options for me that I didn't recognize them. I just realized that I'm the real loser of the game I played. The moment I fell in love with Valentine is the moment I lost the game.
The supercut of us kept looping in my head as if it has only one goal of reminding me of everything. It reminded me of the magic we gave off. It reminded me of the love that I lost. It reminded me of how terrible I am as a person. But its real goal isn't to remind me of everything; it was to punish me. The Valentine train was slowly asphyxiating me.
I had to do something to make this Valentine train stop for good. I had to stop seeking for temporary relief when it's crystal clear that I needed a permanent solution. If Valentine had already moved on from everything, then why am I still hurting? If he had already found someone else, then why am I still stuck in this shit?
I removed Spencer's arm from hugging me and rolled out of the bed. I stared at his peacefulness for a moment with my naked body that he'd just dipped in with. You're a great guy, but this will be the last time that I will see you. I thought to myself. I searched for my boxers and pants that were thrown at the end of the bed and quickly slipped on them. I took one last glance from Spencer before finally walking out of his huge bedroom to the couch where we started. I picked up my phone, checked the time before finally slipping into my shirt, and ultimately deciding to leave this expensive place.
"Where have you been last night?!" My mom inquired when we all sat together for an early dinner. She cooked her very own version of chicken wings and pasta that smelled so delicious. I'm not just quite certain if it will taste as good as the ones we eat outside. My mom has been doing a lot of homemade cooking since I got home.
"We just had a sleepover," I replied quickly, refusing to look her in the eye.
"Valentine?" She followed up.
"Mom, I already told you that we aren't together anymore," I uttered with firm conviction. Why does my mother keep on bringing Valentine up every time we're trying to have a decent conversation? Is it possible that, much like me, she can't move on with the truth that Valentine and I aren't going to work?
"What? You already broke up with that hot guy?" My sister barged into the conversation, seemingly surprised at what she's hearing just now. She has no clue at all.
"Yes, and that was like five years ago," I said to Collene. I remembered she doesn't give a fuck about me, she has her own thing going on for her and she doesn't care about my love life, unlike my nosy mom. That's the one thing that I like about her.
"Why?" Collene followed up.
"You don't have to know the reason," I shot back at her.
"Whatever." Collene rolled her eyes on me, and I almost want to throw a chicken bone towards her direction. This is the first time that she's engaging in a conversation about my fucking love life, and she's going to do that? "I think you just lost a wonderful person." She continued. She's right about that. I just lost an extraordinary person, but she doesn't have to remind me that.
"Your sister's right, Nick. Valentine is such a wonderful person. Why did you break up with him?" My mom agreed with my sister. If they only knew what exactly happened to us, then they would shut their mouth and would consider bringing up Valentine in a conversation, much less saying his name is going to be a taboo. They would probably hate me as well.
"It's my fault," I blurted out. I just wanted this kind of shit to stop.
"Your fault?" My mom raised her eyebrows.
"Yes, I did something wrong" I kept my voice calm, but deep inside, I just want to scream out loud. "I did something terrible. Can we please stop talking about that guy?"
That following evening, I found myself settled at the bar of an acoustic bar with a bottle of beer once again. I had to lie to my mom that I'll be attending a dinner with my friends from high school, so she'll stop being an inquisitor. She expressed how she missed them, especially Yhannie, and honestly, I missed them too. I haven't had the time to check on them now that I'm back home. We all lost connections, and I just thought maybe that's the reality of life. As you move forward in life, you will always lose someone along the way, but in return, you will always meet someone new. In my case, I've lost a lot of special people, people that I loved, people that I've created a strong bond with. The thing is, I keep on meeting someone new, but I keep on letting them go just when they start to feel comfortable with me.
I've been sitting here alone for the past hour, and I haven't seen anyone good for a hookup yet. I guess I'm out of luck for tonight. I finished my fourth beer in a straight gulp before eventually calling the bartender's attention.
"Can I have one more bottle?" I asked the bartender.
"Sure, one second!" He replied and handed another bottle of beer.
The bar went unprecedentedly quiet for a long moment leaving nothing but the indistinct conversations and laughter coming from several drunken customers as the next acoustic performer took their time to step into the stage and set up. I was busy tapping on my phone, just checking my social media when the next performer began strumming their guitar, and their lead singer started to sing.
Well, summer slipped us underneath her tongue
Our days and nights are perfumed with obsession
I think I recognized that voice. I shut my phone and as I turned on my side, I saw Lance Anderson standing at the mini stage, his mouth almost pressed against the microphone.
Half of my wardrobe is on your bedroom floor
Use our eyes, throw our hands overboard
Seeing him at a bar like this isn't a shock to me.
This guy is still sticking to his singing career huh. I thought to myself. I deliberately shifted my focus towards the direction of the stage, but the sea of occupied tables stayed between us.
I am your sweetheart psychopathic crush
Drink up your movements, still I can't get enough
I overthink you p-punctuation use
Not my fault, just a thing that my mind do
I stared at him at the stage wondering if he still has a crush on me. Lance Anderson, why did I even forget about him?
A rush at the beginning
I get caught up, just for a minute
But lover, you're the one to blame, all that you're doing
Can you hear the violence?
Megaphone to my chest
What if I had given Lance a chance way back then? What would happen between us? The thought of it would've been a little bit crazy then, but now, it seems quite the perfect option for me. I didn't think about the possibility of that option because I'm way too inclined and already falling for my prey. I'm not probably hurting in my current position right now. Maybe I'm in a better position. Perhaps I wasn't punishing myself for how terrible and selfish I was as a person.
Broadcast the boom boom boom boom
And make 'em all dance to it
Broadcast the boom boom boom boom
And make 'em all dance to it
Broadcast the boom boom boom boom
And make 'em all dance to it
Broadcast the boom boom boom boom
And make 'em all dance to it
Broadcast the boom boom boom boom
And make 'em all dance to it
Valentine might get destroyed at that point but he'll soon move on easily and I'll live a happy life after. That's probably a double win for me. I'll hurt Valentine and I'll get away with it.
Our thing progresses, I call and you come through
Blow all my friendships to sit in hell with you
But we're the greatest, they'll hang us in the Louvre
Down the back, but who cares, still the Louvre
How to destroy a fuckboy and get away with it. That's probably a good way to put it if I was so extra careful not to fall for him but who wouldn't fall for Valentine?
Our thing progresses, I call and you come through
Blow all my friendships to sit in hell with you
But we're the greatest, they'll hang us in the Louvre
Down the back, but who cares, still the Louvre
As I pondered about the thought, Lance continued singing, and I noticed how greatly he had improved. His voice sounded like he had been in the business for two decades. He still looked charming even with that longer hair that almost covered his eyes. I lifted the bottle to gulp another ounce of beer when my arm accidentally brushed at someone's chest, and some beer almost got spilled on my shirt.
"What the..." I wiped my chin that got wet from the beer. Thankfully it didn't spill a lot on my shirt.
"Oh shit, I'm so sorry, man!" The man exclaimed to me, and when I look at him, I was surprised even to see him at this place. "Vincent?"
"Dominic?" He shot at me wide-eyed.