The Gray Effect - Chapter 56: Chapter 56

S O P H I A H O N E Y
THEO ISN'T OKAY.
Not ever since the incident that happened with his mum outside the building.
It's been two weeks now, and he's changed in ways that scare me. His smile isn't the same anymore. It's left his eyes completely, and now all I see are the fake smiles he gives to people-and worse, the ones he gives to me. I feel his distance every time we pass each other in the apartment, and it hurts more than I can explain.
He hardly sleeps anymore.
I hear him pacing sometimes when the rest of the world is quiet. I used to be able to slip into his room without thinking, to curl beside him and have him pull me closer like it was the most natural thing. Now his door is locked. Always locked. And even when I leave mine wide open, hoping he'll come to me, he doesn't. He doesn't sneak in to hold me. He doesn't even try.
It feels like we're strangers living under the same roof. Strangers who used to know every part of each other, and now barely touch. It annoys the core out of me, how he shuts me out, but it hurts even more because I know he's sad. I know he's broken in places I can't reach. I know I can never fully relate to the pain he's dealing with.
But even knowing that, I still want him.
I miss him.
I miss my Theo. So much it feels like something is cracking inside me every time I look at him and realize he's slipping further away.
He's currently driving us to college, and he hasn't said a word the entire journey. The only sound between us is the soft rhythm of our breathing-and it's killing me.
"Do you want music?" he suddenly asks, his voice slicing through the silence. I turn to him, catching the way he tries to form a smile, but it's not working. Not even close.
"Yeah, sure," I say quietly.
He nods once, reaching over to turn on the radio before focusing back on the road. The car fills with music, but all I feel is the same crushing silence, the same heavy loneliness.
I yawn a little, blinking tiredly. I haven't been sleeping much either.
Every night, I leave my room door unlocked, waiting-hoping-to hear the familiar creak of the floorboards, the soft sound of Theo pushing open the door, the feeling of him slipping under the covers and pulling me against him like he used to. But it never happens.
One night, I even dreamed that he came into my room, kissed me softly, gave me that beautiful, heart-melting smile of his-and for a few moments, I believed it was real. I woke up smiling, reaching for him... only to find empty air. I prayed I'd fall back asleep and continue the dream, but it never came.
The car pulls into the college parking lot, and he parks in his usual spot. I quietly get down, closing the door behind me with a soft thud.
"Bye, Theo," I say, lifting my hand in a slow wave.
He just stares at me for a second, and there's so much sadness in his eyes it nearly knocks the air out of me. It looks like he wants to say something-anything-but instead, he just shakes his head slightly, like he's arguing with himself, and tightens his grip around the steering wheel.
"Bye..." he finally says, then adds in a low voice, "Sophia."
Not Soph.
Sophia.
Like I'm a stranger. Like we've never had anything.
This is getting worse than I imagined.
I bite the inside of my cheek, holding back the frustration, the anger, the overwhelming ache inside me. Without another word, I turn and walk toward my departmental building, feeling like if I stay even a second longer, I'll break down completely-and he'll watch it happen.
As soon as I enter the auditorium, I spot Alex and Blair already sitting at our usual spot, which isn't a surprise since they live in the dorms and can get here earlier. My eyes scan the room briefly; a few people are scattered around, some reading their notes, some pressing their phones, others just resting their heads on the tables, clearly taking advantage of the lecturer's absence.
"Hey," Blair calls out, tapping on the seat she's saved for me. "How are you?"
"I'm good," I say, smiling softly at her before glancing over at Alex, who's watching me carefully, a small frown tugging at the corner of her lips.
"Did you sleep?" Alex stretches her hand out and brushes her fingers under my eyes, inspecting me. "You didn't sleep," she says flatly, her voice filled with worry. Blair frowns too, exchanging a quick look with her.
"I..." I start but trail off, not really knowing what to say.
During the whole chaos outside Theo's apartment-the scene with his mum-some people from the surrounding buildings had recorded it. The video had made its way around campus. Whispers floated around, stares that lingered too long. Alex and Blair were the ones who showed me the video first, their faces pale, concerned. I ended up telling them some parts of the story-not everything, just enough for them to understand why I was so worried for him, why I was breaking slowly too.
"He still hasn't talked to you," Blair says gently, and I feel her hand brush against mine. I just drop my head onto her shoulder, closing my eyes against the sting of fresh tears.
"No," I whisper, shaking my head. "He hasn't."
"That must get annoying," Alex mutters, clearly frustrated on my behalf. "And summer's right around the corner... you're going back to your hometown soon, right? To visit your parents?"
I nod, feeling my throat tighten. "Yeah."
That's why I need to talk to Theo. I need to fix this before it's too late. Because once I leave, once I go back to visit my parents and Ryan, the distance will just stretch and stretch until he's nothing but a memory.
He's already started, hasn't he? Calling me by my full name like I'm a stranger. Like I'm just another person passing through his life.
Does he not realize I'm breaking down too? That I'm hurting just as much as he is?
I want to scream at him, shake him, demand that he looks at me again. I want to tell him that I'm still here, that I haven't given up on him. That I'm not going anywhere.
And at the same time, I want to throw my arms around him and hold him so tightly he has no choice but to give in. To finally see me again. To finally let me back in.
Blair gently strokes my back, leaning her head against mine. "Don't worry about it, Soph. Just give him space. He'll come around soon enough."
Space.
I'm trying to do that.
I'm giving him so much space that sometimes it feels like there's a whole ocean between us. I don't even know how to act anymore.
When he's in the living room, I linger by my door, peeking out first to check if it's safe. If I do step out, I sit at the farthest end of the couch, silently watching him stare blankly at the television like it's supposed to fix everything broken inside him.
At least he eats.
He tries not to, but I make sure he does. I leave food beside him, and even if he barely says a word, even if he doesn't look at me, he eats it. No arguments, no resistance. It's the one small thread connecting us, and I hold onto it like it's my last hope.
A few minutes pass, the auditorium slowly filling with people. The buzz of conversations grows louder as more students trickle in, some laughing, some yawning, some rushing to finish up notes. I pull myself together, blinking away the burn behind my eyes just as the lecturer strides into the room, a thick pile of notes clutched under his arm.
Lecture officially begins.
◇◇◇
"Are you looking for someone?"
A guy in a white lab coat asks, catching me off guard as I stand in the middle of the biochemistry laboratory, scanning around for Theo. I freeze for a second, realizing I haven't been careful enough and now I've been caught red-handed.
For a while now, I've been trying to see Theo as much as possible. Before, it was easier to sneak into the rink under the excuse of team practices, but now that the season's over and Tory doesn't need us, I can't just walk into the rink and sit there like some lovesick weirdo.
"Oh yes, but I guess she's not here," I lie through my teeth, forcing a polite smile as I quickly walk past him and let him enter the lab.
It's three in afternoon now, and while the girls are sitting at the café nearby, laughing and having coffee, I'm here, searching for my roommate like I need him to breathe.
I finally spot him, squinting a little through the rows of students, and the tight knot in my chest relaxes even though my heart pounds louder than before. It's been doing that ever since I accepted the truth-I like him.
But weirdly, it beats even faster now whenever I see him, like it's about to burst out of my chest, and honestly, I don't even mind if it does.
He's standing with a few of his classmates, carrying in some lab equipment-some pieces I recognize from high school, others I have no clue about-and he's wearing a white coat, glasses perched perfectly on his nose. He looks so handsome it almost physically hurts.
I smile warmly without realizing it, just standing there like an idiot, watching him from a distance. My eyes catch a girl sitting close to him, pointing at something on his notes. He leans in slightly to listen to her, nodding, and then gives her a small smile.
And the moment he does, something inside me twists painfully.
I don't like the way he smiled at her.
My thoughts say what I'm too stubborn to admit out loud. She's not even being flirty or anything; it genuinely looks like she's just teaching him something. She points at his book, explaining a topic, while he listens and nods. The rest of his group is busy with the equipment, but he's focused on her.
I guess... maybe I'm jealous?
No. I can't be.
Why should I be? It's not like we're a thing. Sure, we've been sleeping together, but that doesn't mean I'm allowed to feel this way.
Still, the ugly emotion twists in my chest as I watch them.
I frown harder, wishing I was the one sitting beside him, wishing he would look at me the way he's looking at her-attentive, soft, present.
Sighing inwardly, I force myself to turn away before someone else notices me standing there like an idiot. Dragging my feet, I start walking to the café. It doesn't even take ten minutes, but it feels like the longest walk of my life.
As soon as I step inside, my eyes scan around and spot Alex and Blair sitting at a table with a few other friends. Alex catches sight of me first, waving eagerly.
"Sophie!" she calls out.
Blair's face lights up as she sees me. She quickly shifts over, making space for me to sit next to her.
I give them a small smile and slide into the seat next to Blair, greeting the two other girls sitting across from us.
"Hey, Liz. Hey, Julia," I say politely.
Before I can think too much about it, Blair nudges my arm with a grin. "Look what we got for you," she says, sliding a drink toward me. "Your favorite. Mango bubble tea."
Mango.
As soon as she says it, my mind drifts - back to Theo. Back to all the times he got me different sweets and treats just because they had mango flavor. It was like he made it a mission to find everything mango for me.
I pull myself back and force another smile. "Thanks," I murmur, grabbing the straw and poking it into the drink. I start sipping slowly while the girls continue chatting around me.
Their voices blur together. I pick up my phone and start mindlessly scrolling through Instagram, pretending to be busy, pretending I'm fine.
It only takes about a minute of pretending before Liz suddenly brings up the one topic that slices right through my fake calm.
She starts talking about Theo's mum.
"Did you guys watch the video that involved Theo Gray and some random woman that people are saying is his mum?"
Liz says it casually, like it's just some random gossip - but to me, it's like a knife twisting into my chest. She leans closer to Julia, like she's sharing a juicy secret. "She was being held by security guards and kept shouting his name like some crazy psycho."
I freeze, the straw still between my lips, unable to move.
"Yeah," Julia adds. "I saw a video. She really looked like a crazy woman there, and I think it's his mum because they looked alike, so it's possible."
I stare down at my phone, pretending to scroll, pretending not to hear every word.
"Poor Theo," Liz sighs, like she actually cares. "Imagine having a mum like that. I mean, no offense, but that's so embarrassing."
"Stop it, Liz," Alex snaps before I even move. I blink, startled at her sharp tone.
Liz blinks back, pretending to be innocent. "What? I'm just saying-how can he even come to school after that? He's a hockey player going for the NHL draft. It could be bad for his reputation-"
A hard hit on the table makes everyone jump. The girls shift to look at me, realizing I'm the one who slammed my hand down, fist clenched.
Liz's eyes widen when she notices. "Sophia, what the hell-"
"What are you gaining here?" I snap, my voice louder than I intended.
"Huh?" Liz blinks, confused.
"You're saying he shouldn't come to school? Why? Did he do something wrong? Is it his fault that the woman decided to do something as stupid as that? Come on, tell me."
"Calm down, Soph," Liz tries to laugh it off. "I was just being worried as a fan of him-"
"Fan, my foot," I scoff, watching her face go pale. She's shocked because I'm usually so quiet around her. "If you're a fan, you should be worried about how he's feeling, not making a mockery of him. Imagine that happened to you. How would you feel?"
Liz and Julia don't say a word.
"Exactly," I continue, bitterness seeping into my words. "You'd want to die, but he came to college and acted like it didn't affect him, and you're saying he should stop coming? What kind of fan are you?"
I rise from my seat, my emotions boiling over. I glance at Alex and Blair, forcing a warmer tone. "I'll see you guys at your dorm."
"No, don't worry. We're coming," Alex says, standing up. Blair follows her lead.
"Let's go," Blair says, glancing back at Liz. "You really shouldn't have said that. That was low, even for you."
A small smile fills my face as we leave the café together, my anger still simmering beneath the surface but at least it feels a little better now.
It doesn't take long for us to reach their dorm. I walk in and immediately sink down on the floor, leaning against the edge of Blair's bed.
I sit there, still seething with anger as my mind races, the frustration bubbling up inside me. I can't believe what Liz said, what people are saying. Is this how they all think of him? Like some kind of joke? Like he's just something to gossip about?
I shake my head in disbelief, clenching my fists in frustration. He doesn't deserve this. No one deserves to be treated this way, especially not Theo. He's been through so much already. And now this?
"Are you okay?" Alex asks, sitting on her bed with Blair by her side.
"Okay?" I repeat, my voice tight. "I might be, but Theo isn't."
The thought of him walking into class, hearing people snicker, catching those sideways glances-it makes my stomach churn. He's already carrying so much, and now it feels like the whole world is piling on.
"He's not a damn spectacle," I say, my voice quieter but no less intense. "He's just a person. He deserves some peace, some normalcy. But that's never going to happen now, is it?"
Blair watches me, her expression soft, but I can tell she understands. There's nothing she can do. Alex, on the other hand, just watches me, quietly giving me the space to process all of this.
The anger in me isn't fading-it feels like it's building, threatening to spill over. It's not fair. It's not fair to him, to us, to anyone close to him. People don't know the real Theo. They don't know what he's been through.
"And he doesn't want to talk to me," my voice shakes with frustration. "He doesn't want to say anything-his mind, his thoughts, even if he's hurting, he doesn't say a word to me."
I feel the weight of everything pressing down on me, and my eyes start to feel glassy. The words catch in my throat, suffocating me.
"I... I know I should give him more time and space, but the space is becoming too much. I'm trying my best to stay calm, but he's pushing me away, and I hate it. I hate it so much."
My heart hurts. It feels like it's being stabbed with sadness and confusion.
"Sophie..." Alex calls my name softly, and I feel her sit down beside me on the floor.
"Yeah?" I wipe my eyes, trying to see clearly through the tears.
"Maybe he's pushing you away because he doesn't want you involved anymore," Alex says quietly, her gaze thoughtful.
"What?" I glance at Blair, who nods and then gets up to sit next to Alex on the floor. Now both of them are looking at me with serious eyes.
"You did say you saw how he reacted when he heard his mother shouting his name. Soph, no one would want anyone to see them like that, not even Theo."
"I know." I pull my legs up, curling my hands around my knees and resting my chin on them. My mind is racing.
"Exactly," Blair adds, her voice soft but firm. "Especially since he's in love with you."
I freeze, my heart stuttering. I stare at them like they've both sprouted two heads.
"In love with me?" My voice is incredulous. "He's not in love with me..."
Blair snorts, clearly not buying it. "Of course he is."
I look at Alex, who nods as well, her expression soft but knowing. "He does, Soph. Why do you think he's running away from you? He's scared."
"Of... me?" I ask, my voice hesitant.
Blair shakes her head, her gaze steady. "Not you. He's scared of how you're making him feel," she states, her voice quiet but firm. "You do know he hasn't been in a relationship with anyone throughout his years in college, right? These feelings he's having are new to him, and they're scary. That's why he's pushing you away."
Theo in love with me? I can't wrap my head around it, but there's something about what Blair says that feels... right. Like it's true, even though I don't want to admit it.
I let out a shaky breath, trying to process everything.
"And what about you?" Blair's voice cuts through my thoughts.
"What about me?" I look at her, confused.
"You have feelings for him right?" She asks, her eyes searching mine.
"I like him," I state, but the way their faces scrunch up makes my stomach twist. "What?"
"You like him?" Blair repeats slowly, almost like she's trying to make sure she heard me right. "Just like? Nothing more?"
"I..." My heart feels like it's trying to punch its way out of my chest. "I don't know."
Blair lets out a sigh, and Alex reaches over to place her hand gently on mine. "Soph," she says quietly, "you like him, right?"
I nod, small and unsure.
Alex gives me a soft smile. "Then tell us. What do you like about him?"
I hesitate, the words catching in my throat.
What do I like about him?
What's not to like about him?
"I like..." I stop, searching for the right words, my fingers tightening around the fabric of my jeans. "I like his smile. It's annoying sometimes, but... it's really cute. And his eyes-" I let out a small laugh. "Blue was never my favorite color, but when I look at his eyes, it feels like the prettiest thing I've ever seen."
I pause, feeling their eyes on me, but for once, I don't care.
"I like the way he takes care of me without making it obvious. Like... he notices when I'm upset even when I try to hide it. He doesn't ask stupid questions. He just knows what I need." My voice drops lower. "No one's ever done that for me before."
I shift, hugging my knees closer.
"I like how he acts all tough around everyone else, but with me, he lets his guard down sometimes. I see pieces of him no one else does. The way he looks at me when he thinks I'm not watching..." I trail off, feeling heat rise to my cheeks.
Alex and Blair stay quiet, giving me space.
"I like that when I'm with him, I don't have to pretend. I can be angry, sad, annoying, stubborn-and he stays. He doesn't make me feel like I'm too much. He makes me feel like..." I bite my lip, the words barely a whisper now. "Like I'm enough."
I blink quickly, trying to chase away the sting in my eyes.
"I like the way he holds me, the way his hand finds mine without thinking. I like how he challenges me but still makes me feel safe. I like the fact that even when he's hurting, he still tries to protect the people he cares about."
I press my forehead against my knees, letting out a shaky breath.
"I like all of him. Even the parts he tries to hide."
There's a long, heavy pause after I finish. The kind of pause that wraps around you, thick and warm, and for once, it doesn't feel uncomfortable.
When I lift my head, Blair is smiling - a real, soft smile - and Alex's eyes look a little glassy, like maybe she felt everything I just said too.
"You love him," Blair says simply, like it's the most obvious thing in the world.
My heart thuds painfully against my chest.
"I..." I start, but the words die on my tongue. Maybe I'm too scared to admit it. Maybe saying it out loud will make it too real.
But Blair leans closer, nudging my shoulder. "Soph, you don't have to say it if you're not ready. But we can see it. We feel it."
Alex nods, squeezing my hand gently. "You lit up just talking about him. You were smiling and didn't even realize it."
I blink at them, feeling overwhelmed by the flood of emotions crashing over me.
Oh God.
I am in love with Theo.