The Guard To My Sanctuary - Chapter 3: Chapter 3

My breathing started to falter as I laid in the bed. No covers just my money tucked into my pillow that was wedged between my head and the bed. The air conditioning unit pumped in cold air that of course smelled of cotton candy which only fueled me in falling asleep so I could have enough energy to not smell that scent ever again. I pushed my head deeper into the pillow and thought of hugging my father and brothers again. I wanted to see how much they had grown and how much their lives had changed in the decade I had been gone. I hoped they found a way to live on and thrive without me there and I hoped no one blamed themselves. It would kill me if they put their lives on pause for me, especially since it had been so long. If I wasn't living a full life I wanted them to at least have that opportunity. I closed my eyes and hoped and prayed that tomorrow would go just as I had planned.
"Darling," my dad called me as we parked in the Publix parking lot. I could feel the car come to a halt and the hum of the engine dies out. My father loved parking all the way away from other cars, a maneuver he took to keep the other drivers from damaging the body of his vehicle. I lifted myself up and all I could see was the green sign and the dark red brick exterior. I had always been short and at the time I was barely four foot four in stature.
"Darling," my dad called me again in a calm tone. He was always gentle with me since my condition produced more estrogen than I knew how to deal with at the young age of ten. I was more sensitive than the other boys and would fall out and cry at the slightest aggressive tone. I looked up at my dad from my Game Boy Advanced which had captivated my attention. I was trying to get the gym badge from Misty for the fifth time in a row but that side ponytail wearing vixen was just too good for my mostly water and ground type team. I tried to hit her Pokemon with a thunder attack but it missed allowing her to hit me with a water gun knocking my health points down to zero. The screen went from battle mode back to showing the inside of the gym.
"Yes Daddy," I said in my high voice after being bested by the computer controlled gym leader.
"Come on we have to get the ingredients for your mother's dinner," he said unlocking the doors to the car. We used to have a truck but our five-person household had become a four-person household. My dad figured we could stand to be closer, at least when we rode together.
My older brother sucked his teeth from the front seat, "I don't see why we have to do this every year. She's dead and none of us even like Sambar. All we're doing is wasting money that could go to something else."
"Alder I told you we do this to remember her, we have to have at least one thing we do every year to keep her memory alive. I know none of us are fond of lentils so I'm not making you eat it I just want us all to cook it together while listening to your mother's favorite music. Can you just do it for me" He said rubbing Alder's head. It was funny how as an officer he was all business when we would visit him at work but was so gentle with us at home.
"Come on Uncle Kunaal is coming over. He needs this, you know mom was like his second mother growing up," Pine the middle child said unbuckling my seatbelt and reaching over me to open my door for me. I climbed out of my booster seat that I still had to ride in due to my height and weight and hopped out of the car landing on the floor smacking my shoes on the hot asphalt. My dad got out holding his wallet tightly in his hand. He was holding a picture that fell out of his grip as he tried to close the door and place it back in the picture slot at the same time which wasn't practical. It fell to the pavement and I immediately went for it and turned it around and saw a picture of my mother before her diagnosis and the doctor visits. She looked beautiful even at the end when her cheeks were more hollow and the bags under her eyes more pronounced. Her cheeks were fuller in the picture and her hair was done in a way that it covered a little bit of her face. She proudly presented her dusky skin that contrasted beautifully with the silver bangles over one of her forearms. She had pride in her skin tone even though in her home country it wasn't in vogue at the time because she said it made her stand out amongst her lighter counterparts.  Her eyes were just as captivating as I could remember, they were dark but bright enough that she stroked intrigue in others. The picture was taken when my oldest brother Alder was maybe three just before she got pregnant with Pine so she was about twenty-three. She hadn't aged much in her short life before cancer took hold of her body.
"Isn't she beautiful, that was taken in '93, Aazo was so happy to be pregnant again, It might seem old fashioned but she always wanted to be the stay at home mom... Well until you boys started going to school. She enjoyed changing the diapers and waking up at night to feed you, boys. She had a gift for it too, I always thought that she would open a daycare one day. She loved you boys with all of her heart and every ounce of her soul. I miss her more with every day that passes not just for me but for you boys as well. She was so wise and kind and genuinely optimistic. Did you know Aazo means 'Sunlight away from Darkness', she hated the name but I thought that she embodied it's meaning perfectly," My dad said taking the picture out of my hands and putting it away. He took my hand when we walked into the grocery store. We started by the bakery where I got the free sugar cookie with the round sprinkles. Pine took my hand as we followed my dad to the dried foods aisle to pick up the pigeon pea lentils needed to make the dish. I munched on the cookie getting crumbs all over my shirt as we followed along with my father who had his head down looking at his list as we went from isle to isle.
We were in the produce section when everything began to happen. I was getting bored waiting so I was looking around turning my head in every direction in order to spot people doing something interesting. I didn't know it was called people watching at the time I just knew it usually led me to see something I wasn't meant to see. In the corner next to the oranges stood a tall man with a flat-top haircut and a bunch of tattoos that seemed to start from his neck. He was looking directly at me with a weird smile on his face. When he noticed me looking back at him he winked at me. I turned around feeling uncomfortable from the attention he was giving me. I had never liked attention which wasn't fortunate since I was always called cute by older people that would try to entertain me. Pine pulled me along as we made our way to the register with all of the items in a hand basket.
"Daddy can I get a pack of skittles," I asked pointing to the bags on the candy display. He turned and looked at me and smiled.
"Yes you can darling all of you boys get yourselves something," he said. Him calling me darling earned a few stares from the people behind us who were waiting in line.
"Ma'am I wouldn't scrunch up my face like that if I were you. I wouldn't want to look worse than I already do, but I guess it's your body so do whatever you want," my brother Alder defended me causing the woman to scoff and leave the line. Alder who was sixteen at the time was really defensive about me and had gotten into many fights with people who called me anything near the line of being offensive. My dad chuckled and shook his head but got back to picking out a butter finger and grabbed me my skittles. We paid for the groceries and were on our way outside of the store. I was eating my candy while everyone else carried a bag of food in their hands. My older brothers were talking in hushed tones about what they would do tomorrow.
"You know I'm bringing that girl Cynthia over when dad goes to work tomorrow, can you take Elm to the park or something for a couple of hours. I'm going to need the house," Alder asked his younger brother. The fourteen-year-old smiled and held out his hand out as he had done many times over.
"Damn you're going to bleed me dry," Alder said placing a twenty in Pine's open hand.
Suddenly I felt strong arms yank me in the air and a hand clamp over my mouth before I could even think to scream. The arms were covered in light gray cotton and whoever it was smelled of cheap Bod cologne. There was no one outside looking and my family kept walking not turning around as they were engrossed in their own activities. I started flailing my feet around violently kicking at the man that was holding me. I managed to pull at his sleeve revealing an arm jam-packed with tattoos that I recognized from the man that looked at me weird. I started to get really scared and clamped my teeth down on the skin of his hand that I could fit into my mouth. The man held in a yelp from the sudden pain but I was still firmly in his grasp. The next thing I knew a black van swooped in and the door slid open and I was thrown inside. I hit the ground and shouted but the doors of the van closed before I could be heard. A strong sense of dread spread throughout my body and I felt tears form in my eyes.
"Awe don't cry little Mama, Daddy is going to take care of you now," the man said as he got into the passenger's seat.
"I want my dad, let me go," I cried and pleaded over and over again as the car took off.
"I'm your daddy now," he said climbing into the back as the driver cut up the music. The man grabbed a towel that was sitting on the floor then yanked me up and put the fabric to my face. The smell was sickly sweet and everything seemed to slow down as my eyes got heavy and the sounds seemed to blur into one...
I jolted up in bed the pain of the night before had dulled into something uncomfortable but bearable. I was in a cold sweat from remembering the day of my capture. I stood up and made my way to the bathroom where I looked in the mirror and saw my appearance.
'Today is the day, I won't be back in this room ever again. I find my freedom today by train or by death I'm going to get my peace.'
I grabbed the exfoliant and wet my face before applying the product on my face then washing it off. I then hopped into the shower and made sure that I was perfectly clean before getting out and lotioning up. I brushed my teeth with the stupid flavored toothpaste then washed my face again. To finish I added on some deodorant and put everything away. Looking up into the mirror I decided to do something I hadn't done in years, I smiled at myself knowing that the hell I had been going through could soon come to an end. When I was done I put on some regular boxer briefs so I would be comfortable enough to run and sit on a train for days in. Then I grabbed a pair of jeans and a shirt along with a pair of comfortable shoes and a cheap windbreaker that kept me warm and dry in the cold rainy January weather of Trenton, New Jersey where I was being held at. When I was finished I grabbed a small backpack and placed my money inside of it using socks to muffle the sound of change as I walked. When I was sure I had everything I needed I waited for the men to come and take me out for the day. I smiled again knowing that this was the last time I'd have to ask permission to go out and see the sun.
'Mom please bless and cover me as I make my journey home, please ask God or the gods for a miracle, I could use a miracle today for what I am about to do. All I ask is that this nightmare comes to an end and for the ability, the strength to start my life off on my terms. Give me the wisdom to think on my feet and the stamina that I will need in order to survive this daunting task I'm not asking for a request I'm begging, please, please, please. Amen...'