The Secret The Cheerleader Doesn't... - Chapter 10: Chapter 10

"Fucking hell," I shouted as I saw it was nine-thirty in the morning.  Quickly, I pulled out my phone and called Cassie.  She didn't answer, "Cassie, sorry I passed out at work!  I'm really sorry.  I'll be home early tonight, I promise." I hung up and cleaned myself up in the restroom and went to work.
Jeremiah swung by, pointing at me, "Isn't this the outfit you wore yesterday?"
"Yeah," I muttered, "I fell asleep in the office."
"I've done that a handful amount of times," he plopped down beside me, pulling out his own work to do, "some newbie will be using my desk this week so I'll be here."
"Fine by me," I said.  Looking through little Emma's file, the horrors of yesterday returned. I felt the need to puke. Suddenly a coffee landed on my desk and chair was pulled over. Jennifer plopped beside me. "What are you doing?" I asked.
"Working on the case," she passed me another folder, "here is the history of mental illness in the family. Seems the whole family had something at some point."
Flipping through it, I felt the urge spread even more, "Why? What happened in this family?"
"A lot of abuse," she tossed another file, "all kinds."  It was true.  The generation before Emma was abused and the one before that and the one before that and so on.  It was a cycle in this family.  "Defense wants to say that the family was mentally impaired," she sipped her coffee, leaning back, "but I wanna toss them all in a cell."
"It's not that easy," I keep staring at the drink she got me.  What could be in it?  Did she do something?
"It's a match latte," she said, "and no I didn't lace it."  We both made eye contact for a bit, I was obviously showing her I was skeptical.  She reached over, popped the lid off and waterfall a bit of the drink.  Then placed the lid back on and handed it back, "Better?"
"I guess you would drink a drugged drink," I said and took a sip, "how did you get these files?  The department said they didn't have anything yesterday."
"I did it all last night."
"What?" Both Jeremiah and I said.
She shrugged, "Made a lot of calls, called on some favors and did some bribing...  you know, the usual lawyer way."  She got up and smiled at me, "You really need to take better care of your health.  It would be troublesome for Jeremiah if you fainted out of nowhere."
"Fuck off," I muttered, hearing her laugh as she walked away.
I slightly smiled at it.
"What the fuck was that?" Jeremiah cut in.
"What?"
"You two?  When the fuck did you two become friends?" He squinted at me.
"We aren't," I said, "now let's just do our work."
~
I got home around twelve.  Going up quietly to make sure I don't wake the kids, I entered Cassie and I'd room to see her sitting by the window.  Placing my
stuff down, I walked over, "I'm sorry Cassie, I was working on this new case and just fell asleep.  I didn't mean to, I promise-" "A case with Jennifer?" She asked, her tone cutting into me.
"Well yeah," I said, "it's about a young girl named Emma who was a abused badly by her family-" "I'm sorry Ani, but I really don't care to know about the case," she stood up and turned to me.
Tears.
They fell down her face.
"Cassie?"
"What can I do Antonia?" She asked, her voice like a whisper.
"What?"
"What can I do to be perfect?  Do I need to be better at cooking?  Cleaning?  Should I get a job?  Maybe go to college?" She backed away as I moved in closer.
"What are you talking about Love?"  I asked, confused.
"WHAT CAN I DO TO STOP YOU FROM LEAVING ME?" She shouted.  It was so loud, it hurt my ears.  I knew it woke the kids and instantly I tried to calm her.
"Cassie, let's just talk about this-" "We are!" She was still shouting, but it was becoming harder and harder on her. She was barely able to hold her voice now, "I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry Ani... I... I know I'm damaged... that I'm probably worthless to you... I know I'm triggered easily and that makes you so fucking tired at the end of the day... I know... I know I'm never going to be good enough and I know you're with me because of obligation... I'm sorry I'm so fucking sorry." She was in a frenzy, completely shutting down.
Quickly I threw open our bedroom door and shouted to Jaelynn, "Jaelynn! Get everyone out! NOW!"
This will only go one way.
Quickly they rushed downstairs and I slammed our bedroom door. Cassie was on the floor now choking on her tears. I rushed to her, trying to help her as she screamed, "Let go! Let me just melt away! Stop it! Stop! Stop it!" Pure screaming. It was making my head ring.
She was fighting back now. Kicking, thrashing around and hyperventilating. I tried to restrain her peacefully because I feared her hurting herself. Positioning myself behind her, I wrapped my arms around her chest, making an x-shape with my arms. Lightly I held her in place, hearing her breathing become stabilized.
"I'm sorry... I'm sorry for loving you... for making you stay. I'm so fucking sorry that I trapped you... that I made you care and feel responsible. I'm sorry.. I'm so sorry... I'm sorry I failed back then... if only... only I succeeded... I'm so sorry... I'm sorry Ani, I'm sorry...," on and on she went, coughing up mucus and repeating the phrase over and over again.
Soon I started to cry on her.
"Ani," it was so quiet, it made my bones chill, "kill me... please. If.. if you do, you will be able to live peacefully... please. Please do it for the kids... for you... please. I won't hate you... I can never hate you... I can never ever hate you. I would understand... I understand now. Please. Just do it quickly... make it painless please... please Ani... please."
I sobbed, holding her tightly as I sobbed in her neck.
Never did I think I would hurt her like this.