The Secret The Cheerleader Doesn't... - Chapter 22: Chapter 22

"Fuck," I mumbled, falling back against the floor, "that was amazing."
"Oh so you thought so too?" She chuckled, putting on her sweater and moving over to the lights.  I silently laid there for a bit, breathing heavily and listening to my heartbeat.  It has been so long since my body has dealt with something like this.  There's no way I'm not going to be sore, but it's going to be one of those good sores.
The kind everyone wants.
"If you keep laying there, it's going to make me think you wanna go again," Shelby teased, walking over and holding out a hand, "should I have not pushed you so hard?"
"Actually, I would have loved it if you pushed me harder," I flashed a smile and took her hand.  She helped me get to my feet and handed me a towel and water bottle.  It's been years since I've done cheer dances.
A part of me loved it.
"You're still incredible you know!  I can't believe you can still do that High-V Approach so well.  Your clasp is still loud," she said.
"I trained for four years straight," I sighed, looking at my yoga paints to see sweat seeping through them, "I better be able to do those for the rest of my life!"  She laughed and moved over to the door because her secretary came in.  Some groups of girls came to do their lessons.  Quickly I grabbed my bag and was going to say bye when she stopped me.
"Cassidy, I wanted to ask you something.  You were the best girl on our team back then.  I mean, everyone loved seeing you in the stunt.  One of my teachers is going to be out for a while - maternity leave.  I was wondering if you'd be happy to stay and teach the class."
"You want me to teach some girls how to do stunt and cheer?" I asked, suspicious, "Why?"
"I think I just explained why.  You were the greatest."
"Yeah, but I'm way out of shape now!" I motioned to my stomach, "This here used to be flat."
"And you used to be in a fucked up house," she said, making me twist my lip, "I really need the help.  I want to go on a trip with my husband next month, but I can't because I'm down a teacher.  Please help me out.  I'll pay."
Money?
"How much?"
"$27 an hour."
"$30."
"$30!" She shouted.
Shrugging, "I have three kids.  If I'm going to be here instead of taking care of the house and doing the usual stuff, I might as well get paid well for it.  You also did say I was the best."
She glared at me but sighed, "Fine, but you have to be here every day!  No way I'm paying you that much without using you."
"Deal," I stuck out my hand and we shook.
~
After taking a quick shower and cleaning up the house as fast as I could, I drove down to pick up the twins.  As I was getting halfway, I remembered they had practice till five and Jaelynn promised to pick them up afterward, "Dammit."  At the next light, I made an illegal U-turn.
On the way home, I started thinking about the past.  How often I practiced those routines.  I would start right after school and go on and on until it was three in the morning.  My arms were so skinny back then.  I remember how often the girls on the team would call them toothpicks.
But in my eyes, they were too fat.
I loved hearing the music blasting as I moved around on stage or on the field.  I loved the shouting, clapping, and lights.  I remember how it felt to be tossed into the air, hoping to god someone below caught you.  Those sparkling lights, the loud crowds... how I lived for it.  In those moments, during the games, I was alive.  I never thought about my mom, the fat on my body, or even Antonia.  I was busy relishing in the glory of that moment.  Even now I can feel the excitement and love I have for it.
As I drove home, I passed a little shop with the words, "IN THE EYES OF PAGES".  It was a sign with big white letters and a navy blue background.  Curious, I drove into the parking lot and walked over.
Inside was a lobby of chairs - the old kind you see in doctor's offices.  It seemed of lavender and had shelves with books upon books on it.  I recognized many of the titles.  Antonia had either read them to me or spoke often about them.  It was interesting how many I knew - but I didn't know all the contexts of them.  I stopped in front of one in particular - Never Let Me Go by Ishiguro.  Antonia said this book reminded her of our past, how we once were.  She has a copy inside her own bookshelves.  It's battered and tinted compared to this one.
"That was my favorite book as a child," I glanced over to see an older man, probably in his sixties or so, "when I first read it, I had no idea what it was about, but... my soul connected to it.  Every year I go back to read it and every year it feels as it did the first time."
Glancing back down at the cover, I mumble, "My wife.... she loves the book."
"A wife, huh?" He asked, going beside me and looking through the racks, "She sounds philosophical."
"She is a therapist," I said.
"Emotional?" He ran his fingers over the cover, "She connects to feelings over the brain... how interesting."
"But don't we get our irrational thoughts and actions because of our brain?" I asked, "She told me many disorders occur because of the makeup of the brain."
"Yes, but those disorders are the product of another's own heart," he said.  I stared at him, confused.  I felt as if I was in yet another literature course.  The kind of class when the teacher says something outrageously odd and impossible to understand.
I watched as he moved about slowly, his fingertips tracing the covers.  He was an odd old man.  Maybe more odd than me.  Suddenly a voice from a woman interjected, "Cassidy Winters?"
I looked around to see a woman with greyish brown hair that was tied into a bun.  She wore a cute summer dress.  Though her hair deemed her to be much older, her face was flawless and youthful.  Squinting a little, I asked, "Who are you?"
"Oh sorry!" She blushed and handed me a card.  She worked for the shop, "My name is Alexandar Johnston.  I used to be in ASB with Ani... Antonia Meryl."  My head snapped up.  She just smiled at me, "I recognized you by your hair.  You always had such nice hair."
"What do you want?" I felt... sick.
"Uh, nothing!  I just saw you and was wondering if you were who you are!" She looked worried.  Meeting those from the past is dangerous.  I was nervous to speak to Shelby again, but after hearing her out one day, I realized we had both gotten over the past and could be good friends.  "How have you been?" She asked.
"Fine," I said.
She glanced down at my hand, making me pull it back, "Are you and Ani married?"  I felt... paralyzed but I slowly nodded, "That's amazing.  Back then I remember... well, everything is in the past."
"You remember what?" I asked.
She played with her nails for a second, then moved her attention to the older man, "Mr. Jenkins, how about you go back to your group now?  Your wife must be curious."
"Oh she worries too much," he said, bidding us both a goodbye before leaving.
"Come over here," she motioned to the chairs, "there is much to discuss... about that day Ani found out."