The Secret The Cheerleader Doesn't... - Chapter 24: Chapter 24

STILL CASSIE'S POV
On the way home, I couldn't stop thinking about what Alexandar said.
"The truth is, you're just a stupid girl who hides and hopes her problems disappear. You clung to Ani because you knew you could manipulate her. You don't love her... you use her."
Did I ever use Antonia?
Did I ever not love her?
When I pulled into the driveway, I climbed up to Antonia and I's room. It's been a while since we both could sit down and just talk. After speaking to Jennifer that one time, I have been... well... I just can't look at Antonia.
I'm not sure why.
Taking off my jacket and laying down in our bed, I go through my memories. Though I'm not supposed to, I wanted to feel again.... even if it was pain. The first memory that came was the one of my brother.
Elijah...
That was his name.
I was running through the halls, calling for him.  As I passed doors, I tossed them open and took a quick peek to see if he was in there.  As I rushed around I got to the backyard and found him lying in the grass, staring at the sky.
I was tiny... maybe 6?  I slowly walked over to him, calling out for him.  If I'm correct, I called him 'Eli' since I struggled with the other part of his name.  As I got closer I realized he didn't hear me.  It wasn't until I stood right next to him and yelled his name did he notice me.
"What are you doing outside?  It's late.  Shouldn't you be in bed?"
"I wanted to be with you."
"Silly girl."
He always called me that. Usually he laughed and patted my head but sometimes he looked hurt. I used to think it was my fault whenever he made that face but after I saw him and dad fighting... I knew it was our parent's.
"A 'B'? What are you? Mediocre? Winters are ducking mediocre Elijah! Do you see me putting in 'B' effort? Do you think 'B' effort gives you this damn life?"
"No."
"Then why the fuck are you getting a 'B'? Is it because you spend too much time with that dumbass sister of yours!"
"Cassidy hasn't done anything.... she helps me."
"How does she help you? I see you busying yourself with her: playing tag or dress up. Stop being a ducking child! Get your head on track or I swear to god I will ship your worthless sister somewhere else."
"Dad!"
"Enough! Fix this or she's gone!"
After that, Elijah never played with me.... he barely even looked at me. To keep me from him, mom put me in the church youth group. She had me volunteer for everything and made me the leader constantly. I didn't have time to spend with Elijah.... I soon forgot he was there.
"MAMA! WE WON!" Jessika and Jakob screamed from downstairs. Pushing myself up, I noticed I had been crying. Quickly I threw water on my face and plastered that fake smile. After a couple seconds of perfecting it, I left to greet them. Covered in mud they were but the biggest smiles they had.
"Congratulations!" I kissed their dirty cheeks and pulled their muddy selves into a tight embrace. Jaelynn was setting her bags down, a look of unsettle on her face. "How about you two go get cleaned up? We'll go out to eat!" I said.
"CHEESECAKE FACTORY!" They shouted as they charged up the stairs. I kept smiling until their figures disappeared.
Then I turned to face Jaelynn, "What is it?"
"Nothing."
"Don't lie to me," I said, moving closer to her, "what is it?"
She fiddled with her fingers, breathing heavy, "Mom sent me a message."
"Let me see," I wouldn't ask her to say it. She handed me her phone and I read it:
Won't be home tonight. Doing work. I'll tell mama, no need to say anything.
My nostrils flared, my heart went faster than lightening. I felt my soul squeeze itself into a ball. Taking a deep breath, I called her as Jaelynn said, "Mama no-" I put my finger up to shush her.
Three rings went by and finally I heard her, "Everything alright?"
"Thank you for telling our child. Make sure to eat and sleep well. If you need clothes, send me a message next time and not Jaelynn. I'll leave your needed things in a box outside the door," I tried to sound kind... to be mature but I was... I was hurting because I knew... I knew she would be with Jennifer.
"Cassie-" "I don't need your explanation nor your apology. Obviously our marriage is so far gone that you can't even tell me, your wife, that you won't be home. That you must inform your children privately instead of having me do it. Yes.. I see. I see you need more time to be with Jennifer!" I was out of breath after I finished. I could hear my heart in my ears as I looked at the stairs to see Jakob and Jessika staring at me. Biting down on my lip, I held back the tears and said, "The twins won their game... I'll be treating them to Cheesecake Factory. I have to go."
"Cassie wait-" I ended the call and stared at my reflection.
A mess.
That's what I am.
"Mama?" Jaelynn came closer but I handed her the phone.
Turning from them all, I try to collect myself. No, I have to collect myself. Trying to put myself in my doll mask, I turn back and say, "Ready?"
Jessika, the only child I have ever met that refused to show emotion and was the toughest girl I knew, rushed to me and wrapped her arms around me.... squeezing me tight.
I felt her tears bleed onto my stomach as she forced out, "We love you Mama.... mom loves you too. We all love you mama... our family is okay mama. I promise... we're all okay."
Using all the strength I had... the little bits I got, I forced out, "Of course."