The Secret The Cheerleader Doesn't... - Chapter 26: Chapter 26

When I entered the house, it was silent.
I knew Cassie had to be up since the kids were dropped off at school about an hour ago.  Slowly I crept through the house, cautiously waiting to see her.  As I went upstairs, I knocked on our  bedroom door.  When no call or noise was heard, I opened it slightly to see the lights were off and Cassie was nowhere to be seen.
Quickly I took a shower and got ready.
Everything was the same.  The only difference was, no Cassie.  Heading downstairs I peer into the kitchen to see no one.
"What the hell?" I mumbled to myself.  Taking out my phone and dialing her number, I stopped.
'Antonia... it's okay.  You've mistaken responsibility and obligation with love.'
"Did I really?  Did I really mistake my feelings for Cassie?" Taking a seat on one of the stools, I thought back... going through our memories.  Whenever Cassie smiled, I smiled.  When she laughed, I laughed.  Everything she did, I did as well.
But did I do those things because I love her?
"You're deep in thought," I was startled by her sudden voice.  She moved behind me to put the groceries on the counter, taking each item out one by one.  I watched her, wondering.  When I looked at her, I always had this feeling to hold her.  I always wanted to kiss her and spend time with her.
How can that not be love?
"What do you want Antonia?" Her voice was harsh... it was unsettling.
"What do you mean?"
She huffed and continued putting things away.  I stopped thinking about loving Cassie or not and started registering what she was doing.  She was even more distant... her body stiff and rigid.  Every piece of her was abnormal... not the Cassie I knew.
Could she be... could it be what she was?
Finishing up, she moved to grab a water.  I watched carefully.  If she gets violent, I can easily get out of here.  I have my phone on my person, so calling the police wouldn't be hard.  Also, if need be, I could just take the car and get away.  That would be the best option.
"Do you want a divorce?"
What?
I didn't even notice that she was looking at me... arms crossed.  Her eyes were darken... filled with hatred... but what that hatred for me or someone else?
"Did you hear me?" She asked, taking another sip, "Do you want a divorce?"
Slowly I stood up, confusion on my face, "Why would I want a divorce?"
"Why wouldn't you?" She asked, "It's obvious you're done."
"Who said I was done Cassie?" I asked, feeling myself become angry all of a sudden, "Are you literally asking for a divorce, all because I was out for work last night?  Why the hell do you think I'm done?  I've never said I was done, I never even thought of divorce!  Why are you acting like this?  Do you want a divorce?  Are you bringing it up because you want one?  When did you start wanting a divorce Cassie?  Why? What about the kids-" "Shut up," she said, her tone harsh and sharp.
I stared at her with shock.
She placed her cup in the sink and quickly washed it.  Drying her hands on her shirt, she sighed, "You want a divorce..."
"I didn't say I did," I replied.
"But you didn't say you didn't," she turned to face me, "the Antonia I know would have said no, not ask questions.  She would have said 'no, I want you'.  She would have came over and tried to hug me or at least hold my hands.  She would speak softly and easily to me... not fly into a rage."  She leaned back against the counter, watching me closely, "You don't have to spell it out for me... I'm not some idiot.  I know you have feelings for Jennifer Costa.  I bet you two have probably done some things."
"Cassie...,' I hung my head.
She chuckled, "You know, in these situations, the spouse would throw a fit.  Scream and cry... maybe even get physical... but I can't.  I can't even get angry with you Ani... I can't blame you.  I understand the burden I bring for you.  I understand how tiring it is and truthfully... I'm surprised you've stayed this long."
I had no words.
Cassie was different.  She wasn't what I was expecting.  If I spoke of divorce, maybe a month ago, she would fall to her knees and sob.  She would have an attack and beg me to stay... she would promise to do better by me...
But now... she is standing here... sad, but not exactly broken.  It's as if she had been preparing this day.  As if she has practiced making her feelings numb.
"I mean... I cheated a lot back then.  Everyday in fact.  I have no right to be angry," she said, "but I am not you Ani.  I can't stay with someone who's heart and... and body is with another.  I'm not as kind as you are."  My eyes widened.
It wasn't I who was asking for the divorce.
It was Cassie.
Cassie.... Cassie wants to divorce me?
No.
"Cassie, it was one night and I was drunk off my mind," I said, panic setting in, "I have been wanting to tell you, but I wanted to make sure that is what happened.... I didn't even remember it Cassie."
I was a blubbering mess.  I was falling apart.  My words slurred together, tears brimmed in my eyes.
I felt as if my heart was being ripped out.
"Where were you last night Ani?" Cassie asked, "You were with Jennifer.  You were with her all night I bet... I also bet you two didn't just talk about work."
"Jennifer has been coming for me for a long time... but I don't need Jennifer," what is going on?  Why is this happening?
What did I do?
"Ani... stop," she barely whispered, "I... I... no.  Don't worry Ani.  I will leave.  I will pack some clothes and go stay at Shelby's house."
"Shelby?  Who the hell is Shelby?" Delirium... Anger... All the emotions.
"She was a girl from the cheer team.  I ran into her recently," she moved to pass me, but I grabbed her arm as tightly as I could, "that fucking hurts!"
"When did you start cussing again?  When did you run into this Shelby?  How long have you been hiding this?" What the fuck am I saying?
"Enough Ani!" Cassie shouted, ripping her arm from me, "I can cuss if I want, I'm a grown ass adult.  I can meet old friends!  Shelby is fucking married... she's trying for a kid right now.  I have only seen her for about two weeks.  We literally just dance and workout together."
"Is that what sex is called now?" I spat.
She was taken back.  Her blue eyes wide and filled with surprise.  Then it changed.  She laughed... she had a kneel over laugh... she was practically laughing herself to death.  I watched as she did this, tears falling from the corners from laughing too much.
"What are you doing?"
"I can't believe it," she chuckled, barely able to speak coherently, "this is where we got?  This is our marriage?  How pathetic."  She moved to sit on one of the stools, holding her head in her hands, "Antonia... I could handle you cheating, lying, and hurting me.  I would be fine even if you beat me and ruined me.  There is no possible way for me to hate you or lose my love for you... even now... I look at you and still love you dearly.  I still want you even though you have lost your love for me, have cheated, have accused me of cheating, and have lied over and over.  I still want to be with you.... a piece of me thinks I am stupid for feeling such things.  I want to murder that side of me, but I can't."  She smiled at me, a real smile.  "Antonia Louisa Meryl... I want a divorce."