The Secret The Cheerleader Doesn't... - Chapter 27: Chapter 27

It's been two weeks since Cassie and I had that talk.
We continue to act perfectly fine in front of the kids, but the moment we are alone... it's as if we are strangers. Cassie leaves the house and goes somewhere, while I get ready for work. For the first few days, I was fine with our distance. I thought Cassie would simply get over whatever it was that was prompting her to ask for divorce and we would speak rationally about the topic... but she never came around. I tried talking to her, but even that didn't work. She would either walk away or just ignore me completely.
As if she didn't care for me anymore.
She returned from dropping off the twins as I was slipping on my black flats.  As usual, she just quickly hung her keys, took off her shoes, and went off to the kitchen.  No hello, good morning, or goodbye.  For a while I ignored it and went on, but now it's eating at me.  Debating with myself, I decided to go with my second option.
Inside the kitchen, Cassie was filling up the water tank.  She recently bought these plants and has been tending to them.  I watched from afar.  She tapped her foot in a 4-by-4 rhythm; it seemed as if she was humming to a song.  Her hair was thrown into a bun.  Rebelling hairs poked out, giving her this causal look.  She was wearing a brown cardigan, blue jeans, and a white blouse.
By the looks of it, she seemed normal.  She appeared to be having a normal day.
It pissed me off.
"Do you not love me anymore?" I asked abruptly.
She stopped the faucet... probably to ensure she could hear me correctly, "One more time?"
"Do you not love me anymore?" I repeated, this time... harshly.
"Did I say I didn't love you," she said.
"Then why are we divorcing?" I asked, turning to have my back pressed against the wall, allowing me to stare out the window, "It's only appropriate for a couple to divorce if one party or both fall out of love."
"That's not true," she said, moving to pass me and water those damn plants, "you've seen couples divorce because one of both parties break trust."
I gritted my teeth.  She's lecturing me about trust?
"So you don't trust me?" I asked.
"I trust you with everything," she replied, her back to me, "I trust you with my life, the kids lives, and others.  I trust you with money, with politics and the truth.  I trust what you say and what you do is all for good reason.  I trust that you put family first and always will.  I trust that you are a good person."
"Then why are we getting a divorce?" I huffed, "If you trust me and love me, why the fuck are we getting a divorce!"
"Antonia," she came in and finally looked at me, "do you know that I've never paid a bill.  That I don't even know how to pay for a bill... how to do taxes.  I don't know how much it costs to keep this house going... I've never seen mail that wasn't coupons for shops or little stupid letters.  I have never trimmed the bushes outside... actually, I've never done yard work.  I've never voted, never learned what to do or how it goes.  I've never bought something big... like a house, car, or electronic with a plan... I have absolutely done nothing.  I know how to clean, cook, and how much groceries are... but I never pay with my own money... it's always yours."
I stared at her, confused, "What are you getting at?"
"What I'm getting at?" She chuckled, setting the tank down, "Antonia... I am nothing without... both metaphorically and literally.  I've never done anything for myself.  I don't know how to do anything."  She moved over to me.  Pushing myself from the wall, we stood face to face... our breath falling onto each other's faces.  "What I'm getting at is this.... it's you who doesn't trust me.  You don't trust me to be an adult... to take care of this house.  You don't trust me to take care of myself or the kids.  You don't trust me because of what I did back then.  You don't trust me with anything.... and I can't live like that."
"What?"
"I can't continue to be your patient... to be some doll that sits about and waits for you to live... who needs you to control her arms, legs, head, and voice.  No... I'm a mother... I'm a woman who has fought tooth and nail to be where I am.  I'm not some useless chick Antonia... and until you realize that, I won't come back," she said.
I was taken back... and then I chuckled, "Are you stupid?  That's it?  You're divorcing me over something so trivial?"
"Trivial?  I see," she took a step back, creating a wall... a fucking wall, "I know how you see me... I'm stupid, a dumbass that can't do anything alone.  I'm someone you need to save... I'm your fucking obligation... I'm sick and tired of being your fucking obligation!"
I was taken back by her sudden tone.
"See me as your fucking equal!  Maybe I am mentally fucked up!  Maybe I was a fucking monster back then!  Maybe I falter but guess the fuck what Antonia, I am just as good as you!  I'm not less than you, I'm not better!  I'm your fucking equal!  I deserve respect!  I deserve a lover who doesn't fucking see me as a test subject or their fucking thing!  If you can't accept that I'm your equal... that I have my own brain and that I'm fucking smart, then I don't want you!" She was shouting... she was angry.
But she wasn't crying.
Her hands were balled, her body stiff... but no tears.  She meant every word she said and I could find any words.
When I didn't reply, she huffed, "I don't give a shit that you cheated... I can get over that.  I can overlook that, but I can't tolerate this child treatment.  I can't stand being seen as your fourth kid... I won't accept it.  So either change or sign the fucking papers... either way, grow the fuck up and be the Antonia I admire."
And she walked out the front door.