The Secret The Cheerleader Doesn't... - Chapter 34: Chapter 34

Ani Pov
How do you describe the feeling of watching someone you love pack up there things to leave?
Anger?
Sadness?
Betrayal?
Do I even have the right to feel that way? Do I have the right to tell her no? To tell her stop? A piece of me began to ponder 'did Cassie feel this way when I ended things back then'? Did it hurt her as I mumbled those words in the crisp air in that abandoned building? I wonder... how much of it dwells in her now?
How much hate dwells in me?
"It's uncomfortable to be watched like this," she spoke up, "I feel like I'm under a magnified glass... as if you are analyzing me. I mean... I'm used to that, but the obvious staring is definitely new." Her new way of speaking was both intriguing and irritating. It felt as if I didn't know her... as if I'm losing her piece by piece. "What are you thinking about?" She stopped folding, placing her shirt on the bed.
I didn't want to speak.
No words.
Nothing could express the confusion that roared deep within me.
So I did what I thought could express it best. Moving over to her, I snaked my hands around her neck and kissed her.
Cassie Pov
Stunned.
That's how I felt as she kissed me. She was forceful, demanding... she was longing for something and I knew I could give it to her. So I came back with the same energy. Softly, I ran my hands up her sides, tracing my fingertips on her skin, loving the goosebumps that came over her.
My hands drifted to her spine and I felt her gasp, thrust her stomach into mine - her back arching. I sat back against the bed, leaving wet kisses down her torso. The clothes were annoying, they held me back, so I caught her eyes and whispered, "Take it off." In her eyes, a flash of thrill and hunger - making me smirk, "Am I going to have to do it?"
And as if she was under my control, she started taking it off - allowing me to see every delicious curve. Antonia's body was something I couldn't get enough... it was fucking drugging.
My eyes trailed her, taking it all in.
Every dip, blotch, stretchmark, freckle, mole... I wanted to eat them... I wanted more and more of them, because right now... right here in front of me - Ani is mine.
tugging her against me, I kissed her stomach - hearing her little gasps. Her hands fell into my hair, knotting it all up as she pushed herself into me. My hands crept down her back, taking it real slow and once it fell onto her behind, I slipped the tip of my index fingers into her underwear and ripped them down. Another gasp was let out, but I just chuckled.
No longer interested in just kissing her stomach, I flipped her onto the bed and hovered over her. I lingered only centimeters from her lips, our breaths mixing with each other's. "Cassie," her voice was tiny, almost inaudible.
For a moment, I doubted myself...
I may hurt her.
As I fell into a hole, she lifted herself a bit and softly placed her lips on mine. Our peck lasted seconds, but it gave me all the confidence I needed to continue.
~
"I'll be back in a month," I said, kissing Jessika and Jakob on the head. They both didn't understand why I was leaving and were in protest about it. I was becoming more and more unwilling to go as well.
You can't rely on her forever.
"But what about our games?" Jessika asked.
"Mom will attend," I glanced over to her, giving her a glare, "she'll be home whenever you guys are."
Jessika glanced back at Antonia, skeptical. I didn't blame her. Antonia never came to their events, barely even showed up to parent-teacher conferences. Why would she suddenly come... that what they were thinking.
Jakob gave me a hug, mumbling into my shoulder, "Stay safe mama. I love you."
"I love you," I muttered back, pulling Jessika in, "and I love you as well.... my babies." Leaving them... it ripped me apart. They are my babies; my heart and soul. I hated being away from them for school... now a whole month? I know they are strong and can handle it, but was I?
After I hug, Antonia came over, "Text me when you get wherever you're going."
"I will," I said, scared to leave them, "Jessika and Jakob have to wake up at seven. They need all their gear, everyday. They like having Gatorade for games and Jessika needs evtra snacks because she plays the entire time. Their homework is a little hard, but they usually get it done during school. When dropping them off, the parking lot is tricky. You have to enter and then I recommend the back loop because it's a clear and easy drop off. It also gives them more time to unload. When picking them up, go to the baseball fields. They wait by the eighth pole, the one adjacent from the science building. I remember that Jessika has extra meetings with her social worker on Fridays and Jakob's is on Saturday. They also-""I understand Cassie," she cut in, giving me a look... trying to reassure me, "the kids will be fine. Just go do what... what you have to do."
I stayed put, staring at them. I live, breathe, and eat for them and here I was... walking about... taking a break for a while.
How awful of a mother I am?
"You'll never be anything!"
No.
I'm not an awful mother. I'm doing this for them and them alone.
And hopefully Antonia will work on herself as well.