The Secret The Cheerleader Doesn't... - Chapter 38: Chapter 38

Jessika's Pov
"Come on Jessi!  Let's go home!"  Jakob yelled from the side, holding our bags.  He was tired of waiting for me, tired of me wanting to run one more lap... but since I'm the eldest, he deals with it.  "Jessika!"
"One more!" I shout back as I start my twenty-seventh lap.  Rushing up the path, I saw from the corner of my eyes Jakob collapse to the floor in annoyance.
I had to practice.  The more I practiced, the better I got.  Mondays - goal shots, Tuesdays - suicides/obstacle course, Wednesdays - play runs, Thursdays - footwork, Fridays - miles, Saturdays - Jakob and I trained on plays, and Sundays - cardio.  Today is a Friday.
As I rounded off my lap, I wanted to go one more but Jakob jumped in front of me, "Mom's is gonna worry about us."
"She probably won't even notice," I shrugged.
"Come on," he sighed, following me to the bench, "I know you're angry with her and stuff, but she's still our mom... she still loves us and cares for us.  She even went to our game, remember?"
"I remember," I said, "I also remember how this is the first game she's attended since third grade."
"That's besides the point!"
"Uh huh," I took my bag from him and headed off to the parking lot, "she's too busy being with that woman 'Jennifer'.... maybe she's cheating."
"I doubt it," he said, "mom loved mama."
"Really?  You think that?  I think she tolerates mama," I said, "why else does someone's wife not come home and spend time with their family...  remember Carly's parents."
"Our parents are different than Carly's," he mumbled.
Stopping for a moment I said, "Carly's mom cheated on her dad... they were high school sweethearts - same as our parents!  She cheated on him with some loser that hid in his house all day.  Her parents divorced and Carly's mom abandoned her and her baby brother!"
"Stop comparing mom to her!" He shouted back, "Do you think I don't know mom is being stupid right now?  That our family is really tense!  You don't think I'm upset mama went away? That I had to coach our mom on how to get to our school!  It sucks!  I hate it just as much as you do."  I sighed, staring at the buildings behind him.  I hated when we fought... we were hooked to one another's hip... we can't ever be divided... he's my closest family member.  "Jessika, I know you really want mom to pay more attention to you and be better, but that's not our mom.  Our mom is a workaholic who does great with other people's kids but not her own.  Our mom doesn't like to spend her time at sporting events, but that doesn't mean she doesn't love us."
"That's easy for you to say!" I shouted back, "You're smart!  You get math and know science!  You and Jaelynn get good grades while I struggle with basic common core.  I'm stupid!  Sports is all I have!  Sports is all I'm good at!  So you get the praise from mom and love from her, but she doesn't even see me because I'm too dumb!"  I choked up a bit at the end, turning away from him.
"It's the dumb twin."
"I hear she can't even do basic algebra."
"Her brother is really smart though.  I wonder what's wrong."
"She's probably lazy and tries to skate by with her sports."
"She's not even cute... just a bitch."
I know what people say... it's already hard being an adopted daughter to a lesbian couple... now add on how stupid you are.  Add on how you're only good at sports so that makes you a lesbian.  Add on how your brother is cute and really smart, while your a clown whose dumber than a pigeon.
It sucks....
But I can deal with that... I can hold it all in and ignore it because I got a loving family.  A brother who adores me and protects me, a sister who looks out for me, a mama who would die for me and never gives up....
And a mom who doesn't even care if I'm there.
~
Jakob's Pov
I'm not like my sisters or my moms.
I don't care if someone likes me or not.  I don't care if people think I'm super smart or that I'm cute.  I don't care if people want to befriend me or whatever.  Truthfully, I am very selfish.  I know I'm awesome, that I'm smart and cute.  I know I can make friends easily and that many want to be my friend.  I know I'm the shit.  I don't need others to tell me.
But Jessika isn't like that.
She sees herself as stupid, useless, and disappointing.  That's why she practices so much... why she tries harder than anyone in soccer.  I am in soccer cause I like it and because it's a sport Jessika does.  I like being with my sister; looking over her and making sure she's okay.
But it's really hard to watch her sometimes.
In sports, it's obvious that the skinnier you are the faster you are - at least that's what people assume. Well, Jessika knows this so when we were in seventh grade, Jessika restricted herself to an apple diet. She ate one apple a day and drank a ton of water. She did this for over a month. She lost a lot of weight and was made a starter.
There was a time where Jessika stayed until 8 pm, practicing. She would be running the field over and over again, making sure she beat her time. Mama and I had to force her in the car... I remember how upset she was. She didn't speak to us for weeks.
The truth is, Jessika is weak minded. She is easily manipulated and tends to downplay her abilities. All because she is bad at academics.
No matter how often I tell her, "School isn't for everyone", she will never believe me.
Over and over she pushed herself, because she wanted to be accepted. Not by me, Jaelynn or mama... but by mom. She dreamed of being praised, of being noticed.
And as her brother, all I could do was support her from behind... and watch her destroy herself throughout the years.