The Secret The Cheerleader Doesn't... - Chapter 53: Chapter 53

Cassie's POV
"What are you doing here... Antonia?"
It was silent for a bit. She just sat there with her eyes on something behind me. Twiddling her thumbs and bitting her cheek. Having been married to a psychologist for so long, I've picked up on signs body language.
"I needed to see you."
"I needed a month," I said, "It hasn't even been a full two weeks."
"I can't do this Cassie," she shouted, startling me a bit, "I can't live with you at an arms length... I can't do that anymore.... It's terrifying, heartbreaking, and fucking confusing."
"I understand."
"Do you?" She shouted, "Do you understand? I'm so fucking lost...One moment I'm okay without... I'm having sex with Jennifer and I'm living life great... but the next I'm drowning in guilt and misery... I'm calling out to you, waiting for you! I don't fucking get it."
I step closer, "I understand Antonia... I get it."
"Come home," she mumbled, tears falling down, "please... I need us to figure this out... I can't keep bouncing between lives and trying to fucking set things straight."
"No," I said, watching her look up at me, "I need a month... a full month Antonia... I'll come back at the ending of this month."
"Why are you doing this?" She asked, "Are you seriously okay with our family breaking apart?"
"I never said I was okay with it," I said, "but I'm not okay with what is going on right now." She huffed, standing up and running through her hands through her hair. Rubbing my face, I mumbled, "Antonia... things have been really hard and stressful for me right now. I need some space."
"You don't think it hasn't been stressful for me? Hard for me?" She yelled.
"Can't see how it could be, you've been taking your stress out by fucking Jennifer," I shouted back. Both of us just stared at one another, realizing how broken we've become.
Antonia was the one to break eye contact, turning away and chuckling, "You know... this place needs better security. I simply said I was you and they gave me a key... even told me what room... you need to pick a better place."
"I didn't think you would come finding me," I sighed, taking a seat, holding my head in my hands, "just be honest... what do you want Antonia."
"I want you home."
"No Antonia," I huffed. Leaning back and looking at her, I wanted to cry. My throat tightened and this overwhelming need to break down flooded over me. "Do you want me or do you want Jennifer?" She stayed quiet, refusing to look at me. Chuckling, tears fell as I said, "You come here telling me you want me home... in an arms length, yet you fuck her when I'm not there. You confide in her... bathe yourself in her. You kiss her and taste her while I'm getting my life together.... You don't want me there to be your wife but to be your possession. You hate not being in control."
"I do love you."
"Then leave Jennifer," I said, "but you can't... so I'll make it each for you."
"What?" She turned to face me as I stood up, going to my bags, "What are you doing?"
"I stopped by city hall and asked around... got a lot of help to figure it out but I got it done. I already told you Antonia... if you couldn't let me grow and fix yourself...," I handed her the papers, watching her face drop, "I would divorce."
"What bullshit is this?" She hit them out of my hands, but I just sighed, "What the fuck are you doing?"
"By law in this state, the moment I asked for a divorce we were separated... so we've been separated for almost two months now," I said, "we fill out the papers now, we only have four months left until we are officially divorced."
"What the fuck Cassie!" She started pacing, "This won't even work... I'll tell our lawyers not to do anything."
"I already found lawyers for myself," I said, watching her, "I've also spoken to the bank, some house realtors, and a financial coach... in a month from now I will have my own assets and begin the process of building credit." She just stared at me; mouth opened wide... shocked. "You remember Elena? Well she's allowing me to rent out one of the homes she owns.... I'll work to support myself and the kids."
"If you think I'm letting you take the kids, you're fucking insane," I was startled at first at her hostility. She picked up the papers, chuckling, "Fine... you wanna play this game, let's do it. We'll get a divorce but you won't get any rights over the children and won't get a dime from me." Her eyes... it shocked me.
It wasn't someone I knew.
But I couldn't crumble... I couldn't falter under her stare, so I sighed, "I don't need a dime... or a fucking penny. I want 50/50 custody of the kids... that's all."
"You won't be getting that," she said, walking over to the door, "you're not suitable or sustainable enough to be a full time parent... and I won't let my children have an awful life due to your insolence."
We stood there, on opposite sides of the room. Our eyes connected... deadlocked on one another. The eyes I alway wanted to see, to look at me, that I used for comfort and love...
We both felt each other's heartbreak... each other's betrayal and anger. We both didn't want to walk away... to leave the love and home we've built... but could we continue? Could we fix this? Piece of back to better and have both parties get what they want?
No.
Antonia wants me to be what I also had been... dependent.
I want to be my own person and grow to support/protect those I love.
So no... we can't fix this...
Only if one of us gives in... and neither of us will.