The Secret The Cheerleader Doesn't... - Chapter 6: Chapter 6

Cassie POV
"I'm not sure who I am anymore," Elena wiped her tears on her white sleeve.  Holding her head in her hands, I felt sorry for her.  She had been with her husband for almost 22 years, gave him children, sacrificed her work life to be a stay-at-home mom.... only to have him leave her for a coworker.  "I've given myself to him and our family... I... if I'm not his wife or a mother, than what am I?  What did I do all those years before?  What did I even like?" She was hysterical, completely out of her mind.  I understood that feeling... sometimes I still feel it.
Bringing her a towel to wipe her face, I said, "It's not your fault.  Your husband took you for granted Elena... I know it's hard right now but it'll get better."
"How?" She blew her nose, "How does this hell get better?"
I don't know.
Truth is, I'm one of the lucky people in the world.  I got to marry the love-of-my-life... the first person I have ever truly been in a relationship with.  This person helped me, saved me... I'm the luckiest person I think.
So I don't understand what it means to lose the one you've given yourself to completely.  When Antonia ended our relationship back then... she never truly left.  It was I who sorta left.
"How long have you and Antonia been together?" She asked.
"Well... 7 years of marriage, 15 years of being in a relationship... so about 22 years I believe," I smiled, "we've been together since we were about 14."
"Wow," she rested her damp face on her chin, "to think there are people in this world like you two.  God, how much I would give to have your relationship... just so perfect."
"Thank you," I said with a fake smile.
Why do people always assume we had it easy?
On the way back home, I couldn't help but think of the past.  The hell I forced Antonia to deal with.
Why did she stay?
"No," I muttered, shaking my head when I got to a red light.  Quickly I pulled over to a little coffee place.  I could tell when I was about to fall into a bad mindset and being behind a wheel wouldn't be smart.  I ordered a little latte and sat at the back of the place.  Closing my eyes I remembered the day Antonia and I got married.  How beautiful she looked.  I remembered the day we adopted our kids... they were so frightened... so small.  The day Jaelynn told us she got accepted into college... the day Antonia taught the twins how to play soccer... the day Jaelynn called me 'mama' for the first time... the day Antonia and I connected again.
"Good memories equal good thoughts."
Playing with my wedding ring, a little tear trickled down my face.  Antonia is my life.  I could have never been this happy, this peaceful, this successful without her.  Placing my hand onto my heart, I spend a couple moments remembering this morning.  I always wake up before her.  I used to wake up due to nightmares and panics, so my body just got accustomed to waking up so early.  Many would find it annoying but it's a blessing to me.  The moment Antonia wakes up, she's hustling around.  Getting ready for work, getting the kids ready, checking to make sure I take my medicine and doing mentally okay.  She's checking emails, even getting calls as she's getting dressed.  It's no longer peaceful once the alarm goes off.
"Here you go ma'am," I opened my eyes to see a young boy, a little older than Jakob, setting my drink down, "hope you enjoy."
"Thank you," I said and took a sip.  The day that Jakob and Jessika start working... will officially be the day I'm old... I may even cry a little.
I took some of my medicine and leaned back in the leather chair.  It was raining today... I never noticed til now.  Did Antonia notice?  Did she bring an umbrella with her?  I hope she isn't outside too much.
"Oh Ani and I have to go to the same location today, so she offered to drive me."
"Ani," I mumbled. The nickname I gave her... the name I used to be so proud of because no one understood why it was so important.
As children, Ani never called others by a nickname. She hated it. When we met, I thought it was odd how she never went by one. To me, her name was far too long.
So I just called her Ani one day and it stuck.
I loved saying it. I saw it as something that was only mine... something we shared... but as we got older everyone called her that and I can't exactly remember why, but I was just so angry.
And that anger... I felt it the other day when Jennifer came.
The moment the name left her lips... I fell back into my old ways. I wanted to reach out and choke her. I wanted to grab Antonia by her hair and demand to know why this woman... a woman I have yet to ever meet, was addressing her by that name.
I flew into a rage that I thought died years ago.
This time, it was I holding my head in my hands, holding back my tears of frustration, "That woman... something is wrong with that woman... Antonia... please be careful."
~
"He's such an idiot!" Jessika groan, thrashing around and pulling at her hair, "How could he just kick the ball into our goal? How do you accidentally do that?"
"Everyone makes mistakes Jessi," Jakob rolled his eyes.
"Jessi?" I asked.
"That's what I want to go by now!" She had this massive smile on her face, "It's way better than 'Jessika'."
I giggled at her and listened to them complain to one another. As we unloaded the car, I went to grab tonight's dinner from the trunk when a red Honda pulled up to our house. "Kids, go inside," I handed them the bags and went to investigate. The owner came out of the car; a blonde woman with long hair. I got a bit closer until I realized who it was, "Jennifer?"
"Oh hi Cassie!" She skipped up the driveway. The last time I saw her, she was a brunette with a pixie cut. "Just passing through and decided to stop and say hi!" She said.
"Oh well," I moved away, feeling a little... unsure, "Antonia isn't home right now... she's still at the office."
"I know."
Taking out my phone, I place my thumb on the power button. Antonia taught me that if I felt threatened and couldn't get away to call the police, I just had to press the power button five times and it would bring up an SOS. The police would come immediately.
"Why are you here then?" I tried to be friendly, but this feeling in me... I wanted to get rid of her quickly.
She stared at the house, taking in it kinda. "Nice place you have," she said, moving around, "but doesn't Ani like cobblestone?"
What the hell is wrong with her?
"Antonia really doesn't like to be called Ani by people she isn't close to," I said, "and please refrain from calling me Cassie... Cassidy works."
"Who said Ani and I aren't close?"
For a moment, a small fragment of time, I felt myself snap. I was about to go at her when Jaelynn stepped in, "Um excuse me, why are you on our property?"
Jennifer's face changed into a smile, "You're Jaelynn right? The one studying to be a psychologist?"
"Yes I am Jaelynn and no, that isn't what I'm trying to be," she went over to the woman.
"Jaelynn," I called but she just turned and gave me a smile...
Antonia.
How much you've grown to look like Antonia.
"I'm going to have to kindly ask you to leave. Since the only person that you are familiar with isn't here and my mother is obviously uncomfortable with your presence, it is only appropriate for you to go," she was so calm... so professional.
Jennifer just smiled, looking between the both of us. My heart was racing... my temper on the verge of snapping. "Well, I see the problem. I hope you all have a good night," and with that, she drove off.
Jaelynn immediately came to me, asking me all sorts of questions... questions Antonia always asked.
"I'm fine Jaelynn," I rubbed my head.
"Mama, you're obviously upset. Talk to me-" "Jaelynn," I said sternly, "you are my daughter... it is not your responsibility to worry over me like this. I'm sorry for putting you in this predicament. As your parent, I should have taken care of this incident better."
"Mama-" "Go wash up. Dinner is on the counter," I kissed her forehead, trying to bring some peace. She hesitated but soon left, but before she was gone I said, "And Jaelynn... keeps this between us. I don't want to bother your mother... especially during this tough time in her work."