The Secret The Cheerleader Doesn't... - Chapter 60: Chapter 60
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Ani POV
I busted through the elevator doors while my eyes scanned the place. Jeremiah got up and came over to me, "I thought you had a court appointment?"
"Where the fuck is Jennifer?" I asked.
"Why do you need her? Ani... she's the root to all the problems-" "I don't need a fucking lecture right now Jeremiah, tell me where Jennifer is," I shouted a bit, catching attention from our coworkers.
"No need to shout for me, you could have called," she said, chuckling a bit. She was wearing a white suit and her hair was pinned back. "How did it go?" She asked. I marched right up to her and smacked her as hard as I could.
I could hear it echo off the walls and it made everyone in that office stop. I slapped her once more to make sure the message was conveyed, "I fucking said no to bringing up my past and what the fuck did you do? You've done a lot of shitty stuff Jennifer that I over looked... that I partook in, but this... this was crossing the line. You weren't trying to help me get the kids, you were trying to punish her."
"We shouldn't have this conversation here."
"Why? You don't want everyone to know how you lie and scheme? How you manipulate a court room? You aren't about bringing justice, you just want to win... the problem is you're fucking with people's lives and I won't let you ruin hers."
"She did something disgusting to you," she said, reaching for me, but I slapped her hand away.
"And you didn't?" I yelled, "In the state of California, if you have sexual intercourse with someone that is under the influence and could not make a rational decision, that can get you behind bars for 8 years."
"You know damn well it wasn't nonconsensual," she threatened, but I just laughed.
"Jeremiah," I turned to him, "if an individual is stumbling around and vomiting constantly, is that individual able to give consent?"
"No," he said.
"If an individual is nodding on and off, are they able to give consent?" I asked.
"No," he said.
"So Jennifer, how the fuck did I give you consent?" I shouted even louder.
"You're about to ruin your entire career Antonia... of corporate finds out about our relationship, you're done," she said.
"But so are you," I said, smirking now, "Jennifer... you act as if you are important to this firm... but the truth is you're just another employee. I've created departments, pushed this company up the ladder, and even the CEO knows my fucking name... but you... you're nothing and I fucking promise you, they'll rid you before they rid me." I turned around and walked towards the elevator, but I made sure one more thing, "I also know how to budget my money pretty damn well, so if they did try to fire me, I'd just retire."
I left the office like that... letting her bathe in the questions and gossip.
~
Cassie's car was in the driveway when I got home. She didn't give me two seconds before she slapped me. I'm not gonna lie... it fucking hurt like a bitch. "The fuck was that today Antonia? What the fuck were you thinking?"
"I'm sorry," I said.
"Don't give me a 'I'm sorry'! What the fuck was that? Why did your lawyer bring up the assault and then you shot the idea down? Is this some sick fucking game? What the actual fuck is going on?" Her voice cracked, strained at certain moments... it was all tumbling out now, "And what the fuck do you mean you want have a discussion with about the divorce? We're getting a divorce! That's all!"
"I don't want a divorce."
"We already talked about this!" She leaned on the counters, huffing.
"I know what we discussed," I said, coming near her, "I haven't forgiven you... I've lied throughout the years that that incident all those years ago was nothing and I had moved on... the truth is I'm still bothered by it. I have nightmares and I can't help but fear you'll return back to it. Sometimes I worry over it so much that I obsess over the idea of controlling you to ensure it never happens... the more and more independent you become, I become even more scared." This vulnerability... this openness. I always tell my patients to get to this point but not once had I experienced or fully understood it... not until now. "I'm afraid of the Cassidy that lurks deep within you... the Cassidy that hurt me without a second thought. I'm terrified of how easy it was back then for you... what if it's just as easy now... I can't seem to accept that you can control, that it doesn't consume you from time to time. If I'm not in control of you and your daily life, I have no way of making sure you haven't converted."
"So you have no trust in me?" She asked.
"I'm sorry," I muttered, shaking a bit.
"Then we should continue with the divorce," she said, looking at me now, "why torture yourself further."
Instantly I grabbed her, forcing her to look me in my eyes, "I wouldn't deal with this torment if I didn't love you Cassidy... I didn't do all of this, spent so much time and effort into everything out of pity... out of obligation or need of revenge. I spent those eight years studying, bettering myself, becoming educated because I wanted to help the one I loved. I ignored my pain and nightmares because I wanted to be beside you and I was terrified that I would stop myself. I am not screaming at you and being the most honest I have ever been to trick or play you Cassidy! I'm being this open... this bare because I love you and I don't want to lose you."
"What is a relationship without trust?" She said, trying to pull away but I gripped even tighter.
"You're right... communication and trust... part of the foundation of a relationship... you're completely right Cassidy," I said, "but can you say you trust me?"
"What?" She asked.
Getting closer to her, "I've betrayed you many times, yet you still love me. In the back of your head you will always ask if what I'm doing is true or not... it will always be there, but does that mean you don't want to be with me?" Again she tried to pull away, but I didn't let her. I wanted her to be just a vulnerable as me... to let it show and fall out before me. "Cassidy... I'm not saying we have to be what we once were, I'm not asking you to change who you are right now.... I'm asking you to give this relationship one more chance. Allow me to see Cassidy Meryl... the independent, self motivated, and dependable woman she is... allow me to show you that I am the person you love and will continue to be so."
She read my face, looking at every little nook and cranny... but right now, I am hiding nothing. "What about Jennifer?" She asked, "What are you doing with her?"
Smiling at her, I muttered, "I've tossed her away."
I busted through the elevator doors while my eyes scanned the place. Jeremiah got up and came over to me, "I thought you had a court appointment?"
"Where the fuck is Jennifer?" I asked.
"Why do you need her? Ani... she's the root to all the problems-" "I don't need a fucking lecture right now Jeremiah, tell me where Jennifer is," I shouted a bit, catching attention from our coworkers.
"No need to shout for me, you could have called," she said, chuckling a bit. She was wearing a white suit and her hair was pinned back. "How did it go?" She asked. I marched right up to her and smacked her as hard as I could.
I could hear it echo off the walls and it made everyone in that office stop. I slapped her once more to make sure the message was conveyed, "I fucking said no to bringing up my past and what the fuck did you do? You've done a lot of shitty stuff Jennifer that I over looked... that I partook in, but this... this was crossing the line. You weren't trying to help me get the kids, you were trying to punish her."
"We shouldn't have this conversation here."
"Why? You don't want everyone to know how you lie and scheme? How you manipulate a court room? You aren't about bringing justice, you just want to win... the problem is you're fucking with people's lives and I won't let you ruin hers."
"She did something disgusting to you," she said, reaching for me, but I slapped her hand away.
"And you didn't?" I yelled, "In the state of California, if you have sexual intercourse with someone that is under the influence and could not make a rational decision, that can get you behind bars for 8 years."
"You know damn well it wasn't nonconsensual," she threatened, but I just laughed.
"Jeremiah," I turned to him, "if an individual is stumbling around and vomiting constantly, is that individual able to give consent?"
"No," he said.
"If an individual is nodding on and off, are they able to give consent?" I asked.
"No," he said.
"So Jennifer, how the fuck did I give you consent?" I shouted even louder.
"You're about to ruin your entire career Antonia... of corporate finds out about our relationship, you're done," she said.
"But so are you," I said, smirking now, "Jennifer... you act as if you are important to this firm... but the truth is you're just another employee. I've created departments, pushed this company up the ladder, and even the CEO knows my fucking name... but you... you're nothing and I fucking promise you, they'll rid you before they rid me." I turned around and walked towards the elevator, but I made sure one more thing, "I also know how to budget my money pretty damn well, so if they did try to fire me, I'd just retire."
I left the office like that... letting her bathe in the questions and gossip.
~
Cassie's car was in the driveway when I got home. She didn't give me two seconds before she slapped me. I'm not gonna lie... it fucking hurt like a bitch. "The fuck was that today Antonia? What the fuck were you thinking?"
"I'm sorry," I said.
"Don't give me a 'I'm sorry'! What the fuck was that? Why did your lawyer bring up the assault and then you shot the idea down? Is this some sick fucking game? What the actual fuck is going on?" Her voice cracked, strained at certain moments... it was all tumbling out now, "And what the fuck do you mean you want have a discussion with about the divorce? We're getting a divorce! That's all!"
"I don't want a divorce."
"We already talked about this!" She leaned on the counters, huffing.
"I know what we discussed," I said, coming near her, "I haven't forgiven you... I've lied throughout the years that that incident all those years ago was nothing and I had moved on... the truth is I'm still bothered by it. I have nightmares and I can't help but fear you'll return back to it. Sometimes I worry over it so much that I obsess over the idea of controlling you to ensure it never happens... the more and more independent you become, I become even more scared." This vulnerability... this openness. I always tell my patients to get to this point but not once had I experienced or fully understood it... not until now. "I'm afraid of the Cassidy that lurks deep within you... the Cassidy that hurt me without a second thought. I'm terrified of how easy it was back then for you... what if it's just as easy now... I can't seem to accept that you can control, that it doesn't consume you from time to time. If I'm not in control of you and your daily life, I have no way of making sure you haven't converted."
"So you have no trust in me?" She asked.
"I'm sorry," I muttered, shaking a bit.
"Then we should continue with the divorce," she said, looking at me now, "why torture yourself further."
Instantly I grabbed her, forcing her to look me in my eyes, "I wouldn't deal with this torment if I didn't love you Cassidy... I didn't do all of this, spent so much time and effort into everything out of pity... out of obligation or need of revenge. I spent those eight years studying, bettering myself, becoming educated because I wanted to help the one I loved. I ignored my pain and nightmares because I wanted to be beside you and I was terrified that I would stop myself. I am not screaming at you and being the most honest I have ever been to trick or play you Cassidy! I'm being this open... this bare because I love you and I don't want to lose you."
"What is a relationship without trust?" She said, trying to pull away but I gripped even tighter.
"You're right... communication and trust... part of the foundation of a relationship... you're completely right Cassidy," I said, "but can you say you trust me?"
"What?" She asked.
Getting closer to her, "I've betrayed you many times, yet you still love me. In the back of your head you will always ask if what I'm doing is true or not... it will always be there, but does that mean you don't want to be with me?" Again she tried to pull away, but I didn't let her. I wanted her to be just a vulnerable as me... to let it show and fall out before me. "Cassidy... I'm not saying we have to be what we once were, I'm not asking you to change who you are right now.... I'm asking you to give this relationship one more chance. Allow me to see Cassidy Meryl... the independent, self motivated, and dependable woman she is... allow me to show you that I am the person you love and will continue to be so."
She read my face, looking at every little nook and cranny... but right now, I am hiding nothing. "What about Jennifer?" She asked, "What are you doing with her?"
Smiling at her, I muttered, "I've tossed her away."
End of The Secret The Cheerleader Doesn't... Chapter 60. Continue reading Chapter 61 or return to The Secret The Cheerleader Doesn't... book page.