The Secret The Cheerleader Doesn't... - Chapter 61: Chapter 61

Cassie POV
Pulling into the parking lot, I grabbed my bag and headed inside.  Antonia and I agreed to meet up and discuss how we felt about the situation and what avenue we wanted to take from here on out.  We decided to stop at a coffee shop we've never been to and will probably not return to.
Inside I found Antonia seated in the back with leather chairs.  She was on the phone, so I went and ordered myself a coffee.  "One mocha latte with oat milk, hot please."
"For here or to go?" He asked.
"For here please," I handed him the cash and went over to Antonia.  She was still on the phone as I set my stuff down, pulling out the paperwork we were to file for divorce.
"I don't give a shit," she spat, catching my attention, "I'll train Haley.  She'll be ready for trial."  It seemed as if something big was going on at work, which means the call will probably last a while.  Pulling out my phone, I message Shelby:
May be late today... can you take over my classes?
Not even a second later she replied:
I got you girlie. Handle your family business♥️
It was nice having someone to support me, stand behind me and be there to help. The best part is they aren't a lover or family, just a really good friend. "If you need to make a call I can wait," I was startled by her. I had thought she would take longer on the phone. "You're a working person now, so I understand if you need to make a work call," she said, taking a sip of her tea.
"No I'm ready," I placed my phone in my purse.
"Alright," she said, sitting up.  I watched as she pulled out a file and brought out some papers.  She got a pen from her bag and started to quickly read through everything.
Is this what she looks like at work?
I vaguely remember what she looked like back then in school.  Pen on her ear, eyes darting across paper and lips pursed.  Something never changed but others did.  She definitely looked older.  The years of stress from her job were taking a toll on her.  I'm surprised she hasn't collapsed from it all.
"I think it's best if we start with your thoughts and wishes," she said, glancing up, "it'll make the process easier."
"No," I said.
She was obviously caught off guard, "Why?"
"We always started with me," I said, "you start."
She stared at me for a bit, but shrugged and started, "I don't want a divorce... as I've stated many times.  I acknowledge that I made mistakes and took for granted your role in my life... I want to fix that."
I waited a bit but she didn't say anymore, "That's it?"
"Yep," she said, making me want to chuckle, "I'm usually the one sitting on the other end of these discussions."
"I'm aware," I said, "but you have to get used to this."  I took the notepad from her and her pen.  I opened to a blank page and popped the cap off.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm your therapist," I said, leaning back and looking at her, "let's get straight to the root cause of all of this." I watched as her body stiffened. It was obvious she didn't want to talk about our past... what I did to her.
It was as if she was afraid to say it.
"We can't proceed without discussing that," I said, "that's where all of our problems are rooted."
"I know," she huffed, squeezing her hands as hard as she could, "I just... I... I can't."
I watched her panic. It was physically and mentally painful for her. I watched as she curled herself into a ball, shielding herself from the world.
I wanted to back down... to tell her it was okay and skip over it... but I wouldn't be doing her any good.
Our skeletons have to be buried... not tucked away in our closet.
Putting the notebook down, I go onto my phone and search something up. After about five minutes I make a call. Antonia looks up, "What are you doing?"
I hold a finger up to her and when the line is picked up, I say, "Good morning, my name is Cassidy Meryl. My wife and I want to make an appointment as soon as possible." She watches me as I pull out our info and give it away. I could see how concerned she was but I just kept my finger up, "Next week on Wednesday at 5? Okay, thank you." Hanging up I write it all down on the notepad, "You want to work on this relationship, okay... we will be attending couple's therapy next week. The address and appointment is on the paper. I'll be paying for the first visit and if we like the woman then we can discuss payment later. Here's my conditions; you attend to each therapy session without fail. No rescheduling, canceling, or anything unless it's about the kids or true emergencies. Until we are far enough along in our sessions and have amended majority of our relationship, we will continue to live separately and be separate individuals. That means if I wanna hangout with somebody, I will. No, I'm not going to sleep with anyone and I'm not going to date, but I do not have to report back to you what I am doing and who I am around. For you, you can chose to do what you please during this time, but if you go back to Jennifer for anything, then there is no point in continuing this fight and we will settle for divorce." I leaned forward and took a sip from my latte, "As for the kids, they will remain in your custody but for the weekends they will spend it with me. I will return them on Sunday nights for school. There are three things you must complete and mend if our relationship is to continue; you will make time for your children - meaning you will have dinner with them for at least four out of the five nights you have them. You will build a relationship with each of our children and get to know who they are as individuals. Finally, you will apologize for your lack of attention and affection for the past few years. If these are not done, I will proceed with divorce. Do you have any requests or questions?"
Astonished. That's how I was describe her feelings. She leaned back for a moment, thinking. I watched as she really processed everything. "For knowing where you are going, if you are to leave town I want to know about it. Not to track you or whatever, only so I am aware so we can discuss the schedule for the kids. Due to the children going to your home for the weekend, I would like to know your address." All those points were understandable and I agreed to it. "I have two questions. Number one, outside of therapy and our children, am I allowed to speak to... just to speak to you?" She asked.
I thought about for a second. During our divorce I set a boundary that she was to only contact me when it was about the kids. Now that we are trying to save this marriage... would that rule still apply?
"Yes," I mumbled, "however, sexual Inter course will not occur during this time period."
"Understandable."
"Nor will physical displays of affection," I said.
"Understandable."
"But... if you simply just want to talk to me or text me, I would be fine. As long as it doesn't interfere with your time with the kids, our work, or daily routines," I said.
"Understandable," she said. I just nodded and awkwardly looked away. "Number two, do you want to stay married to me Cassidy?"
I knew this question would come... and I knew it would be hard to answer.
Leaning back, I huffed, "It's hard to say right now. I love you... I'm in love with you and I of course want to stay married but I'm not blinded by that love to see how toxic and unhealthy this situation is. I want to stay with you because I love you, but I can't stay with you if we do not resolve our past issues."
She didn't say anything. We both just stared out the window, sipped coffee, and thought. She was the first to stand up and leave... of course she said goodbye and before she leaned down to kiss my forehead, she asked, "May I?"
I nodded, feeling her do that and watching her leave... tears brimmed in my eyes, but I wiped them away before they could fall.