The Secret The Cheerleader Doesn't... - Chapter 72: Chapter 72

Cassie POV
"You still have that sinister smile, huh?" I asked, settling down in a stool. After about two hours of reassuring Jessika everything was going to be alright and telling Jakob he didn't have to worry as well, the kids finally fell asleep. Peter called Jaelynn and she headed out after the twins knocked out.
Now it's just Antonia and I sitting in her kitchen with a half eaten pizza box and some root beer bottles.
"One of my perfected skills," she said, taking another slice. I joined in... who can say no to pizza? As we sat at the counter, facing one another, I felt... exhausted. I just wanted to curl up in bed and pass out. "You can stay the night," she said, glancing up a bit, "I'll sleep down here on the couch."
"I'm not kicking you out of your bed," I said, "it's just a twenty minute drive."
"Plus it's raining and it's a Friday night... do you really think you should be driving? We live in Southern California remember?" She said, making me sigh in defeat.
"Well I'll take the couch then," I said.
"Impossible," she said, taking yet another slice... which I joined her in, "you can't sleep on the couch."
"And why not?" I shot back.
"Because you'll be worried about the kids and if you're downstairs you won't be able to go check on them like you do," she yawned a little.
I stared at her, "You know I check on them at night?"
"Of course I do," she chuckled, "we would head to bed by 10 and by 12 you were up, sneaking your way out into the hallway and cracking their doors open to see if they were okay. Then you'd come back and snuggle into my back. By 2 you were up again, creeping out to check on them and when you got back you would put your cold toes on me... I hated that you know."
"I didn't know you were awake!" I said, defending myself.
"And that justifies you putting your freezing toes on my legs!" She opened her eyes as wide as she could, sticking her face at me, "And how would I not be awake? You cling onto me as you slept. Suddenly you unstuck yourself and go away, of course I would wake up."
I just rolled my eyes, chewing my pizza in silence. As I sat there, I thought a little bit. Suddenly I said, "You learned to tell when I got out of bed because of my attacks at night, didn't you?"
She shuffled a bit, "It became a habit, that's all." I watched as she ate up until the crust, then she tossed it aside. Reaching over, I took her crust and ate it.
"You still eat like a five year old," I teased.
"It's not my fault the crust is awful," she nagged, "you're just weird."
"Most adults eat the crust!"
"Well most adults are weird then!" She said, making me laugh a little. Again there was a short moment of silence between us. This time she started the conversation, "You know the children's hospital off of Jungle and George street?"
"Yep," I popped the 'p'.
"I applied to work there," she said, acting as if that wasn't a big deal.
"You're going back to being a children's psychologist?" I asked.
"Yeah," she shrugged, "I've found that when I work with adults I become moody and... forgetful." When Antonia was just a children's therapist she came home at appropriate hours, she went to the twins things and was actively part of our family. When we moved back to Southern California and she started working with the company... it all went down hill. She became a workaholic. "I won't be getting the same salary as before, but I will have weekends off and I'll be home by six every weekday," she said, going over to the fridge and trading her root beer for an iced coffee. She took out an apple juice for me; putting my root beer away as well, "So I was thinking... how about we start the week on and week off schedule? The kids would be a week with you and a week with me. Of course during either one of our weeks we can all go out for dinner and meet up to do stuff." She grabbed the yellow straw for me, uncapping the apple juice and pouring it into my favorite cup. She then went over to the end cabinet and pulled out an apple. Cutting it up, I watched as she cut it into the thin slices... how I like it. After all of that, she place my drink and snack in front of me, "Holidays... we can discuss that. Though I personally hate the idea of celebrating them separately, I understand if you want to do that."
I was preoccupied with the drink and snack she made for me. I didn't ask for it... it was just routine for her. For years and years, whenever she went to the fridge, she would bring this back for me. I was usually busy with the kids or doing housework, so she would bring it over and it would be her way of saying 'take a break and come chat with me'.
She noticed me staring, "Oh shit... sorry. You're probably full." She was reaching to grab it, but I snatched her left hand instead. Twisting it a bit, I saw how she still had her wedding ring on.
A silver band... no diamond... no fancy design. That's all she wanted... a silver band. On the inside however, was our anniversary. Staring at it, I saw a little bit of the skin where her ring usual sat on was very white... she never took it off.
"Cassie?" She asked, "What are you doing?"
Looking up at her, I really take in her face. How much older we looked now. Thirty-six... we're thirty-six years old... soon we would be thirty-seven. All our lives it's been each other. Through the thick and thin for sure.
Looking down at her hand, I rub my thumb on her band and say, "Never once did I actually want to divorce you. Every time I had to convince myself to do it... even from the very beginning."
She waited a couple seconds, letting me hold onto her hand, "When did you start thinking about a divorce?"
"When I was hospitalized," I said, sighing a little, "Jennifer put it in my head."
"Jennifer met you when you were in the hospital?"
"Jennifer has spoken to me without you many times," I said, twisting her hand over and staring at her palms, "there were some truth in her words. I did hurt you... I still do."
"I did hurt you and I still do Cassie," she said.
"And I hated myself for it," I said, huffing a little louder, "you were miserable... so we're the kids and I."
"I'd disagree," she said, having me glance up a little, "I wasn't miserable... I was ignorant,exhausted, numb, secretive, and upset... but I wasn't miserable."
"I believe people who are all those things would usually call themselves miserable," I responded, making her laugh.
"Not at all... I would have only been miserable if I was all those things and not in love with you," she said. She curled her fingers and held my hand, interlocking our fingers, "Somewhere along the way, I forgot the basics of psychology. I forgot to communicate with you Cassie. Yes, I wanted to help you and heal you... and I did. When we adopted the twins, you were pretty much self-sufficient. You only needed me emotionally once in awhile. At that moment, I should have begun the process of healing my trauma. I should have opened up, I should have been kinder and much more honest. I failed to do that and that's on me."
"I also wasn't communicating," I said, squeezing her hand a little, "I felt so much guilt and anger at what I done, I decided to punish myself instead of opening up to you. I thought doing everything you asked and being controlled by you would fix the past... but it pushed us deeper and deeper into hell."
"And to think... it took us seven years to figure that out," she joked. Both of us laughed at it, shaking our heads and smiling. Antonia placed her other hand on top of mine, "I know you aren't ready to be committed to me hundred percent again... and honestly, I'm not either. I'm still worried about fucking it up again and getting hurt again... I think we both need a little more time... but this can't be fixed by going months without speaking unless it's about the kids or in therapy... so... this is a little weird since we never actually done this before but... Cassidy Meryl... do you want to have a dinner with me this Sunday?"
Blushing, I turned my face away as Antonia chuckled.
A big smile forced its way onto my lips as I stuttered out, "O-only if you're p-paying."