The Secret The Cheerleader Doesn't... - Chapter 94: Chapter 94

Ani POV
"We'll prescribe a stronger dosage," the doctor said, jotting down her thoughts as Cassie slipped her shirt on.  I went to help her button the top button on the back.  Her hair was thinning, falling out even.  Sonna made her a few headscarfs.  They were beautiful.  Filled with color and soft to touch.  Cassie loved them. "You're forty-four correct?" The doctor asked.
"Yes," Cassie coughed, "I'll be forty-five in five months."
She leaned a little on me, very tired from all the movement. I rubbed her back, feeling all her bones, "Why isn't the shot working?"
"It seems her body just doesn't agree with it," she huffed, "it's rejecting it." Cassie tugged at my pocket, telling me to stop talking. She hated when I got upset at these appointments, but why wouldn't I. I was seeing this disease ruin her everyday. "All physical activity must stop," she said, looking dead at me, "including sexual activity."
"If you think I'm having sex with my wife like this... you obviously don't know what marriage is," I said, telling her to shut up. Cassie again tugged at my pants.
"Rest as much as you can and stick to the medicine," she said this time at Cassie.
"Yes," Cassie nodded, "thank you for your help."
~
I placed a cup of tea beside her painting table and muttered, "You shouldn't be painting."
"It's nice to paint," she said, making slow strokes.
"What's nice and what is needed is two different things," I said.
"Ani," Cassie looked at me... with both of her eyes, "I'm not your patient." When her tuberculosis kicked up last year, she went back to calling me that nickname. It was startling, but now... it reassures me. For every time I hear her say it, I know she's here. "Come sit," she pointed at an open stool.
Neither of us are old. The concept of death should be a far away. Taking the seat beside her, I observed her painting. It was of me. Cassie only painted portraits of me now. I didn't get it... but I didn't care enough to ask why.
For it made her happy and that's all I wanted.
"Ani," she whispered.
"Yes?" I asked.
"I don't want to go until I'm fifty," she said, putting her brush down. Turning to look at me, she smiled, "Any time before that, I won't accept... but fifty... I'm okay with that."
"I'm not," I said, "I'll never be okay with that."
She nodded, "I know, but please... forgive me if I do."
She was looking into my eyes, smiling. I was mad... infuriated at such a request. I wanted to yell at her and tell her to focus on getting better... to listen when I said to rest, to stop going against the doctors wishes... but it was futile. Cassie has lived a long life.
Maybe not numerically, but emotionally and mentally she has. I can see how tired she is... how accepting she is of this fate. She's satisfied with the life she has lived... she's like a ninety year old grandmother... patiently waiting for her time.
"Why fifty?" I asked.
She took a deep breath, "Because I want five more years with you." I narrowed my eyes at her. "Five years of being Cassidy Meryl... being your wife. Five more years that don't have any stress or issues; just two people in love sharing their days together. Five more years where I can embrace you, kiss you, speak to you, eat with you, and look at you. Five more years of me calling out to you, just so I can say your name. Five more years of you being mine and mine alone... I won't be happy with just one or four... I need five," she said, reaching for my hand, but I met her halfway. I took hers, running my thumb over her honey knuckles.
"Okay," I whispered, "I'll make sure your wish comes true."
I left my job and we lived off Cassidy's savings. I'd wake up to smell coffee. Downstairs she would be standing at the pot, watching the brown liquid fall. Two cups were out and breakfast on the table. I walked over to her, kissing her cheek and hugging her from behind, "Good morning."
Placing her hands on top of my arms, she'd mutter back, "Good morning... how did you sleep?"
"Good."
I would read as Cassie painted. She's paint for two hours and then we'd go for a walk around the neighborhood. She'd stop and say hi to the kids and pet a few dogs. She'd pick up trash she saw lying around. Then we'd go home and watch a movie, but she'd slowly drift off. During her nap I'd clean and take a moment alone... to think.
As she made dinner, I set the table. Jaelynn would call at the usual time and tell us about her day. We'd smile and laugh with her. After that we'd eat and talk about whatever it was Cassie thought of. Sometimes it was about the books I have read or her paintings. Other times it was about weather and memories.
As bed time came, she'd take a shower and I would lie on our bed. Closing my eyes, I listened to the drops of water on the ground. The clicking of shampoo bottles being opened and the tap of it being put down. The sliding door and tug of the towel from the rack.
Then I'd open my eyes and turn to observe her. Cassie has always been beautiful in my eyes. I've loved her since I was 12 years old. Cassie has been my love for most of my life and I didn't regret a single moment of our love.
As she came over, wearing one of my shirts, she took a seat on the bed and muttered, "Tonight... I just want to stay awake with you.... Is that okay?"
I smiled, "Of course... I'll stay up with you."