The Secret The Cheerleader Doesn't... - Chapter 97: Chapter 97

Cassie,
It's been five months since you've left.
I've started working again.
Some days, I feel as if you're just out with the twins or visiting old friends. Others, I'm overly aware that you're gone.
To be able to live without you, I boxed up your stuff and put it into the attic. I made sure to wrap it well so nothing is damaged... I don't want you to lecture me about my neglect for your things.
Thank you for the portrait you've left behind of yourself. I have it hanging in my office... I look at it everyday. When no one is in, I'll even talk to it as if it's actually you.
Jaelynn comes over a lot, worried about me, but I told her it was enough. I didn't want to hinder the kids anymore. When I can't sleep cause you aren't there to embrace, I go driving. I drove to our high school the other day and even stopped by the middle school... remembering how we met.
I went to the abandoned building we had dinner at and would hide in... I even went to visit your brother and pay my respects. Elijah has reached out, sending his regards. Julie was heartbroken... your dad even called, but I didn't even give him a minute.
I don't drink coffee anymore and I only eat what I cook now. I keep my hair long and braided back. Sometimes I even play with paint instead of reading.
I've thought about moving... about going to the east coast and working as a professor for psychology... but I'm not ready to leave you yet.
I may never be ready.
Claude is the top of her grade, Bellamy just graduated from preschool, and Iris said 'mama'.  Allie is all grown up - fifteen.  She has a boyfriend named Charlie... sweet boy.
I miss you... and I love you.
I folded up the paper and tossed it into the fireplace.  Watching it burn up, I leaned back and sighed.  The house was too quiet... I hated it.
It was almost right at night, but I grabbed my keys and drove out to the nearest rescue.  Inside I walked the cages, staring at each little animal... until I found a corgi... with a mixture of colors. Crouching down, I let the baby sniff my palm when it gave a cute little bark.
Smiling, I muttered, "Can I take you home, Anica?"
~
Anica was hard to train at first. She was only five months old when I adopted her so she peed all over the place, chewed everything up and whined a lot... but we got along well.
She slept on Cassie's side of the bed, she stood beside me as I cooked, she cuddled with me as I watched movies, and she laid in my lap as I worked. It felt nice. Putting her harness on, I was teaching her how to walk with a leash when Jakob called. "Hey," I said, "what's up?"
"Hey mom, how are you feeling?" He asked.
"I'm fine," I said, "just teaching Anica how to use a leash."
"Anica?"
"My new puppy," I said, petting her soft head.
"Oh... you got a dog. How's that?" He asked, obviously concerned.
"It was shit for a bit, but we get along well," I said, chuckling at how she chased my hand, "I don't feel so alone with her here."
He was quiet for a bit but said, "I'm happy to hear you're feeling better."
I just continued to pet her as he rambled on about his work day and how Vincent was doing. I did listen about Vincent, since he's my grand baby. Anica rolled over on her back to have me pet her belly, so I obliged. Cassie would have loved her.
"He is excited for school though," he said, "very excited actually."
"Really?" I asked, "When does he go to school?"
"End of this month," he said.
Pulling out my phone, I check my calendar, "Okay... I'll fly out there to be there."
"Wait, really?" He sounded excited.
"Of course, you're mother would kill me if I missed one of our grand baby's first day of school!" I said, smiling, "I have to go now, love you."
"Love you mom," he said and I hung up.
I continued to rub her belly as I whispered, "Wanna go see Jakob and his baby boy?"