the summer of 1993 ── dohwa baek - Chapter 6: Chapter 6

Someone once said, may the flowers remind you why the rain was necessary.
A poetic, beautiful quote sewn together with words that veiled the agony disguised behind its meaning. A constellation charted from the infinite sky of vocabulary that deluded one into embracing hope. A white lie, a false faith- similar to one a mother gave her daughter when she couldn't bring herself to reveal the truth.
Y/N had always replayed this sentence whenever she faced difficulties. Whenever a hurdle blocked her path to peace. She would grab the shoulders of her inner child and remind her that her problems were just a storm. A vortex that uprooted her joy temporarily. They were just rain showers, and once they'd be over, a small bud of happiness would germinate.
Then, she'd forget all about the gooey mud that trapped her feet, the grey clouds that hovered above her head, and the veins of lightning that seeped in the dark.
Metaphors made the reality less painful.
Calling felicity flowers, and struggles rain. How convenient. The world didn't sound nearly as harsh when the cruel actualities were blanketed with pretty terms.
However, Y/N was having quite a torturous predicament, and her favourite quote was definitely not helping her.
"Should I just kill myself...?"
"At least we won't have to come to school from tomorrow!" Eunji exclaimed with feigned enthusiasm to cheer her friend up, "We can worry about it when the report card comes."
Y/N had slept through her Maths exam. The whole of it. Meaning she didn't attempt a single question. Meaning there was no chance of her passing. Meaning her mother would grill her like barbeque.
"It's okay. The teacher knows you're a smart kid." Seojun awkwardly patted her back, but the poor girl was far from being consoled.
"I begged her... I even told her that I'd attend cram school... I..." Y/N inhaled, "That nasty-"
"Easy there!" Dokja interrupted, "Don't swear at school unless you want to be suspended. I'm speaking from quite a humbling experience."
"Miss Chae... I'll be out for your blood." Y/N muttered to herself, earning a chuckle from her friends. "It's humiliating! I've never failed, ever!"
Eunji dragged her up with full force, now irritated by her pity party.
"Listen. Miss Chae is more or less your pet-"
"Eunji!"
She ignored Dokja's alarmed disruption, "-and she'll come around once she realises that she needs you for her trivial jobs. You'll most likely get a call by tomorrow asking you to give a re-exam. Now stop moping around and get your ass outside this suffocating hell!"
"The suffocating hell being school?" Seojun asked, genuinely transfixed.
"Yes, Mr. Obvious." Eunji angled her body towards Y/N, smacking her head. "Stand up! It's hot and I'm losing my mind here!"
Dokja sighed. "That mouth of yours really needs a filter..."
"Screw that shit! You-"
"I heard you!" Y/N groaned, springing up with frustration. She wanted to burst into tears, if anything. But she wanted to laugh at herself too.
Who the hell passes out in the middle of an exam?
She did, apparently.
"Home it is. Alright. We're going home. Sweet loving affectionate warm home with sweet loving affectionate warm parents who surely wouldn't kick me out after seeing my grades."
"That's not very optimistic..." Seojun trailed off, the tone of his voice laced with concern. "Um, I'll be here if you need anything."
"Thank you. You truly get me." She looked at him, trying her best to muster up a grateful expression.
Dokja grimaced. "Flirting in fr-"
"Die. I'm leaving."
Y/N bade Seojun farewell, ignoring Dokja's presence altogether who was very offended by her coldness. He placed a hand on his chest dramatically, releasing a surprised gasp when she didn't even so much as spare him a glance.
She had Eunji by her arm, the two of them making their way back. Today was their last exam, and their vacations would bloom into life starting tomorrow. A break which she deserved more than anything.
Y/N would only have her academy lessons in the evening. She'd be free to do whatever she pleased during the day.
...If, of course, she didn't get grounded.
"So... how are things with your idol friend?"
Ah, yes. Dohwa.
"Idol trainee. And he's not a friend."
Eunji bit back a retort. "Yeah, yeah. Anyway, is everything alright between you two? Do not lose touch, I swear. He's going to be famous one day."
"Hmm... yes. We talk. I'd say we're good."
"What is he like?"
Y/N eyed her friend suspiciously. She only ever got this curious when Seojun entered the picture, and that could only mean one thing. Eunji was viewing Dohwa as a potential romantic partner for Y/N.
"He likes someone else." She clarified first and foremost, then proceeded to answer her question. "I don't know him well, but he's funny. Quick-witted and sharp. Kind of an idiot. Lovesick puppy. Going through conundrums and internal strife on a daily basis. Easily gets jealous."
"...Seems like you know him plenty well."
Y/N heaved out a puff of air.
"We're... we're..." She struggled to find the appropriate term that could define their relationship. One of mutual benefit? She couldn't decide.
"You're what?" Eunji arched a brow, perplexed.
That's what I'm wondering. We're what? What are we?
"Can we get this over with a bit quicker?"
On the other end, Dohwa shuffled a little bit.
"Won't that waste your money? Hanging up earlier than the maximum amount of minutes, I mean."
"My, how could I forget the insane amount of affection I hold for my allowance? I guess I'll tolerate you until the call hangs up by itself."
"That's more like it." He said, sounding satisfied with her response.
"Shoot."
"Pew pew."
Y/N snorted. "Shoot your troubles, loverboy."
"No trouble today! I might as well kiss the first person I see."
"Wow. That's a lot of excitement. I pray for whoever has to bear the terrifying fate of being the first person you see, though."
"Hello? People are dying to kiss me. I've got sort of kissable lips."
Y/N scoffed. "Sort of. Convincing enough."
"Convincing enough? Then you should come and meet me right now so I can k-"
"Are you that desperate for physical touch? Tragic. Must be hard being an affectionate boy in this materialistic era."
"How did you even conclude that I'm desperate for physical touch at all?"
"You're desperate enough to get punched by Eunhyeok. That explains your sorry situation."
Dohwa did not find that joke funny.
"Remain silent. Don't make me think of him."
"You know, if I didn't know a girl named Su-ae existed, I'd mistake Eunhyeok to be your crush."
"You're despicable, Y/N."
She cracked a smile. "Okay. I'll be serious- what happened?"
"I didn't feel."
"Huh?"
"I didn't feel." He repeated. "I saw Eunhyeok and Su-ae together at school, just like I always did. Every day, I experienced a little churn in my stomach. It was growing lesser and lesser these days; but it disappeared altogether today."
"Acceptance."
"What do you mean?"
"You've accepted that you're not someone she likes. That's a pretty big leap, Dohwa. Good job."
Silence stretched between the two for a few moments. Y/N almost wondered if she said something wrong, something that opened his old wound.
"You sound so primitive. So... so dinosaur-core."
"...Excuse me?"
"You're probably besties with fossils. Tell Brachiosaurus' remains that I said hi."
"You'll be joining his remains if you do not shut up, you- you... intolerable... ugh."
"Need another insult?" Dohwa asked, and Y/N could hear the grin on his stupid face. "My stack is full, y'know?"
"No."
"Lemon. Brick-head. Accident. Tax benefit."
"The last two can make a grown man cry. Imagine going up to a hater and saying that they are an accident. That they were given birth for tax benefits." She created an entire scenario inside her head, brimming with amusement. "Me personally, I'd cry myself to sleep."
Dohwa laughed. "You definitely have someone in mind right now, don't you?"
"My Maths teacher. God, that little-"
"Woah woah woah, she really pissed you off, huh?"
"I fell asleep during my Maths exam today and I swear I would've aced that shit if it wasn't for the drowsiness! I begged my teacher to retake it, but oh, she needed to abide by her dear norms lest the town will burn her at a stake. Witch. I hope her children forget to take the chicken out of the fridge every night."
A small chuckle echoed, akin to the notes of music. "Point taken. Never get on Y/N's bad side."
"You're not on my good side either. You're like... just a guy."
He gasped. "Just a guy? Me? How dare you."
"Did I offend Prince Dohwa? My sincerest apologies. Whatever shall I do to make up for my sins, your highness?"
"Grandma ass vocabulary..."
"It shows that I'm knowledgeable. Unlike a certain 'Accident' I'm talking to."
"So now you're using my weapons against me? You're evil!"
"Your insults aren't your weapons alone. And if they are, then I'm sorry to say- I like to play dirty." Y/N said, suppressing a grin.
"Hey, wait. You can't hog all of my resources like a cheap villain. Be fair!"
"Fair? What kind of a villain is fair?"
"But... we're partners! We should, uh, split everything equally."
She went quiet, trying to understand what he meant. She wasn't sure if they were still playing along with their little script or not.
"Partners?"
"Duh. Obviously we're partners. I tell you something, you tell me something. We exchange the instances of our day to feel better." Dohwa elaborated.
Y/N beamed, even though she was aware Dohwa couldn't see it. She knew too much about him to refer to him as a stranger, and too little about him to refer to him as a friend. It was like her thoughts were trapped in a crossfire, stuck between the two options. And Dohwa had swept all her confusion away with a lighthearted conversation.
What are we?, she asked herself this afternoon.
They weren't strangers.
They weren't friends.
"Yes. Obviously we're partners!"