This Is Us - Chapter 10: Chapter 10

[Matty POV]
"Ready?"
Thomas asked as I aggressively took a large bite of my buttered toast. It was four in the morning and while our two other pieces slept soundly in bed, Thomas and I were stuck getting ready for a long day of work.
"Hell to the fucking no,"
I muttered and he shrugged his satchel over the shoulder of his work out clothes. I let out a small groan as I took my backpack and did the same. Jaydean would be staying with Luca while Thomas and I went to the city for the day, prepping for our performance at the New Years Rocking Eve this year.
Thomas yawned and put his coffee in a to-go mug before holding his hand out in a fist. I did the same and we bounced our fist up and down three times with Thomas drawing paper and I kept rock. Thomas overpowered my rock with his stupid paper and I groaned even louder.
"Shh you're going to wake them," Thomas warns with a devilish smirk and I roll my eyes. Skipping the coffee and grabbing a water bottle from the fridge, praying I only had to pee once during this two-hour trip. But with triplets on the way, that was nearly impossible.
"No caffeine this morning? Who are you and where is my husband?" Thomas asks as we walk out to the garage. Since I lost rock, paper, scissors, I would be the one to do all the driving on the way into the city while Thomas would get to drive us back.
"I'm not feeling it this morning," I shrugged when really I needed to cut back due to the fact I'm growing not one, not two, but three babies inside me.
The thought still terrifies me and excited me at the same time as I thought of all the savage ways I would tell Luca and Thomas. I wanted to do it in a way that would make them shit their pants when they found out or at least faint.
Cause I sure as hell almost did.
Even though the triplets carry a higher chance of miscarriage, Dr. Yang did a small procedure where she stitched up the area where they could, you know, and told me not to worry about it as much.
But I still stressed about the little guys day in and out for the past 24 hours since I found out. I'm sure Thomas would too and I didn't want to stress him out until at least the second trimester. If I crossed my fingers and sucked it in, maybe I could make it.
***
"FUCK!"
I groaned as I collapsed on the ground panting for air from the intense dance we were perfecting. I felt like I was going to faint and vomit at the same time while also dripping with sweat alongside the other guys.
"Ew, No thanks," My sister replies, gently kicking my side with her foot and I would have forced her to join me on the floor if I had the strength. Thomas kicks off his shirt and takes a large gulp of water while Milo grabs his backpack.
"See you guys next week," Milo pants as he grabs his notes off the table of the dance studio after our dance coach dismissed us.
"What if I just don't show up?" I asked and Milo laughed out loud.
"Then I guess practice will be at your house," He snaps and I narrow my eyes at him.
"I don't like your threats Milo," I point to him but he ignores me. Walking out the door and a few minutes later my sister runs after him.
"You okay Kitten?" Thomas asks as he crouches down beside me and I let out a long sigh.
"Yeah, just tired still. Probably just jetlag or something," I groan, rubbing my eyes and feeling a towel swipe across my forehead. I couldn't help but giggle as he wiped the sweat off my brow with the fuzzy towel and finally uncovered my eyes so I could see his smiling face.
"I'm so happy that your back Matty," He says and leans over me on his knees, kissing me gently and as he does I explore his shirtless chest with my hands, far too involved with this man to give a shit about his sweat when I'm carrying his little alien looking babies.
"I missed you," I moaned between our soft kiss and he kisses the tip of my nose before pulling back again.
"I love you," he sighs into my lips, pecking them once more and I sit up, getting to my feet and gulping down a half a water bottle. Just as I do, the music playing from the speaker shifts from hardcore rap to one of my more heartfelt, meaningful songs that I remember growing up listening to.
/youtu.be/s2mVpfEviJo
"What is this?" Thomas asked in a joking manner and stretched against one of the bars leaning against the wall, cracking my sore back as I did so.
"This?" I stood up straight, tilting my head to look at the speaker as if the song could come alive and speak for itself.
"This is my parent's love song," I told him, turning around to find Thomas staring at me in that cute way he always does when he's completely enamored by just watching the way I hold myself.
But the sun was setting over the LA skyline and an orange glow flooded the dim practice room as the two of us made eye contact. Somehow, after five years together, he's the only man who manages to take my breath away.
He holds out his hands to me as the extended piano plays and my sore thighs find the will to move once more, letting me take the steps needed to accept his curious offer.
"It's in Korean so I can't understand it," He says as he pulls me close with our fingers intertwined, his hand on my waist, and my hand on his shoulder.
"I think it's about a man who falls in love for the first time and he's so deeply in love that he's scared it's all a dream and his lover will fly away like a butterfly in the breeze,"  I explain as we slowly rock back and forth in a small circle with the song filling the room.
"That's relatable on way too many personal levels," Thomas grunts but I tilted my head in confusion.
"Why?" I asked and he looked down, making complete eye contact as his hand slid around to my lower back so he could pull me closer.
"Because you're the first person I've ever loved," He confesses and I nearly tripped on his feet.
"And I trust you but I'm still so scared Matty. I'm scared one day you'll walk away and I'll never see you again," He adds and the stupid hormones get flared up as my eyes start to burn.
"I would never leave you," My soft-spoken voice almost gets lost as the song reaches its full potential and Thomas kisses my forehead.
"You're still my butterfly. Sometimes you're so beautiful that it scares me...like right now." My heart skips a beat and he gives my hand a gentle squeeze.
"I still can't believe you're really mine," He leans down and lays the softest kiss against my stunned lips, forcing me to close my eyes and enjoy its beautiful simplicity.
"Thomas," I whisper his name into his mouth and he stops, taking me in through hooded eyelids as I speak.
"I'm pregnant," It comes out and his face softens. I decided in an instant I would just tell him I'm pregnant but I wouldn't tell him how many I was really hiding.
I expected a mildly surprised or even an annoyed response to my announcement, all things considered.
But what I didn't expect was the concern, the fear, and the happiness that mirrored my own feelings reflected on his face. Seeing him feel this way pushed the burn to its tipping point and the tears leaked from my eyes.
"And I'm so scared Thomas. I'm scared because I love them so much," I confess and his lower lip quivers. The song stops playing and it's just the two of us in silence because it was the very last song on the playlist.
"I just want one to live, I just want one more little one to call ours but it feels like that's never going to happen," I finally let go and slump against him, my body shaking violently as I cried into his bare shoulder like the weak pathetic husband I am. But I feel him shaking too, his tears seeping into my shoulder as we embraced.
"We can't lose hope," He stuttered into my ear and kissed my cheek as he tried to comfort both of us at the same time.
"But TJ was so little and he was so beautiful, he didn't deserve to die. Your son should be here with us but I failed," I cried and Thomas' hands balled up as he squeezed me so tight that it was getting harder to breathe.
"Don't you ever say that again Matthias. It wasn't your fault. There's nothing we could have done," Thomas reassures me and as much as I wanted to believe it, I knew it wasn't true.
"I was his mom, I was supposed to protect him and love him," I stuttered through my sniffling tears as I shared my pain with him for the first time.
"You're still his mom and we'll always love him. He was loved from the second he was conceived to the second he stopped breathing in our arms," Thomas adds and I knew he was right.
We stopped talking altogether, holding each other as the sun went down and the room grew dark, our tears drying up with the sun.