This Is Us - Chapter 13: Chapter 13

"Ready? One...two...three! Flip!"
I hold Jayde's little hands in mine as we take the spatula and toss the apple cinnamon pancake in the air, catching it with the pan with a loud sizzle.
"We did it, papa! When can we flip it again?" She asked and I gently ruffled her hair, letting her stay on the stool and watch the pancakes cook on the griddle while I cut some fresh fruit to go with it.
"In a few minutes, we have to wait until the bottom gets nice and brown first," I warn her and she nods in understanding.
"Okay papa, I will be very patient," She purred and the sound of claws scratching the floor let me know Houston was up and coming around the corner. The gentle giant sits at the bottom of Jaydean's stepping stool, resting his head on the tops of her feet to protect her if need be.
I mixed the fruit together and wiped my hands on a napkin before bending down and petting him, he doesn't move a muscle as I do so, and it's relaxing to feel his soft fur against my fingertips.
After washing my hands, I took the bacon out of the oven, knowing the smell alone would soon rouse Thomas and Matthias from their slumber and I was right.
"Hey! What are you guys doing up so early?" Matthias yawned from the top of the balcony and Thomas made his way down the stairs. I looked up to find him watching over me with a gentle smile and his bed head gone wild as he starts walking towards us.
"Jaydean was hungry so I thought I would get an early start to the day," I told him and felt Thomas' presence as he wrapped one arm around my waist and kissed my cheek.
"Good morning love," I told him and he chuckled into my shoulder.
"Mmm good morning," He groaned before letting go of me.
"Luca? What happened to you?" Mattias quickly took my wrists and yanked me away from Thomas, grabbing my face and looking at my forehead.
"Oh that? Nothing, I just slipped and hit the bathtub this morning," I told him the truth and Jaydean looked over from the griddle.
"And I made him feel all better with my band-aids mommy!" Jaydean said but Matthias wasn't buying it.
"You did!" Thomas cheered her on as he said good morning to our daughter by scooping her up in his strong arms.
"I'll go get the first aid kit," Matthias mutters and turns around to go back up the stairs.
"You don't have to, I'm fine. Really," I tried to stop him but he ignored my pleas. I shake my head, turning back to flip the pancakes as Jayde asks the google home to play music. She wanted to before but I told her no because everyone was asleep.
"Tell me what's been happening, what's been on your mind. Lately, you've been searching for a darker place to hide and that's alright. But if you carry on alone you'll be robbed from us, I refuse to lose another person tied to us. Just come home. Don't let go,"
Matthias and Milo's voice fills the kitchen as NTB's song Halo; which was number two on the charts, plays first and Thomas nearly chokes on a grape.
"Hey Google, please skip this song," He asks and Jaydean whines.
"Why?! I like that song! ooh," she stops when she hears Shawn Mendez. She starts singing along and I stop stirring the scrambled eggs to listen to the familiar words.
"Help me. It feels like the walls are caving in. Sometimes I feel like giving up but I just can't. It isn't in my blood. Laying on the bathroom floor, feeling nothing. I'm overwhelmed and insecure, give me something...I could take to ease my mind...slowly,"
Jaydean was singing the words with such passion but had no idea as to what they meant while I felt like I had just been soccer punched in the gut.
"Luca? Are you okay?" Thomas' voice breaks through to me and I put my best smile on before looking at him.
"Yeah, why?" I ask, scratching my itchy nose and he shrugs.
"Nothing, I just feel like I lost you for a second," He says and I go back to what I was doing.
"Luca! Why don't you just come up here instead?" Matthias calls out from the balcony and I hand Thomas the spatula.
"Don't burn anything," I warn as he takes it from me.
"I'll try not to," He salutes and I jog up the stairs as Matthias leans out the door, scratching his stomach for some reason. The way he was looking at me had my nerves shot and I felt like a child being scolded.
He closed the door behind me nudged me to sit on the edge of the tub as he opened up the massive first aid kit we kept in the closet because all of us are naturally clumsy.
"I found this," Matthias says with this back to me and raises the sharp object from earlier.
"It was under the sink," He says and tosses it in the trash, taking a small cloth and wetting it as he turned to me. I expected to find some kind of anger because what if Jaydean had found it? She could have hurt herself and it would have been my fault because I was a terrible father.
"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. But I need to know...I need to know if you'll hurt someone else," he sighs and rips the band aids from my forehead causing me to wince.
"No, I would never," I told him honestly and he patted the crusty blood away with the lukewarm towel, taking care not to press too hard.
"Okay," He mumbled and washed the rest of my forehead, before stepping back and holding his hand out. I give him my wrist and he bites his lip as he slides up the sleeve.
"It's complicated," I said and he nodded, taking off those temporary bandages to wipe the blood from the deep cut.
"I can imagine, you were tossing and turning a lot last night. Thomas and I were worried about you," He confesses, dabbing the cloth and pulling back to get some alcohol swabs.
"Tell me what happened in the simplest terms possible. Don't worry, it will stay between the two of us. You can trust me." He says with a small smile and my eyes get watery when he cleans the wounds.
"Sorry," he mouths and I nod.
"Mmm, I had a nightmare and got sick so I came in here. I tried to stand up but I was too weak and hit the tub then...I couldn't get the nightmare out so...yeah," I nodded to the cut on my wrist and he sighed.
"Are you taking your meds?" He asked and I nodded again.
"Hmm." He hummed as he applied a butterfly bandage to my forehead to keep the wound closed then took a piece of gauze and placed it against my wrist, wrapping it up with bandages and tape.
When he finished with my wrist, he doesn't let it go. Instead, he raises my knuckles to his lips and gently kissed them.
"I'm sorry you have to go through this every day and I wish there was something I could do to ease your pain. I can't possibly imagine the hell you're living in but..." He stopped speaking and hovered over me, pushing my hair back into place over my forehead wound.
"I can't do this without you, Luca. Jaydean needs you and so does Thomas," He says with a small smile, gently caressing my cheek with the back of his hand.
"And I love you far too much to lose you now. So stay...okay? Promise me," He asks. It had been a while since I had seen Matty this soft but I'll take it. I place my hand over his and close my eyes, absorbing the warmth against my cheek
"I promise," I confirm and feel his soft lips press against mine. I don't push him away and this time I had nothing to hide.
"Good and don't scare me like that again, asshole," he muttered in between our kiss and I couldn't help but laugh.
"Hey, at least I had our little princess to patch me up, where were you this morning? Huh, 'mama bear'? I'm going to revoke your title," I said sarcastically and he shoved my head back.
"I'm sorry, I didn't know we needed to have a baby monitor in the bathroom in case you trip on your own feet," he says as he smacks my side with the plastic first aid kit and I yelp.
"Now are you going to be a pain in the ass or are we going to go eat cause I'm hungry," he says and I roll my eyes.
"You're always hungry," I point out and he yawns.
"Yeah, and if I stay in here with you any longer, I might turn into a cannibal. Let's go," he opens the door and I smirk.
"Maybe I wouldn't mind," I wink only to get a snort in response.
"I'm sure you'll be saying that when I take out a nice chunk of your pretty little arms because they remind me of a drumstick," he sings as he walks away and I get self-conscious about my arms for a moment, feeling the bicep muscle.
"Hey! Wait! What do you mean by a drumstick?!"