This Is Us - Chapter 19: Chapter 19

MATTY POV
"What did you say happened to you?"
Dr. Yang asked as she ran the gell over my small belly. I cleared my throat and laid back, staring up at the ceiling while trying to ignore the fact I really had to pee.
"I was kicked in the face by one of my horses on the farm. A couple of wolves got onto the farm last night and scared them. If you think I'm bad, you should see my husband," I chuckled but she didn't crack a smile as she scanned my stomach.
I also stopped smiling, my entire body tensing as I prepared for what I knew was going to happen all along.
The babies were dead.
Of course, they were.
Dr. Yang pauses and checks her chart before going back to the screen, then checks the chart again.
I could already feel the tears burning up in the corners of my eyes and sighed.
"They're gone...aren't they?" I asked and she quickly looked back up at me.
"Oh no, I'm sorry Matthias, here I forgot to turn on the television so you could see,"
She turned on the TV in front of me, she also turned up the sound on the ultrasound so I could hear their little heartbeats and I let out the longest sigh of relief when I saw my babies were still there.
"I was just checking your chart because it seems like I miscalculated. You're actually having quadruplets," She says and my heat faulters in a completely different kind of way.
"What?" I choked and she chuckled a bit.
"Look, I'll show you from right to left, here's baby A," She showed me A who looked like they were sharing a bubble with someone else.
"Over here is baby B and it looks like A and B are identical while C is over here," She goes down to a separate bubble where another little baby was kicking away and I could feel the familiar butterflies in my stomach as they did so.
"And this is baby D, he was hiding in this little corner over here," She points out and a fourth baby comes to light. This one was smaller than the rest but I loved it just the same.
Wait.
"Did you say him?" I asked her and she opened her mouth.
"Oh, sorry did you not want to know? You never specified," She quickly apologized but I wave it off.
"No please tell me!" I beg and she bites her lip.
"Are you sure you want to do this without your husband present?" She asks and I nod.
"Yeah, he doesn't even know there's more than one. I'm waiting for Christmas to tell him," I confessed and she smiled.
"Aww isn't that sweet," She said and swiped through again, giving me the rest of the babies genders and writing them down for me.
"Can you also do me a favor and give me a sonogram of just one of them, I mean I want all of them but can you make one of them look like it's just one baby?" I ask and she follows through with my requests.
"Matthias, you need to follow my guidelines though. No strenuous activities got it? Otherwise, I'm going to have to put you on bedrest," She warns and I give her a thumbs up.
"Of course Dr. Yang. I just have once concert on New Years but that's nothing. After that, it's smooth sailing," I told her and she shook her head.
"No heavy lifting, no heavy exercise, if you fall you need to come in asap, if you feel something wrong you need to come in asap, got it," She says without a hint of a smile and I gulp.
"I'm sorry if I seem rude but I've seen what you've been through these past few years and I really want to do everything in my power to get these little guys here," She says and I nod.
"Thank you, Dr. Yang,"
I sat in the front seat of my car with all of the sonograms spread out on my lap and my head pressed against the steering wheel. Each baby had a normal heartbeat and all except little D was growing at the same size. Baby D was a little bit smaller but Dr. Yang reassured me that was normal with multiples.
A little droplet fell onto Baby D's sonogram and I quickly wiped it away, already naming the little underdog Mika after my Appa since he's a beautiful little surprise and the meaning of Mika is a gift from God.
I sniffled as I pushed all the pictures together and rubbed my left eye.
With both arms wrapped around my stomach, I cried.
They were healthy, all four of them.
And they were going to be beautiful.
The first pangs of hope open up my heart as I imagined what it would be like when they were here.
TJ was a beautiful little baby, with natural lightly tanned skin that reminded me of my dad, dark black curls atop his little head just like Thomas', and his little eyes were the lightest shade of blue you could possibly imagine.
He was absolutely beautiful.
The most beautiful little baby you could ever cup in your hands and hold to your heart in hopes it was a dream. He was so beautiful I wanted to believe it was a dream. One of those scary ones that happen sometimes when you're pregnant.
But I knew the next morning when he was no longer kicking inside me that he was gone.
He was really gone.
Now the kicking has started again and there's new life to look forward too, but I would never forget the loss of my little baby boy. The death held me back and if I didn't let go it would only hurt TJ's little siblings instead.
The tears fell to my lap and I honestly couldn't tell you if they were happy or sad, all I knew was it was cathartic and the release of everything I had been holding back while I was trying so hard to put on this strong, uncaring, charismatic front for the world to judge.
All I want to do is curl up in bed and lie still in hopes they make it to that golden 36-week mark.
I wouldn't be able to fully rest until I knew all four of them were alive and safe in my arms.
"Your daddies are going to bust a tit when they find out about you guys," I giggled as I rubbed my sore stomach which had already started stretching.
My phone buzzed and I wiped my nose with my sleeve as I took it out of my pocket. Swiping my password and seeing Thomas' Message.
'Guys finished the door, taking Luca to the hospital now. How are my babies doing?' he asked and I couldn't help but smile. I knew by babies, he meant me and the little one so I chuckled a bit and text him back.