This Is Us - Chapter 21: Chapter 21

LUCA POV
"I still see your shadows in my room, can't take back the love that I gave to you,"
I sang quietly along to Lucid Dreams as I tapped my finger against the glass as I stared out the window.
"It's to the point where I love and I hate you and I can not change you so I must replace you,"
We drove about a half hour out from the town where our farmhouse was located and as much as I begged and pleaded for Thomas to tell me what was going on he refused.
"Are you taking me to a mental hospital?" I asked as he turned into a narrow private road and he shook his head.
"No, you're not broken," Thomas replies without missing a beat.
"I feel broken," I muttered under my breath, in hopes he wouldn't hear and I don't think he does because he says nothing.
"How's your leg feel?" He asked and I looked down at the hard black cast.
"Itchy and it keeps throbbing. Honestly, Thomas, I'm so tired. I just want to go home, it's nice that you want to surprise me and all but I don't...feel..."
My words are cut off when I look up and see the massive farm we were pulling up to but that wasn't what took my breath away.
It was the herd of dogs we were approaching.
Thomas pulled into a parking space and I got out of the car with a loud crunch as my foot brushed on the gravel. I grabbed my crutches from the backseat, not taking my eyes off the beautiful fluffy animals for a second. I just wanted to run up to them and give them all massive amounts of pets because they were so freaking cute.
"Oh my god, is this some kind of doggie paradise?" I asked Thomas as I crunched over to the fence and all the dogs of all different breeds sat, watching me without barking as they wagged their long luscious tails and panted in the sun.
"Not exactly but you're starting to the get the idea," He says as I reached my hand through and started petting some of them. Each one was wearing a strange different colored vest around their midsections as they accepted my pets and even licked me.
"You're too cute, come on hon we have an appointment," Thomas coaxes me back and I look up, having to catch my breath when my handsome boyfriend stands above me, his hands tucked in his pockets and his thin sweatshirt pulled tight to the muscles of his broad body. But his bright smile brought me back up to his face and I drank in its contagious happiness.
"An appointment for what? We don't have Houston with us," I mention, assuming this must be a veterinarian's office of some kind.
"Nope, you're getting matched today," Thomas says and I dust myself off, crutching next to him as we walked up to the sliding glass doors.
"Matched? What do you mean?" I asked out of curiosity and he smiled.
"You're getting matched with a service dog," He says and walks up to the front desk where a woman stood with a tablet and a bright cherry red smile.
"Hello there! Welcome to Merry Medows K9 training facility, what's your name?" The woman asks and Thomas meets her before me.
"Hi, I'm Thomas Jackson and this is Luca. I believe my husband called you earlier to move up our appointment," He says, which means this was something he had been planning with Matthias for a while now.
So they knew I was going to snap.
"Why yes! I spoke to Matthias earlier! I'm Clem and I was actually the personal trainer for the dogs we're showing you today," She smiles and walks up to me.
"Hello Luca, it's nice to see the owner in person. I have a feeling you're going to take great care of my pups," She smiled and I awkwardly smiled back, unsure of myself.
"I hope so," I said and she typed something on her tablet before walking in the direction of another open door.
"Please follow me, let's meet the dogs first and then we can discuss the paperwork and so on," She says as we walk down a hall containing rows of large kennels with a single dog in each one.
We stopped in front of a cage with an older beagle who perked up a bit when he saw me.
"This is Marty, he's one of the smartest canine's I've ever trained and hypersensitive to emotions," she says and Thomas scratches his chin.
"He's cute but he's tiny, I don't think he'll do so well in terms of protection," Thomas mentions and she nods.
"Of course, I have one more dog in mind who has also received the same training. This is Sam," She points to a Great Pyranese who doesn't even turn around.
"Sam's got a great history with all his trainers and..."
The woman continues talking but a single bark grabs my attention and I turn to see a beautiful golden retriever staring back at me with his head tilted. He barks again and sticks his nose through the kennel bars as if he's looking for me. Once I lock eyes with his sweet brown ones he goes into a long trail of whimpers that disturbs all the other dogs.
"I'm sorry, that's...oh that's Cooper. How strange is that? I've never seen him so alert," She says and I turned on my crutches, going across the way to him.
"Cooper?" I call his name and his entire body wiggles with a strange joy as he nudges my knee with his nose.
"Is he available?" Thomas asked and I pet the top of his soft head.
"Not yet, we actually had to hold him back in his training because he wasn't really taking interest in humans. We were thinking of taking him out of the program but I've never seen him act like this with another person," She says but I couldn't take my eyes off Cooper and he couldn't take his eyes off me.
"Let's do a walkthrough shall we," Clem suggests and grabs a leash and vest, walking into the kennel, Cooper stays completely still as she fixes his service dog vest and attaches his leash. She extends the leash to me and Cooper quickly walks out of the kennel with a goofy grin, running his nose along my leg before standing at attention.
We moved to a smaller room, where Cooper ignored both Clem and Thomas, finding himself perfectly comfortable with his head right on my lap, refusing to move when Clem commanded him otherwise.
"As you can see, he still had some training to go but this is Cooper. He's a PTSD service dog who's been trained to help you when you have attacks. He can prevent self-harm, protect you when you black out, wake you from nightmares and significantly improves depression," Clem reads the facts and although I didn't like the thought of needing to rely on someone else for help, I was willing to try anything at this point.
"But since you moved this appointment upon a special emergency basis, I feel it's only right for us to do a home study. Cooper will stay with you for a month and then you can come back here and let us know if he improved. If he did I'm sure you two are a bonded pair, if not we can start the process over again until you find a dog that suits your service needs," She explains.
After signing multiple packets of waivers and paperwork, Cooper was finally cleared to come home. He didn't need to be tugged like Houston in order to follow me. He was practically attached to my hip, ignoring everyone except me as we walked out of the office and back to the car.
"So how did this happen?" I asked and Thomas ruffled Cooper's head as the eight-month-old golden retriever joined me in the front seat, refusing to part even a few inches from me while he wore his service vest.
"Well for the past year Matty and I have been looking for alternative treatments when we came across these service dogs that had been trained to help with those who suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder like wounded vets. The process usually takes years but sometimes, money speaks louder than words. Let's just say NTB made a rather large donation and we called in a small favor in return which was putting you at the top of the list," Thomas says as he starts driving back towards the house while Cooper cuddled on my lap.
"I hated pulling a flex move like that, but I hated seeing you in so much pain and suffering more. If Cooper can help you get through just one anxiety attack, it will all be worth it," He said and Cooper started to lick the base of my chin as if he sensed the tears that were building up in my eyes.
"I didn't even know you guys were trying to orchestrate this, thank you so much," I sighed and Thomas looked over.
"Don't thank us yet angel, let's see how this works first,"
***
"Papa! Who's this!"
Jaydean screamed at the top of her lungs as she ran towards us as soon as she laid eyes on the latest member of our family. Cooper stayed stone cold as he sat at my feet.
"This is Cooper, Papa's been very sad and Coop is here to help him feel better," Thomas explains in a way that our five years old would understand, he pulls her arms away from him and she pouts.
"But why doesn't he love me?" She asks and he shakes his head.
"I'm sure he will love you but he's working right now. You know how Papa, Mommy, and I have jobs? Well, Cooper has a job too, whenever he's wearing that vest he knows he can't play with you. He has to watch over Papa," Thomas explains and I bend down, taking the vest off Cooper and he instantly bolts towards Jayde, licking her little face all over.
Houston comes up and starts to growl but one snap from Thomas and he's forced to comply. Sniffing Cooper, who gives him a large lick, as he determines whether or not our new dog is a threat.
"See, he loves you too," I tell Jayde and she pets Cooper before she's called back.
"Jaydean! Did you finish your homework?" Matthias calls out and Jayde hunches as she walks back into the dining room with Houston following after her.
Even though Cooper was thrilled without the vest, he continued to stay by my side as I crutched into the dining room where Matthias was on his laptop with a few sheets of paper spread out beside him. Matthias peeks up over his glasses and laughs when he sees the state I'm in, his right eye was now swollen shut and had turned a bright shade of red.
"Hey handicap, how's life like without a leg?" He asks and I fake laugh.
"Haha it's fucking fantastic, thanks for stepping on me," I point out and he rolls his right eyes.
"If you think missing one leg is bad, try both," Thomas says and kisses my cheek as he passes by me to go to Matthias.
"What have we told you about your amputee jokes? I want to laugh but I can't and that's not fair," Matthias whines as Thomas kisses him above and hugs his shoulders.
"I mean, there are worse jokes I could say but I'm waiting for the ten-year mark," He laughs and looks at me especially.
"I am not looking forward to that," I say as I sit down at the other side of the table and watch Matthias squeeze Thomas' shoulder. Staring at his swollen right eye, something bothered me.
He told me it was just an accident, that I thought he was someone else.
But I'm left-handed, so since the bruise is on his right eye...I hit him.
I literally punched my pregnant boyfriend in the face...
because I thought he was-
A loud bark breaks my thoughts and Cooper was whimpering as he now had both paws my lap nudging his head against my chest. I chuckled a little as I held my service dog's head and pet him but he continued whimpering until my heart stopped racing.
"Did you just have an episode?"
Matthias asked and I looked up to catch both my boyfriends staring at me with a strange identical look in their eyes that I couldn't quite describe. I looked over to make sure Jaydean was still doing her homework, oblivious to it all as she colored a picture of a Christmas tree with a large light green crayon.
I nervously scratched at a small notch in the natural wooden table and nodded. Cooper keeping an eye on me as he now sat by my side with his head in my lap. A small gasp catches my attention and I look up again to see Thomas' had his mouth open while Matthias sat with an arm crossed around his chest while his hand covered his mouth.
"I never would have known,"
Thomas says and I scratched the back of my head.
"I've gotten very good at hiding it,"
I shrugged but the two were almost astonished if that could even be used as a word to describe the emotions they were feeling.
"All this time, when I thought you were okay. When I thought you knew you were safe and loved, You could have been trapped in another episode and I never would have known," Matthias says with the guilt weighing heavily through his voice.
"Don't worry about it guys. It's not like you could do anything anyway," I tried to explain but I knew they still felt guilty in some way.
"Did it help? Having Cooper?" Thomas asked and I smiled as I looked down at the gentle pup.
"He pulled me out of it before I went too far,"