This Is Us - Chapter 37: Chapter 37
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KAILANI POV
My hand traced the engraved notches in the wooden door as I paused in front of his room. Laying my palm flat against the solid wood as I let out a long sigh of nervous release.
"Milo?"
I called out his name and once I went a few seconds without a response, I started to knock.
"Milo? It's Kai..."
I called out and as soon as I did I felt very stupid for introducing myself to the man I spent six years with. Of course, he knew it was me...
Right?
Annoyed by his lack of response, I opened the door to his section of the massive penthouse in downtown LA, which we used as a secure place of residence and as a headquarters for NTB.
The small studio style apartment was surprisingly pristine, but even though it was clean it still smelled like him. I could hear the shower running from the bathroom and decided to close the door behind me. Somehow the familiarity was gone and I felt awkward since I hadn't stepped foot in here for four months.
I put my purse down on the chair next to his small kitchen island, looking over at the small plate containing a grilled cheese with only a single bite taken out of it next to a glass of water that was only half full.
The sight of his Christmas dinner alone was enough to put me in a small depression and I put down his container of food and stalking that Appa had filled for him with Korean candy and small presents.
I looked around the room to see if I could find anything else festive. His bed was made but it looked like it hadn't been touched in ages. A tiny Christmas tree in the corner stood on his TV stand and had a single present under it. Walking over, I bent over and peeked at the small present to find a small box.
Curiosity getting the best of me, I pulled it out and slowly opened it. Quickly wishing I hadn't the moment I laid eyes on the sparkling diamond engagement ring.
"Jesus fucking Christ Kai, you nearly scared the shit out of me,"
I turned around as Milo walked out of the bathroom, dripping wet with just a towel wrapped around his waist. He ran his fingers through his shaggy hair and his gaze shifted to the box rested in the palm of my hand.
"Milo, I-"
He slowly walked toward me, taking the ring out of my hand and looking at it.
"You want it? As just like a plaything or a piece of decorative jewelry? I'd hate to see it go to waste," He said and tossed it back to me like it was nothing, while I caught it in my hands like it was everything.
"Milo, I'm so sorry...I didn't know," I tried to apologize for something. His pain? His suffering? My selfishness? Everything?
"Don't worry about it, it never happened and never will. Why bother thinking about it?" He said, reaching into his drawer and taking out a t-shirt and a pair of shorts.
"So what are you doing here? I'm pretty sure your new boyfriend wouldn't want you hanging around silly old me on Christmas Eve," He says, slipping on his clothes while I stare at the beautiful diamond, the guilt flooding my eyes with tears.
"There is no one else Milo. I don't know why the press is spewing such bullshit but I'm still single," I told him straight up, my voice slightly wavering from the tears.
"You don't have to lie to me Kai, I don't care as long as your happy and he treats you right. That's all that matters to me," He sighs, sitting on the edge of his bed with a small bounce. The dark circles under his eyes ruining the brilliant smile that he was trying to pull off as happiness.
"I brought you food from the Christmas party, but I saw you barely ate anything," I mention and he toys with his fingers, refusing to make eye contact.
"Yeah, I haven't really been hungry these past few days. Probably just stress and...stuff," He pauses and I stood in front of him. Crouching down in my short sparkly dress and peering into his eyes.
"God, you're so beautiful," He whispers and wipes the loose tears from his eyes with a small gulp.
"Thanks for showing up and thanks for the food, but I think it would be best for you to leave," He says. Clearing his throat and looking away from me as I gently wiped my own tears with the tip of my fingers before reaching out, taking his hands in mine.
"Milo...baby...I'm not going anywhere," I told him, bringing his knuckled up to my lips and giving them a soft kiss.
"No, you're only saying that because you saw the ring," He accused as he pulled his hands back and as I stood up again, so did he.
"The ring is nothing but a diamond without a promise. It never swayed me. Come on Milo, when have you ever known me to be materialistic?" I asked him and he turned away from me, nervously swiping his messy hair to the side as he did so.
He faced the wall with his broad shoulders turned to me as he refused to face me.
"You told me you deserved better," He said, crossing his arms as he held himself up without me.
"That was until I realized the best thing I ever had was the love I shared with you," I told him, stepping closer and resting the palm of my hand on his back.
"Milo, we transitioned together, we spent six years together, we got comfortable with each other. We talked about having a family together and I got scared," I confessed and my emotions zapped me of my energy. I just ended up resting on the end of his bed with a loud oof.
"I thought of our future and I saw what you wanted...I saw something I couldn't naturally give you and I panicked." I told him honestly, kicking off the uncomfortable high heels and letting them fall to the floor.
"I see my brother's about to have a fucking army and I can't even give you one child to call your own," Now it was my turn to sigh and he finally calmed down and joined me on the end of the bed. Both of us quiet as we stared at the semi-lit Christmas tree for a few moments.
"Why didn't you just say that?" Milo asked and I groaned, holding my pounding head in my hands.
"Cause I'm not the best when it comes to feelings and emotions, you know this," I pointed out but he shook his head.
"It doesn't matter, you should have at least tried," he said, both of us staring at the gorgeous ring he had picked out.
It was probably nothing but a reminder of his shattered dreams.
"One more night?" I asked him and he raised his left brow.
"One more night for what?" He asked and I turned around, running my hands against his wet cheeks.
"One more night where I'll be yours,"
My hand traced the engraved notches in the wooden door as I paused in front of his room. Laying my palm flat against the solid wood as I let out a long sigh of nervous release.
"Milo?"
I called out his name and once I went a few seconds without a response, I started to knock.
"Milo? It's Kai..."
I called out and as soon as I did I felt very stupid for introducing myself to the man I spent six years with. Of course, he knew it was me...
Right?
Annoyed by his lack of response, I opened the door to his section of the massive penthouse in downtown LA, which we used as a secure place of residence and as a headquarters for NTB.
The small studio style apartment was surprisingly pristine, but even though it was clean it still smelled like him. I could hear the shower running from the bathroom and decided to close the door behind me. Somehow the familiarity was gone and I felt awkward since I hadn't stepped foot in here for four months.
I put my purse down on the chair next to his small kitchen island, looking over at the small plate containing a grilled cheese with only a single bite taken out of it next to a glass of water that was only half full.
The sight of his Christmas dinner alone was enough to put me in a small depression and I put down his container of food and stalking that Appa had filled for him with Korean candy and small presents.
I looked around the room to see if I could find anything else festive. His bed was made but it looked like it hadn't been touched in ages. A tiny Christmas tree in the corner stood on his TV stand and had a single present under it. Walking over, I bent over and peeked at the small present to find a small box.
Curiosity getting the best of me, I pulled it out and slowly opened it. Quickly wishing I hadn't the moment I laid eyes on the sparkling diamond engagement ring.
"Jesus fucking Christ Kai, you nearly scared the shit out of me,"
I turned around as Milo walked out of the bathroom, dripping wet with just a towel wrapped around his waist. He ran his fingers through his shaggy hair and his gaze shifted to the box rested in the palm of my hand.
"Milo, I-"
He slowly walked toward me, taking the ring out of my hand and looking at it.
"You want it? As just like a plaything or a piece of decorative jewelry? I'd hate to see it go to waste," He said and tossed it back to me like it was nothing, while I caught it in my hands like it was everything.
"Milo, I'm so sorry...I didn't know," I tried to apologize for something. His pain? His suffering? My selfishness? Everything?
"Don't worry about it, it never happened and never will. Why bother thinking about it?" He said, reaching into his drawer and taking out a t-shirt and a pair of shorts.
"So what are you doing here? I'm pretty sure your new boyfriend wouldn't want you hanging around silly old me on Christmas Eve," He says, slipping on his clothes while I stare at the beautiful diamond, the guilt flooding my eyes with tears.
"There is no one else Milo. I don't know why the press is spewing such bullshit but I'm still single," I told him straight up, my voice slightly wavering from the tears.
"You don't have to lie to me Kai, I don't care as long as your happy and he treats you right. That's all that matters to me," He sighs, sitting on the edge of his bed with a small bounce. The dark circles under his eyes ruining the brilliant smile that he was trying to pull off as happiness.
"I brought you food from the Christmas party, but I saw you barely ate anything," I mention and he toys with his fingers, refusing to make eye contact.
"Yeah, I haven't really been hungry these past few days. Probably just stress and...stuff," He pauses and I stood in front of him. Crouching down in my short sparkly dress and peering into his eyes.
"God, you're so beautiful," He whispers and wipes the loose tears from his eyes with a small gulp.
"Thanks for showing up and thanks for the food, but I think it would be best for you to leave," He says. Clearing his throat and looking away from me as I gently wiped my own tears with the tip of my fingers before reaching out, taking his hands in mine.
"Milo...baby...I'm not going anywhere," I told him, bringing his knuckled up to my lips and giving them a soft kiss.
"No, you're only saying that because you saw the ring," He accused as he pulled his hands back and as I stood up again, so did he.
"The ring is nothing but a diamond without a promise. It never swayed me. Come on Milo, when have you ever known me to be materialistic?" I asked him and he turned away from me, nervously swiping his messy hair to the side as he did so.
He faced the wall with his broad shoulders turned to me as he refused to face me.
"You told me you deserved better," He said, crossing his arms as he held himself up without me.
"That was until I realized the best thing I ever had was the love I shared with you," I told him, stepping closer and resting the palm of my hand on his back.
"Milo, we transitioned together, we spent six years together, we got comfortable with each other. We talked about having a family together and I got scared," I confessed and my emotions zapped me of my energy. I just ended up resting on the end of his bed with a loud oof.
"I thought of our future and I saw what you wanted...I saw something I couldn't naturally give you and I panicked." I told him honestly, kicking off the uncomfortable high heels and letting them fall to the floor.
"I see my brother's about to have a fucking army and I can't even give you one child to call your own," Now it was my turn to sigh and he finally calmed down and joined me on the end of the bed. Both of us quiet as we stared at the semi-lit Christmas tree for a few moments.
"Why didn't you just say that?" Milo asked and I groaned, holding my pounding head in my hands.
"Cause I'm not the best when it comes to feelings and emotions, you know this," I pointed out but he shook his head.
"It doesn't matter, you should have at least tried," he said, both of us staring at the gorgeous ring he had picked out.
It was probably nothing but a reminder of his shattered dreams.
"One more night?" I asked him and he raised his left brow.
"One more night for what?" He asked and I turned around, running my hands against his wet cheeks.
"One more night where I'll be yours,"
End of This Is Us Chapter 37. Continue reading Chapter 38 or return to This Is Us book page.