This Is Us - Chapter 4: Chapter 4
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"Welcome to Los Angeles International Airport, please collect your baggage and exit the plane in an orderly fashion,"
At three o'clock in the morning, I collected my baggage from the closet next to me in the first class seat, letting out a loud sigh as I did so. Feeling exhausted from a day of traveling, I looked at my phone to see Thomas hadn't read any of my texts reminding him to pick me up. I even tried Wesley's but his phone was off.
"I guess they all forgot about me then," I said aloud to myself as I took the only suitcase I brought with me and rolled it down the aisle and off the place. The flight attendants smiled and one squealed as I got off and I managed a small smile. But as soon as I got off, it molded into a slight frown, realizing I had no way of getting home.
I looked around at the hard, uncomfortable plastic chairs that I had been lounging in all day and wanted nothing more than to go home and curl up in my daughter's little twin bed so I could hold her in my arms again. God, I missed Jaydean like crazy. This trip was the longest I've ever been away from her and it hurt like hell to go without her.
I wonder if she forgot about me too.
The only other person who I came close to missing as much as I missed Jayde was Thomas, but we needed this little break because the tensions were so high in our house that I was about to strangle him in his sleep. I just wanted to apologize to him for being such a little bitch when he was going through the loss too and pushing him away when he needed me most.
Maybe turning twenty-two has matured me to some degree.
I sat down by myself and looked through my contacts again. Thomas didn't even wish me a happy birthday which was surprising but if he forgot I was coming home today, I guess I should expect the forgotten birthday too. Isn't that what happens after being married to someone for a year? You're just not that important anymore?
I could rent a car and drive home, but that was dangerous considering I feel like I've just had all the energy drained out of me.
A small bar in the airport caught my attention and I halfway thought about getting a drink and going to a hotel for the night.
"Fuck," I cursed under my breath once I had to check myself because oh wait, I'm pregnant again.
I decided to call the one and only person whom I could always count on in my time of need.
"Mmm Matty? Is something wrong? It's like three in the morning," My Aboji's tired Korean flooded into my ear and I sighed.
"I'm sorry Appa, I'm stuck at the airport and..."
"I'll be there in fifteen," My father replied and hung up without another word.
My parents live only ten minutes out from LAX and I never thought it would come in handy until today. I strolled over to the front of the airport with a small bit of renewed energy as I walked towards the front exit, catching wind of the chilly autumn air.
Well, that is as cold as California in November can get because it certainly wasn't anywhere near as freezing as it was in New York. Thankfully the early mornings weren't the busiest time for the major airport and there were hardly any people here. Most walking past me and ignoring me like I was just your average guy.
Not a Grammy award-winning, triple platinum artist.
"Matthias? Are you crazy? You're going to catch a cold!" I heard my Appa call out the window of his Tesla and I rolled my little suitcase up to the trunk.
Appa got out of the car and met me with a tight hug, his smell of warmth and home was soothing as I kissed his cheek. When I did, I pulled at a small silver strand floating in the breeze.
"Appa, is that a gray hair I see?" I asked and he slapped my hand away while I giggled.
"Aish! Leave me alone," He muttered as I tossed my suitcase in the trunk before hopping into the toasty vehicle and warming my hands with the heaters.
"Thank you, Appa," I quickly show my appreciation as he pulls away, lifting one hand off the wheel to ruffle my hair.
"It's not a problem. I haven't been able to sleep much anyway without your Dad," He sighs and I tilted my head in question.
"Dad's still on the island?" I asked and he nodded.
"Yeah, things aren't going so good with your uncle Jonathan...it's starting to look like we're all going to be on the island soon enough," he said with a sad tone in his voice and clears his throat.
"I can't believe uncle Johnny has Alzheimer's," I muttered as I rubbed my hands together to produce friction induced heat as I sat back in my heated seat.
"I don't think any of us can believe it. I was talking to your dad last night and he told me Johnny forgot who Ashley was," He says and that only depressed me further.
"But let's talk about something else, why wasn't Thomas there to pick you up from the airport," He asked and I closed my eyes.
"Honestly, he probably got the times wrong and thought I meant three in the afternoon instead of the morning," I groaned and Appa nodded.
"Ah, I see. I thought I was going to have to knock a little bit of sense into my son in law but he's excused now," He chuckles and I can't help but smile. My Appa was so cute, he always manages to put a smile on my face, even when I'm in a bad mood.
My hands rested on my lap, slowly sliding down my thighs before resting on my bloated stomach.
"I'm pregnant again," I told him and Appa said nothing for the next couple of seconds. Putting the Tesla on autopilot down the highway.
"I'm sorry for not saying anything right away. I'm happy for you baby, but I'm worried about you too. Especially after the last time with TJ," He said, bringing back his grandson's name as if the baby had even taken his first breath.
"I know what if feels like you know, to lose a baby," He said and I perked up a bit to listen. He leaned back in his seat and crossed his arms, choosing to watch the road ahead instead of look at me.
"Before you and your sister came along, I was pregnant with a little baby boy named Rei and miscarried. The problem was, I didn't know I was pregnant and blamed myself a lot for his death. Now don't get me wrong. I love your sister Clara, but when I found out your father cheated on me and got his best friend pregnant around the same time I miscarried and her baby was healthy, I lost it,"
He said and shared a story I had never heard before. I never knew my father cheated on my Appa, I guess I was so short-sighted, I never questioned why my older half sibling's origins.
"And then when I found out I was pregnant with you and your sister, I wanted to be so happy and excited, but the memory of Rei held me back. I was terrified of losing you both and I was scared of loving you at the same time because I thought it was any moment until I could lose you," He continued and it resonated with what I was feeling right now.
"What should I do Appa?" I asked and he finally looked over, his sweet light brown eyes meeting my hazel ones.
"I think you should always choose love over fear. Love is beautiful and yes, it can be painful, but you'll never regret loving your baby. They're a part of you, whether you lose them or not," He said and I nuzzled over to him, resting my head on his soft yet kind of boney shoulder.
"Am I still a part of you?" I asked and he gently kissed the top of my head.
"Of course Matty, you might not be my baby anymore but you'll always be a part of me. Just like Jaydean will always be a part of you," He said and I felt my eyes getting all watery and shit. Stupid pregnancy hormones.
"And just like TJ will always be a part of you," He said and I could feel one tear leave my fluttering eyelashes.
"And just like this baby will always be a part of you," He finished, knocking out my heart with his touching words.
At three o'clock in the morning, I collected my baggage from the closet next to me in the first class seat, letting out a loud sigh as I did so. Feeling exhausted from a day of traveling, I looked at my phone to see Thomas hadn't read any of my texts reminding him to pick me up. I even tried Wesley's but his phone was off.
"I guess they all forgot about me then," I said aloud to myself as I took the only suitcase I brought with me and rolled it down the aisle and off the place. The flight attendants smiled and one squealed as I got off and I managed a small smile. But as soon as I got off, it molded into a slight frown, realizing I had no way of getting home.
I looked around at the hard, uncomfortable plastic chairs that I had been lounging in all day and wanted nothing more than to go home and curl up in my daughter's little twin bed so I could hold her in my arms again. God, I missed Jaydean like crazy. This trip was the longest I've ever been away from her and it hurt like hell to go without her.
I wonder if she forgot about me too.
The only other person who I came close to missing as much as I missed Jayde was Thomas, but we needed this little break because the tensions were so high in our house that I was about to strangle him in his sleep. I just wanted to apologize to him for being such a little bitch when he was going through the loss too and pushing him away when he needed me most.
Maybe turning twenty-two has matured me to some degree.
I sat down by myself and looked through my contacts again. Thomas didn't even wish me a happy birthday which was surprising but if he forgot I was coming home today, I guess I should expect the forgotten birthday too. Isn't that what happens after being married to someone for a year? You're just not that important anymore?
I could rent a car and drive home, but that was dangerous considering I feel like I've just had all the energy drained out of me.
A small bar in the airport caught my attention and I halfway thought about getting a drink and going to a hotel for the night.
"Fuck," I cursed under my breath once I had to check myself because oh wait, I'm pregnant again.
I decided to call the one and only person whom I could always count on in my time of need.
"Mmm Matty? Is something wrong? It's like three in the morning," My Aboji's tired Korean flooded into my ear and I sighed.
"I'm sorry Appa, I'm stuck at the airport and..."
"I'll be there in fifteen," My father replied and hung up without another word.
My parents live only ten minutes out from LAX and I never thought it would come in handy until today. I strolled over to the front of the airport with a small bit of renewed energy as I walked towards the front exit, catching wind of the chilly autumn air.
Well, that is as cold as California in November can get because it certainly wasn't anywhere near as freezing as it was in New York. Thankfully the early mornings weren't the busiest time for the major airport and there were hardly any people here. Most walking past me and ignoring me like I was just your average guy.
Not a Grammy award-winning, triple platinum artist.
"Matthias? Are you crazy? You're going to catch a cold!" I heard my Appa call out the window of his Tesla and I rolled my little suitcase up to the trunk.
Appa got out of the car and met me with a tight hug, his smell of warmth and home was soothing as I kissed his cheek. When I did, I pulled at a small silver strand floating in the breeze.
"Appa, is that a gray hair I see?" I asked and he slapped my hand away while I giggled.
"Aish! Leave me alone," He muttered as I tossed my suitcase in the trunk before hopping into the toasty vehicle and warming my hands with the heaters.
"Thank you, Appa," I quickly show my appreciation as he pulls away, lifting one hand off the wheel to ruffle my hair.
"It's not a problem. I haven't been able to sleep much anyway without your Dad," He sighs and I tilted my head in question.
"Dad's still on the island?" I asked and he nodded.
"Yeah, things aren't going so good with your uncle Jonathan...it's starting to look like we're all going to be on the island soon enough," he said with a sad tone in his voice and clears his throat.
"I can't believe uncle Johnny has Alzheimer's," I muttered as I rubbed my hands together to produce friction induced heat as I sat back in my heated seat.
"I don't think any of us can believe it. I was talking to your dad last night and he told me Johnny forgot who Ashley was," He says and that only depressed me further.
"But let's talk about something else, why wasn't Thomas there to pick you up from the airport," He asked and I closed my eyes.
"Honestly, he probably got the times wrong and thought I meant three in the afternoon instead of the morning," I groaned and Appa nodded.
"Ah, I see. I thought I was going to have to knock a little bit of sense into my son in law but he's excused now," He chuckles and I can't help but smile. My Appa was so cute, he always manages to put a smile on my face, even when I'm in a bad mood.
My hands rested on my lap, slowly sliding down my thighs before resting on my bloated stomach.
"I'm pregnant again," I told him and Appa said nothing for the next couple of seconds. Putting the Tesla on autopilot down the highway.
"I'm sorry for not saying anything right away. I'm happy for you baby, but I'm worried about you too. Especially after the last time with TJ," He said, bringing back his grandson's name as if the baby had even taken his first breath.
"I know what if feels like you know, to lose a baby," He said and I perked up a bit to listen. He leaned back in his seat and crossed his arms, choosing to watch the road ahead instead of look at me.
"Before you and your sister came along, I was pregnant with a little baby boy named Rei and miscarried. The problem was, I didn't know I was pregnant and blamed myself a lot for his death. Now don't get me wrong. I love your sister Clara, but when I found out your father cheated on me and got his best friend pregnant around the same time I miscarried and her baby was healthy, I lost it,"
He said and shared a story I had never heard before. I never knew my father cheated on my Appa, I guess I was so short-sighted, I never questioned why my older half sibling's origins.
"And then when I found out I was pregnant with you and your sister, I wanted to be so happy and excited, but the memory of Rei held me back. I was terrified of losing you both and I was scared of loving you at the same time because I thought it was any moment until I could lose you," He continued and it resonated with what I was feeling right now.
"What should I do Appa?" I asked and he finally looked over, his sweet light brown eyes meeting my hazel ones.
"I think you should always choose love over fear. Love is beautiful and yes, it can be painful, but you'll never regret loving your baby. They're a part of you, whether you lose them or not," He said and I nuzzled over to him, resting my head on his soft yet kind of boney shoulder.
"Am I still a part of you?" I asked and he gently kissed the top of my head.
"Of course Matty, you might not be my baby anymore but you'll always be a part of me. Just like Jaydean will always be a part of you," He said and I felt my eyes getting all watery and shit. Stupid pregnancy hormones.
"And just like TJ will always be a part of you," He said and I could feel one tear leave my fluttering eyelashes.
"And just like this baby will always be a part of you," He finished, knocking out my heart with his touching words.
End of This Is Us Chapter 4. Continue reading Chapter 5 or return to This Is Us book page.