Thoreau - Chapter 17: Chapter 17

Leo
"Gelo, I'm so—" I started to say, but he raised his hand and cut me off.
"Don't. You have nothing to apologize for. You didn't do anything wrong."
"I know," I murmured. "I just hate that I caused it."
I felt absolutely horrible for provoking Thoreau into a meltdown. From her perch on my lap, Poppy draped her arms around my neck and pulled my face into her throat, and I took a huge inhale of her scent and hugged her tighter.
"You didn't." Gelo shrugged. "Too much happened today for someone who isn't good with his routine being disrupted even a little bit."
"We'll talk with him once he calms down," my mate promised. "We'll do everything we can to help him understand."
"Emerson will do that," Gelo said with a wave of his hand. "He knows how to talk to him the best out of all of us. All right, so I'm going to the study for a while. Until we hear from the alphas, I'm going to work on aligning Poppy's map with a real one, then start to draw up a plan of attack."
He stood and cut his eyes over to stare at me, and I raised an eyebrow in question.
"Em's going to be with Reau for a while and, once I get focused on something, I'm practically deaf. Wouldn't hear a thing if the ghost in the attic decided to raise a racket."
Feeling my ears heat up, I flipped Gelo the bird behind Poppy's back before I stood, taking her with me, and headed toward my bedroom. All that lemony-scented softness in my arms distracted me so much, I almost missed my mate's question.
"There's a ghost in the attic?"
"Reau thinks there is," I chuckled.
"Ah, yes, he mentioned that in his rant. That you were going to let the ghost get him because you'd be too busy playing with my breasts," she giggled.
"The last part of that is true enough," I rumbled and kissed the tip of her nose. "But to clarify, he heard Gelo and Emerson, um, mating and thought their, ah, noises came from a ghost in the attic. It scared him enough to come running to my room since the ghost was loudest by theirs."
"Oh, my Goddess!" she laughed. "That's hilarious!"
"I know. Anyway, Gelo keeps meaning to tell him that the ghost is a friendly one, but hasn't had the chance."
By then, we were in my bedroom, and I kicked the door closed behind me. Dumping my mate on my bed, I took a quick look around to make sure it wasn't too messy.
"Do wolf shifters ever share a mate?"
I swiveled my eyes back to Poppy to see her looking sweet and innocent as she sat criss-cross applesauce in the center of my bed.
Good thing I already know her well enough not to trust that facade, I thought and Ruby chuckled.
"Identical multiple males always do," I told her, "and sometimes brothers if the she wolf population is extremely limited at the time."
"Identical multiples? You mean twins and triplets? Are there a lot of multiples in wolf communities?"
"Yeah." I nodded. "Nearly every family has at least one set of multiples each generation. Twins are the most common, but triplets aren't far behind."
"What about quads or more?"
"Very rarely." I thought about it for a minute. "I can't think of any quads in recent generations, but I remember Tall Pines had one set of quints my parents' age."
"What about fraternal multiples?"
"They are extremely rare. Alpha Mason and his late sister, Willow, were the only ones in all of Five Fangs in recent years, and this pack has several thousand members. Fraternals never share a mate unless both are males and, as I said, she wolves are in short supply."
"Hmm. What about identical females?"
"Identicals, fraternals, sisters, it doesn't matter. She wolves never share."
"Got to have enough birthgivers, I guess," she murmured, and I nodded.
"Yes, but identical male multiples have a unique bond no other group does." I remembered what the Z twins had told me a few years ago. "They're basically one soul divided into two or three bodies. They can't function without each other. Those quints I mentioned? Only one survived the sickness, and my dad had to put him down because he and his wolf went feral. Even though their mate survived, he couldn't live without his brothers."
"That's so sad. Hmm. What about identical females? Do they not have that kind of bond?"
"They do, but it's not as strong. Do fox shifters not have twins and triplets?"
"Vixens are always singletons, but our tods are always identical twins or triplets. They have that same unbreakable bond and they share a mate."
"The boys are always multiples?" I asked with wide eyes.
"Always." She smirked at me. "Before the sickness wiped out my skulk, I had eight brothers."
"Well, hell," I murmured. "I'd better get a job at a condom factory. I can't provide for the two of us right now, let alone two or three pups or kits if I knock you up during your first heat!"
"The witches invited me to join their coven and partner with them in their magic shop." She shrugged and looked unconcerned. "Once it's up and running, finances won't be a problem. We can have as many babies as we want. Besides, you're assuming you'd make boys. You could give me nothing but girls, you know, and I told you that vixens are always singletons."
"I'd be happy either way, but not until we're financially stable. I don't want my kids to grow up in poverty."
"Leo, that's only material things. We'd love them so much, they'd be the happiest kids on the planet."
"Pfft." I snorted. "People say that all the time, and I get what you mean, but what if they want to play soccer or take ballet? I'd feel awful telling them no because I can't afford the cleats or lessons."
"I believe all that takes second place to good parenting, but I, too, think we should wait until we have steady incomes and a place of our own." Her slow smile was the definition of sensuality. "That doesn't mean we should wait to practice making babies, though."
"You think we need to practice?"
"Oh, yes. Lots and lots of practice. Several times a day would be best."
"So you're saying I can mark you now?" I smirked and prowled closer to her. "I can't mate you without marking you."
"Sure, so long as I can mark you, too."
"You want to mark me?" My eyebrows flew up. It was unusual for she wolves to mark their mates since only the male's mark was necessary to complete the bond.
"That's how it works with foxes." She shrugged and tossed her hair over her shoulder. "If you want the mate link open between us, I need to mark you, but you're mine now, Leo, and I want every shifter in the world to know it. All your side chicks need to know to keep their grubby paws off of you."
"I don't have any side chicks," I rolled my eyes, "but I would be honored to be marked by you."
Putting my knee on the bed, I fell on top of her and smushed her into the mattress, only realizing what a bad idea that was when she squirmed around and opened her knees, making my hips fall into the cradle of hers.
"Ah, my ideal weight. Your body on top of mine," she giggled and wrapped her legs around my waist.
Unable to hold back any longer, I pressed my lips to hers in a long, slow kiss, and she hummed deep in her throat and looped her arms around my neck. One kiss turned into two, then three, then so many, I lost count. She sank her fingers into my hair and massaged my scalp, and I hummed in appreciation.
When my tongue ran along the seam of her lips, she opened up for me and I plunged in, eager to explore every inch of her. Moaning as I licked the roof of her mouth, she gripped big fistfuls of my hair and her fingernails dug into my scalp hard - and just that quick, everything went wrong.
Poppy's flushed face turned into a pale, freckled one. Her sultry black eyes morphed into a mismatched pair full of pain and panic. She wasn't moaning in pleasure, but shrieking in fear. Her hands didn't grip me closer, but frantically clawed at me in an effort to escape.
"You're not there, Leo. You're here. You're here with me," murmured a calm voice. "Come back to me, my love."
I could hear Poppy's sweet voice, I could even see a blurred outline of her beautiful face, but I was deep in the memories of all the terrible things my hands had done to Lilah MacGregor.
Then magic shimmered over me and, between one heartbeat and the next, my mind cleared and all my senses returned to normal.
Unfortunately, not even my mate could help as emotions overwhelmed me. My stomach rolling and bile flooding my mouth, I ran for the bathroom and barely made it to the toilet before my stomach emptied itself. As I gagged and spat, Ruby tried to help.
It wasn't us, my wolf reminded me. It wasn't our fault. It wasn't us doing any of those things.
I stayed hunched over the toilet, unsure if anything else was going to come out, and gentle hands landed on my shoulders and rubbed the tense muscles. That, combined with her lemon fragrance, calmed me the rest of the way down. Flushing the toilet, I sat back on my haunches and dropped my head with a heavy sigh, disgusted with myself for being so weak in front of my new mate. Too ashamed to look up at her, I slumped on the floor at her feet.
"I'm so sorry, baby," I rasped, my throat raw from the acid.
"For what, my love? For being traumatized? That is nothing to be sorry for." She moved her hands to my cheeks and tilted my face up, although I fixed my eyes on her chin. "Can you tell me what triggered you?"
"Not sure," I whispered.
"You are. You just don't want to tell me." She dropped her forehead to mine. "It was when I scratched you with my fingernails, wasn't it?"
I swallowed hard and nodded.
"Oh, my love," she crooned. "I'll be more careful from now on, I promise."
"You shouldn't have to be."
"I am always going to prioritize my mate, Leo. Besides, if our situation was reversed, you'd do the same, wouldn't you?"
"Of course," I growled. "I'd do anything for you, Poppy."
"Same. Now, I can help you if you'll let me. Will you let me help you, Leo?"
"Help me how?" I asked with a frown.
"I can free you from all this unfounded guilt through a simple, but powerful ritual of absolution. I don't know if it will prevent flashbacks, but it will lighten the weight of your memories."
I thought about it for a few moments, then shrugged one shoulder. If she thought she could help, I was willing to let her.
"All right. Give it a go."
She smiled, then the air glittered as she once more coated me with magic.
"Ego te absolvo," she whispered, and the smell of green growing things and rich dirt filled the bathroom.
Just like that, something hard and heavy in my chest dissolved, and the knotted muscles in my shoulders relaxed. For the first time in more than a year, I could breathe.
"Now it is your choice whether or not to pick that guilt up again." She pressed her lips to my forehead. "But, my love, I urge you to not fill your arms so full of the past that you can't embrace our future."
I raised my eyes to meet hers and found them sparkling with unshed tears. Were they tears of disgust? Tears of pity? Tears of—
What does it matter? Ruby growled. Kiss her and make whatever kind of tears they are go away!
I just threw up. I rolled my eyes. I'm not kissing her.
So brush your teeth, then kiss her!
Getting up, I took her with me and sat her on the counter, then leaned around her and reached for my toothbrush. She beat me to it, then winked at me while she squirted toothpaste on the bristles.
"You can squirt on me tonight," she whispered, making me both blush and roll my eyes as I stuck the toothbrush in my mouth. "Unless you'd rather I squirted on you? I've been wondering how that five o'clock shadow would feel between my thighs—"
I put my free hand over her mouth and kept it there, ignoring the broad grin under my palm. Taking my toothbrush from her, I cleaned my teeth quickly and spat in the sink, then cupped some water in my hand, rinsed my mouth, and spat again. The whole time, I kept my fingers over her lips because I knew she'd say something that would make me choke if I didn't.
Goddess give us strength when we get the link, I muttered to Ruby.
Maybe you, but I'm looking forward to poking around in her dirty, little mind, he chuckled.
After I dried my face, I cut my eyes down at her and took a deep breath before I took my hand off her mouth.
"Spit instead of swallow, huh?" she smirked. "I'll remember that."
Torn between chuckling and groaning, I planted a fist on either side of her hips and crowded against her before I dropped my face into the crook of her neck and planted little kisses on her soft skin.
"Leo." Her throaty moan raised goosebumps on my arms and the back of my neck.
I was just debating if this was the right time to mark her when Emerson linked me.
Sorry for interrupting, but the alphas need to talk to us about some things. While Angelo is checking on Reau, can you meet me in the study?
Yeah. I sighed and pressed one last kiss behind Poppy's ear before standing straight. You want both of us or just me?
Is Poppy decent enough to join us? he snickered.
"Emerson needs me in the study," I said with a grin. "He wants to know if you're decent enough to join us."
"Morally? Questionable, but I still have pants on, if that's what he means." Her lips twisted up at the corners as she winked at me. "A regrettable, but true, fact."
"Don't worry. They'll be on my floor soon enough," I murmured as I scooped her up in my arms and carried her out of the bathroom. "After dinner, I'll take the greatest pleasure in stripping them off you."
"After dinner? Aw!" Her sexy, plump lips formed a pout that made it hard to keep walking and not toss her on my bed again. "Don't you want a snack now? You could eat me all up real quick."
"Nothing about our first time is going to be real quick," I growled. "And I'm not being intimate with you at all until I mark you and you mark me, so behave, my little vixen."
"Or what, my big, bad wolf?"
"Or your sass hole will be the first one I fill to overflowing tonight."
Even as I said it, I knew I shouldn't have. Her dirty talk was next level and mine was nonexistent, a fact driven home when she gave me a devilish smirk and quirked up one eyebrow.
"I'll let you ride my face if you let me ride yours."
Blowing out a half-chuckle, half-groan, I re-positioned her so she lay over my shoulder and her upper half hung down my back, then I smacked her butt.
"Ooo!" she squealed as I trotted down the stairs. "My big, bad wolf is kinky!"
Goddess, give me strength!
I woke up because I had to pee. Rolling out of bed, I skipped to the bathroom with a happy smile. It was sooo nice to have the freedom to go whenever I needed to!
As I was washing my face to get the sleep crusties out of my eyes, Gelo linked me.
Reau? Are you awake, cucciolo?
Yep!
Can I come to your room to talk to you for a minute?
Sure, Gelo!
Seconds later, a light tap sounded before Gelo opened my door and stuck his head inside. When he saw me curled up in my fluff chair, he walked over and sat on the edge of my bed.
"So, Reau, I visited the ghost in the attic."
"You did?" My eyes widened. "Did you make him go away?"
"No, I didn't. He is a friendly ghost and needs a place to live."
"Ghosts can be friendly? Really?" My mouth dropped open. "But Wayne said they will try to scare you to death."
"That is generally true. This one, however, is friendly. Just don't trust any others you may find until I talk to them, si (yes)?"
"Si." I nodded really fast, my curls flying everywhere. "So he's going to stay in our attic?"
"Yes, cucciolo. He means no harm to anyone."
"Can I meet him? Will he be my friend?"
Gelo blinked at me a few times, then shook his head.
"No, ometta (little man), you can't meet him. He is very shy. He said he's sorry his noises scared you. He doesn't want to scare anyone, which is why the other ghosts don't want him around."
"Aw! Poor ghosty! I bet those other ghosts were mean to him!"
"Probably." Gelo's face looked strange for a second. His lips quivered and his eyes glittered. "He said he'll try to be quieter, but moaning is what ghosts do, even friendly ones, so you'll still hear him."
"That's okay now that I know he's friendly and isn't going to try to scare me to death. 'Sides, Bubba said he'd get me my own white noise machine if I wanted."
"Good. So that's settled then, right? No more worries about the ghost?"
"No more worries." I gave him a big grin.
"If you do get scared about something, come to our room from now on. Leo and Poppy need private couple time, especially for the next few nights."
Since Gelo brought it up, I figured now was a good time to ask some of the questions I still had.
"Leo said that pups are made during mating. When the girl goes into heat, the boy puts a pup in the girl's belly. Is Leo going to put a pup in Poppy's belly tonight?"
"It takes a few weeks after meeting each other before the female goes into heat, so no, not right away."
"You know when you play with your dicky and white stuff comes out? Is that what makes a pup grow in a girl's belly?"
Gelo blinked at me in silence. He did that a lot when I was talking to him.
"Yes," he said finally. "The white stuff is called semen and it's full of sperm, which is what creates a pup when it joins with an egg."
"An egg?" I shrieked. "I eat eggs for breakfast!"
"Not that kind of egg," Gelo chuckled. "All right. I guess you're old enough to hear this. Females release what are called eggs during their yearly heat if they're with their Goddess-given mate or during their monthly cycle if they're with their chosen mates. The male puts semen into the female—"
"With his dicky?" I interrupted.
"With his penis, si. During the female's heat, unless they do something to prevent it, one of the sperm will find and penetrate an egg. Then it grows into a pup."
"Will you and Bubba have pups of your own? Ooo! I love pups! I used to have one! My baby nephew Dean. Oh! Wait!" My eyebrows drew together in confusion. "You and Bubba are both boys. Who will be the girl? And which of you will put semen inside her? Or will you both? Would that give us twins? Then there'd be one for me and one for you and Bubba!"
I clapped my hands with a big grin, excited to think of holding a pup again. I missed baby Dean with all my heart. Then I 'membered something and corrected myself before Gelo could answer any of my questions.
"No, that wouldn't work. Shifters are loyal to their Goddess-given mates for life. Neither you nor Bubba would mate a girl to make a pup, would you?"
Gelo, who'd been doing that blinking thing again, put his hand over my mouth.
"Stop talking for a minute so I can respond, cucciolo." He smiled down at me when I giggled under his palm, then dropped his hand. "Not only are we shifters physically incapable of mating someone other than our mate, we don't want to. It's repulsive to even think of kissing someone else, let alone any kind of touching."
Gelo shuddered and made an icky face, and I giggled again. He was such a different person with me than with the alphas or the Z twins or anyone else, really, even his family. Well, except for Bubba and luna. He was soft like this with them, too, but no one else.
"If two males want to have a pup of their own blood, they use what's called a surrogate. This is a woman who agrees to carry the pup for them. The doctor takes semen from the males, extracts sperm and combines it with an egg, and uses a medical tool to put it in her belly. If you ask me, though," he rolled his eyes, "it's easier and more humane to adopt a pup that needs a good home."
"Will you and Bubba adopt a pup?" I asked with big eyes.
"Maybe, but not anytime soon." He grinned and ruffled my curls. "Right now, we're having fun with each other and enjoying having you in our lives, caramellino (butterscotch). Someday, we might want a pup, but for now, we're happy as things are."
"I miss playing with a pup," I pouted and rolled out my bottom lip.
"There are plenty of pups in the pack, such as your besties' two baby brothers. And did you know that Evie and Nathan are going to have another pup in the spring?"
"She's pregnant?" I squealed and bounced up and down on the fluff chair. "Oh, boy! ChiChi and WayWay must be so excited!"
"With as many little brothers as they have, I doubt it," he muttered, but I ignored him. WayWay and ChiChi were probably super happy!
Since Gelo didn't seem to mind answering my questions about mates and mating, I decided I'd ask the big one that had been bothering me.
"Gelo, what does a girl have instead of a dicky?"
"A vagina." He didn't even blink at me this time.
"Does it have a nicky name? Like dicky instead of penis?"
"It has many, most of them crude or demeaning. Call a thing what it is, then no one can accuse you of being rude or disrespectful."
Staring up at the ceiling, I put my finger on my chin and tried to picture a vagina. In the end, I decided it must be something like a tunnel. What else would a dicky fit into?
"Wait a minute." I dropped my finger and looked at Gelo. "Where do you put your dicky? Bubba doesn't have a vagina."
"I understand you are curious since you also like boys, and I don't want you to be scared to ask questions, but some knowledge would only burden or scare you right now." He blew out a heavy breath and scrubbed one hand through his hair. "Are you asking because you're curious or because you're scared of mating?"
"I'm not scared. I want to know what my mates will expect from me and what I should expect from them."
"You remember what we said before? You are only fifteen and you promised Binda you'd wait for your mate," he reminded me.
"I know, and I will. No one can see my dicky - and I can't see anyone else's - until I turn eighteen and either find my mate or choose one," I recited like a good boy.
"Correct. You won't be scared if I tell you what you want to know?"
"I won't be scared."
"All right." Gelo picked up Baby Tanner and fiddled with his ears. "You can put your penis in your mate's mouth."
"That makes sense," I said after I thought about it for a bit. "The throat is like a tunnel."
"A tunnel? Yeah, I guess so." He squished Baby Tanner between his hands. "You can also put it in his bum."
"What?!" I squeaked. "Do you mean between his cheeks or in his tushy hole?"
"Yes." Gelo cleared his throat and tossed my wolf stuffy to me. "That is enough knowledge for now. You can learn the specific details when you're closer to mating age."
I nodded and hugged Baby Tanner, my mind busy imagining a dicky fitting in a tushy hole.
Well, it is like a tunnel, too, and I've had some poop almost as big as a dicky—
"Let's talk about something else now, Reau," Gelo interrupted my thoughts. "I know Emerson has already spoken to you about Leo and Poppy. I only want to add that it would be a good idea to apologize for yelling at them."
"I know," I whispered, ashamed of myself. "I will say sorry for getting upset."
"No, no, bambino (baby boy). You never apologize for what you feel. All of your emotions are valid. How you express your feelings, though, is something you control. Not only did you yell at Leo and Poppy, you were disrespectful with some of the things you said."
I knew what he meant. I shouldn't have said anything about Poppy's private parts.
Binda had told me before that we didn't talk about private parts unless it was with a doctor or our mate or to let a safe person know someone had touched them inappropriately or something was wrong. I knew my private parts were my dicky and tushy. Once Leo had 'splained about breasts, I figured they were a girl's private parts, and now I knew a vagina was, too.
"I understand." I nodded and met his eyes for a second before dropping my gaze back to his chin. "I will say sorry for yelling and being disrespectful and forgetting my manners."
Wow! That was a lot of sorries! I had been a really bad boy! If Gelo hadn't burned my crate, I bet they would have locked me in it for punishment!
Instead of a punishment, though, Gelo stood up and patted me on my head, making me hum happily.
I loved when someone patted my head! It was like they were saying I was a good boy, even though I knew I was a bad one.
"That would be nice, cucciolo. All right. I have to go now. Beatrix and the Z twins are back and I want to hear what they found."
"Okay, Gelo." I wormed my way out of the fluff chair and gave him a hug. "Thank you for taking time to help me understand so many things today."
"You're welcome, and I'm always happy to help you understand things."