Thoreau - Chapter 2: Chapter 2

Two days later, my talk with Binda was far from my thoughts as I got busy with school.
Well, it was school that Tanner and Binda had invented for me. Without Bubba to help me, I failed sixth grade, and Mommy Daddy said that proved I was too dumb to waste an education on. I hadn't been to real school since, but Tanner and Binda said I needed to keep practicing what I could so I didn't forget it all.
So I spent a couple of hours each day singing the ABC and rainbow songs, reciting the months of the year and how many days were in each, and going through the times tables.
Today, after I got up to twelve times twelve, I decided that was enough math, even though I liked numbers a lot. There were many, many things that did not make sense to me, but numbers did. I could always depend on them to be the same.
But I stopped with math early because I couldn't wait any longer to do my favorite school work: Reading! I loved to read! Binda snuck books up here whenever she could, and I had a nice little library hidden in my bathroom cabinet. I read them over and over again, even though Tanner always fussed that most of them were for babies and I needed to read big boy books to grow my mind.
I didn't have much choice in what Binda brought me, though. She didn't, either. Mommy Daddy searched her every time she came and left our place, so she could only bring me what she found around the alpha house.
Sometimes, she managed to get a magazine or newspaper, but not too often. Once, she gave me a seed catalog that she said came in the 'junk' mail. I didn't know why the mailman would deliver junk, but I shrugged and took it, then read every word in it as I admired the pretty pictures.
Since then, I spent a little time each day planning my garden in case I ever had the chance to plant one. The only thing was, I didn't have any paper or pencils, so I had to 'member it all in my head, which was not easy without Tanner.
This morning, though, Binda brought me the best book she ever could have found: A 'cyclopedia on animals! It even had a picture of two pandas cubs on the front! I loved animals, 'specially fluffy ones, and wanted to learn every single thing about them.
Grabbing the book now, I hippity-hopped around the room for a few minutes, too excited to be still, before I settled in front of the window.
I had just finished reading the table of contents when I heard a bunch of heavy footsteps coming up the stairs. Startled, I dropped the book and huddled in the corner and kept my eyes fixed on the door.
After Binda left in the mornings, no one came up here again until she brought me lunch when the red letters on the clock said 12:00 p.m. and right now they only said 8:57 a.m. Since it was Thursday, she would be back at 6 p.m. to let me out for my weekly shower.
I knew it couldn't be Mommy Daddy, either, because they only came between 7:00 p.m. and 9:30 p.m. to fix me before locking me in my cage for the night.
The door opened and two big shifters I didn't know entered the attic. Without Tanner, my nose didn't work so great, and I couldn't smell them over my own stench. Trembling, I shoved my thumb in my mouth.
This isn't right! They shouldn't be here! What's going on?
They looked around the room for a second, and their faces twisted into something I couldn't understand when their eyes landed on me. We stared at each other in silence for a moment, then one of them waved his hand toward my cage.
"Get in the crate, pup," he said.
Too scared to disobey, I nodded and hustled over to where my cage stood in place of a bed. I wasn't worth a bed. I wasn't worth a pillow or mattress, either. Mommy Daddy said I was just a dumb animal, so that's how they treated me.
I stopped in front of the cage door and looked at the one who talked. I wasn't sure how long I would be locked in, and I already had to go to the bathroom. I was scared, but I made myself be brave, like Tanner would want me to be.
Raising my hand, I waited until he nodded at me. Taking my thumb out of my mouth, I hunched in on myself in case he decided to hit me for asking.
"I go bathroom first, please?" I whispered.
"Yeah, pup, go ahead."
"Thank you."
I hurried into my bathroom, did my business, and washed my hands. Even though the attic was super hot today, I didn't dare get a drink of water, not knowing when I'd get a chance to pee again. Running back to my cage, I glanced at my new book on the floor. I bit my lip for a second, then raised my hand one more time.
"I get my book, please?" I asked after he nodded again.
"Sure."
"Thank you."
I grabbed it as fast as I could, then dropped to my knees and crawled inside my cage. Once I was seated, he closed the door and slid the bolt in place.
He probably didn't know that I wasn't allowed to have anything inside my cage. If Mommy Daddy found out he'd said yes, they would be mad at both of us. Then he might get mad at me because I got him in trouble with Mommy Daddy.
Thinking quickly, I hid the book under my shirt and held it close to my chest.
"What's the deal with this kid?" the other shifter whispered. "Why is he so skinny and all beat up? Why does he stink so bad that I can't even smell his wolf? And why does alpha want him in a dog crate? Man, this does not feel right!"
"I know. I don't like it, either, but I can't afford to ask any questions," the first shifter whispered back.
"He's getting worse, Destry. Ever since he banished Em—"
"Shut it!" the first shifter hissed. "If alpha hears you, we're both screwed! Let's just get this done and over with!"
The other shifter grumbled some no-no words as the two of them picked up my cage.
As they carried it out of the room and down the stairs, my breathing got faster and faster. I hadn't been any further than the second floor in a long, long time, and I was scared. Where were we going and what would happen when we got there?
Wait! A happy thought cut across my panic. Maybe they're taking me to Bubba like Binda said!
The shifters stopped moving, and Mommy Daddy's face suddenly appeared at the cage door. I flinched back as his dark brown eyes glared at me.
"Mrs. Marriott has brought several matters to our attention lately, and your mother and I agree with her. We've wasted enough time, money, and energy trying to fix you when it's clear you will never be normal. And now, on top of all the other disappointment you've given us, you're getting older, which brings up the possibility that you might have a mate, Goddess pity the poor girl. Do you understand so far, retard?"
Although I didn't like girls in a mate way, I nodded a bunch of times. I wasn't going to correct him and make him mad. Still awful sore from last night, I knew I couldn't be quiet if he decided I needed more fixing for talking back.
"If he wasn't a boy-lover, your brother could have at least given us fine pups to replenish the pack. You, however, will never have the chance. I will not tolerate the slightest risk of your damaged genes tainting our bloodline. To that end, your mother and I officially wash our hands of you. Never darken our door again. Do you understand, retard?"
I shook my head. It was a big risk, but I didn't understand that last part. How could they wash me off their hands? And how could I darken their door? Where would I find black paint?
"It means we do not want you anymore. We reject you as our son and banish you from our pack. Don't ever come back to Gray Shadows. Do you understand now, retard?"
I nodded, then gasped as he cut all my bonds and links.
I didn't even get to tell Binda goodbye!
He moved away, and a pair of blue-green eyes just like mine took his place.
"Emerson made me swear by the moon that we wouldn't kill you," Mommy Daddy said. "Since we can't dispose of your worthless self, we're sending you to the one who put us in this position. Emerson will either kill you or keep you. Do you understand, retard?"
When I nodded, she stepped back.
"Good, and good riddance. Gentlemen, remove this thing out of my house."
The two shifters murmured, "Yes, luna," then carried my cage out through the front door.
Hugging my book close to my chest with one hand, I jammed my other thumb in my mouth as a couple of tears leaked out of my eyes.
So Mommy Daddy were right all along. I am too bad and my brain is too broken to fix. That's why they're giving up on me.
And Bubba would, too. I'd only embarrass and disappoint him. He wouldn't keep me. He would probably kill me as soon as he found out he was stuck with me.
Please, Goddess, let him show mercy and kill me quick. And Tanner, if you can hear me, I love you. You were the best wolf a boy could have.
Once I was dead, Tanner would be free to fade back to the Goddess, where he could run in her fields and forests forever, and knowing that comforted me.
Find happiness, Tanner, just like Binda said, I whispered. Find it for both of us.