Thoreau - Chapter 21: Chapter 21

"—then WayWay and ChiChi are coming for a sleepover! Won't that be fun? I can show them the hidden door in the study and the secret room and the hidden garden and where we can built the secret fort!"
Bouncing on my bed, I finished telling Baby Tanner all about the exciting day we had ahead of us.
Bubba said the things I ordered for the secret room should be here tomorrow, and I hoped they came before my besties had to go home. We would have so much fun decorating the secret room, and I was looking forward to having a giant stuffed bear next to my bed!
"Reau," Bubba called. "Come down for breakfast now!"
"Okay, coming!" I called back.
Crawling out of bed, I quickly pulled the covers up and fixed my pillows, then sat Baby Tanner on top of them. He liked to sit up there so he could look out the window. I kissed the top of his head, then spun around and ran out of my bedroom and down the stairs.
"Thoreau, what I have told you about running on the stairs?" Bubba asked calmly as I sat down on my stool at the breakfast bar.
"Not to." I blinked up at him.
"So why do you keep doing it? And don't look at me like that."
"Because I forget," I admitted with a shrug, not too worried about it. "And what am I looking like?"
"Well, try hard to remember from now on. And you're looking like a cute little bear."
"My zias call me piccolo orso!" I crowed with a happy grin. "Do you know what that means, Bubba?"
"Of course I do. I've heard it a hundred ti—"
"Little bear! That's what it means, Bubba!"
Shaking his head, Bubba walked over to the cupboard and took out a box of cereal, then shuffled to the fridge and pulled out the jug of milk.
"Cereal?" I frowned when he plunked the box and the jug down in front of me. "No, thank you. I would like chocolate chip pancakes, please. And my strawberries, of course."
"I'll get you some strawberries, but—"
"Four! Gelo said I could have four strawberries with breakfast!"
"Okay, I'll get you four strawberries, but—"
"That will leave nine. Enough for two more breakfast-es-es-es."
How do you stop saying that word? I wondered to myself, then shook my head. I had more something more important to deal with at the moment.
"You will need to go to the grocery store and get some more before we run out, Bubba."
"I'll add them to the list. Now eat your cereal while I wash your strawberries."
"So no chocolate chip pancakes?" I rolled out my bottom lip.
"Sorry, honey. Gelo left with Alpha Jay before the sun rose this morning, and Leo and Poppy went somewhere with Alpha Mase shortly after that. No one's here to make your pancakes."
"You're here."
"I don't have time right now."
"You don't have anything else to do!" I protested.
"Yeah, I do. We have a visitor coming today, remember? I want to tidy up the guest room for him while you're eating, then I'll vacuum the living room while you're in the shower since I know the sound bothers you."
"It doesn't take that long to make pancakes, Bubba. You could be mixing them up right now."
"Try to understand, Reau. I have a lot to do before he gets here, and I don't need a mess in the kitchen to clean up, too." Bubba set a bowl and a spoon in front of me. "Can you please just eat cereal today? I'll add frozen, microwavable pancakes to the grocery list so we'll have them on hand in case this happens again."
I tapped my chin with my index finger as he watched me. He probably thought that I was trying to decide if I'd eat the cereal, but I'd known the answer to that question as soon as he got the box out of the cupboard.
Hmm. There has to be some way to make him give in... Aha!
"All right, Bubba." I sighed heavily. "I will eat dumb, old cereal. Your pancakes probably don't taste nearly as good as Gelo's, anyway."
I was kind of surprised that didn't work. He liked to compete anyone, but especially with Gelo, but he only nodded and went back to the fridge, hopefully to get my strawberries.
Oh. Maybe it's because Gelo's not here to see Bubba's pancakes beat his? I thought about it for a second, then nodded in agreement with myself. Okay, then. Time for plastic measures.
I'd never heard that expression until Gelo said it while we were at the ice cream stand last night. I didn't know what he and Bubba were talking about, but I heard him say, "Plastic times call for plastic measures, Em." Eager to learn something new, I asked him what it meant, and he 'splained that taking plastic measures was doing whatever it took, even if it was mean or difficult, to solve a very serious problem.
And right now, no chocolate chip pancakes was a very serious problem.
"At least it's better than toast." I reached for the cereal box, moving slowly to give Bubba enough time to stop me before I actually poured any into my bowl. "I used to wish for anything other than toast for breakfast, but that's what Binda always brought me. Two squares of cold, hard, dry toast every single morning—"
Suddenly, the box was ripped out of my hands, startling me, and I jerked back in my chair.
"Bubba? Are you mad?" I whispered, worried now.
If Bubba got mad at me, he might send me back to Mommy Daddy! I needed to be a good boy so I could stay here forever!
"No, honey, I'm not mad at you," he growled.
Dropping my chin to my chest, I scolded myself for whining about pancakes when there was nothing wrong with the cereal. It really was much better than dry toast, and I should have been grateful for it, not pouty because it wasn't what I wanted. I was lucky that he gave me so much food every day as it was!
Especially when I know I don't deserve it.
I knew I had to apologize because I was being a bad boy. And if I did, no breakfast might be my only punishment. I didn't want Bubba to smack me or, worse, go get a belt.
A shiver ran down my spine.
Anything but a belt, I prayed.
"I am sorry for being a bad boy, Bubba. I am grateful for any food you give me, 'specially since I know I don't deserve it. I won't be a spoiled brat anymore."
"Oh, Reau."
He walked over and reached for me, and a flash of panic made me cover my head with my arms.
"No ouchies!" I whimpered. "I will skip breakfast for my punishment, but please, Bubba! Please, no ouchies!"
Instead of hits like I expected, his hands went under my arms and lifted me up. Scared of what he might do, I kept my face hidden in my elbows, but all Bubba did was hug me tight and rub my back.
"You're okay, honey. You're safe. You will always be safe with me. I will never hurt you, even if I'm mad, which I'm not."
It took a few minutes before I could relax enough to wrap my arms around his neck instead of my head. As soon as I did, he put his face in my neck and sighed.
"I'm sorry, Reau. I didn't mean to scare you. I wanted to hug you. I will never hurt you," he whispered.
His warm breath was tickly against my skin, and I giggled as I squished his face between my cheek and my shoulder. That made him raise his head and look down at me, and I sucked in a breath when I saw he was wearing his Very Serious face.
"Eating has nothing to do with deserving something," he said quietly. "Eating is a necessity. Without food, you would die, and you do not deserve to die—"
"But Mommy Daddy said—"
"And I say differently. I am your bubba, and you need to listen to me, not what a couple of deranged ass— Not what Alpha and Luna Jones said. You know why?" Even though his voice was rough, the kiss he dropped on my forehead was gentle. "Because I love you and they don't. I love you so much, Thoreau."
"I love you, too, Bubba." Snuggling my face into his chest, I inhaled his good, clean scent and sighed as my heart and lungs slowly calmed down again.
"You deserve to live a happy and healthy life, and I am going to make sure that happens." He squeezed me tighter and rocked me from side to side. "Now, how about those pancakes?"
"But you need to vacuum," I whispered into his shirt, "and do that other stuff."
"It can wait. My baby brother is more important." He kissed my forehead again, then sat me back down on my stool. "Besides, now I have to prove that my pancakes are just as good as Angelo's. No, they'll be even better!"
"Yes, please!" I grinned as I happily clapped my hands.
Victory! Plastic measures worked! Sure, I panicked a little, which was definitely not part of the plan, but I'm still getting chocolate chip pancakes!
"Okay, honey, I need you to listen to me and really hear what I'm saying, okay?"
"I'm listening, and I can hear you just fine." I looked over at Bubba as he took a mixing bowl from the cupboard. "You made me take that hearing test, 'member? And my hearing isn't as good without a wolf, but it's still better than a human's."
"Yeah, now I'm thinking it might be a processing issue, the reason why you hear and pronounce things wrong, but we'll look into that later. Anyway, the visitor that's coming in a little bit is from Royal Pack. He's going to stay with us for a few days. He's a therapist. Do you know what that means?"
"Nope! If he's staying here, should I warn him about the ghosts? Did you hear the new one last night? I think she's his girlfriend." I crossed my arms over my chest with a huff. "Gelo needs to talk to them! I can handle the moaning, because I can't hear it much over the white noise machine, but the banging needs to stop. That's just bad manners! What are they banging, anyway?"
Bubba made a funny noise, and his shoulders started to shake for some reason.
"Bubba? Are you okay? Did you burn yourself?"
No, honey, he linked back as his shoulders shook harder. Cove told me a funny joke and I can't stop laughing.
"A funny joke? Aw, I want to hear it, too!"
"I'll—" Bubba choked and had to clear his throat. "I'll tell you later. Right now, I need to tell you about Dr. York."
"A doctor? Is he coming with the therapist?"
"Dr. York is the therapist. Dr. Alonzo York. He's a special kind of doctor who people can talk to about things that worry them or make them feel sad."
"Oh, Bubba!" Tears spurted to my eyes. "Why didn't you tell anyone you were worried and sad! Gelo and I will help you feel better!"
"He's not coming for me, Reau." Bubba stopped flipping pancakes and rubbed the space between his eyebrows with his fingertips. "I am not sad or worried. I am happier than I've ever been in my life."
"Good! So he's coming for Zio Leo? I know he's still sick and sad, but Zia Poppy said I didn't need to worry about him anymore because she was going to make him feel real good."
I said it just the way Zia Poppy did, too, dragging out the word real.
Bubba's shoulders shook again, and his lips wiggled around like he had an itch on his tongue or something.
Man! Cove must be full of good jokes this morning. I wish he'd tell me some! I pouted.
"Dr. York is coming to meet you," Bubba said slowly after he got his lips under control. "He would like to get to know you."
"Me?" I pointed my finger at my chest. "Why does he want to get to know me?"
"If he does, then you will feel comfortable with him. If you feel comfortable with him, you can talk to him about whatever makes you sad or worried or scared. If you talk to him, he can help you not be sad or worried or scared." He stopped rambling and looked at me. "What do you think about everything I just said?"
I tapped my chin with my finger as I thought about everything he just said. Finally, I nodded, pleased with what I figured out.
"Bubba, I'm done thinking."
"Okay. And?"
"I think that's a lot of ifs."
"It is a lot of ifs." Bubba grinned as he sat a plate of pancakes down in front of me. "But do you understand why he is coming here?"
Of course I did. He was coming to fix my retarded brain. I didn't say that to Bubba, though. He always got upset when I said things like that, so I only nodded.
"Good." He gave me a nod of his own, then walked over to what he called the junk drawer.
I didn't know why he called it a junk drawer, though. It was full of all kinds of interesting things! Things like a rainbow of twisty ties, a BBQ lighter, rubber bands, a couple of glass marbles, and some hand tools, including a tiny hammer that was so small, I wondered what it was meant to pound. None of that was junk!
As I ate my pancakes, I watched him pick out a handful of the tools before he closed the drawer.
"Whatcha doing, Bubba?" I even 'membered to swallow before I asked, so good job me!
"Um, I thought I'd, ah, fix something in Leo and Poppy's room real quick, then tidy up the guest room. Will you please get a shower as soon as you finish your breakfast?"
"Sure! But what about vacuuming the living room?"
"Well, if it happens, it happens." Bubba shrugged as he walked by me. "And if not, we'll just talk to him out here, although I'm sure he's seen his fair share of furniture covered in wolf hair."
"You shouldn't have let Cove shift in the living room last night!" I scolded him.
"Hey, you were the one who begged to pet him when we got home, but wouldn't go outside to do it!"
"It was dark! I don't like the dark!" I pouted.
"I know, which was why I let Cove shift in the living room." He grinned down at me, then patted me on the head, making me hum happily. "It's all good, baby brother. A little wolf hair won't hurt anyone."
"How could it hurt someone? It's just hair!"
Spring
I sighed and laid my chin on my paws.
"All good, Spring?" Dr. York glanced at me through the rear-view mirror.
I nodded, the only way I had to communicate with him.
He was a member of Royal Pack, and I belonged to Five Fangs, so we had no link between us. For the past three months, he'd had to word all his questions with yes or no responses so that I could either nod or shake my head.
Or sigh and look away when I didn't want to talk.
That last one happened a lot. Granted, not as much as it did when Alpha Ash first entrusted me to his care, but often enough that it concerned him.
"You need me to stop?"
I shook my head.
"Okay. Only another hour now."
I sighed and looked away, still at odds with how I felt to be returning home.
On one hand, I missed the alphas, my beta brothers, and my friends. We'd stayed in contact with through the pack link, but it wasn't the same as being with them. Also, I wanted to meet my luna, whom Alpha Ash rambled on and on about during our daily chats. She sounded lovely and precious, and just being around her and my alpha would keep me from regressing in my recovery.
On the other hand, I was now different from everyone else there. I would be identified as the humanless wolf. I already was, according to my friends who stayed in touch. There were even some in the pack whose human halves thought the alphas should have put me down. Oh, they said it would be an act of mercy, but I knew a deeper prejudice existed. If I had died and Ev had lived, no one would have voiced a single objection.
Not only that, the closest person in the whole kingdom who could relate to my trauma was Angelo del Vecchio, and even that wasn't such a similar situation. He couldn't transform into his animal form because of he never had one. I couldn't shift because a hunter shot and killed my human half.
For the first three or four weeks after losing Ev, I was catatonic and simply lay wherever anyone put me. I couldn't even take care of my basic needs without prompting, and even then it was hit or miss.
Then the pain came. Slowly at first, it crept into my quiet, sterile world of nothingness, but the longer it nibbled at me, the more it grew until finally it was a monster devouring me from the inside out.
If not for the support I received, I would have faded back to the Goddess, and I could never do enough to thank or repay everyone who helped me. My alphas. My beta brothers. My friends. Dr. York and his mate. Even King Julian's wolf, Onyx, who sat besides me one very bad night while I howled my anguish to the moonless sky.
I couldn't disappoint those who believed in me enough to keep me alive even against my own will, and that sentiment became a lifeline I clung onto.
Then Dr. York said something that lead me to two more lifelines.
"You've come so far, Spring. I am proud of you, and you should be proud of yourself. However, I want to remind you of one very important thing." He'd paused and waited until I'd met his eyes. "You did not come this far only to come this far."
Later that day, I'd told Alpha Ash and Sid about that when they'd linked me for our daily chat, and Alpha had grinned like a Cheshire cat.
That's right, Spring. You got to keep going! You know why? You still have some motherfuckers to prove wrong.
Oooh! Bad word, Ashy! You know Spring don't like cussing! Sid had fussed, but I'd been too busy thinking to care at that moment.
If others wouldn't give up on me, I wouldn't give up on me. I'd made it this far, so I knew I could go farther. And I still had some people to prove wrong.
And so I will, I'd decided.
The next day, King Julian himself came to see me. He asked the kind of questions I expected - how was I doing? how was I feeling? did I need anything? - but then he asked me one I never expected, at least not so soon.
"Ready to go home, buddy?"
My heart leapt in my throat and I nodded frantically, which made him chuckle. I knew I still needed help, and I understood that some of my packmates would probably give me the cold shoulder, but none of that outweighed my homesickness.
"Good. Alonzo has to drive to Five Fangs tomorrow and can take you with him." King Julian laid his hand on my head. "Spring, if you don't already know, Onyx considers himself in your debt for saving his best friend. Anything we can do, anything we can provide, you do not hesitate to ask."
I never felt I did anything more than my duty. Saving my alpha's life was protecting my future luna, and that was all a beta wolf ever wanted to do. Still, I lowered my head in a deep bow of acknowledgement and respect, and the king patted my shoulder.
And now here I was, sprawled out in the back seat of Dr. York's car as we sped toward a place I dreaded to return to, yet yearned for with all my heart.
Alpha Ash and Sid were as happy to see me as I was them.
As soon as Dr. York opened the back door, I jumped and ran all-out to where my alpha sat on the grass under a shade tree next to a pretty girl, obviously my new luna.
Because of how fragile she looked, I was very careful not to so much as bump her when I tackled alpha. She laughed and clapped her hands as I laid on him and licked all over his face, and Sid's excited yodels nearly deafened us all.
"Welcome back, my friend," alpha chuckled. "I missed you so much."
And I you, alpha.
And me? Sid stopped his noisemaking to stare at me with innocent, baby eyes. Spring miss me?
Definitely, Sid. More than you know, I assured him with a smile, and that was enough to make him yodel again.
"Now that you're done washing my face, let me introduce you to your luna. Princess, this is Spring. Spring, this is Luna Posy Everleigh."
It is a very great pleasure to meet you, luna. I stood and bowed my head.
"I feel the same. May I hug you?" Her big blue eyes held only love and kindness.
I'd be honored if you would.
Her arms went around my neck as she buried her face in my chest, and I smiled until I felt a sob rack her tiny body.
Thank you. Thank you, Spring. I cannot imagine my life without Quartz or Jayden. I am so sorry you have to live yours with Everett just so I don't have to live mine without one of my mates.
I'd do it again without hesitation, luna, even if I knew the cost, I assured her, and it was the absolute truth.
I could have no more stood there and watched my alpha die than I could have failed my luna by doing so.
I am in your debt, she sniffed as she sat up.
There is no debt between a beta and his luna. I shook my head. Even if I was never officially your beta, in my heart, that is what I am and always will be.
"Spring?" Alpha reached over and pulled luna into his lap, cuddling her close as he wiped her tears away. "Sorry if I'm interrupting your conversation, but we have someone we'd like you to meet. Em told you about his little brother, right?"
A bit. He said he preferred that I meet him before he told me too many details. I get the sense something happened to the boy, I asked without asking.
"Reau's a chatterbox," luna said with a sad little smile, "so you'll end up hearing it all from him in time. For now, all I'll say is, while he seems bright and happy, he's gone through a lot. I guess I'd just ask you to be gentle with him."
Of course, luna. I dipped my head.
"All right, here he comes!" Alpha grinned and pointed toward the house.
A curly-haired boy, looking much smaller than a fifteen-year-old should, came pelting off the porch and down the walk, then stopped and ran back to Emerson for a second. Emerson said something to him, and the boy came running toward us again.
I winced when he tripped and landed on his hands and knees, but it was on the soft grass, and he only grinned as he picked himself up and kept coming.
He didn't even greet the alpha or luna before he knelt down in front of me.
"Can I pet you? Please? Pretty please?" he begged.
I raised my eyebrows, but nodded.
"Reau, this is Spring," Alpha Ash said. "Spring, this is Thoreau, Emerson's little brother. Everyone calls him Reau."
"It's a pleasure to meet you, Spring," the boy said. "You're so cute!"
Thank you, I linked him. You're cute, too.
Oh! You can link with me? You're in our pack?
Yes, little one. I was born in the Dark Woods pack.
This is Five Fangs. Are you mixed up?
No, little one. I smiled. Did you not know that Five Fangs is made up of five packs, one of which is Dark Woods?
Huh-uh. You're cute and smart, wolfie!
With a big grin, the boy stroked my chest fur, then rubbed his face in it just as luna had, and I chuckled.
"I wish Tanner could have met you," he whispered.
Who's Tanner, little one?
"My wolf. Mommy Daddy killed him." He dropped his hands into his lap and sniffed. "I'm alone in my head and everything's scary without him."
Emerson, who'd been following the boy, sat down next him and patted his back. I could hear Cove yipping happily at me, but I'd greet him and Emerson later. Right now, the boy held all my attention.
His wolf's gone? His parents killed him? How? Why? The questions cycled through my mind as I half-listened to Emerson talk to his brother.
"Hey, Reau, I'm here. Luna and Alpha Ash are here, and now Dr. York is here. Angelo and Leo and Poppy will be home soon, too. We'll protect you."
"You can't protect me from my brain, dumb Bubba. That's where it's scary. It doesn't work right, 'member? That's why Mommy Daddy kept me locked up and hurt me and killed Tanner. My brain's retard—"
"What did I tell you about that word?" Emerson growled.
Easy, Emerson, Sid rumbled in warning, and I had to admit that my protective instincts were stirring, too.
"Sorry, honey." Emerson pulled the boy into a tight hug. "I just hate that they made you believe such bad things about yourself. Your brain is not broken, right, Dr. York?"
"No, Reau. Your brain is fine."
"But Mommy Daddy said—"
"They're not here, Reau." Luna reached over and held one of his little hands. "Do you know why you're here and they're not? Because they didn't deserve to know you. They were bad people for hurting a sweetheart like you. They were broken, not you. That's why the Goddess sent you to us. So you could grow and be free around people who love you."
Emerson, what does he mean, his mommy and daddy killed his wolf? I demanded. And what does luna mean, they were bad people and hurt him?
It's all true. The king has already condemned them to death for it. Alpha Mason is actually on his way there right now to carry out the execution.
Why? And how? I watched the boy's face as the luna soothed him. The human half might be able to, but wolves cannot hurt their own pups. They are physically unable to. Well, unless they are feral or insane.
I don't know how. Alpha Mason said he'll do a little investigating while he's at Gray Shadows. As for why, Reau's brain works a little differently than most people's. My parents didn't like that, I guess. They beat him mercilessly, denied him food, kept him locked in a dog crate in the attic for four years—
Vile creatures! I spat when Emerson choked up and couldn't speak. It's too bad that I did not get here in time to go along with Alpha Mason, but at least I know Garnet will make sure the job is done good and proper.
Getting to my feet, I walked to Thoreau where he crouched and stood over him, staking my claim. Thoreau giggled as he stuck his head out from under my chin, and I would have cooed at his cuteness if I were a different kind of wolf.
Sid, of course, was that kind of wolf.
Aw! Reau is Spring's pup, he crooned happily, and I nodded.
He's my human now, I declared to all of them. Thoreau started to ask questions, so I elaborated. My human is dead. I am also alone in my head, and everything is scary without him.
My boy crawled out from under me, and we stared at each other eye to eye.
Will you be my human, little one? I belatedly realized I should have asked him first.
"Will you hurt me? Will you leave me?"
No, little one. Never.
"You say that now," my boy whispered, "but once you get to know me, you'll find out that I'm too much trouble. I'm not smart and I get grumpy and, oh, wait until you meet my two besties. They are bad, but I love them so much!"
Luna and Alpha Ash giggled, and I asked Emerson who my boy was referring to as besties.
Wayne Black and Archer Barlow, he said in a grave tone. My condolences, brother.
His fake sympathy made me want to push his face in.
Wayne and Archer had a well-deserved reputation as being pranksters and a little wild, but I knew they were good boys at heart. Their wolves, Ocean and Firth, were mature wolves, not babies like Sid and River, so surely the three of us could keep the boys out of serious trouble, right?
Riiiight. I rolled my eyes.
Is that a deal breaker? Emerson asked with real worry when I took too long to respond.
Of course not, I assured him, then looked back at my boy. I swear on the moon that I will never hurt you or leave you, Reau. Nothing about you can make me do either.
Yes, I will be your human, he closed the link to everyone but me. Will you be my wolf?
Yes, I will be your wolf.
When he wrapped his arms around my neck in a gentle hug, my eyes filled with tears, my happiness clogging up my chest and throat.
We'll always be together now, right, Spring?
I laid my chin on the top of his head when he sniffed. Maybe he was all clogged up, too.
That's right, little one. From now until forever, we'll always be together.
"Hey, that rhymed!" he giggled. "Bubba, Bubba! I got a new wolf and he is so cute and super smart! I'm a lucky boy!"
No, little one, I disagreed. I'm the one who's lucky.