Thoreau - Chapter 34: Chapter 34

Arch
We should have guessed Reau would have a nightmare that night.
Although he went to sleep with a smile on his face, snuggled safe and sound between Wayne and me, his little brain must have still been processing the violence from fighter practice.
Once I was sound asleep, not much woke me up until morning came, but someone shouting, "No! Stop! Please!" in my ear definitely did.
Reau threw himself around so hard, he knocked Wayne off the edge of the bed, and he landed on Spring, who was pacing anxiously. I grabbed our baby's shoulders and tried to shake him awake, but that only made it worse. His screams turned shrill and frantic as he kicked his legs so hard, the covers flew every which way.
Wayne scrambled to his feet and ran for the door, linking me he was getting Mom, and all I knew to do was hold Reau's wrists so he didn't hurt himself as Spring whimpered and watched.
Right as Wayne opened the door, Mom appeared with Dad right behind her, wolf-eyed and looking to kill whoever was hurting one of his kids.
I don't know how to help him, I linked them, knowing it was pointless to yell over Reau's screams. He won't wake up!
Mom ran over, tucked Reau's face in her throat, and held it there firmly with one hand while the other arm wrapped around his shoulders. Ignoring his flailing, she squeezed him in a super-tight hug and sat on the bed. Once I realized what she was trying to do, I helped her get him onto her lap.
Normally, you don't want to touch someone having a nightmare, she linked us all as she rocked him back and forth. It could work its way into their dream, making them more distressed. With Reau, though, firm pressure helps him calm down quicker.
Her point was proven when Reau's screams stopped almost immediately, although they turned into harsh sobs that shook his whole body.
That's why Dr. York told me to lay on him if he's heading for a meltdown. Spring stood at the end of the bed, his eyes reflecting his worry and sorrow. It worked earlier today when he was with Chime Karma on the training field. He was terrified Em and Gelo were going to whip him for being bad.
They would never do that! Wayne snarled as he came over to my side of the bed.
Reaching up, I grabbed his hand, knowing he was probably feeling as useless as I was. We'd never seen anyone have a nightmare before, and I for one was not equipped to handle this.
We know they wouldn't, Mom murmured as Spring grabbed a box of tissues with his teeth and carried it over to her. However, Reau's still learning that people who love you don't hurt you. Spring, that would have probably worked here, too. If he has another nightmare, I think you should try it.
Reau wasn't sobbing as badly now, but his hands were fisted so tightly in her nightie that I could see the stitches straining at the shoulder seams.
Is he hurting you, Mom? I asked her as Wayne squeezed my hand. I can take him if he is.
He's not hurting me, baby. He's just scared and upset.
What do you think he was dreaming—
Wayne was interrupted by concerned voices coming from behind Dad. Swiveling our heads to look, we saw four heads poked around the door, Wade and Winnie on one side and Wes and William on the other. They all began talking at once.
"What's wrong with Reau?"
"Toe-woe!"
"Is Toro okay?"
"Can we help?"
Dad turned to them and scooped the littlest two up in his arms.
"Come on, Wade, Wes," he said. "Mom's got this and Reau doesn't need an audience right now. The four of you come to bed with me."
Wes and Wade kept looking back at Reau and Mom until Dad herded them down the hall, and a tiny part of me appreciated that they cared so much about our baby boy.
The rest of me was stuck on why Reau had a nightmare.
What do you think he was dreaming about? I repeated Wayne's earlier question.
Could have been what happened today, or it could be something from his past, Mom said. We'll ask if he wants to talk about it, but don't try to force it out of him.
She gave us both The Look, and we nodded. Unless it involved his safety, we would never force him to do anything.
I knew the answer, anyway. I just didn't want to accept it - and I feared what I'd do when my theory was confirmed. The edges of my vision were already turning red with anger, and it only got worse when I laid my free hand on Reau's back and felt the fine tremors racking him.
With a little whine, Wayne climbed into bed beside me to pet Reau's hair, and Spring was done being left out. He followed Wayne with a graceful jump and laid across all of us so he could lick Reau's face.
Need to upgrade you guys to queen-size beds, Mom grumbled as she wiggled out from the bottom of the pile. Especially if it's going to be the four of you sharing from now on.
I couldn't answer her. Witnessing Reau's nightmare had cracked my heart, and seeing the tear stains on Wayne's cheeks finished breaking it right down the middle.
Reau and Wayne were mine.
Mine to love.
Mine to care for.
Mine to protect.
And right now I felt like I had failed them. Both of my boys were upset and sad and full of hurt, and I had to fight hard not to fly into a rage.
Dude. Take a walk. Wayne leaned his shoulder against my chest and pushed me toward the edge of the bed. You're getting too angry, and you don't want Reau to notice and think it's directed at him.
Blinking away the red haze, I looked down at our joined hands and saw my fingers were gripping his hard enough to make his skin turn bright white.
Sorry, baby, I whispered and immediately released his hand, wincing as I watched him shake it out. Did I break it?
Of course not.
"WayWay?" came a quavery voice from somewhere under Spring's fur. "ChiChi? Are you mad at me?"
"No, Curls. No one is mad at you," Wayne hurried to reassure him.
We all shuffled around as Reau wrestled his way out from underneath Spring's bulk and gave each of us a quick glance before he wrapped his arms around Spring's neck and hid his face in the wolf's ruff.
"But I woke everybody up. I'm sorry. I was being a bad boy."
"You weren't being a bad boy, Reau," Mom told him. "Nightmares happen, and it's okay if it happens again."
"Mama said the same thing. But I was making noise. No noise during fixing or punishments."
Just that quickly, my anger sparked again, and this time Wayne's did, too.
He was dreaming about his fucking asshole parents hurting him, wasn't he? Wayne snarled.
Nodding, I clenched my hands into tight fists, too busy trying to steady myself to scold him for his language.
"You will never be fixed or punished here," Mom told Reau, apparently recognizing that neither Wayne nor I could speak at the moment. "And you can make all the noise you want."
"Really?"
"Well, maybe don't play a trumpet at 2 a.m. or anything," she teased him with a little smile.
"I do not have a trumpet, Mom Evie, and 2 a.m. is sleepy time."
As Mom chuckled at his literal little self, Wayne and I pulled him away from Spring, who rumbled in protest, but we ignored him and snuggled Reau tightly between us.
"Do you want to talk about your dream?" I asked, making my voice as soft as I could as I watched his face to see if the question bothered him.
"It's always the same." He shrugged his shoulders. "Mommy Daddy punishing me for being a broken, bad boy."
"Do you—" Wayne sucked in a sharp breath before he continued. "Do you want to tell us about that?"
"About how I'm broken and—"
"No, because you are neither broken nor bad," I interrupted him. "Do you want to share how they punished you? But only if you want to, and only because it might help you to talk about it."
"They did lots of things to punish me, but I wasn't allowed to make any noises, no matter what. If I did, I got double the punishment, so I got really good at that part. I might not look like it, but I can take a lot of pain before I start screaming!"
He said it with big eyes and a smile, too, like it was something to be proud of.
"Oh my Goddess," Wayne breathed and hugged Reau harder.
"That's—" My throat closed up. What was I supposed to do? Praise him for remaining silent while he was being tortured? Instead, I asked, "Were you dreaming of a punishment that actually happened?"
"The belt." He shivered in our arms. "Mommy Daddy's belt. He would whip me and whip me until my back bled."
Soft growls rumbled from Spring's chest, Mom buried her face in a handful of tissues, and Wayne filled the link with cursing that I silently echoed. I held onto my temper, though, too concerned about our baby boy to be centered on my own feelings.
"I'm so sorry you had to go through that," I crooned as I kissed Reau's forehead.
"It hurt so bad," he whispered, then finished shattering my heart by adding, "The worst was when he used the buckle end."
"The—" I couldn't repeat it. I just couldn't.
"The buckle?" Mom didn't have the same issue, although her voice broke as she said it. "He beat you with the buckle end of his belt?!"
For once in our lives, Wayne's anger triggered and mine didn't.
I was too sickened to be angry.
Oh my fucking Goddess, Arch! Wayne ranted in the link, breathing heavily through his nose. I'm so fucking glad he's dead! I hope Poppy fucked him up good before Leo killed him! I hate him! I fucking HATE him, Arch!
Squeezing my eyes closed, I reached around Reau to grab a fistful of Wayne's t-shirt and hold him in place.
Don't let him sense your anger, I warned him. Remember? You just told me that.
As Wayne worked on calming down, Reau's beautiful eyes lifted to meet mine for a second, which they rarely ever did, then dropped to stare at my nose.
"I never could be quiet when he did, and that's how Tanner died."
Then he told us about the time his parents were hurting him so badly, Tanner took over and bit someone on the face. It was hard to tell if Reau meant Tanner attacked his mother or his father since he called them Mommy Daddy like they were one unit, and maybe they were in his mind.
His story rambled a bit and skipped some details, but none of us pressed him. We simply listened to whatever he wanted to share. From what I could piece together, his father got his hands on some wolfsbane and forced Reau to take it, saying it was special medicine to fix his broken brain.
They are dead, right? Mom growled, her wolf Wren lacing her voice. Dead and rotting?
Oh, yeah, I smirked. Mase said Poppy had loads of fun with Alpha Bellamy and his witch before Leo killed them.
I wish it would have been Quartz instead, Wayne grunted. He would have made them feel it.
Oh, my boy, you have a lot to learn. Mom's dark chuckle mirrored the evil sparkle in her eyes. You might think a dad is protective of his princess, but he ain't got nothing on a mama protecting her boy, and Poppy loves Reau like a son. She made them feel it, Wayne. I promise you that.
Okay, mama bear. Wayne rolled his eyes.
Huh. I always thought mama bear was such an oddly sweet endearment for a woman who'd tear a person open and eat their insides if they hurt her child. And Reau's my child now, too, I hope you know.
Good! Wayne and I said together.
The more protectors he had, the better, and Mom was a fierce one.
She'll disembowel anyone who comes at her kids, I thought.
And do it with a smile, Firth shivered. I sure wouldn't try her.
I wish I could go to Gray Shadows and tear them open! Wayne growled. Too bad freaking Mase let Poppy and Leo beat us to it! And then Quartz wouldn't even let us kill those beta triplets this morning—
Don't think about it. It will only make you angry again, I advised, then scowled at him as I released his shirt. Dude, you're supposed to be the fun bestie, remember? I'm the grumpy, angry one.
Fuck you, Arch! he barked.
Someday, baby. Someday. I kissed the tip of his ear while Mom was wiping Reau's face and too distracted to notice.
"Arch!" he yelped and pushed me away, his cheeks turning dark pink. If you keep doing shit like that, everyone's going to see a tent grow in my shorts!
"It was just a little peck," I teased, even though Mom was still here.
We hadn't talked about it yet, but I was fairly sure we weren't ready to let everyone know we were boyfriends. Still, I figured it wouldn't hurt to drop a few hints to help ease everyone into the idea.
"Well, don't peck right now, pecker!"
"Are you flirting or starting a fight?" I asked, biting back a smile. That was a good one, but I couldn't let him win.
"Flirting, I guess, since my middle finger does get a boner listening to you."
I let out a sigh of relief. He was back to his normal self, thank the Goddess!
"You talk so much crap, WayWay, I don't know whether to offer you a breath mint or a roll of toilet paper."
"You should wear a condom on your head, ChiChi. If you're going to be a dick, you might as well dress like one."
"What's a condom?" Reau piped up.
Wayne and I turned at the same time and saw him watching us with his head tilted to the side. Mom, on the other hand, rolled her eyes while Spring gave us a disapproving look.
"We'll talk about that another time," I told him. "Are you feeling better now?"
"Uh-huh, but I'm tired." He rubbed his eyes with his fists and yawned. "Can we sleep again?"
"And that's my cue to leave." Mom leaned over and kissed Reau's cheek, then mine, then Wayne's. "Good night, boys."
"Good night," we chorused, then Reau added, "Thank you, Mom Evie."
"You're welcome, baby." Mom picked up the covers Reau had kicked off, hurled them at us, and walked out of the bedroom.
"Such a loving woman," Wayne grumbled as he wrestled with the bedspread.
"She is!" Reau chirped with a smile. "I love your mommy! I thought all mommies were mean and cruel, which is why I call Bubba Mama and not Mommy, but Mom Evie is nice. Atty's mommy is nice, too! So many nice mommies!"
"I don't know why yours was mean and cruel, baby boy, but you don't need to worry about her anymore," I said I shooed Spring off the bed so Wayne and I could remake it. "You have our mom now."
"Thank you for sharing your mommy with me!" He grinned at me, and my heart finally pulled itself back together.
"The three of us are going to share everything important now, Reau, including family," Wayne reminded him. "Although, if it's okay with you two, let's keep the boyfriend status private for a while. I'm not embarrassed for anyone to know that I love you both, but people might not react well, and I ain't trying to deal with that right now."
"Plus Reau's going to be starting school soon," I pointed out. "I don't want anyone to give him grief about it. We can drop hints, like just now with Mom, but we'll ease into telling everyone when the time feels right. Is that okay with you, Reau?"
He just shrugged as he yawned again, this time so widely that it made his jaw pop.
"We'll talk about it more in the morning," I chuckled.
Once we were all tucked in with Reau between us where he belonged, Spring decided he needed to be closer than the floor and laid at the foot of the bed. We shuffled a bit to make room for him, but it was a tight squeeze. A couple hundred pounds of werewolf took up a lot of room, and there wasn't much of it to begin with.
"Mom's right. Need a bigger bed," Wayne murmured, his words slightly slurred as he headed for dreamland.
"Mm-hmm," I agreed, quickly heading that way myself.
At least I was until Reau lifted his head from my shoulder and whispered my name, his breath puffing across my cheek and making me shiver.
"Yeah?" I whispered back.
"What's a condom?"
And since Wayne the Brain was already sawing logs, I was on my own to answer half a dozen questions about rubbers.
Wait until you have to explain lube, Firth snickered.
And I groaned, already dreading the day we had that conversation.
Wayne
On Wednesday morning, we were a little concerned about how Reau would act after his nightmare. He seemed fine, although he kept apologizing for waking everyone up.
Before we left with Dad to pick up our order at the lumber yard, Mom told us to watch for warning signs of a meltdown, but I didn't see a single one all morning.
In fact, Reau was excited to ride in "the big truck," which was what he called Dad's rollback tow truck. Good thing Dad was a mechanic and had access to all kinds of vehicles; the log cabin kit would never have fit in a regular pick-up truck's bed.
After the lumber yard, Dad drove us to Reau's, and he and Kon helped unloaded everything for the secret fort as well as our dirt bikes. Dad decided to hang out for a bit just in case Reau needed him since Beta Em was at work, Leo and Poppy were house-hunting, and Gelo had gone on a mission off pack territory with Zayne and Zayden Maxwell.
So we played three-on-two basketball - Dad and Kon against me and my besties - for an hour or so, then Chime Karma woke up and offered us rides.
I had to admit heights were not my thing. I went one time, and one time was enough. Like, for the rest of my life. I figured that, if my feet were meant to leave the ground, the Goddess would have given me wings. So I joined Spring and Dad on the front porch steps and watched as Arch and Reau pretended they were on a roller coaster, throwing their hands in the air and screaming as Chime Karma zipped up and down and in and out of the clouds. My heart was in my throat the whole time just from watching them, but they were having a blast.
After lunch, Kon and Dad both started making noises about needing to leave. Dad planned a fishing trip with Mom, Wesley, and the heathens, and Kon had to get to work. The witches had a backlog of magical debris they needed taken care of, and Chime Karma was hungry. So Dad offered him a ride, and we walked the two them out to Dad's rollback.
"Hope you're not embarrassed to ride in the tow truck." Dad grinned as he swung into the driver's seat.
"Not at all, Mr. Barlow," Kon said with a little smile. "I'm saving up for a car. Gelo said you run a garage. Maybe you can give me some advice on what to get."
"Sure. After the alphas come back, drop by the Busted Knuckle anytime. It's just up the road from the witches' shop. You can take a look around and tell me what you're looking for in a vehicle."
So Reau hugged his bubble, then we waved them off.
"What are we going to do now, bestie boyfriends?" Reau turned to us with bright eyes and a smile.
"You're going to learn to drive a dirt bike!" I grinned and tossed him the bag of safety gear Arch and I had bought for him.
Ever since we got our wolves, Arch and I usually didn't bother wearing any. It was kind of pointless when Firth and Osh could heal anything short of a beheading. Hell, most of the time, we rode shirtless and barefoot!
For Reau, though, we'd brought our safety gear along. Since it was still stupidly hot, we were a little concerned he wouldn't agree to wear it all and hoped seeing us in ours would convince him.
To stack the deck further in our favor, Arch had a brainstorm to buy everything in pink, and Reau loved it! He squealed and made a fuss over every piece he pulled out of his bag.
Arch and I helped him put it all on and, miracle of miracles, we'd guessed the sizes almost perfectly. Quickly throwing on our own gear, we explained he would be borrowing my bike while I used Wade's.
"And don't even worry about crashing it," I told him. "As you can see, it has plenty of scratches and dings already. I'm more worried about you getting hurt than you hurting the bike."
"I will not hurt your bike, WayWay, and I will be okay if I crash. I am tough!" He grinned and flexed his bicep's non-existent muscle.
"Sure, Curls," I chuckled and ruffled his hair.
Be careful, anyway, little one, Spring called out from where he was sprawled out under the shade tree.
"I will!"
"Ready to try?" Arch asked.
"Yes, I am!"
His cheerful sincerity never failed to bring a smile to my face.
I am so glad he's in our lives, I told Ocean.
Me, too. He is a delight.
Just like me! I smirked.
Dream on, Wayne.
Rolling my eyes at my wolf, I tuned back in to hear Arch giving Reau a run-down of how to drive and that he had to be patient with himself because it took time to figure out how to power and control the bike.
Reau nodded his little head, his eyes following Arch's fingers as he pointed at the gas, brake, and clutch. He listened carefully as Arch explained that the clutch was sensitive, so he had to let it out slowly. After about ten minutes of that shit, Arch let the poor dude actually sit on the bike.
At first, I was worried that he'd never figure out the clutch. He kept letting it out way too fast and stalling, and Arch and I could see he was getting frustrated, but we didn't know how to teach him in a way he'd understand.
Then Spring stepped in and basically showed Reau what to do step-by-step through the link, kind of like watching a how-to video.
Goddess, we were dumb to not think of that!
Our baby boy caught on fast with the visual and soon took off down the driveway, which was nearly twice as long as the one at the alpha house. A little panicked to lose sight of him, Arch and I raced to our bikes and went after him, but he was fine and waiting for us at the other end. Then the three of us zoomed back to the house.
After nearly an hour of practicing on the pavement, we decided he was ready to try off-roading. So that he wouldn't get lost or be distracted by a new place, I suggested we use the Luna Emergency Route, and everyone liked that idea.
Spring joined us and ran alongside Reau as best he could on the narrow path, although there were a few times that he disappeared into the surrounding trees and reappeared a few yards in front of us.
When we reached the alpha house, I tore off my helmet, parked my bike, and jumped off of it to hug Reau.
"Dude! You did great!" I crowed.
"Yeah, Curls. That was awesome!" Arch also got off his bike and came over to hug Reau. "You even did a couple of little jumps over tree roots. Nice job, man!"
"Thanks!" A big grin spread across his face as he bounced up and down. "I really like this! Bubble said he'll help me convince Mama and Papa to get me my own bike! He said maybe they will get me one for Christmas! How much longer until Christmas?"
"Uh, months," I said with snort. "It's only July."
Reau's eyes went far away for a moment as he started counting on his fingers, then his face fell.
"Five months!" he moaned. "That's so long from now!"
"We help convince them that you need it sooner," Arch told him. "Now let's head for home. It's almost dinner time, and Mom's going to fry up the trout they caught today."
"Trout?" Reau cocked his head to one side and made a funny face. "That is a fish, isn't it?"
"Yep!" I patted his shoulder. "It's very good. You'll like it. Spring likes trout, too, don't you, buddy?"
Fresh trout is delicious.
Reau still didn't look convinced, and I suddenly remembered what Mom had told Dad about his sensory issues.
"I'll tell you what," I offered. "If you try it and don't like it, I will personally make you a peabutter jelly sammich with a glass of milk."
"You will?!" His eyes rounded like I just offered him filet mignon on a gold plate or something.
"Yes, I will."
He stuck out his pinkie, and I smiled as I linked mine with it.
"Okay, then I will try the trout fish," he said, "but don't forget your promise!"
"Never, baby," I assured him.
And that was the dead truth. I would never forget any promise - big or small, serious or silly - that I made our precious boy.
The trout fish was good!
It was no peabutter jelly sammich, but it was still good!
"Mommy, why does Toro's fish look funny?" William asked.
He stared at my plate, which was full of soft pinkish flakes, then glanced down at his, which held a solid rectangle. Since I was also wondering why mine wasn't the same as theirs, I looked up and waited for Mom Evie's answer.
"Well, I wanted to make it as easy for him as possible since it's his first time trying it."
"Oh," William and I said together, then looked at each other and giggled.
"Do you like it, Reau?" Dad Nathan asked.
"It's good." I nodded and ate another forkful. Some of it dropped on the floor, but Spring slurped it right up, even though he'd already had two big pieces.
"I think he likes to sit at your feet just for that reason," Arch muttered. "He's a pig in a wolf suit."
"Sorry I am a messy eater." I curled my shoulders in and stared at the table.
"I wasn't criticizing you, Curls." Arch put his arm around my back and gave me a side hug. "It's fine. You can be messy. No one here cares."
"And that's hardly messy!" Wayne gave me a half-smile that made him look super cute and stirred up my belly butterflies. "Go look under Winnie's chair, or even William's! Spring's in hog heaven being our vacuum cleaner, even though he has to squish himself almost in half to fit under the table!"
"And don't think I miss all of you sneaking him food under there, either," Mom snorted. "Right, Nathan?"
Dad Nathan's eyes went wide, and we all laughed because we knew he was slipping Spring a piece of trout right at that moment.
"Spring, you're going to get fat!" Wade teased him.
I run it all off, my wolf said with a shrug.
"People food isn't good for you, though," Mom Evie argued. "Just look at the incident with the corn dogs and ice cream at the county fair. Besides, I'm not sure Dr. York would approve of us treating you like a dog."
But food is so good! Spring moaned, and Alonzo said I should do things that make me happy. And eating makes me happy.
"Eating makes me happy, too!"
"Inside voice, Toro," Wesley said calmly, which let me know I'd been too loud.
"Sorry," I said in a quieter voice. "I get excited."
"It's all good." He shrugged and smiled. "I get excited, too."
"What makes you excited, Wesley?" I asked.
"Fishing, which is why I was so happy to go to the lake today. I also really like building things and playing board games."
"Games? I know lots of games! You want to play one with me after dinner?"
"How about we all play?" Dad chimed in. "I took the rest of the week off for family time before Mom and I have to take over running the pack on Friday. Mom didn't get to hang out with you three older boys much today, and I didn't see Wade at all."
"Yay!" I clapped my hands. "This will be so fun! What game should we play, Wesley?"
As he listed off all the board games he had, I felt Spring nudge my knee with his snout.
You want more? I asked, lifting my fork.
No, little one. You stopped eating. You need to eat all of your fish so you get stronger and healthier. Eat every bite, little one.
Oh. Okay. Loading up my fork, I lifted it carefully and got nearly all of it in my mouth this time. Only two little flakes fell back on the plate.
Good boy, he praised me, and a happy grin stretched across my mouth.
"We'll start with Candy Land," Mom said, "and no arguments, Wade."
"I didn't even say anything!" Wade protested.
"It's one of the few that even Winnie can play."
"Again, I didn't even say anything!"
"You don't need to say it. I can see the argument in your eyes."
"You can pick the game after Candy Land, Wade," Wesley offered. "What would you like to play?"
"Can we try that new one you got last week?"
"We'll have to be on teams because of the heathens, but sure. I think it will be fun!"
"What game is it, Wes?" Arch asked, looking like he didn't trust what was about to happen.
"Cards Against Humanity." Wes quickly raised his hands when Mom, Dad, Arch, and Wayne all started to protest at once. "It's the family version! I already went through the cards and made sure there wasn't anything dirty!"
"Why would you buy dirty cards?" I asked.
"He means dirty as in vulgar," Dad Nathan told me.
"And what's vulgar?"
"Wayne's mouth most of the time," Wade snickered, then ducked as Wayne threw his napkin at him.
"Wayne's mouth is not dirty!" I told Wade. "His breath usually smells nice, and his teeth are clean and white, and his lips are soft like pillows!"
I looked at Wayne to see his cheeks had turned pink and wondered why. Everything I said was just the truth. Speaking of truth...
"His mouth does say a lot of no-no words, though," I admitted.
"You know better!" Mom hissed as everyone except William and Winnie laughed. Those two sat back and watched all of us with big eyes. "Pay the swear bear, young man!"
"Mom. I have absolutely no idea how many times I swore today—"
"Fourteen times!" I said to help him out.
"And seven were the f word, Mom!" Arch added with wide eyes.
That made Dad laugh into his napkin for some reason, but Mom was frowning and her face was getting red.
"Wayne Andrew Black!"
"I can't help it, Mom! They just enhance my sentences so well!" Wayne protested.
"Well, enhance your sentences without curse words from now on!" Mom growled. "F-bombs are ten bucks each, so you owe the swear bear $84!"
"Hell, no! That's more than half of my pay this week!"
"Add another two bucks, buddy!"
"Dad!" Wayne wailed.
"Son!" Dad wailed back. "What do you want me to do? I got my own tab to pay, only I have the balls to keep a tally myself, not wuss out and let my besties do it for me."
"Well, bestie," Wayne glared at Arch, "you know what they say about snitches, don't you?"
"No, WayWay. What do they say about snitches?" I asked. "And what's a snitch? Am I a snitch?"
Instead of answering me, Wayne tackled Arch to the floor.
"Snitches are bitches who get stitches!" he yelled as he wrestled Arch into a headlock.
"Make it $88, buster!" Mom barked.
"Cards Against Humanity with this family? It's going to end in either broken noses, time-outs, or hernias from hysterical laughter!" Wade held out his fist to Wesley, who bumped knuckles with him. "Dude, this is going to be so much fun!"
My eyes widened. I wasn't sure what a hernia was, but none of that sounded fun to me!