Thoreau - Chapter 4: Chapter 4

My task today was to go to Alpha Ash's old pack territory and survey the public buildings. He wanted to know if any could realistically be rehabbed into usable spaces or if they should all be demolished.
Sixteen years ago, hunters invaded Dark Woods. They killed ninety percent of the pack, including Alpha Ash's parents, and destroyed nearly everything. The survivors were folded into Moonset, Alpha Jayden Carson's pack, and now border patrols were just about the only ones who stepped foot on this territory, which many considered cursed.
A week or so ago, Luna Posy had pointed out to the alphas that the longer Dark Woods remained abandoned, the more shifters would believe that foolishness, and who would want to live there then?
"It's land going to waste for no reason," she told her mates.
Then my smart little luna bunny dropped the subject, allowing the seed she'd planted in their minds to grow on its own.
Hence my presence outside Dark Woods' old medical clinic on this muggy Thursday morning in late June.
Of all the buildings I'd assessed so far, it seemed the most stable and easiest to salvage, so I shouldered open the jammed front door to have a look around inside.
Letting my gaze roam as I walked, I saw no water damage or cracks in the cinder block walls, which were good signs. As I headed for the reception area, I found no evidence of squatters, either. Well, other than the rats and mice I smelled, probably nesting in all the paper in the file cabinets and the soft furniture of the waiting room.
Reaching the registration desk, my eyes landed on an old, dark green book with faded gold lettering. Being the curious guy I was, I picked it up to read the title - Leaves of Grass - and my heart clenched like a fist in my chest.
"Dammit," I muttered.
My mom, a literature major, had a thing for using American authors' names for her kids, and unexpectedly seeing Whitman embossed on the cover of this book sent me back to the darkest time of my life.
A sickness had swept through shifter communities six years ago, hitting some harder than others. Wolf packs suffered great losses, but foxes died by the skulk, and bird shifters were decimated. Of Angelo's whole flock, only he, his little sister, and their three cousins survived. In the year it took our scientists and doctors to develop a cure, thousands died, including my two older siblings, Whitman and Hawthorne.
My sister, whom we called Thorne, passed away a month before her sixteenth birthday. She was our happiness, our guiding light, and losing her crippled my family. My youngest brother, Thoreau, asked for days afterward where she was, and nothing we said could help him understand that she was gone forever.
Then Whit, the oldest of us at nineteen, fell ill two weeks after Thorne's funeral.
That was like the end of the world for all of us.
If Thorne was our sunshine, Whit was our rising star. He was that guy who got straight As in all his classes and stole the show in every sport he tried. Mom and Dad doted on him and, in their eyes, he could do no wrong.
That wasn't to say he was perfect, of course. He had an unholy temper at times and the worst potty mouth of anyone I'd heard before or since, but he didn't let his power or status go to his head. Even after Dad passed him the alphaship and he found his mate and had a pup of his own, Whit remained our caring big brother and an active part of our lives. None of us ever doubted he loved us.
And then it all fell apart.
As Whit lay in a bed struggling to breathe, his mate Sabine refused to move from his side. She wouldn't even hold or nurse Dean, who was only six weeks old. Dad resumed the alphaship, Mom brought the baby to our place, and Thoreau doted on the pup. As for me, I pitched in wherever help was needed, which most often meant keeping an eye on Thoreau and Dean.
Whit hung on longer than most of the sickness' victims, and that gave Sabine hope he was going to recover. She even convinced Mom and Dad to believe he would.
I knew the truth, however. So did most of the pack. No one caught the sickness and survived.
But Sabine was so determined Whit would be the first to beat it that, when he died, her mind unhinged. It didn't help that her wolf couldn't bear losing her mate, either, and Swan faded back to the Goddess less than an hour later.
Ripped apart from her mate and her wolf, Sabine lost all sense of reality and became increasing unstable, raving hysterically one minute and sitting as still and quiet as a statue the next. We didn't dare leave her alone, but no one knew what to do to help her. Thoreau, who was only nine, was terrified of her and he kept Dean in his room day and night.
The day after Whit's funeral, Mom decided to try using baby Dean to encourage Sabine to come back to us, but it turned out to be the worst decision she ever could have made.
At first, it looked like it might work. Mom waited until Sabine was in her statue mode, then sat on the floor next to her with Dean in her arms. Sabine slowly became aware of them and hesitantly took the pup as Mom held him out to her. Sabine cradled the baby against her chest and began to hum, and we all started to relax. Dad even smiled at Mom as he helped her stand up.
But fate had one more tragedy to deliver to the Jones family that day.
Quick as a wink, Sabine's demeanor changed into something resembling a feral animal more than a woman. With a banshee-like shriek, she attacked her own pup.
Dad, of course, immediately dove in to save Dean, and I grabbed Thoreau and carried him out of the living room before he realized what was happening. As I ran up the stairs with him, Sabine's shrieks turned to gurgles, and I knew Dad had killed her.
"Bubba, what happened? Is big sissy okay? Is our pup okay? Bubba? Bubba!"
But I couldn't answer Thoreau. I was too stuck in my own shock and grief as I felt another death ripple through the pack bond. I didn't want to accept it as I carried Thoreau into my room, but as we huddled together on my bed, I couldn't deny what had happened.
Sabine had killed Dean, and Dad had killed her.
Even now, my eyes filled with tears as the pain ripped across my heart as fiercely as it did that day, and I laid the book of poems back on the dirty, dusty counter where I'd found it.
"Dammit," I muttered again as I swiped at my eyes.
There were many shifters who survived losing their mates, such as Nathan Barlow and Genevieve Black. They lost their other halves in the sickness, but held it together for their packs and their children. Later, they became chosen mates and even fell in love and had babies together.
Others, like Sabine, went wild with grief. They either ended their pain themselves or caused someone else to do it for them. After the sickness, 'suicide by alpha' became a common occurrence in nearly every shifter community.
And now that I had a mate of my own, I could understand it. We hadn't been mates for a full week yet, but Angelo already had my whole heart. If I were to lose him, what would be the point of living?
Still, I wouldn't take anyone else with me. If I ever had a child of my own, and something happened to Angelo, I couldn't imagine doing what Sabine did.
Human news sometimes tells stories of moms doing that, my wolf spoke up.
Yeah, but it's so incomprehensibly cruel to me, Cove. Killing Dean, an innocent pup, the only surviving piece of Whit...
I shook my head, unable to continue.
Yes, I know. Ex-Mom and Dad hardly reacted any better, though, did they? Cove scoffed.
True, I admitted. They may not have physically killed Thoreau or me, but they certainly did emotionally.
Dad cut us off in every way. He didn't come to any of our school events or play catch with us anymore. The only times he talked to us, he snapped or yelled, usually something mean to or about Thoreau. When he started to physically push Thoreau away every time my baby brother went in for a hug, I began to keep Thoreau out of his sight and out of his mind.
As for Mom, she shut down completely. Instead of helping us understand so much tragedy, she locked herself away for nearly a year. When she finally came out of her bedroom, she was nothing like the woman who baked cookies with me and read bedtime stories to Thoreau. She didn't smile, talk, and pay us any attention.
It was left to me and Miss Marriott, our retired cook, to take care of Thoreau. He couldn't understand why we lost everyone - Thorne, Whit, Sabine, and Dean physically and Mom and Dad in every other way - all at the same time.
With tears in his eyes, Thoreau asked me if it was because of him, and my heart broke for him. He knew he was ... different and thought that was why they'd left us.
I loved my baby brother very much, but my fourteen-year-old self often saw his quirks as irritating and his meltdowns as ridiculous. I was half-convinced it was all an act or a cry for attention.
The first time I got frustrated and yelled at him for being dumb, Miss Marriott took me aside and reminded me that Thoreau was only nine and there was nothing wrong with him.
"He thinks different than you do, that's all, and different don't mean defective. Reau is just Reau. Period," she chided me in her slow Southern drawl, then held up a wooden spoon with fire in her brown eyes. "You have no business calling him dumb, and if I hear you call him that again, I'll paddle your behind just like I did when you was a little pup!"
"Yes, ma'am," I muttered, shuffling my feet.
With a sigh, she stretched up to pat me on the shoulder. Even then, I towered over her, and that was as high as she could reach.
"Do you remember how you used to get so frustrated by jigsaw puzzles?"
"Yeah, and you taught me to find all the edge pieces and put them together first. What's that have to do with Reau?"
Impatient teenager that I was, I rolled my eyes at her and received a well-deserved smack with her wooden spoon for my disrespect.
"Better start thinking with that noodle between your ears before you open your mouth, boy!" she fussed at me. After I apologized, she said, "Picture Reau as a puzzle. Find his edge pieces and figure out how they go together. The rest will take care of itself."
Suitably chastised, I did exactly what Miss Marriot said and discovered she was right. Thoreau's little quirks and meltdowns had a rhythm and a pattern. As for his intelligence, it was obvious he could learn as well as anyone. He just needed a helping hand and patience.
Miss our baby brother, Cove whimpered as he got lost in the memories with me.
Me, too, Cove. I heaved a heavy sigh. I hope Mom's keeping her promise not to hurt him or let Dad hurt him.
Miss Marriot is there. She will watch out for him.
A fat lot of good she'd do against them.
I rolled my eyes as I thought of the tiny omega woman who must be in her late eighties or early nineties by now, if she was even still alive.
I wish we could go see him, Cove whispered before he curled up in a sad little ball in the back of my mind.
Yeah.
While Whit and Thorne and baby Dean were lost to me forever, Thoreau was only a few hours away, and it killed me to know I couldn't see him or even call him.
After I told him I was gay, Dad had dragged me up to my room to pack my things. I can still remember begging my mom to let me say goodbye to Thoreau and how her dead eyes stared at me before she turned and walked away. Then Dad drove me to the border of Gray Shadows and kicked my sixteen-year-old self out of his vehicle, his life, and his pack.
As much as I wished otherwise, I knew he and Mom would never let me have Thoreau's custody. My baby brother didn't have alpha blood, so he couldn't inherit the position, but Bellamy and Ivana Jones would keep him from me just for spite. And if I pressed too hard to get his custody, I feared what they might do to him just to see me suffer...
Angelo suddenly nudged the mate link, and I realized some of my thoughts and feelings were slipping into the mate bond.
I grimaced, angry at myself for being an annoying mate and disturbing him over nothing while he was busy.
What's wrong, my love? he whispered as soon as I opened the link. Do I need to kill someone?
Sorry to bother you. It's nothing. I looked up at the ceiling and blinked several times.
It's something to make you so sad, orsacchiotto.
My heart fluttered every time he called me a pet name, of which he had many, and this was no exception.
Just got lost in some bad memories.
Thinking of your family? His sexy voice was concerned and full of sympathy.
After we found each other on Saturday, we stayed awake all night talking. I'd told him about my past, and he'd shared how much he struggled to parent - at eighteen years old - four little girls who were both bird shifters and magic-users when he was neither.
Just wondering how things would have gone if Whit had lived. I shrugged. Gray Shadows would have the best alpha, Alpha and Luna Jones might not have twisted to the dark side, and I'd still be part of Reau's life.
We can go see him.
Alpha Jones commanded me to never return. Bitterness crept into my voice.
Maybe he's mellowed. It's been four years, yeah? Do you think he'd hold a grudge over something so stupid for that long?
Pfft. He had trouble letting go of grudges before Whit died. I shook my head and snorted. I wouldn't be surprised if he has a kill-on-sight order out when it comes to me.
How about I go? With Julian's permission, I can say I'm the king's representative and was sent to check the books or something.
Maybe. It could work if we planned it right.
We'll talk about it more later, bello (handsome). I'll let you get back to work.
What are you doing, anyway? I frowned. I thought you were meeting with the contractor building the new magic shop?
I am, but he's so boring! I'm not listening to half of what he's saying.
That's not very responsible, Angelo! I scolded, making him chuckle.
Okay, okay. I'll start paying attention, but I expect you to reward me for my effort.
Bad boys get punishments, loser, not rewards. My lips curled up into a smirk.
Ooo! Tell me more, my kinky darling.
Why? I'll have much more fun showing you later. My smirk grew as I sent him the memory of the first time I jacked him off.
Baby, he groaned, meet me at our house for lunch. I need you to help me with a big, big problem.
Better not let that contractor see your boner, I teased him. It's mine, all mine, and I am going to suck your soul out through it when we get home.
He groaned my name again, and I closed the link with a smug chuckle.
I'd just decided that the clinic would be a good starting spot for rebuilding Dark Woods when Beta Tyler James linked our five alphas and the rest of us betas.
Alphas, the visitor you're expecting has arrived.
His tone was calm and professional, but we all heard the underlying anger in it, which got our attention real quick.
Ty didn't get mad very often. His wolf did. River's crazy little behind popped off at the drop of a hat, but Ty rarely even got irritated.
Add in the fact that his task was to guard the luna today, and we all went on high alert.
Where is he? Alpha Cole said before any of us could respond.
Here at the alpha house.
A flurry of curses and jolts of disbelief filled the beta bond. No wonder Tyler was fuming. A potential threat was too near our luna.
He's supposed to be at the alpha offices, not alpha house, Beta Crew Myers replied. I'm over here waiting for him.
I know, but here he is.
Are you talking to him? Alpha Ash asked Ty.
No, but Royal Price is. I don't like this. The visitor is an alpha and has three shifters with him.
What the hell is he up to? Alpha Wyatt snarled. Is he stupid or does he have a death wish?
And why is my father there? Alpha Mason said with his wolf, Garnet, rumbling in his voice.
Forget all that! Where's my little luna bunny? I barked right as Alpha Jayden demanded, Where's Posy?
Right here next to me, of course, holding my hand, Tyler assured us. We're in the living room, watching out the window. Mr. Price is linking me their conversation.
Don't let Posy out of your sight, Ty, Alpha Wyatt ordered. The rest of the betas, to the alpha house now.
Of course, alpha, we chorused.
Mr. Price came to say sorry to luna, Tyler answered Alpha Mason's question. That was the spike of fear you picked up on earlier. She wasn't sure of him at first, but he gave her flowers and apologized, and she accepted it. He was about to teach us Monopoly when the visitor's vehicle pulled up outside.
So, I guess we have to tell you, Alpha Cole said slowly. The visitor is, uh, Alpha Bellamy Jones of Gray Shadows.
I froze in my tracks for a second, then flat-out sprinted to the old high school parking lot where I'd left my SUV.
What?! I snarled. Why is he here? I don't want that son of a bitch anywhere near my little luna bunny!
How do we know him? Ty asked as my alphas and other beta brothers sent me waves of support through our bonds. I didn't think we had an alliance with Gray Shadows.
We don't and never will so long as he's alpha, Alpha Jayden told the kid, but he's Emerson's father.
That bastard hasn't been my father for a long time, I growled as I jumped into my vehicle.
In fact, when I found my mate, I took Angelo's last name to cut all connection with my parents. The only thing I would have wanted from them was Thoreau.
Three more years until he's eighteen, Cove reminded me, and I nodded. Then we'll get him home with us no matter what Alpha and Luna Jones say.
Too right we will, I agreed with my wolf.
Well, alphas? Why is he here? Beta Tristan Harrington repeated my question.
Supposed to be delivering something, Alpha Mason said. A package, he said, for a pack member.
Yeah, he says he has something that belongs to Emerson, Tyler added, but he won't hand it over to anyone except him or luna. Mr. Price wants me to bring luna out onto the porch so she can talk to him.
No, no, no! Alpha Wyatt snapped. Keep her inside!
Get her in the safe room! Alpha Cole bellowed. Don't let her near him!
Sorry, alphas, Ty said, but her order overrides yours, and she wants to deal with it. She says she can do it.
Shit! Alpha Ash swore and Alpha Mason growled his displeasure low in his throat, as did the rest of us betas.
Then let her deal with it, Alpha Jayden said and even shrugged. Everyone calm down. Ty and Royal are with her, and even one of them is more than sufficient to protect her. Besides, our job is not to lock her in a cage to keep her safe. Our job is to kill anything that attempts to stop her from flying as high as she wants to fly.
As he said that last part, a dark smirk tugged at my lips.
You heard the alpha, Ty, I purred. While our little luna flies, you keep your eyes on that piece of filth. If he so much as twitches in her direction, you make him wish he was never born. Got it?
It wasn't Ty who answered me, though.
Me kill him, River said, and I recognized that eerie degree of calm in his voice. It usually came before one hell of a hurricane. Me kill him dead before he touch luna.
That made me feel a thousand times better about the whole situation. River would destroy the world first and ask questions never - and that was just fine with me when it came to Bellamy the Bastard Jones.
It only took me thirty minutes to make the hour-long drive to the alpha house, but I still was the last beta to arrive. Matthew Rose was getting out of his truck as I parked next to him, and together we loped over to where a little crowd had gathered near a big dog crate in the front yard.
Tyler had kept us caught up with what was happening, but wouldn't give out any specific details. He assured us luna was fine, but said we'd have to see the rest for ourselves. As for luna, she asked the alphas to come home if they could because she was so upset.
That freaked me out, and I hustled over to see with my own eyes that she was okay - and was not prepared to find my baby brother asleep in her lap.
"Thoreau?" I whispered.
After I got over the initial shock, I grabbed him and held him as tight as I could without hurting him.
Someone obviously had hurt him enough.
Cuts marred his arms and face, he stank horribly of body odor, his curly hair was a matted mess, and he was far too thin and small.
And why the hell does that dog crate smell so heavily of him?
I truly hoped it wasn't for the obvious reason.
Angelo was tapping on the mate link, becoming increasingly frantic when I didn't answer. I hated that I was bothering him again, but I was too inexperienced with the mate bond to keep my stronger emotions out of it.
Mate loves us, Cove assured me. Mate doesn't want us to hide anything from him and will be upset with you if you do. And right now, mate is upset with you for not answering him, so answer him!
I nodded. Although we were only in the beginning stages of our relationship, I understood Angelo well enough to know that Cove was right.
I'm not injured or in danger, but if you are not too busy, could you come to the alpha house? I'd really appreciate having you with me right now. My voice spiraled higher as tears closed up my throat. Sorry. I know I'm bothering you again—
Shut up, Emerson. I was on my way as soon as I felt your distress.
Hearing his voice helped me calm down enough to actually listen to what luna was saying. She explained how Alpha Jones had dropped Thoreau off in that dog crate and what he'd said before he left.
Thank the Goddess, my mate arrived quickly, and I let myself sink into the comfort he offered even as Thoreau sank into what comfort I could offer him.
While Angelo talked with luna, I tried to assess Thoreau's injuries. He jerked with a wince when my hand brushed over certain areas, especially his back, although he never made a sound. I was afraid to ask him what they'd done to him, not sure I could handle the answer without losing it.
Then my baby brother pulled his ratty t-shirt up to wipe his nose, and we all saw the bruises painting his torso in shades of yellow, green, blue, and purple.
"Dammit!" I hissed as Royal Price growled something.
I'd made Mom swear on the moon that she wouldn't hurt him or allow Dad to hurt him! I'd thought that would buy Thoreau some measure of protection, but a shifter's most solemn vow obviously meant nothing to her.
Well, if the Moon Goddess doesn't punish her, I sure as hell will! Cove snarled.
Too distracted to respond to my wolf, I looked at Angelo.
Can you heal him?
Of course, if he'll let me touch him. I'll be able to tell if he has any internal damage then, too. Angelo shook his head with his lips pressed together in a white line. Why would they do this to him?
They're cruel and disgusting people. I blinked back the tears. I don't know why I was foolish enough to trust their promise not to hurt him. I should have gone back for him after I settled here. I should have asked the alphas for help to get his custody. I should have—
Stop, my love. Angelo's hands framed my face as he gently kissed my lips. Don't go down that path. None of this is your fault.
Meanwhile, alphas Cole and Mason arrived, assigned the matter to Royal Price, and carried their red-faced luna into the house. Royal dismissed the other betas, then told Angelo and me to let him know when he could come over to ask some questions.
What should I do? I whispered to Cove as my mate shook hands with Royal. Angelo won't want to raise another kid, but he's my little brother. I don't want to lose my mate, but I can't abandon my brother!
"You don't honestly think I'd ask you to dump him in the orphanage, do you?" Angelo groused, and I winced, realizing I'd left the mate link open. "He's coming home with us!"
"He's not— You don't understand. He doesn't— He's going to need—"
"Shh, orsacchiotto (teddy bear). Whatever he needs, we'll provide. I always wanted a baby brother, and now we can share yours."
"I'm not a baby." Thoreau scrubbed his eyes with his knuckles, then glared up at Angelo. "I'm a big boy."
His argument lost all of its weight when he blew another snot bubble out of his nose, then wiped it on his sleeve. Angelo chortled, but I couldn't even drum up a smile. I was too devastated to see Thoreau in such horrible condition.
"Oh, you are, are you? And how old is our big boy?" Angelo asked.
I'd already told him his age and birthday, but he must have sensed that Thoreau wanted to talk.
"Fifteen. I asked Binda and she told me."
Binda? Cove tilted his head. Who's Binda?
I shrugged. I didn't remember any Bindas in the pack.
"Fifteen?" Angelo widened his eyes and acted surprised, which made Thoreau giggle. "When's your birthday, piccolo cucciolo (little puppy)? Is it already past or coming up, hmm?"
"I don't 'member." Thoreau shrugged. "Mommy Daddy said I don't deserve a birthday, anyway. No birthdays for bad boys or retar—"
"What did I tell you about that word?" I growled.
He jumped a little in my arms, and I clenched my jaw so hard, teeth should have cracked.
Easy, darling, Angelo murmured. I know you're angry. I am, too, but we have to be calm for him. He's so fragile.
I know. I'm sorry. I'll tell you what I know in a second, or you can ask luna, Ty, and Royal. They were here when my father dropped him off.
I don't think luna's going to be an option for a while, he chuckled, then jerked his chin toward alphas Ash, Wyatt, and Jay, who were sprinting past us into the house.
I snorted, knowing exactly how our alphas were going to be spending their lunch hour. Calm again, I was able to soften my tone to answer Thoreau.
"Your birthday is March 14, and you do deserve to celebrate it. You deserve the world."
"That's right, cucciolo (puppy)," Angelo said. "And we're going to give it to you."
What about Leo? I asked, suddenly remembering our housemate.
You mean our live-in babysitter? He grinned at me. I linked Beatrix, and she called him. He's cleaning a bedroom while she and the twins shop for some basic supplies. See? Everything is fine, anima gemella (soulmate).
I shook my head with a small smile of admiration and appreciation. He thought of everything I should have and couldn't.
Yet another reason why I loved my angel so much.