To Put On An Act - Chapter 21: Chapter 21

Today, things were a little bit different. Today, shockingly, it was Youngbin that picked up Alex from class. Yes, Alex had actually gone to class. For what felt like the first time, ever. Though, as it was so common with Youngbin's classes, his teacher actually had exceeded the lessons time, and spent five more minutes trying to come up with homework. So he was late, and it had become less of the cutesy "I'll be waiting for you when you get out of class" that Alex liked to pull, and more "I'm running towards you, I'm so sorry, you must've been waiting for at least three hours" kind of thing.
So now Youngbin was hastily shoving himself past the students that filled the halls, bumping into people here and there, but for once, he actually cared a little less about it, and the extended apologies he'd usually give were shortened to "oh, sorry!".
Alex finally came into view, leaning on the wall next to his classroom, his arms crossed, a typical sight. With him were the short pink haired girl, Margo, dressed in purples and pinks and blacks, and Lani, who was taller than him by a lot and chose to look as though she was attending a funeral every day of her life. This, of course, was by no means a negative thing. Just an observation he had made about the two friends, two polar opposites, and Alex somewhere in between.
His eyes lit up when he spotted Youngbin, as they did so often, a smile dancing on his lips. Youngbin, naturally, reciprocated, both their hands lifted for a high five that then melted into their fingers intertwining. A ritual. Something Youngbin would miss so dearly once they'd- *stop*. Ended their act. "Broke up".
"You went to class."
"Sure did." His gentle smile turned into a cheeky grin. "Proud of me?"
"Very."
"He only went because he fucked up his math exam." Lani patted Alex on the back, with a mean kind of smile. "Starting to feel bad about his grades, maybe?"
Alex rolled his eyes, and he cleared his throat, scratched the back of his head.
"If I fail maths, I'm probably- Well. I'll just try to-"
"Do you need tutoring, maybe?" Youngbin tilted his head, flashed a smile, and pressed down on Alex' hand which he'd still been holding. The offer was maybe somewhat genuine. Not that he was particularly good at maths himself, but he *passed* at least. And maybe Alex was actually willing to listen and learn from Youngbin. Though right now, Alex looked as though he had completely lost the capacity to listen to anything, looking at him with big brown puppy eyes.
"His gay ass wouldn't learn shit," Margo muttered, almost exhausted sounding.
"Fuck you, Margo, for probably being right." Alex rolled his eyes, then focused back on Youngbin, squeezing his hand as well. They'd do that a lot. A little act of comforting gentleness that nobody could see, but they could feel. A "I'm alright" and a "Let's keep going". "I'm gonna have to get something out of my locker really quick." Youngbin nodded, and followed Alex, Margo and Lani trailing close behind them.
When Alex had found his locker, he stared at it for a couple of seconds, as though he was waiting for it to open by itself. Slowly, he cleared his throat as his hand rose up to the lock. Then he hesitated.
"What was my code?"
"Probably like 123 or something." Lani looked over his shoulder, inspecting the lock. "When was the last time you opened this?"
"I mean, not that long ago. Maybe like three or four months."
"And you think it's not that long ago?"
"There's basically nothing in there? Just textbooks I never use."
"It's 304," Margo said, leaning against the lockers, not even paying attention to Alex' little problem. She just watched the students rush by to get to their own lockers, with an expression on her face as toxic as Youngbin had ever seen. Though, it might've just been her resting face. Maybe that was the sort of expression one developed after being stared at by everyone for a little too long. Then again, trying to not stare at that bundle of pink wasn't all that easy.
"How do you even know that stuff?" The locker clicked open and Alex looked more displeased than he should have.
"I make space for it in my brain because I know you won't." Nonchalantly, as though to prove how little effort she spent on remembering things, Margo looked at her nails, manicured in all black, though there was a glittery accent nail on each hand. "By the way." Now she looked up from her hand, to Youngbin instead. "Any chance you're coming along to Min's party this weekend?"
"Me?" Youngbin blinked. A party, and him attending? Yeah. No. He didn't even have to think about that. He was far from even considering something like that.
"Wait, oh my god, you totally should!" Alex stuck his head out of the locker again to look at his fake boyfriend with those excited sparkly fake boyfriend eyes. "Min wouldn't mind at all, you could absolutely come along!"
"Uh, I don't know-" He absolutely did know. The answer was no. "How many people are there?" That didn't matter, the answer was no. Youngbin wasn't sure why he was asking.
"Oh, no idea. Min knows like, half the town. And has space for the whole town in their stupid mansion ass house. It's not even far from your place, same neighbourhood I think." Alex' head disappeared behind the aluminium door of his locker again, his voice muffled.
"You live in the same neighbourhood as Min?" Lani raised her thin eyebrows, staring at Youngbin. "Are you kidding, how rich are you?"
"Not that- Does that matter?" Youngbin shook his head. "Anyway- Wouldn't Min have to invite me to their party themselves? Is it polite to just do that for them?"
"Oh, that's not how Min parties work. They just go "pre Halloween party next weekend" and then the news spreads like a wildfire and every person comes." Margo shrugged, not looking up from her nails. "There's like a handful of people that aren't allowed to come. And they're aware."
"A pre Halloween party? Do you guys dress up?"
"Ah, no, we reserved that for their post Halloween party. It's this Saturday, though. Would probably be fun to have you."
"I'll think about it." He wouldn't. No way in hell was Youngbin going to some party with half the city, and thus, all his bullies. It didn't even matter if Alex was there, everyone was going to be drunk and on drugs and awful and horny and violent in every way. Nothing would get him there. And yet, he said "I'll think about it", because "no" was just such a difficult word.
"I think it'd be fun." Alex finally pulled a text book out of his locker, pristine and untouched, a condition not even Youngbin's well cared for books were in. Clearly, this one had never been used. "It'd be quite an... audience, wouldn't it?"
He dragged out the word audience with a knowing smile, a tone that would be awfully convincing, terribly charming, absolutely irresistible on anyone but Youngbin. He just raised his eyebrows, nodded, in a way that meant no.
"Suppose it would, but-"
"Oh, for fucks sake." A groan escaped Margo, cutting Youngbin off. Her eyes darted down the hallway, and Youngbin tried to follow her gaze.
Down the hall, a swathe formed, dramatically so, students stepping out of the way to let someone through. And when that someone came into Youngbin's view, his heart dropped.
Margo rolled her eyes, turned away to face the closed locker in front of her, and Youngbin did the same, almost automatically. That same ritual he'd always do when he wasn't in the mood to get into trouble with someone that very obviously hated him.
And Dennis Nelson most definitely hated him.
Hoping that his red hair wouldn't alarm him like a bull having a red cloth waved in front of his eyes, Youngbin stood still, silent, unmoving as he hoped for him to pass as soon as quickly. He didn't. Dennis, obviously, didn't.
And it wasn't just the red hair that alarmed him, but the hands that dyed it. Just as Alex had closed his locker shut, the guy, considerably taller than Alex, crashed right into him.
"Oops," he let out, drawn out, ironic, with a tone of someone whose ego took up most of the space in his skull that the brain had left. Margo exhaled, long but quietly, and it looked as though she was praying for something to happen. Or maybe for nothing at all to happen.
"It's called 'I'm sorry', actually." Alex' tone had become cold again. In a way that Youngbin equally loved and hated. Now, though, he hated it more than anything else. There was absolutely no need to start a problem with Dennis Nelson. Not now. Not ever, actually.
Margo's expression of praying intensified. Like she'd been through this before. Like she'd seen this two years ago, and had seen it lead to both of them being hospitalised.
Alex however kept a cool demeanour, one Youngbin always forgot about until he suddenly let it shine through again. He tried to turn around, and Margo looked as though she was going to exhale in relief. Good. Walk away. Just walk away.
"Sorry your fat ass is blocking my fucking way."
"Flirting now, are we?" Alex didn't walk away. Like something he'd decided to lock out had just made its way back in again through the back entrance.
"You'd sure be into that, fucking fag. Does your mommy know you're a whore?" Silence, for an agonisingly long second. Alex froze, as though he knew exactly what was coming next. And then it did come. "Never mind. She raised you one."
Alex closed his eyes, blinked once, slowly, like he had to compose himself. He was doing a good job, for now. Both Youngbin and Margo visibly hoped for this to continue.
"Whatever. Just leave it be." It took some strength to say that. Youngbin knew it, and certainly appreciated it.
"Look who's become a nerd." Youngbin felt Dennis move, but didn't dare to turn around to see his exact movements. But he'd come closer. Youngbin remained still. "Much like your little queer."
"Fuck off, Nelson."
Youngbin's heart beat faster, much faster, he tensed up. Somewhere in his stomach anger was brewing, but before that could even attempt to come up and make him act, anxiety had long paralysed every inch of him.
"Oh, that's how I get you to react?"
"Don't fucking touch him." A crowd had formed. They'd started watching. Whispering. Youngbin wished he could tell which side they were on, if there was a side to take in such situations at all. "You don't wanna do that. You really fucking don't."
Youngbin didn't know what was happening behind him, and his body was unable to move, until it did happen. A large cold hand laid itself on Youngbin's shoulder, pressed down a bit, and turned him around with a quick and violent jerk. Youngbin spun around, involuntarily, and met the eyes of Dennis, narrow, smug, greenish brown. And a smile, hungry, in a deadly, cannibalistic, predatory way. Not the hunger that sometimes gleamed in Alex' eyes.
"You don't touch him." Alex' voice was sharp, cold, and most terrifying of all, it was brooding with genuine anger. One that had begun to bubble up within his voice before, when he talked about his parents, about Demian, about Mister Carter. An anger that'd always been held back, desperately so.
It wasn't holding back now. It came out without control, but force, threaten, a warning shot before a massacre. And then, Youngbin dared to look at Alex' eyes. They were so damn much more than a warning shot.
They hadn't narrowed like they usually were when Alex wanted to intimidate. They were wide open, and burning, much like Dennis' hand on Youngbin's shoulder had begun burning.
"You want me to break your fucking nose again?" Alex almost seemed as though he was out of breath.
"You're all bark and no bite, Alexander." Dennis' hand peeled itself off of Youngbin's shoulder when he turned to face Alex again, leaving what felt like a burnt mark on him forever. "Scared you'll land behind bars like daddy?"
"I could bite your fucking head off if I wanted."
"Maybe put on a muzzle then. Who gets to wear the leash here, you or your fucktoy-"
That's when he bit.
Shoved, rather, but hard. A warning, still, but Alex took a large step toward Dennis even before he could finish his sentence, and shoved. Dennis stumbled back, just a step, then something in his face changed, twisted, his lips curling into a snarl.
"You don't fucking-" He wouldn't finish, instead ended his threat with a grunt and another shove, harder, and Alex crashed into the lockers behind him.
Youngbin flinched, the first time his body was able to move after having turned to stone from Dennis' touch. But that was just it, a flinch, before his fingers began turning numb and the rest of his body stopped responding to his brain's begs to move.
Move where? Somewhere. Away from them, or maybe between them, anything, as long as he'd do something. He didn't. He couldn't.
Alex groaned. Pain. Youngbin felt like he was the one being torn apart. His sight began to blur. A figure that was supposed to be Alex rushed towards Dennis, then he swung his fist, and then it hit something, someone, maybe, Youngbin wasn't sure. It made a noise, unpleasant but drowned out by gasps and whispers and a pained moan.
Things turned darker, and louder, and one body threw itself onto another, but at that point, everything had become too blurry to really understand what was happening. Cheers and shouts and curses had turned into a buzz, and the only thing Youngbin could recognize was Alex' voice. Maybe he was saying something, at Youngbin, or Dennis, or anyone, he couldn't tell, he couldn't even hear if it was words he was letting out or just pained noises.
Either way, they felt like a call to action. To help, maybe. What if he needed help?
Then, something pressed against his chest, an invisible hand, pushing him back, guiding him around, shoving him away. A hand turned into a wind, speeding up his steps, faster, faster, until he ran, along the corridor, then around the corner, then into a room, then into a bathroom stall.
He grasped for the lock through the tears that had long welled up in his eyes, then his weight fell against the door, seeking support as he collapsed like a house of cards, his breath having become too fast, too choked, turning into sobs.
The mass that was supposed to be his body turned numb, from the fingers through his arms, and with whatever strength was left he hugged his torso, grasped around his chest tightly as though that would keep his frantically beating heart from breaking out of his rib cage.
He had no right to be like this. He had no right to sit on the floor and sob and shake. He had no right to feel blinded by the white tiles around him and the fluorescent lights flickering above his head, to claw his fingers into the flesh of his numbing arms, to put himself in pain while Alex-
Youngbin coughed as he felt the grasp on his shoulder again, heavy and controlling and it was just a hand on his shoulder and yet it felt as though he had to chop the arm off, he had to scrub the print left on there off with acid.
It was just a touch, and Alex-
And Alex. What about Alex, what about him? What about him being pushed into hard metal doors and punched and thrown to the ground and Youngbin couldn't fucking breathe anymore.
"Youngbin?" A voice called for him. Smooth and gentle. "Can you open the door? Please?"
He couldn't. His legs had given in, his arms had snapped into position, grasping around his own body to keep it from falling apart.
"Youngbin, listen to me. You're gonna be fine. Can you breathe?"
He couldn't. Whoever was on the other side of the door could tell.
"It's okay. It's gonna be alright, okay? Everything will be alright. You're safe, yeah?"
Youngbin managed to let out an utterance that vaguely sounded like Alex' name. That might've been more if he had the energy for it. Something like a "I don't care about me, what about Alex?" but really, nothing came of it. Not a word, except for his name, fought its way from Youngbin's brain to his mouth.
"He's-" The voice sounded tired, and as much as it tried to hide it, painfully worried. But experienced. Like this had happened before. "He'll be taken care of."
Now some weight, certainly more than Youngbin's, pressed against the door from the outside. Not as much of an urgent beg to be let in, but rather like the person on the other side had decided to lean against it as well, making themselves comfortable.
"I'm sorry you had to see that. It's- This isn't really him, I guess. Not normally. Not anymore." Youngbin's sobs had begun to quiet down as he heavily focused on each word the voice said. "He just- loves strongly. You, especially. Yeah. He loves you."
He didn't. Not like that.
"I know it's a shit way to show love, but-"
Not to show love. To stick to a deal. To follow the rules. It was an agreement. Essentially, this was exactly what Youngbin should've expected Alex to do. This wasn't love, Youngbin didn't even dare to toy with the idea.
"Just- man. It just kind of sucks. Sometimes he sucks."
"He doesn't suck," is what Youngbin would've wanted to say, but nothing came out of his mouth. Not even a cry. Nothing, really. Except for an exhale, after a really long time of saying nothing and holding his breath.
The voice on the other side didn't say anything either, but also didn't attempt to move away. And after some time, when his sight was clearer, when his legs had become somewhat stable again, when his body felt in one piece, Youngbin dared to stand up.
Quickly wiping his sleeve over his eyes, as if that would make him look any less miserable, he fiddled with the lock, the weight on the other side shifted away, and finally the door opened.
On the other side was Lani. Her face, though most of her features were painted with black and white to exaggerate them, looked gentle, worried, strangely calm. Green eyes looked down on him, the corners of her mouth gave their best to curl upwards.
"You okay?"
"Isn't this the boys bathroom?" Youngbin wasn't sure why that was the first question he muttered. God. What an idiot he was.
"That's what matters right now?" She tilted her head, the softness in her expression wasn't fading.
"I'm sorry." She rolled her eyes at that.
"Are you okay now?"
Youngbin hesitated. Then, slowly, he nodded. He wasn't really. Not at all. He couldn't decide what exactly he was feeling, exactly. Fear, and worry, and shock, and a weird amount of anger, towards- Dennis? Alex? At himself for running?
Whatever it was, he wasn't okay. Not in the slightest.
"I need to- breathe," he decided to say. "Be alone."
Lani nodded slowly, in the kind of way only a person that was able to see right through his lies would do. She sighed, gave Youngbin another smile, then took a step back.
"Okay. If you- If you need anything... Well. Not like I have anything really to give to you. But- yeah. Sorry about the whole thing."
Youngbin nodded. As though that was the only thing he knew how to do. And then that was it. Lani turned around, left the bathroom, and Youngbin was tempted to close the door to the stall once more, and wait for the break to end. Perhaps that was it. What he had to do.
So he did.
Youngbin hadn't seen Alex again at school that day. As much as he didn't want to think about this, he had indeed locked himself in a bathroom stall again, just like old times, waiting for time to pass and for class to come. When the bell rang, any commotion in the hallway was long over, though he did for a second believe that he saw a single drop of blood on the floor where it had happened.
When he'd taken his seat next to Kaya in class, she already knew about it. Whatever glimpse of a good impression she had gotten from Alex a couple of days ago, it'd been ruined again. Maybe everything was worse now. Maybe everything was ruined.
Youngbin wasn't sure if Alex had been suspended for the day. He hadn't seen him, nor had he seen Margo or Lani. And, naturally, no sight of Dennis Nelson, though Youngbin didn't particularly put in any effort to find him.
Nobody had really talked to him about it. Some students had thrown him some looks, one of them was a sorry one, the rest an almost scared one. Like this had been a warning. Whoever comes close to Youngbin would also meet Alex Hill. Like it'd been the plan all along.
This was what it should've been. What he should've been craving for. But turns out it was nothing like he'd wanted.
After Youngbin's last lesson, a teacher had kindly asked to talk to him before leaving. A younger woman he'd never actually met before, though he remembered that she was teaching politics and philosophy. She was thin, with a pale face, long blonde hair, eyes that looked kind in a face that seemed so stern. She'd asked Youngbin a couple of vague questions about the incident- fuck, now he'd started referring to it like that as well.
Youngbin didn't have much to say, other than that Dennis insulted both of them, and that Alex did in fact initiate a physical alteration so to say, but it'd been provoked by- that heavy hand on Youngbin's shoulder. It felt as though that side of his body had become heavier throughout the day. Like the hand had stayed there and weighed him down.
The woman nodded, and she looked so sad the whole time. She pitied him so clearly, and Youngbin really couldn't take that pity anymore. She told him that things were going to be fine, assured him over and over again that she was to be trusted with bullying, that she 'knew Alex' and was aware that 'this wasn't him'.
Then, she'd let him go.
The questions had felt short and vague and Youngbin couldn't answer much, because he was busy having a panic attack locked in the bathroom, and yet he seemed to have had a longer chat than he expected. The school grounds were nearly empty, and the sun was setting soon.
When Youngbin stepped through the main entrance into the surprisingly gentle air of fall, the courtyard lay lonely in front of him. Except for a figure, a single one, that turned around when the heavy glass doors behind Youngbin fell shut.
Alex' lip was busted, red still stuck around his nostrils, a bandaid was rather carelessly plastered on his cheek, right underneath the little mole that's been so beautifully, almost intentionally placed under his eye.
Certainly, his face was beat up. But that wasn't it. That wasn't as painful. What was horrible to see was the smile that appeared on his lips as soon as he spotted Youngbin, that then disappeared again, turned into agony instead. Into fear. And then his eyes began to turn glassy.
"Alex," Youngbin said, it could've been a greeting. His voice was hoarse, maybe from the shock of seeing him beat up. Or seeing him on the brink of tears.
"Bin-" He was shaking. He walked towards Youngbin, and his legs looked as though they were about to give in. And his voice, god, his voice, so quiet, so unsure. He'd never heard him like that. He never wanted to again. "I- I'm so- I didn't mean for this to happen. I didn't want to- I just felt so angry and I didn't want him to say anything about you, and I just-"
Now he stood there, in front of Youngbin, and he was so damn small. Barking and biting had turned into a whine, tail between his legs, with a broken face. And his eyes- for the first time ever, Youngbin saw tears well up in them. They'd turned into little pearls, precious and pure.
"I didn't want this. I didn't ever want this, I'm not me, I wasn't-"
And his face twisted, and a thick tear finally fell, and Youngbin couldn't see it. He wasn't able to look at Alex' face, so beat up and so damn sad and so weak, for a single second. So he pulled him close, pressed Alex' body against his own, and wrapped his arms around him as tightly as he could.
Alex hesitated for half a second before his face sank right into Youngbin's hair, and he let it out. He was quiet. His sobs were muffled, held back. But Youngbin knew he was crying nonetheless.
Alex was crying. In his arms. Hidden within him, Alex was crying, and Youngbin slowly and gently rubbed his back, and kept his head lowered for Alex to hide his face between his curls. This wasn't the way it was supposed to be. But it felt alright like this.
"I don't wanna be like that, Bin. I don't want that, I- I'm not- I'm not violent or-" He lifted his head for a second to inhale. "I don't wanna be that." His voice was so choppy, so shaky, so scared. So, so, so fucking sorry. Youngbin didn't want to let him go, ever. So he didn't.
And the hug lasted, for a while. Youngbin wasn't sure how long, and it wasn't like he cared anymore at this point. Maybe he enjoyed it. That warmth and closeness. Alex' body pressing against him, into him. Alex held onto him as though either of them were about to slip away and disappear forever. Perhaps there was something nice about this.
If only it wasn't for the tears. And the blood. The pain. Alex had calmed his breath quickly, stopped crying soon, but his face remained where it was. At some point, his hand had reached upwards, from Youngbin's back to his head, and his fingers had buried themselves into his hair. And then, Alex had just turned into stone, petrified completely, and he just stood there. Not a single part of his body seemed like it was ever going to move again- move away again.
Perhaps right now, Youngbin wouldn't mind if he'd been turned into a statue. But just as he'd come to terms with the fact that the two were going to become a beautiful centrepiece for the school's entrance, Alex began to shift. His hand dropped down again, his face slightly moved away, and with an exhale, still shaky, he achingly took a step back. Youngbin felt cold the moment he let go.
"I'm sorry," he breathed, and Youngbin couldn't completely tell for what.
"It's okay," he assured nonetheless. "Are you... hurt? I mean, bad?"
"To be honest, I look... much worse than..." Alex' voice trailed when Youngbin raised his hand up to his face to gently turn it. It was an urge he couldn't fight, or at least hadn't tried to, to touch his face, run his thumb over his scarred lip, the wound feeling scratchy underneath his finger. "I'm fine."
He sounded breathy. Maybe exhausted.
"I'm so sorry," he repeated. His eyes were still gleaming and wet.
"It's okay, really. You're okay. You- it was part of the deal to-"
"Oh, forget that stupid deal." Alex threw his head back, frustrated, clearly, and yet the tears in his eyes welled up again. "Fuck the deal, I don't want anyone to- This isn't some kind of, I don't know- This isn't my job, I just got pissed because someone's being shit to you. That's the thing. Fuck our deal, I care about you, Bin, to the point that I get so violent again when I-"
He held his breath. Blinked the tears away, thought for a second, then exhaled.
"You're my best friend."
You're my best friend.
Youngbin froze. Yeah. They were best friends. Something felt warm. Something else felt heavy. The words tasted like honey, thick and sweet, when he repeated them.
"You're my best friend too."
"So... I punched a guy for you. Because you're my best friend." Alex tried to smile, but it looked a little distorted on his wounded lips. Not as smooth and easy as it usually did. And certainly not as genuine. "And I also kind of made a fool of myself. Guess I'm kind of out of shape when it comes to beating people up. I look a lot worse than him." He cleared his throat, dropped his head along with his smile. "I- I also guess I'm just kind of an asshole."
"And what makes you think that?" Youngbin tried to sound so very careful when he noticed the shake in Alex' voice once more. He'd never heard him like this. It almost scared him. Alex shrugged.
"The fact that I'm hurting people like it's my job, maybe. And that I was raised by assholes. And that I can't stop being an asshole no matter how hard I try. Or, I don't know how much I've actually been trying. I don't know. Not a lot, apparently."
Alex rubbed over his knuckles, and only now did Youngbin see that they were reddened and bruised as well. Like a reflex, Youngbin took Alex' right hand, thumbed over the familiar scar on its back, then looked closer at the knuckles. Alex tried hard to suppress a pained hiss.
"You're very harsh on yourself, do you know that?" Youngbin didn't know a thing about wounds, but he did know that this probably had to be bandaged. "And it's crazy that I, out of all people, am saying this to you. You're no asshole, I'd know. You're just-"
What was he, really? Not an asshole, certainly. Not actually. He just liked to pretend to be one, and then got scared of his own act.
"You're just living a difficult life in a difficult place, I suppose. But you're not an asshole. Not the kind you think you are. Not the kind you're convincing everyone you are." He brought Alex' hand closer to his face, then- slowly, carefully pressed his lips against his knuckles. There wasn't quite a reason, just a feeling, the urge to comfort him however Youngbin could.
It was quite childish, to kiss someone's wounds, little bruises and scratches, as though that would make the pain go away. But perhaps it did kind of work. A little bit.
"You're- strangely good at comforting me."
"Yeah, well." Youngbin lowered Alex' hand again, and tried to smile at him. "I suppose I just say shit and see if you interpret anything helpful into it."
Alex huffed, now his mouth curled up the smallest bit into a smile, almost unnoticeable for someone that hadn't closely studied Alex' smiles before- Youngbin had, and he had noticed. Of course. Then, he fell back into Youngbin's arms.
"I'm sorry," Alex said once more, "I'm- I don't feel good today."
"Yeah. I know. It's okay. It's gonna be okay."