To Put On An Act - Chapter 6: Chapter 6

Kaya spun around on the office chair, her knee hitting the desk everytime she had made one full rotation. Everytime, she let out a little ough, but made no effort to adjust her seat to avoid the pain. Her bag was on the floor, exactly where she'd thrown it when she had walked into Youngbin's room about fourteen minutes ago, and she didn't seem interested in pulling out any of its contents.
She'd told Youngbin earlier that she still needed the notes from yesterday's biology lesson she slept through and thus was required to come over to copy them personally. And Youngbin wasn't the person to deny Kaya coming over, especially not on a boring Saturday like this. Though now she didn't seem as interested in biology notes anymore.
Watching her spin round and round, Youngbin sat cross legged on his bed, his iPad in front of him, with his notes on human evolution open and unused. Kaya did not seem to be very interested in them, and he had a hunch that biology wasn't the reason she was here.
"Kaya? My notes are right here, by the way?"
"Yep. Forget the notes. I don't care about bio that much."
Of course she didn't. She hated their biology teacher. And the subject in general.
"So you came here because...?"
"Duh!" She abruptly stopped spinning by grabbing the desk. "Your boyfriend business! What the hell is up with that!"
"You didn't have to pretend to need help with bio to get here, you know that?"
"Still wanted a valid reason to hang out."
"'I want to hang out' is a pretty valid reason to hang out."
"Yeah, yeah. Don't distract from the topic at hand, Binnie. Alex. You. How. When. Why?" She spun to face Youngbin, leaned forward and looked at him with her huge golden eyes.
"Since Thursday. He asked me out." Youngbin tried to make his voice sound as neutral as possible. Though talking about someone you were supposedly in love with wasn't all that neutral.
"Thursday? He asked you out after you got glued to his table?" Kaya exhaled, biting her lip as she looked to be pondering. "Bin, I don't mean to alarm you, but- Are you sure he's not messing with you?"
Well, he sure had thought about this plenty of times as well. And something in the back of his mind was still screaming at him to break this off now, to wake up and realise Alex was just trying to hurt him. But something else, a very gullible and naive part of him, had taken over since their visit to the cafe. Alex was safe. For now. Probably.
"It's not like that. He's really nice."
"Of course he is. His bruised knuckles and alcohol consumption on school grounds tell you how nice of a person he is."
"Kaya, really. He's nice." Nice probably wasn't the word to use when talking about a boyfriend. But what were the right words? Dreamily? Heavenly? Perfect in every way? "We get along really well." And that, also, didn't seem like the right description.
"So you're dating him because you 'get along well'. That's what you waste your first boyfriend experience on." She fell back on the office chair and it creaked horribly. "I didn't know you were that desperate for a boyfriend."
Well, that was rude.
"It's not that I'm desperate!" Youngbin felt the slightest bit of heat creeping up in his face. "It's just- I guess we just- clicked!"
"You don't sound like it c- Okay." With a sigh and another creak, Kaya got up from the chair and flopped down on Youngbin's bed, missing his iPad barely. She had a look on her face that looked a bit like Youngbin's therapist when she was about to say something very serious and very worrying. "Youngbin, if Alex is pressuring you into this, you can tell me. I'll help you out. I'll stab him in his sleep if I have to. You can tell me-"
"Kaya, no! He's-" Genuinely, surprisingly, really kind of nice. If only Youngbin knew how to say this in a boyfriend kind of way. "I love him."
"Love? Bin? It's been two days and you're talking about love?"
He never really got why people thought 'love' was such a heavy word. He loved a lot of things, and people, so why was everyone always freaking out when people said it?
"Isn't that what you're supposed to be when you're dating someone? Be in love?"
"Yeah, but- I just- You've known him since Thursday. I do not understand how this happened. Like- This is Alex Hill we are talking about. You know, the guy that sent Dennis Nelson to the hospital." She loved bringing up that incident, didn't she? "I know you sometimes work in ways that I don't quite understand and that's totally fine, but this is a new level of 'What the fuck is going on in Youngbin's head'."
Well, okay. Her concern was very much valid. Why'd Youngbin fall in love so quickly? Honestly, he hadn't thought about this enough. Alex had talked about how and why and when he fell in love, how it took one look at Youngbin to crush on him, but what about the character Youngbin was playing? How'd this character feel and react to the world, to Alex?
But he wasn't totally playing a character. He was still, at his core, himself. So there was no need to build a personality for a fictional person from scratch to understand how he felt and acted.
"Listen, Bin, I don't mean to-"
"We met when Miss Fernandez called me to her classroom after her lesson. You know, because I was stuck on the table? Alex was there too, and she had to leave, and then we were left alone, and started to talk." So far no lies. "He was there for the play last summer. Wanted to know more. So we talked about that."
Kaya's face twisted, and she narrowed her eyes. Of course, anyone talking about the play was a red flag for her after Youngbin was practically torn apart for daring to take a main role.
"He was really nice about it. Like actually interested. And he asked me questions and chatted with me, like I was, you know. A normal human being, I guess? And I told him about people making fun of me, and he resented that, and he took my side, and he was just so understanding?"
Again, all of this was true. Alex had been nothing but nice to him, for some reason. And he really appreciated that a lot.
"And he invited me on a date, I suppose? We went to a café, and we had a really good time, and I guess..." Now Youngbin put on his shyest smile, the kind of smile he'd usually use when grandmas on the street complimented him on his sweaters. "There was just something about him. And at the end of our date, he asked me out." That was the lie. Or rather, the part where he'd start acting, because calling it lying would make him feel bad. "It felt right to say yes."
Kaya didn't say anything, just looked at Youngbin, blinking rapidly as if to properly process what he had just said. And after a while, she just fell back into the mountain of pillows behind her, staring right at the ceiling.
"You're insane," she concluded, and Youngbin just nodded.
"I suppose I am. But also-" He fell back as well. "I feel like there's finally someone who treats me- well. Aside from you."
"You know, you deserve more than just being treated well. Like- I worry you're falling in love with someone for doing the bare minimum. You should be with someone who goes above and beyond for you."
It'd be hard to find someone like this, Youngbin thought. He was pretty sure there'd never be someone who'd go 'above and beyond' for him. He wasn't the type of person to- deserve that, maybe. And even if he deserved it, other people didn't think he did. Again, aside from Kaya, who would move a mountain for him.
When Youngbin didn't say anything, Kaya added: "Does he even like snakes?"
"I- Haven't asked him."
"That's kinda irresponsible. Dating a person without telling him you have a child." Kaya always called him their child. 'Him' being Youngbins pet snake Dan, who was resting in his enclosure right now, probably deeply judging Youngbin for his decisions.
"I'll tell him later. He deserves to meet Dan." Youngbin now decided to close his eyes. He could do that around Kaya. When he'd close his eyes she knew he was about to talk a lot. "I met his friends yesterday."
"When he kidnapped you during lunch?"
"Yes. It was really weird."
"You don't say."
"He has like this big friend group. They all sit at the same table together."
"Like in Mean Girls?"
"Exactly like in Mean Girls. But more diverse and 2023. I didn't get the names of all of them. But there was this pink haired girl, I think she's called Margo. She asked me for my favourite Lady Gaga song."
"It's Born This Way, isn't it?"
"She said that too, but it's Bad Romance, actually. Well, she asked me about that. And about a bunch of things-" While Alex was talking about his ex. But Youngbin didn't mention that. "She's really chatty. I think she made me feel a bit more comfortable, you know. Since it was really awkward at first, everyone looked at me weird, someone was calling me weird stuff-"
"Oh shit." Now Kaya sat up rapidly. "Fuck, wait, I totally forgot. You're- wait, are you? Like, does everyone know now? Like in school?"
"What?"
"Are you out?"
Youngbin bit his lips. He was. Right. He had tried so hard to not think about that yesterday, ignore the anxiety, and once Margo had chatted him up, he had almost forgotten about the implications of walking through the school holding hands with another boy. But there it was again. That fear. That feeling of having- screwed up. Of having exposed himself.
Only whoever was in the cafeteria on Friday had seen the two, had figured it out. But by Monday or Tuesday- everyone would probably know. News about Alex spread like wildfire, and so did news about Youngbin, about Romeo. Youngbin's hands started feeling numb, but he smiled through it.
"It's fine! It'll be fine. He- He'll protect me."
Kaya leaned closer to him, putting a hand on his forearm like she'd do so often when she noticed him getting upset or anxious.
"Do your parents know? Will you tell them?"
"Well, not yet, but- It's probably the right moment to do so, right? Now that I have a-" He didn't manage to say the word. For some reason, it wouldn't come out. The usual block had set itself in place in his brain again, and along with anxiety, that familiar feeling of shame crept into his chest, and a sickness spread in his stomach.
"Did he even ask you if you were out? If you were comfortable? It's like he just threw you out into the open without any regards for consequences being out might have for you-"
"It's not-" Numbness in his fingers began to rise up into his arms slowly. "That's not what- No, he's not like-"
"I'm really sorry, Bin, but I just don't like this. It's okay if you like him, but this is really worrying, you're putting yourself in danger-"
"I can take care of myself, Kaya! I know what I'm doing!" It wasn't like Youngbin's voice sounded harsh in any way, and yet he worried it might've been too much. "Sorry. Sorry, really, but- You're not gonna get this, and why I said yes and like you said, my brain sometimes makes no sense to you, or anyone, but this-" He let out a shaky exhale. "This will be good for me. Even if I'm- scared. You have to trust me."
He didn't sound like he was to be trusted, and he didn't trust himself much either. But, he trusted Alex, maybe, a little bit. For now. It was gonna be okay, it was going to be fine, he moved his fingers to try and get rid of the numbness.
"...Sure. I'll trust you. If you promise that you'll tell me if something happens."
"Of course I will. Who else would I tell?"
—--
Kaya did end up copying Youngbin's notes, but didn't bring up Alex again. She didn't like him, and Youngbin could live with that, after all he wasn't actually that important to him, and yet he couldn't help but be at least a little sad. They could've gotten along, if it wasn't for-
Alex' image, probably. Kaya really did believe what people were saying about Alex. But Youngbin had done the same, believing him to be just another troublemaker, a bully, the demon king, as silly as this nickname sounded. Until he actually got to talk to him.
Maybe Kaya could learn to like him as well if only she'd talk to him a little? No... There wasn't a need for Kaya to like him. She'd hate him in a month or so anyways, once they'd break up. It didn't matter what she thought of Alex, as long as she believed the relationship.
Kaya had left after finishing up her notes and complaining about said notes and then complaining about their biology teacher Mister Carter. And Youngbin was left alone again for the rest of the night.
Saturday nights were such a weird limbo for Youngbin. He'd either spend them with Kaya or he'd just- sort of float around doing nothing. Or avoid doing nothing by studying, and then he'd remember that Kaya has always told him how "Saturday nights are NOT for studying, that's illegal actually" and he wasn't quite sure why that was illegal, but he'd just accept it, and go back to doing nothing.
Friday evening was the time he'd go to sleep early, because he'd always be terribly tired from school, and then he'd sleep in long, and then he couldn't sleep early the next day, so he stayed up late doing nothing, and then woke up earlier the next day so he could go to sleep early that day and then get enough sleep for Monday. He had a perfectly fine sleep schedule. Really.
So Youngbin laid on his bed, limbs stretched out, staring at the ceiling. It was white, as ceilings usually were, but there was one small blackish spot. That once was a mosquito, like 3 summers ago. There also was a small paint chip. That was once one of those glowing star stickers, about 7 summers ago. His father had promised he'd paint over it, about 6 summers ago.
Youngbin had turned on one of his Spotify playlists a while ago, and even though it was put on shuffle, it only seemed to play Mitski. Which was probably a sign to turn off the music, but turning off Nobody seemed like a crime to him. So he let it play. What a night.
And still nobody wants me~
Okay. Maybe he could become a criminal for now. Youngbin reached for his phone, about to press the skip button, when he remembered- Alex. Saturday night either ment spending time with his one friend, or being alone. But he had a second friend now. And he still had to tell him about the snake thing.
It took maybe a minute of hovering over Alex' chat before Youngbin finally typed in a message: »Do you have a problem with snakes? «
The answer was almost instant, and Youngbin was not used to that, given that Kaya was a terribly slow texter.
» what «
» I'm asking if you're okay with seeing snakes «
» is that an euphemism «
» The animal, Alex «
» idk what else i expected tbh
why would i have a problem with snakes «
» I feel obliged to show you mine «
» wow i resent the way you said that «
Youngbin decided to ignore this. Or at least he tried very hard to ignore it.
» sorry lol « came back from Alex instantly. » hey why the fuck do you have a snake actually «
» Thats my pet and kaya said I can't be with someone without letting them know about having children «
» okaaaaaay first of all
youre the kind of guy to call his pets his children
got it
and second you actually have a fucking snake as a pet «
» Yes «
» well thats only a little bit insane <3 «
» Rosy boas are among the most common breeds of pet snakes actually «
» i thought only really weird guys keep snakes as pets «
» Well , yeah. I kind of am a really weird guy «
» ........ have you ever seen me without this stupid hat on..............
sorry
ive seen weirder guys «
» Do you want to see the snake or not? «
» ill pass actually «
Wow. Well, that offended Youngbin a bit. Dan was quite a handsome looking snake, had one of the nicest colourations there was for his breed (at least in Youngbin's opinion), and he had gotten quite large for living in captivity.
» I respect your wishes but also feel deeply hurt «
» youngbin im being so serious here why would you have a pet snake like actually «
» Because snakes are fantastic pets. They are very affectionate and fun. Also you can weed out the cowards by asking them if they'd like to see a snake «
» zero respect for the man youre dating isee «
Oh, hey. That felt weird. It felt very weird to read the word. To hear Alex say it was odd, but reading, texting- Youngbin knew he wouldn't get used to that, ever. He did get used to texting Alex though. He'd been easy to talk with the entire time, and yet Youngbin had expected this to be- weirder.
Because texting was always weird. It was always difficult, it was quite a bit of work to figure out what words and phrases he could use, what the correct tone was, and what the other person was intending to really say. Because just like talking face to face, people loved saying things by not saying them.
» I said I respect your wishes two texts ago, actually «
» and called me a coward «
» Indeed «
And then Alex stopped responding. His status still said online, the message was marked with read, but he stopped responding. And there was no reason for Youngbin to be concerned, but really, he wasn't the best at not being concerned, especially now when Alex had responded in the matter of seconds before.
Youngbin stared at his phone for a few more seconds, or maybe it was a minute, when someone knocked on his door. And through it, the muffled voice of a young girl called out for him.
"Bin? Can you help me with homework?"
"What subject?" Only now Youngbin finally turned off the music that he had started to ignore completely while he was texting, rolling off the bed and opening the door to face Sohee Lee, a 15 year old beast of a sister.
"Guess."
"English?"
"Maths, actually."
"You're doing maths homework on a Saturday night?"
"Welp." She put her hands on her hips, pressing her lips together. "I have until midnight to send in my homework." And when Youngbin just furrowed his brows at her, she added: "It's technically my homework from Thursday."
Youngbin took a quick look at the display of his phone to check the time- it was 11:17 pm- and noticed the new notification.
» please dont hurt my ego :( «
Youngbin huffed, quickly typed » Helping my sister with homework now. See you on monday. Sorry about your ego, by the way «, then looked at his sister with a dramatic sigh.
"I'll help you. I'll try."
Sohee grinned as brightly as she could, a smile she had clearly practised a lot. It was the "my brother's the best" smile.
"Yes! Okay! Speedrunning! Let's go!" She turned around on the heel ready to dash back into her own room, before she stopped and spinned around once again. "Who were you texting, by the way?"
"Oh." Youngbin looked at his phone once more, and another notification had popped up. He quickly swiped it away, then slid the phone into the pocket of his hoodie. "Someone from school. It's for a... project."
"...Okaaay... Sure." And she spun again, and nearly kicked her room door open.
She'd find out about Alex sooner or later. But tonight was not the night.