To Put On An Act - Chapter 7: Chapter 7

"Did you see Leia's Instagram story from last night?"
Alex flinched when Min said her name. Of course he hadn't seen it. He had unfollowed her a day after the breakup, and stalking his ex' social media with a fake account was so not his style. Or, well, it probably would've counted as a form of self harm.
"Nope."
"Did you see the one from Sunday night?"
"No?"
"Did you check-"
"I don't follow her anymore. I'm not seeing shit."
Min stared at their phone in silence, taking a drag from their cigarette, then looked up at Alex.
"You wanna see?"
Yes, obviously. But also no, not at all. Alas, he had no self control, and if even Min brought it up, it had to be of interest. So, Alex jumped off the wall he was sitting on that encased the small hideout behind the school's gym, usually used to park bikes, and looked over Min's shoulder at their phone.
"She's been posting like this since Friday." Min tapped through multiple stories, mostly posts she had reposted. Pictures of pretty girls with sparkly oversaturated filters, a smug looking face of a Bratz doll, images Alex would find upon typing in "y2k badbitch" into Pinterest once, overlaid with texts that were all different but said the same. "Girl you don't need him. He needs you", "cheap men love expensive women", "try replacing me and learn how much i'm worth". Okay. Sure. Whatever made her sleep at night.
"It's basically just this," Min said, tapping through more and more stories, "and then a few thirst traps here and there." They passed a selfie of Leia giving the middle finger to the camera, a snippet of Olivia Rodrigo's all-american bitch playing. She's always spent a little too much time on Instagram, but that was actually a little concerning.
Which was a good sign. She had found out about Youngbin, and it hurt her ego badly. Well, good. The plan was working already, and it was only Tuesday. They haven't even done anything yet, aside from holding hands on Friday and smiling at each other whenever passing each other in the hallways on Monday, which really only happened- maybe twice or so.
The plan for today was to pick up Youngbin again, spend the lunch break together again, try to go somewhere public and then- Well, maybe look at each other lovingly, or hold hands, or sit next to each other and nod understandingly while Youngbin could talk about snakes or Mean Girls or whatever he felt like talking about.
Alex climbed back onto the wall, having seen enough of Leia's "I'm supernormal about my ex having a new boyfriend" posting. Maybe he should try that too. Upload pictures of Youngbin every day and talk about being happy and in love, and repost aesthetically pleasing quotes about being happy and in love.
"I have a friend that has access to her private story, by the way." Min kept scrolling through their phone. "I know this totally isn't ethical but my nosy ass of course wanted to know what she's saying." They opened a screenshot someone had sent them, and from his spot up on the wall Alex could see it was Leia's face, or at last a small part of it, looking to the side in annoyance.
"It says, and I quote: 'Seriously? Trying to replace me already? Or are you just that horny and desperate?' End quote." Min put their phone down, looked up to Alex. "I hate to say it but she's not that wrong for saying that."
"Wow, thank you. Whose side are you on again?" Alex crossed his arms, threw a (somewhat) non serious offended glare to his friend. This relationship was not for his pleasure, but her displeasure. And also, he wasn't horny, and just a normal amount of desperate.
"I'm just saying as much as I don't like her, I can see why she'd be upset. And, I mean, she kind of deserves to be upset, but still, I get it."
"Well, she's about to be a lot more upset," Alex grumbled, checking his own phone now to see the time. "Picking Youngbin up in a few minutes."
"You gonna bring him to lunch with us again?"
"Eh. We're passing. Gonna get some fresh air with him I guess."
"Okay." Min tapped on the armrest of their wheelchair with narrowed eyes. "Two things: You've been sitting here, surrounded by fresh air, since nine. And two, you're talking about your boyfriend as if you're caring for a dog."
"Well, unlike me-" And Alex jumped off the wall once again. "He's been sitting in class studying since like, at least eight. Now I'm gonna piss off, his class is ending in a few minutes and I don't want to be late, actually." He slipped his phone into the inside pocket of his leather jacket, then shoved his hands into the- outside pockets. "And don't call my boyfriend a dog."
"That is absolutely not what I was doing, Alex. Enjoy your fresh air though."
—--
Today, Alex didn't miss the door to the classroom opening, and he didn't have to peek in to finally spot Youngbin. Instead, he was right there when the first students stepped out, most of them having the most exhausted expression on their face, and Youngbin was among the first few. Though, somehow, as if he hadn't just left English class with the world's oldest and most boring old lady as a teacher, he was looking as awake as ever. A soft smile appeared on his face when he spotted Alex.
"Hi!" A few students stared at him, then at Alex, then back at him with the most horrified looks on their faces when Youngbin immediately reached out for Alex' arm.
"How was class?" Alex let Youngbin hold onto him, yet wouldn't try to initiate touch himself. "Everyone looks like they're falling asleep."
"It's honestly not that bad. We're going through Much Ado About Nothing right now." And then he lowered his voice a little, leaning closer to Alex ever so slightly. "And it is pretty boring if you don't understand it." Alex nodded as if he understood. "The Shakespearean comedy," Youngbin then added, and Alex once again nodded. He knew who that was, at least.
"Anyway." Youngbin smiled, tilted his head a bit. "Where are we going?"
"I'm thinking... Schoolyard? Get some fresh air. And-" Now Alex was the one that lowered his voice a bit. "Big audience."
And as if "audience" was a trigger word, Youngbin's already large and round eyes began gleaming a little more. He nodded, looking eager, and promptly followed Alex down the hallway.
"Good news, by the way. Leia- My ex found out. About you? About us. She's been complaining on her Instagram story. It's really hurting her ego."
"Bit cruel, isn't it?" Youngbin's voice didn't sound too concerned, actually, and yet he raised his eyebrows as he looked at Alex.
"Remember the shit she said about me to her friend on friday? That I cried like a baby?"
"But did you cry?"
"No! Hey, don't believe the rumours she's spreading now! I don't cry!"
Youngbin laughed, and it sounded a bit like Alex would imagine sunshine to sound like. The hand that was gripping Alex' arm had started sliding down, taking his hand now. Their fingers interlocked surprisingly easily.
"Also," Alex now swiftly added, "It's not like it's gonna wreck her. She broke it off with me so she has to deal with the consequences." Youngbin nodded, humming in response, and it sounded a bit like the kind of hum Alex would make when he didn't understand shit.
The two pushed through the glass door leading to the schoolyard, and a gust of cold air hit them. September was coming to an end, and though Alex wished it could've stayed summer for a little while longer, at least he'd stop sweating his ass off in that damn leather jacket.
And Youngbin seemed to feel equally pleased about the cool wind outside. A bit like a bunny, or a dog, or any kind of cute animal, he raised his head a little and closed his eyes, letting the wind blow through his fluffy brown hair. Alex tried to not chuckle at that.
Alex had let his gaze wander over the schoolyard, observed the groups of people, mostly younger students pacing around or playing at the basketball court. In the far back of the yard, there was a little area with grass, something that was supposed to be a garden but rarely used, no matter how much Mister Young-And-Hip-Biology-Teacher-Carter had dreamed about planting stuff there.
Aside from plenty of semi well kept grass and a few shrubs, there was a tree. A huge weeping willow, its gorgeous hanging leaves already beginning to turn vibrantly golden. Maybe this beauty was the only thing Alex liked about this school.
"You know what-" He exhaled sharply when he noticed a slight sting in his chest. "I'll show you something." And Alex dragged Youngbin towards the huge tree.
Some of the leaves had already fallen, golden and green sprinkles on the grass. Exhaling again, Alex looked up into the tree branches.
"The school's founder planted this, right?" Youngbin looked up as well, admiring the willow with curious eyes.
"Yeah." Alex stepped closer to the trunk. Somewhere here- Ah. "Leia and me-" He traced a small symbol with his fingers, a star with four points. He wished he could erase it. "We had our first kiss here."
"Oh?"
"On her birthday. I was driving her out at midnight and we snuck onto the schoolyard. And-" Alex pulled his hand away now, shrugging as he took a few steps back. "You know how it is. We kissed here. I was freezing my ass off and got sick after, because it was sometime in December. But we started dating like a week later." Alex stepped away further, crossing his arms and turning his eyes back towards the schoolyard.
"Is ten months dating a lot?"
"To me, it is." Alex could hear the curiosity in Youngbin's voice, but he wouldn't turn to look into those equally curious large eyes. "That's basically like I'm already married. But also-" He squinted as he saw a group of girls step outside onto the yard as well. "It was a shit marriage. Destined to fail after like six months." Once again, one of those "I don't get it" hums from Youngbin, then a bit of silence as he tried to identify the people now glaring in his direction.
Maybe four or five girls, wrapped in black leather and fur coats, all of them bleach blonde except for one- And even though a good 100 metres were between them, and Alex' eyesight wasn't the best, he could still feel that gaze on him, piercing him, wishing him every bad thing in the fucking world. Leia had spotted them, along with her girl gang, and after halting for a few seconds, she'd turn into his direction, and start walking.
"There we fucking go," Alex murmured, huffing as he turned his head away from them slightly, enough to not directly look at them but still be able to sideeye the group. "Miss Zhang has spotted us. She's gonna flip out, and-"
Alex would not be able to finish his sentence, two soft hands suddenly grabbing his face and gently pulling it down a little.
"Oh," Alex let out when suddenly Youngbin's face was right there, their noses almost touching. Well, that was a sight, two large almost black eyes staring into his own, warm breath against Alex' cold skin.
"Kiss me."
"Woah. What?"
"So Leia can see you kiss someone else at your spot." He sounded so damn convinced, not quite confident just yet, but stern. Hey, why was he being kinda-
"Bit cruel, isn't it?"
"Will you kiss me or not?" Still speaking firmly, though a smile of the kind Alex hadn't seen on Youngbin yet had snuck onto his face.
"Well, fuck me, I have to if you're asking like that," is what Alex would've said. But he didn't say anything, because actions are louder than words or some shit. And Alex moved in.
Though hesitant, Alex decided to loosely put his arms around Youngbin to pull his body closer, just a little bit, while Youngbin was still cupping Alex' face. Their lips met, clumsily, carefully, without movement, certainly without passion, but- it was a kiss. Alex tilted his head just a little, so Youngbin's soft lips would fit against Alex' just a little better.
"Wasn't that against your rules," Alex said, almost whispering when Youngbin pulled back after some time, maybe three seconds, maybe ten. He was still close, still looked Alex in the eyes with a determined gleam through round glasses, though a red blush was spread across his face now.
Youngbin opened his mouth to answer something, though no words seemed to come out for a moment. And when he finally squeezed out a "Well-", he really wasn't given the opportunity to continue.
"Real classy of you, Alexander." Shut up. Shut up, shut up shut up shut up sh- "How many people have you kissed here before?"
Youngbin lowered his hands from Alex' face, looking down rather than turning to Leia. Alex however slowly turned his head to her, keeping one hand around Youngbin's waist. Another rule broken.
"You're interrupting something here." Alex tried to sound harsh, cold, uncaring. Tried.
"So sorry." Leia crossed her arms, and the three girls standing right behind her did the same. "So? Wanna explain who that is?" Her face twisted in disgust when she said that, throwing one quick glance to Youngbin. Her eyes were a deep black- though they looked so much duller than Youngbin's- and, fuck, they were filled with about every negative emotion there was.
"I thought you already knew?"
"I thought you maybe had the balls to tell me yourself."
"Yeah, no." Alex huffed, pushed his hair out of his face with the hand that wasn't holding Youngbin's waist. "I don't really owe you an introduction. You know that's my boyfriend and that's all you need to know."
Leia furrowed her brows, looking over to her friends that had been standing there patiently waiting for their cue to nod or laugh or gasp in unison. Then she eyed Youngbin again, and her features almost softened for a second.
"You are, how do I say this... Kinda pathetic, Alex."
"Oh, yeah." Alex pulled Youngbin a little closer to him. "Sure. Which one of us is single again?"
"You do think relationships are the only thing that matter in life, don't you? Like, you just wanna have validation so bad?" The air felt so much colder suddenly. "Like, you just have zero self esteem. You just want other people to shove down your throat how bearable you are and in return you shove your tongue down their throat. That's really sad."
If looks could kill, Alex would've been dead about four months ago. Leia smiled victoriously, when she was nowhere close to winning. Alex had won, actually. The proof was right here next to him in his very arms.
"For having broken up with me you care an awful lot about me, Leia. Not sure why you were interrupting me- us, in the first place. It's almost as if-"
"Don't finish that sentence, actually. I don't care what you want to say next, I'll lose my brain cells from it. You know what, yeah, I am wasting my time with you here. And I already wasted ten months on you so I might as well draw a line now." She flipped her long shiny ebony hair, and her girl gang behind her all nodded or did some other gesture that was conveying a "So true, bestie!". Then, Leia came a single, small step closer, looking at Youngbin. "Nothing personal, by the way. But just know that you'll be left in a ditch in about one to two weeks by him. Run while you can." And with that, she twirled around, walking away with her head high and the faux fur coat dramatically billowing behind her.
Jesus fucking Christ. How the fuck did he survive the last ten months again? Oh, right. She used to be actually nice to him. In the beginning, at least.
"Sorry." Alex exhaled, as if he had actually been holding his breath the entire time. "That was shit."
Youngbin didn't answer. He hadn't talked the entire time, actually. Not a word since the- kiss. Ah. Yeah, right. Alex quickly let go of Youngbin's waist, though it fit so nicely into Alex' arm.
"Sorry," he repeated, slipping his hands into his pockets. His chest felt uncomfortably tight. And it'd tighten more when he turned around to look up into the willow's branches again.
"I'm sorry," Youngbin finally said, and Alex twirled back around to face him. The boy's cheeks and ears were still red, though his eyes had stopped shining. He played with the hem of his sweatshirt, looking to the ground.
"Wh- for what?"
"The... I don't know. The kiss, maybe."
"Wait, wait, wait, no. Why'd you be sorry for that?"
"If I hadn't done it, maybe she would've been... I don't know, nicer?"
"She wouldn't have." Maybe a bit, maybe she'd been a little less angry and a little more friendly. But wasn't the goal to make her angry? "If anything, I'm sorry about the kiss. I mean, it kind of was against your rules."
Youngbin finally looked up to face Alex again.
"You get to break rules sometimes." A smile snuck onto Youngbin's face again, and Alex' chest felt a little less tight and suffocating. "I just thought it was right at that moment. I don't know. A stupid idea, the longer I think about it."
"You regret kissing me already? Gee." Alex crossed his arms, a playful smirk on his lips. "Usually takes about a day or so for people to admit that." Or ten months, in Leia's case.
"I don't- that's not what I meant, it's more- Well-" Youngbin's ears reddened again, and Alex just laughed, taking his hand into his own again without thinking.
"I'm joking, it's all good! Come on now, your hands are cold. We can go back inside."
Youngbin let himself be led back in, and Alex felt him tense up under the eyes of the students around them. Tightening the grip around Youngbin's hand, Alex tried to maybe give him a feeling of, well, maybe safety? Or something like that. Perhaps to soothe Alex' own nerves, to shut up that creeping guilt in his chest for being the reason Youngbin was exposed to everyone here in the first place.
"Sorry if it was awkward, by the way." Youngbin continued to look to the ground, and through the voices of students surrounding them, it was a little hard to hear him. "The kiss, I mean. I'm not- I haven't really-"
"Was that," Alex raised his eyebrows and fought the corner of his mouth to keep it from twitching upwards ever so slightly, "your first?"
"I- Yeah. Kind of... embarrassing, right?"
"Not embarrassing, I think." Well, Alex would've been embarrassed as well if he hadn't kissed anyone ever in his 19 years of life. But he couldn't apply his standard to someone else, especially not Youngbin.
"But I think it is. Kaya always said to not 'waste my first kiss experience on some loser'. Which is- Kind of really stupid, I'm just realising. But- yeah. I don't know. I've only ever done these fake kisses on stage and that was already weird."
"I mean you didn't really waste it on me. Can't this count as a fake kiss as well?"
"But it was, like, on the lips-" Youngbin sighed, then shrugged. "I guess you're right. I can count that as fake too."
"And also!" Alex nodded, raised his finger in an attempt to look smarter than he was. "Virginity is a made up concept and therefore should simply be ignored. That goes for, like kiss-virginity or whatever as well."
"I hate that you call it that."
"Just wanted to make you feel better." Alex shrugged, grinning. "What I'm saying is that it doesn't really matter. Like the whole first kiss bullshit. Those 'first times' that everyone hypes up. It doesn't matter."
Youngbin let out a thoughtful sigh, maybe more like a hum, still staring at the ground before him. He then looked back up to Alex, scanning his face, just for a second or two, before facing down again.
"Kaya said that she can't believe I'd 'waste my first boyfriend experience on you'. She kind of does make a big deal out of those things."
Ouch. Waste? Alex was a waste? Well, that was just straight up mean. He wasn't the person that'd let this sort of stuff get to his head, not at all, in any way, ever, and he also knew exactly that Kaya wasn't that impressed by him judging by the stares she'd thrown at him in the past. But saying he was a waste for Youngbin? Maybe that offended him a little.
"She's always kind of like this. She wants things to be... I don't know. Like picture perfect, kind of." Youngbin cleared his throat. "Not even in a bad way. In the 'romanticise your life' way?"
"Like a movie?" Alex asked. "Or like the side of TikTok that you get lost in at 3am rolling around in your bed wondering what went wrong in your life for it to not be this special and aesthetically pleasing and something-something-core?"
"Like a movie. And that side of TikTok, yes." And he cleared his throat again. "I think she's scared of wasting time. And secondhand scared for me."
"Well. I feel like she may not like talking to me, but I think she should know that there's no right way to live and curating every experience will just make her sad and bitter." With another grin on his lips, Alex leaned his head to the side a bit to be a little closer to Youngbin. "That also means: allow your first boyfriend to be some insane asshole, and have your first kiss be just to spite someone."
"You're probably right." Youngbin bit down on his lower lip, looking like he was going to add something but deciding against it.
"And, by the way-" Alex knew that he had probably talked enough about the kissing topic, but this was something he needed to know, for, you know, logistical reasons. "Is rule five still in effect after this? No kissing?"
Youngbin let out a sigh, not a worryingly upset or annoyed sigh though, thankfully, but it was something a bit softer, and Alex couldn't quite place it.
"Probably. Unless-" He stopped, and Alex wanted to know so bad what that unless would've meant. "It- Yeah. Still a rule. I think."
Alex wouldn't have minded this rule to be broken again a few more times, in all honesty. Because it made Leia incredibly mad, of course, and seeing her that upset was a form of art. That was the reason.
"Okay," Alex just answered, and decided to finally leave the topic behind, for Youngbin's sake. Maybe for his own.
That was about it. Another conversation wouldn't start as the two walked through hallways, past the filled cafeteria, past lockers and classrooms and the auditorium. Just- silence. An awkward one, at least to Alex. But for once he didn't really know what to say.
In front of the library, Youngbin stopped, and so did Alex, almost running into him.
"I'm gonna... look for Kaya here actually. We have a class together after lunch break so I might as well pick her up."
Hesitantly, Alex let go of Youngbin's hand. He was pretty sure Kaya wouldn't want him to walk in with him. And also, he had beef with the librarian for changing all the schools PC wallpapers to-
"I'm not at school tomorrow, by the way." Youngbin had now turned to Alex, looking at him with such a sorry expression. "We've got this field trip thing with my biology class."
"With Tobias?"
"Who's- you mean Mister Carter? Yes, he's been pushing for a field trip with the class for months. He says there's a really interesting exhibition in a museum a few cities over."
Alex had to hold back an eye roll- Well, no, he wasn't holding back at all actually, and rolled his eyes very visibly. Tobias Carter, a guy in his mid 30s that wanted to seem like in his early 20s, and ended up as the epitome of "How do you do, fellow kids?". The kind of fake woke teacher that'd pretend like he understood everyone's struggles, only to turn around and spit you in the face. Maybe Alex had his personal beef with the man. Maybe more than with any other teacher.
"He's quite nice," Youngbin now said, and Alex felt like he had just been kicked in the balls.
"He's really not."
"Well, it doesn't matter. I just wanted to let you know that I'm not here tomorrow, so... don't wait for me."
Alex nodded, shrugged for some reason.
"Sure. See you on... Thursday, then?"
"Thursday, yes. See you then."
And he turned around, walked into the library, but not without giving Alex one more quick smile. It felt oddly dramatic, the way Alex was left standing here while Youngbin instantly disappeared between bookshelves. Well. He took a glance at his phone display, checking the time. Not much time left of the break. He could just walk back to his little hideout spot behind the gym, or-
Go to class? He didn't feel like going to class, maths with Fernandez, one of the greatest horrors imaginable at this school, but his feet carried him to the classroom nonetheless. And once Alex' feet were leading him somewhere, they'd be hard to stop. Maybe one day they'd walk him off a cliff and he couldn't do anything about it.
And as he walked, Alex felt his phone vibrate in his pockets. He wasn't really allowed to use it out here in the hallways, but when had that ever stopped him. In the groupchat consisting of him, Margo and Lani, dubbed "The Unholy Trinity", there were about four new messages, all of them from Margo.
» WHATD YOU DO ALEX «
» LEIA ALMOST MURDERED A CHILD «
» SHES TURNED INTO A MONSTER «
» IVE NEVER SEEN HER SO MAD «
And then an addition from Lani right after:
» a girl ran into her and she started losing her shit :) «
Alex couldn't hide his triumphant grin. She was mad. Hurt, even. Just what he had wanted.
» shes pressed over me kissing a pretty boy «
He was tempted to run back and thank Youngbin for his service. He could've kissed him right now- Well- Whatever. His god awful plan was working. Alex was winning. With his fake boyfriend. With Youngbin.