Today I Met The Girl I'm Going To M... - Chapter 32: Chapter 32

Something is tickling my nose.
I blindly swat at it but it tickles me again. This is really not the way I'd like to be woken up.
I prefer soft, gentle kisses, but that's just me.
The tickling stops, finally, and I feel myself drifting back to sleep.
Just as I'm about to enter dreamland again I feel that damn tickling restart.
Man, I'm pissed off.
Oh my god!
What if it's a spider?
A big furry spider that is going to eat the skin of my face.
Oh my god!
What?
It could happen you know.
I hate spiders.
Hate them with a fucking passion.
Ok, ok, that's a lie, I don't hate them, it's more like I'm deathly afraid of them. So afraid that if I see one I scream my head off, so afraid that one time I had to call my father to come over and kill one that I saw in my apartment and so afraid that the idea that one is crawling on my face right now sends a shiver down my spine.
Oh my god!
Cue over dramatic freak out.
My eyes fly open in a panic as my arms go flailing in the air. Oh, and I might, just might be yelling at the top of my lungs too.
Instead of seeing that spider though, I'm greeted by the sight of Rose and Bobby killing themselves laughing.
I so don't envy them right now.
Why you ask?
Because they've awoken a beast. A moody, grumpy, hates-mornings beast that is primed for a good old-fashioned ass kicking. Oh and it doesn't help their cause when they start pointing at my angry self and laugh even harder.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" I scream like a mad woman as I try to slow my beating incredibly fast heart down. At least there's no spider I guess, but that doesn't mean they're off the hook either.
"What's the matter princess? Are you a wittle grumpy this morning?" Bobby asks in a cheery voice that is bound to get him punched in the mouth. He attempts to pinch my cheeks but I grab his wrist and bend it backwards.
He totally deserved that.
"You wanna try that again?" I scowl and I do get a little joy out of the agony filled yelp I receive for my efforts.
"Let me go!" Bobby squeals at the top of his lungs.
Wimp!
His voice is so piercing that I have no choice but to release the death grip I have on his arm. Stupid Bobby and his stupid voice ruined all my fun.
Ass!
"What's your problem?" Bobby inquires once he's a safe distance away from me. I guess he's not so stupid after all.
Ugh.
That's the best way to describe how I'm feeling.
Ugh.
"Let's see," I begin as I lean back against my headboard. "First of all, the two of you decide to break into my apartment at," I pause to check the clock on my nightstand. "Eight-thirty on a Saturday morning." Motherfuckers, that's so fucking early. "Next you think it's cute to wake me up by tickling me." I pause again to take in a deep breath. I need to if I'm not going to be the subject of tomorrow's headlines because I've been arrested for double homicide. "And lastly, you make the asinine decision to make fun of me when I'm really not in the mood."
There, case closed, I win, they lose, good-bye!
Ugh.
"Well excuse me," Bobby exclaims as he rolls his eyes. "We were just trying to be nice and bring you breakfast but next time we'll let you starve."
Thank you!
He finally gets it.
"Whatever," I scoff dismissively. "Aren't you two supposed to be at some sort of meeting?"
Rose, the brave woman that she is, decides to take this one. "You are our meeting." She and Bobby are grinning like idiots while I fold my arms and pout. "We came over to see what happened after we left last night."
Oh yeah.
Last night.
It's not like that might have something to do with my crusty mood or anything.
Yeah right!
It's not like I might have bolted from Jennie's place after we danced.
It's not like I might have missed my chance to have an after party with her.
It's not like I might have left before I moved in for that kiss.
It's not like I might have ignored the obvious confusion in her eyes as I fled from the one person I never wanted to do that to.
It's not like I came home, stayed up half the night and kicked myself for what I did and what I didn't do.
It's not like any of that happened.
Or, perhaps, all of that happened.
Fuck!
I really don't like myself right now.
I'm a coward.
A big, fat, yellow bellied, coward that can't even take the opportunity that was handed to me on a silver platter.
I suck!
I'm sure Jennie must be head over heels for me now. I'm the gay girl who can't even kiss the girl she's been wanting to kiss ever since I first laid eyes on her.
Pathetic!
That's what I am.
Absolutely pathetic.
Ugh.
Bobby wiggles his eyebrows at me, as he makes obnoxiously loud kissing noises. "Come on, Jis, tell us all about your post prom party." He giggles, and I want to throw my pillow at his big head.
So I do.
Ha!
Bull's-eye!
Take that you giant ignoramus!
"What the fuck is your defect?" Bobby yells as he fixes his messed up hair.
I throw my covers back, march over to my second favorite brother and get right in his face. "You, you are my defect," I reply as I shove him backwards.
And then Bobby makes a mistake that most men make at least once time in their life.
He gives me a very condescending look as he utters a phrase that he never should have. "Must be someone's time of the month."
"Oh, it's on now motherfucker," I yell as I shove his sorry ass again.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa," Rose says as she steps in between me and ass face. See, I told you she's a brave woman. "How about everybody calms down and let's start this morning over."
"Tell miss bitch over there to stop shoving me," Bobby tells Rose like a child talking to his mother.
"Tell jerk boy that he better shut his mouth," I retort.
Rose ignores both of our antics. "Jis, why don't you get dressed and we'll have breakfast. You'll recount all the details of your night and that way everybody wins."
Rose the peacemaker.
Somebody give this girl a medal.
There's only one problem though, I don't want to remember what happened after they left. Well, everything up until the end of the dance I do, what took place next though is what I want to avoid.
"Why don't you two have breakfast and I can get back to sleep." I suggest.
Then my buffoon of a brother pipes up. "Something tells me that our dear Jisoo is a bit frustrated."
Gee Einstein, you think that up all by yourself?
Ugh.
He's really grating on my last nerve.
"Don't tell me that you had the perfect setting for your first kiss with Jennie and you blew it," Bobby continues despite the fact that my face just fell so hard it hit the floor. "I thought you were a real lady killer, Jis, what's happened to you?"
Is he for real?
Does he have a death wish?
"Bobby..." Rose starts but it's not enough to stop my brother.
Bobby looks mighty pleased with himself, too bad he's the only one that feels that way. "You know sometimes you only get one shot."
What a fucktard!
Ever since Bobby started talking I could feel it coming, it's been building, I've been feeling it for some time now. He's about to be very sorry he opened his big fucking mouth.
"You think I don't know that?" I yell as I lose it completely. My frustration is about to boil over, big time. "You think I don't know what an idiot I am?" Bobby and Rose don't seem prepared for what's about to happen. "Is that what you think?"
Bobby is taken aback by my outburst. "Hey, Jis, I was only..."
"Just save it, ok, just fucking save it," I bellow right as I burst into tears. "I don't need you to tell me something I don't already know." Oh god, here come the water works. "So thanks, I really appreciate your support."
I sit on the edge of my bed, bury my face in my hands and sob.
Perfect, just perfect.
"You go get breakfast set up, I'll talk to her," I hear Rose say to Bobby.
It's not his fault really, I mean, yeah, he didn't have to be so mean, but he's not the one I'm mad at.
I'm mad at myself.
So fucking mad.
"Hey," Rose says gently as she kneels in front of me. She pries my hands away from my face but I avoid looking at her. "You know he didn't mean anything by that."
"I know," I sniff. "I'm sorry, it's just..."
"I know," Rose cuts in. "Do you want to tell me what happened?"
No.
That's a lie, I do.
"It was so perfect, the moment, everything, and I ran," I tell her as I finally face my concerned friend.
"It's ok," Rose replies in a very soothing manner.
"It's not ok." It's really not. "There was something there, I saw something in Jennie's eyes and I got so scared. I think, I think she might have feelings for me," I admit a lot sooner then I expected to. "Or maybe she doesn't." Right, there's my defense mechanism at work. "I don't know what to do."
Rose wipes my eyes and then she cups my cheek in her hand. "When we were getting the prom ready for you, do you know what Jennie was doing?" I do know that was a rhetorical question, but I shake my head anyway. "She was talking about you non stop."
About me?
What about me?
I keep my questions to myself though and I just listen.
"Asking all sorts of questions about you, or just bringing up your name at random moments. It was rather cute actually because she'd catch herself doing it and then she'd get all embarrassed." Rose smiles and I do too. "But five minutes later it would happen again and that's pretty much what those three days were like."
"Really?" I ask and I'm sure my eyes are showing her how much I want that answer to be yes.
Rose nods. "Really. In fact by the end of it I was so sick of hearing about you, I almost went searching for a new best friend."
"Shut up," I say as I try to process this new information.
"Listen, Jis, whatever happened last night, whatever mistake you think you made I don't think it's as big a deal as you're making it out to be. Jennie really likes you, I can sense these things," Rose finishes so sweetly and then I give her a big hug.
What would I do without her?
I really don't want to find out actually.
"Breakfast is ready," Bobby announces as he sticks his head in my room.
I pull back from Rose and look over at him. "Thanks, and I'm sorry..."
"Me too," Bobby says before I can finish.
"If you want my advice, just talk to her," Rose tells me.
Yeah talk to Jennie what a novel concept.
I brush my teeth and then I follow Rose into the kitchen.
I stay quiet during the meal as they spill all about their time with Jennie and I contemplate Rose's suggestion.
Can I actually just talk to Jennie?
I don't really know the answer to that.
Oh, and just in case you were still wondering, it was Bobby's idea to kick off the prom with Hollaback Girl as the first song.
Ass!
So, apparently the answer to that question was no.
I didn't call Jennie today.
I didn't answer the phone when she called me.
And now it's Saturday night.
One where I don't have any plans except to enjoy the frozen pizza I have in my oven, watch a few good movies and use the item on my coffee table to make me feel better.
I also have on my very comfortable and utterly adorable pajamas to cap off my movie night.
Alone.
I know, I know, I'm a wimp but I just don't know what I would say to her.
I've never had such strong feelings about someone before and as much as I would love to say I know how to deal with them, I don't.
Maybe I should call Jennie now.
Just to say hello and once again thanks for going through so much trouble for me when I was so kind as to return her gesture by running away.
Ugh.
Yeah, that's a conversation I'm looking forward to.
I'm about to go pick out a movie to watch when someone knocks on my door.
"Jisoo, are you home?"
Oh my god!
It's Jennie!
How did she get in my building?
What the hell kind of question is that?
Who the hell cares how, go answer the door!
Oh man, I'm answering myself again, so not good, not good at all.
"I'm here," I shout back as I run over to answer the door.
Breathe.
Just breathe and everything will be ok.
I can do that.
I can breathe and act normally.
I can breathe and pretend that I'm not absolutely crazy about the girl on the other side of the door.
I can breathe and ask her if she feels even a drop of what I do.
I can breathe and ask her about Hanbin.
I can do all of those things.
I am woman, hear me roar!
Roar!
I should probably let Jennie in though so I can do all of those things.
"Hey, Jen," I say as I tilt my head and smile. "What brings you by?"
Good work, Jisoo, good work.
"Well, I hadn't heard from you all day so I thought I'd stop by on the way home from the studio," Jennie explains and my heart aches a bit when I see how confused she is. "The car service is waiting outside if you're busy."
"No, no, I'm not busy, I was just running around all day." One little white lie is ok, but no more, I promise. "Please come in."
Jennie accepts my invitation and as she walks by me I detect a hint of a smirk from her. "Cute pajamas by the way."
I look down and gasp in horror as I close the door. Damn! I forgot I had these on.
What can I say, I love Winnie The Pooh.
"Just give me a second to change, I'll be right back," I tell her as I run to my bedroom.
I throw on a pair of jeans and a tank top as I try very hard not to let the fear I've felt since last night take over.
This may be my second chance.
Or last chance depending on how you look at it.
I meet Jennie the living room as I attempt to find my courage.
Where's the Wizard when you need him?
Oh right, I have the courage in me to begin with.
What the hell am I even thinking about?
I have the girl of my dreams on my couch and I'm going off in my own thoughts.
I chase those thoughts away and take a seat next to Jennie.
Good thing there's no residual awkwardness left over from last night.
Uhm yeah, that was a wee bit sarcastic.
I angle myself so I'm facing Jennie and she does the same.
So, what to do now.
I have many choices.
A ton even.
Apparently I've chosen to go with a nervous, rambling inner-monologue instead of actually speaking.
Jennie decides to take the lead. "About last night..."
"I'm sorry," I blurt out before she can finish her sentence. "I'm sorry that I ruined everything and I'm sorry for taking off on you."
A bit much perhaps but I meant every word.
Jennie frowns, which leads me to believe I screwed up again. "You didn't ruin anything, I uhm, I thought I might have upset you."
Oh my god!
I truly do not deserve this girl.
She's been so incredibly sweet to me and I return the favor by being all over the place.
No!
No!
No!
That isn't going to help me.
It's time for me to find my words.
"You gave me the most incredible night, Jen, and I'm truly thankful for that," I say with as much sincerity as I can. "I still can't believe how thoughtful you were and how much time you took into planning that for me." I reach for Jennie's hand and she gives it to me. "You really blew me away, and I'm so incredibly grateful for what you did."
Jennie grips my hands tightly as her cheeks turn red. "It wasn't much..."
Oh no, she's not playing the modesty card now.
"It was everything," I whisper. "Thank you."
"You're welcome," Jennie replies just as softly.
I want to say more, get out everything that's on my mind and tell her what I feel in my heart but I'm a little caught up in those soulful eyes of hers.
I could look into them for hours on end without getting bored.
We have time though, a whole night if she's not busy.
"I have a pretty terrible pizza in the oven and I was planning to watch a few movies, do you want to join me?" I ask her and I hold my breath just a bit as I wait for her to respond.
"That's the best offer I've had in a long time," she replies as her frown reverses into a big old smile.
I really don't want to get up this second though because I'm still holding Jennie's hand. I opt instead to ask her about her day.
Seeing as mine was spent thinking about her she probably had a more exciting one.
Jennie is about to tell me when her eyes move away from mine and over to my coffee table. She looks back at me with this look on her face I can't place.
What?
I don't...
Oh my god!
I can't believe I left that out!
Shit!
"Is there something you want to tell me?" Jennie teases.
Gah!
One time, one time I do something like this and I get found out.
Ok, ok, it's not one time, but still, it's not like I do it every night.
"No, not really," I say with as much as innocence as I can after being caught red handed and red faced. "Nothing at all."
"Wow, I never took you for one of those people," Jennie continues her teasing and I can't stop blushing.
It's not a big deal really; I just wanted something to get rid of the tension I've been feeling.
A lot more people do it than will admit.
Jennie quirks her eyebrow and even though she's being a bit mean, it still makes me swoon. "Kim Jisoo the pothead. Who would have guessed it?"
"Don't make fun of me," I pout.
I love when she does actually.
Makes me fuzzy all over.
"Imagine the scandal when your parents hear about this," Jennie says so seriously I nearly have a heart attack.
"You wouldn't dare," I shriek uncontrollably.
"Wouldn't I?" Jennie challenges and damn I find her so sexy right now.
Oh my god!
She would!
She reaches over and takes the joint while I'm distracted by her sheer hotness.
"Give that back," I demand as she holds the joint above her head.
"Come and get it," Jennie husks out.
I'm going to accept that invitation.
I lean over but Jennie moves back.
I try again but no success.
Eventually I tickle her side making Jennie laugh and that allows me to grab the joint she was taunting me with.
Yes!
I won!
Go me!
"That was really mean," I semi pout once I've hidden the joint from Jennie.
Jennie roles her eyes as she nudges my shoulder. "Don't be such a baby. I wasn't going to say anything."
I nudge her just a bit harder. "Yes, you were. I wouldn't put anything past you."
Jennie gasps. "How dare you fling that kind of accusation at me."
"Whatever, you and I both know the truth," I shoot back.
Jennie nudges me again in the shoulder and she does it so forcefully I end up flying off the couch and landing on the ground.
Ow!
"Holy shit!" Jennie exclaims as she peers over the edge of the couch. "I'm so sorry, are you ok?"
I'm lying on my back and when I look up at my assailant she's actually fighting the urge to laugh.
How rude!
"You think that's funny?" I ask from the floor as I stealthily move my hand to Jennie's ankle where she can't see.
Jennie coughs furiously to avoid breaking down into a fit of giggles. "No, no, you don't understand I..."
"This, this is funny," I breathe out before she's done.
I yank on Jennie's leg and pull her off the couch so she lands directly on me.
Oh...
Uhm...
Wow!
I win again!
"You're dead," Jennie squeals as we wrestle on my hardwood floors.
It's a well-fought battle.
Great effort by both sides.
And one that has my hands all over Jennie and hers all over mine.
My competitive side though refuses to let me enjoy it too much or I'll lose.
That doesn't seem to matter though because I end up being pinned yet again by Jennie. I suppose there are worse things that could happen to me.
"You give?" Jennie asks as she hovers above me. Her eyes are so dark and she's breathing heavy like I am. It's hard to determine if I'm the cause of her breathlessness or our wrestling match.
I don't answer though, instead I find strength I didn't know I have and I manage to turn the tables on my brunette counterpart. I pin her arms above her head and stare down at Jennie as prickles of excitement hit me all over my body.
Wow, looking up at Jennie was hot, looking down at her while she's being pinned to the ground by me is even better.
So much better.
I'm half straddling, half lying on her and this new contact makes me almost dizzy.
My head is spinning and my body is burning.
I want to taste her lips.
I want to feel them moving against me like I'm moving my body against Jennie's right now.
I'm sliding up and down, slowly but I feel it everywhere.
I can't fight this anymore.
I can't hold back.
I watch Jennie's soft lips for a few seconds before I make my move.
I lower my head and I can hear Jennie's breathing hitch.
Or it could be my own I'm not sure.
I'm inching closer and closer to her mouth.
To a place I think she wants me to be.
I stop though before I kiss her.
I pause in mid-air.
She questions me with her eyes, but there are no words being exchanged.
I know what I see looking back at me.
She wants me to kiss her.
I want to kiss her.
But I don't.
I just hang there with my eyes on hers.
I'm studying her, watching her, but I'm not kissing her.
This isn't really how I pictured our first kiss.
It wasn't a moment I pictured being fueled out of pure desire.
Something that can be explained away as being done in the heat of the moment.
Something rash.
Something that's a mistake.
I don't want there to be any reason for our first kiss to ever be referred to as a mistake.
I want it to happen because she's going just as crazy not kissing me as I am not kissing her.
I want it to happen because she's thinking about me day and night like I am of her.
I want it to happen because she feels for me something deeper than just a physical connection.
I don't want her to have a boyfriend.
I don't want us to kiss because she misses him or because he's out of town.
I don't want there to be anyone else she sees but me...because I can only see her.
Jennie, and only Jennie.
No one else.
I want all that from our first kiss, all of that and so much more.
Jennie lifts her head and I back away.
I can't believe it myself really but that's what happened.
Confusion hangs in the air as I move off Jennie and the tension level increases exponentially.
"I think you should go," I say in a voice so foreign I hardly recognize it.
What am I doing?
This is wrong.
I'm being a moron.
Jennie's eyes show pain and I have to avoid looking at her because it hurts me that I'm the cause of that pain. "Are you sure?"
No!
I'm not!
Don't go!
"I'm sure," I reply despite how wrong I know I am.
This is my fear talking not me.
Jennie gets up and I do as well so I can walk her to the door.
Stop!
Stop being an idiot!
We say goodbye.
But I don't really say what is on my mind.
Jennie pleads with her eyes one last time to explain why I'm pushing her away.
I ignore that plea though.
I close the door and when I'm alone my stomach churns so much I feel sick.
A few seconds pass.
And then a few more.
My chance is slipping away.
It's walking right now towards the elevator when I could stop her.
Stop her with actions or words.
Stop her from leaving.
Pull her towards me and show her just how deeply I care for her.
I may want perfection in my first kiss with Jennie, but actually, I want her more.
Fuck it!
Fuck my fears!
Fuck my pride!
Fuck my expectations!
None of that matters.
The only thing that does, the only thing that should have mattered from the beginning is Jennie.
She's the one I ache to be with in every way.
My heart beats wildly as my decision is cemented.
No fear.
No regrets.
Not anymore.
I fling the door open to chase after Jennie. I jump a bit when I see her standing there.
She never left.
We stare at each other and both of us are saying the same thing with our eyes and what I feel radiating from her body.
I want you.
I need you.
I have to touch you.
We move towards each other at the exact same time.
We meet in the middle.
Our bodies.
Our hearts.
And our lips.
We crash together in a kiss fueled by desire and affection.
My lips, her lips in a perfect harmony that goes beyond any fantasy or daydream about what this moment would feel like.
I'm falling.
Falling so fast.
Falling for her and into her.
As I move backwards with Jennie's soft lips still attached to mine my only hope is that when I hit the ground she's there to catch me.