Tyed - Chapter 23: Chapter 23

It's two AM and Tyler is off his face.
"Fuck yeah!" Jai yells, throwing sticks into the Maribyrnong River. "Take that, Jesus!"
"Oh my gooooooooddddd," James drawls at them, "come backkkkk hereeeee."
Tyler's ripping up grass. Sometimes he misses Kevin- they were twelve at the oldest while they were at Darkfilly Copse, and never drunk, but this is the kind of shit they did together.
"What the fuck are they'll all on again?" Tyler slurs at Emma and Ash. Emma's leaning on Ash's shoulder, muttering about something.
"Hmm?" Ash asks. "Mmm, James had a cap, Jai's had two, not much, you want one?"
"I dunno what'a'fuck that is," Tyler slurs back. "I miss Kevin."
"Kevin- Long?" Ash asks, brows furrowed. "Oh my god, I remember, I remember him. Oh, shit, sorry," he mutters.
"'S fine," Tyler shrugs, "easy to forget. 'T all sucks when you're me yanno?"
"You don't sucks," Ash argues. "Nah, nah, nah."
Tyler huffs. "I'm gonna piss."
He stumbles to his feet, grateful he still has them. He's been drunker.
He shoots Nancy a text. ur blond n u got big tits so like ur onl kinda whitte but i gottaa sugar dady for u maybe ask m bout ask when im soberr
And one to Lachlen: yooooo why don we talk like weusefto??
And one to Colby. hi masyer ;3
He finds a nice tree to piss against and pisses for about the eighteenth time.
"Ash," he calls as he's doing his jeans back up and stumbling back over, "how's I gonna get home?"
"Huh?" Ash narrows his eyes at him. "You wanna go home right now?"
"I dunno?" Tyler yawns, stretching above his head. "Kinda."
"Call an Uber," Ash shrugs, "if you really wanna. Come out again next time?"
"I like y'all," Tyler says, "I'll do it. I'll do it!"
Ash's giggle follows Tyler's own as Tyler opens up the app to call an Uber. He puts in the address, and as he's waiting for it, he's going around to everyone and telling them he'll see them next time; Emma and Jai both respond with some jibberish that's clearly meant to be words Tyler doesn't understand right now and James tries to grab his ankle. "Mmm, stay," James argues, but Tyler pulls away.
"Nahhh, I gotta sleep," Tyler drawls as he pulls away. James complains and Tyler ignores him.
"Bye Ash!" Tyler grins as he waves, walking out to the side of the road to catch the Uber.
Tyler fucking hates Ubers. He hates sitting behind a silent stranger and twiddling his thumbs, pretending to be, like, normal. Still, the car comes and he does it. The driver says some shit and Tyler shrugs a response and then it's silence in an overly-lit car. Tyler doesn't even have that much money left in his account and honestly an Uber's already wearing it thin. The price seemed kinda higher than he thought it should've been anyway, but he didn't register why, if it even mattered. It probably didn't.
"Thanks," he mutters when he's dropped off. His mind is dreary and empty of bad thoughts he doesn't wanna think. It's pretty nice.
He stumbles up to the door and tries to open it. It doesn't open. "The fuck?" Tyler mutters under his breath, gazing in the front window. Oh, of course he wouldn't be able to see anything downstairs! The bedroom's upstairs. As the Uber drives away, Tyler reaches over to the doorbell and starts aggressively ringing it. Kinda a dick move to lock him out, he thinks.
When nobody answers, he groans and pulls out his phone. The first one almost rings out before he gets an answer. "What- Tyler? It's 2am."
"M'locked out," Tyler slurs, "open the dooooor."
"Oh my god," a low, semi-annoyed voice drones through the phone, trying to hide that annoyance. "You- you sound very drunk. Did you- are you outside?"
"Yeah," Tyler mumbles. "N'it's cold so come let me innn."
Tyler hears shuffling on the other side of the phone. "You're sure you didn't mean to call one of your roommates?" Colby says, audibly confused.
"Huh?" Tyler blinks. "Oh, yeah, them. Nah, I'm here," he says vaguely. It occurs to him he went to the wrong house, but he doesn't see why that's a big deal. "Should I be sorry or likeee...?"
Colby sighs. "I'm not happy about it being so early in the morning, but I'm not going to leave you out there. And I don't want to make you go home."
Tyler stares in the window when he sees a light flick on, waiting for Colby to appear. He sees footsteps down the stairs and grins as Colby swings open the door, bleary-eyed and clearly fighting off grumpiness a bit.
"Oh," Tyler stares at his dick, "you naked? Ooooh."
"You're off your face," Colby deadpans, grabbing his wrist and pulling him aside. "Can you manage stairs, Tyler?"
"Mmm, 'sgood as I'c'n manage ya dick," Tyler laughs, reaching out for him. Colby lets Tyler fall into his arms, and Tyler buries his face in his neck.
"I should be more concerned than I am," Colby admits, as though anyone other than Tyler is listening. "You know, a lot of people would call it a red flag to show up at someone's house drunk less than a week into dating."
"M'sorry," Tyler whines quickly. "I don mean to do a bad thing, Master, truth's I dunno what good people do, you gotta teach me okay?"
"You're a good person," Colby counters, brow furrowed in confusion. "Why would you say you're not?"
Tyler scoffs. "I mean like datin', butcha right I'm not good."
"That's explicitly the opposite of what I said," Colby mutters, fingers lightly running through Tyler's hair. Tyler purrs, leaning into the touch. Smells like Colby. Alcohol gets rid of body memories if you have enough of it sometimes. Doesn't always work.
"But I'm bad," Tyler laughs. "Shouldn't exist. Nothin good can come from me."
"Why would you ever say that? Of course you should exist, Tyler."
"No no no no no, you don't geddit," Tyler could laugh so hard he could cry. "I shouldn't exist. I'm a fuggin crime against nature, Master. 'sit weird if I call you Master even when we're not fucking?"
"I don't know, haven't thought about it," Colby responds to the last bit, "but seriously, what the hell do you mean you're a crime against nature? That's absurd, Tyler. You're a good and normal person."
Tyler huffs. "Oh yeah that's not true. I wassout with people who hadta know n'they said, they said it miiight be okay not to tellya but also I kinda might hafta? I dunno what theys said, I'un remember."
Colby's muscles seem to freeze up. "Tell me what, Tyler?"
Tyler thinks about it and just imagines Colby leaving him in disgust.
"I don't wanna," Tyler gasps, clutching Colby tight. "I don't want you to hate me!"
"Did you do something, Tyler?"
"No," Tyler shakes his head quickly. Tears are welling up, close to spilling out. "It's not my fault!"
"If it's not your fault, I won't hate you," Colby promises. "You can tell me."
Tyler imagines forming the words and he just can't. That's enough to make him cry. "I can't, I can't, I can't," he chokes on the tears. "No, no no no no."
"It's okay," Colby quickly backpedals, holding Tyler close. "Come on, come upstairs. You need to sober up, and then we can talk."
Tyler manages to drag himself up the stairs behind Colby. Colby takes his hand as soon as he's at the top of the stairs, seemingly worried for Tyler's balance, and leads him to the couch. Tyler pretty much flops onto it and buries his face in it to hide his tears.
"Let's not hide," Colby suggests, and it's not really a suggestion. Tyler slightly turns his face.
"Tyler."
Tyler turns his head just enough that he can make eye contact with Colby with one eye. Colby sleeps naked, Tyler re-notices, and it makes him giggle a bit. Now's not the time for sex but if Tyler can make that happen Colby might forget to ask him what he's talking about.
"What were you going to tell me, Tyler? I swear I won't react badly, no matter what it is."
Tyler turns over on his back to meet Colby's eyes directly. The effect is ruined by how he's still kind of crying and his butt inelegantly falls onto the couch from its position on the armrest. "What if I was just gonna say I wanna suck ya dick?"
"Tyler, please," Colby sighs, looking defeated. "Don't make me fight for this."
Tyler feels so incredibly guilty. "I don't want to," he says, and the sobs come no matter how hard he fights them. "I don't want to! Don't make me, please don't make me."
Colby doesn't speak for far too long for Tyler to be comfortable. He buries his head in the pillows of the couch and tries to regulate his breathing. Why does he drink? Why does he do this to himself?
"Look," Colby says. "If you don't want to tell me something important now, I can't make you. And I wouldn't want to make you if it hurts. But it might be something you'll have to say at some point. I still want you to tell me when you can."
Tyler covers his eyes even more than they already are. "I dunno," he whines, "I'm sorry." Tyler feels slow fingers touch his hair and he quickly shrugs it off. "Not that," he adds.
Colby's hand instead lightly touches the centre of Tyler's back. "Look. I... have something I should've probably said as well at some point. I'll tell you now, if you at least promise to tell me yours soon."
"How soon?" Tyler mummers.
"Less than a month," Colby says. He makes it sounds like a short time, but a lot can change in a month. A lot has changed in the past week alone.
Tyler sits up a bit, rolling over and looking Colby in the eyes. Colby's gaze softens as soon as they make eye contact. "Okay," Tyler promises. "Less than a month. I can do that."
His father was getting out of jail in less than a month. Maybe Colby would learn that way.
Tyler finds himself curious, though. "Wait, what're you gonna tell me?"
Colby shrugs. "I thought it was fine, but I kept thinking you were under an impression that wasn't true and maybe I should say it."
"Jus' say it."
Colby stops touching Tyler's back. "The whole thought was that I'd paid your rent, right? And that was the idea?" Tyler nods, confused. "I actually just called in a favour from the person who owns your building. I didn't pay anything."
Tyler frowns, thinking it over. "So you like. Just asked him not to charge us or?"
"Asked her, but yeah." Colby nods slowly. "I helped her get the building in the first place. She's a friend of my ex's. That's why I felt fine doing such a big gesture- because it didn't actually cost me anything."
Tyler laughs, wiping at his face. "That's it, that's your secret?"
Colby shrugs. "I don't know. It was kind of shady to hide it, was it not?"
"I dunno," Tyler admits, "but like, what the fuck, I don't care! You used a favour worth a couple thousand dollars on me, what's the damn difference? I wish my secret was that easy to admit, fuck."
"Like I said, if it's not anything you did wrong, I won't care."
"You're only saying that 'cause you haven't thought of what it is," Tyler muttered. "I shouldn't exist."
"Tyler-"
"Let's not talk about this." Tyler's sobering up and he doesn't like it. "Thanks for telling me your thing. Doesn't bother me. I'll get sober, think of the best way to tell you and then I'll tell you and you'll hate me and dump me."
"That won't happen," Colby insists, reaching for Tyler's hand. Tyler lets him take it, but absolutely doesn't believe him.
"I'll go home," Tyler mutters, reaching up and gripping the couch to lift himself up. He's beginning to feel the headache. "I'm sorry, I don't think I meant to come here, I just- wanted to go home. My drunk ass brain thought this was home."
Colby doesn't say anything for a moment. When Tyler considers it, anything he could say would have consequences and connotations that Colby probably wouldn't want it to. He appreciates the silence for that reason.
"You don't have to go anywhere," is what Colby decides on. "I'd rather you didn't in this state. You're not as drunk as I thought you were, at least not anymore, but you're going to be hungover in the morning."
"When's the morning?" Tyler asks, rubbing his temple with his free hand. "I mean, what day?"
"Saturday," Colby tells him.
"Shit," Tyler mutters. "Trey. Fuck. And Carol's gonna tell him about- fuck."
"I'm sorry, who's Carol? Trey's your brother."
Tyler closes his eyes and curses himself. "Sorry. Carol's my mother. Called her her name for a few years in high school and it's stuck in my head a bit."
"It's- going to be a hard thing to deal with," Colby tries, squeezing Tyler's hand, and Tyler wants to pull away but doesn't. "But if you drink some water and get some sleep now it'll be easier."
"Fuck," Tyler mutters. "I don't wanna go."
"You don't have to."
"Except I do! God, I wish it was so easy that I could just do self care and do what's good for me all the time but I can't, not really, not always. My brother's a mess and I gotta do what I can to look after him 'cause otherwise it all falls on my mum and she didn't ask for it any more than me. She's dealt with fucking enough."
Colby stays wisely silent on the issue. "Come on," he says instead. "Let's get you some water, and then to bed."
Tyler nods slowly, letting himself be pulled. He can walk better now, and he drinks the glass of water Colby gives him before following his lead upstairs.
As soon as he gets the chance, Tyler sinks under Colby's sheets, only just bothering to take his shoes off. He leans his head on Colby's chest and falls right asleep.