Tyed - Chapter 36: Chapter 36

Tyler's holding a coffee with shaking hands that are threatening to spill all over his lap. He'd called Ash earlier today and told him what he was doing; it was such an out-of-the-blue call that Ash had seemed surprised, but had made the time for him.
"Honestly, that's a good idea," Ash had told him. "One person validating that it's not as big of a deal as you think it is will help. Because you do have to tell him eventually."
"Within a month," Tyler nods. "That's what I promised."
And he knew Colby wouldn't forget. Colby would hold him to it, as much as he hadn't said a word even up until this point.
So Tyler's preparing to get screamed at, food thrown at him, and left in the dust. That's why he's in a cafe in a suburb where nobody knows him. He knows Lachlen better than that, and he probably won't blow up, but Tyler's not going to trust Ash to know exactly how bad this reaction is going to be. Because Tyler sure as fuck reacted badly when he found out, that's for sure.
Lachlen clacks in. He's got platform boots that increase his height over Tyler's, and he gets his fair share of stares, even in this hipster-ass place, mostly people admiring the gentle curl of his purple hair or how confidently he wears the choker that honestly looks more like a collar. Tyler absentmindedly touches his own day collar, the little silver ring he puts his finger through and feels against his skin.
"Hey," Lachlen says, sliding into the booth. "What's up?"
"It's, uh," Tyler's mouth is dry. "It's kind of a weird conversation to just... get into. Do you want a drink?"
Lachlen bites his lip. "I mean, sure. Like- don't worry about the weirdness of the conversation, yeah? I'm sure I know what it's about-"
"Nothing to do with Colby." That's where Lachlen actually raises an eyebrow. "Let's get your drink, and then we'll talk."
Tyler can't just jump right into talking about being fucked up. He asks Lachlen about his life first. Lachlen talks happily about most things, without much of a filter; he mentions how sex has been great recently, although his recent surgery put a short hold on it, in almost the same sentence as he mentions enjoying the new shoes he bought the other day. His candor might help Tyler, or it might not. There's only one way to know.
"...I know that's not what you came to talk about, though." Lachlen leans on his hands, the nails painted black. He's felt a lot more comfortable about femininity since high school ended and there wasn't anyone to regularly judge him anymore. "You said there was a specific thing and I feel like you're avoiding it."
Tyler narrows his eyes at Lachlen. "What gave it away?"
Lachlen smiles. "You've changed a little bit in the past few years, but I can still tell when you're not listening properly to what I say."
"I was listening," Tyler protests. "You were just talking about those shoes and how you almost fell down the stairs in them."
Lachlen shakes his head. "You know what I mean, Tyler. You're thinking about something else. And you also literally asked me here to talk about something specific, so you can't pretend it's nothing."
Tyler tries to put the words together in his head. "Uh. Well, yeah, I guess I did sort of want to say something. Like, I don't... but..."
Lachlen waits patiently, watching Tyler without pressure. That doesn't stop Tyler from feeling the pressure. He can feel his palms sweating, and he's never quite felt anxiety as sneaky as this, inching up through his ribs and wrapping around his heart. "Well, Lachie," he says before pausing again.
"Take your time," Lachlen says. Tyler has a guess at what he's expecting; some sort of coming out, or a question that Lachlen will have no trouble answering. Perhaps the worst thing Lachlen could be expecting right now is for Tyler to ask him out again or something.
"I'm-" Tyler stutters, because what is he? "I... shouldn't have been born."
He knows Lachlen misunderstood that. "Tyler, no," he says, leaning forward slightly and patting Tyler's arm. "Look, I don't know what-"
"I don't know how to say it," Tyler interrupts him. "The thing. Like the actual thing I'm trying to tell you. It's like- it's a secret I haven't told anyone because it's fucked up and horrible and I hate it. It's disgusting and I don't want to be a part of it."
"Are you-" Lachlen narrows his eyes. "Are you talking about your dad? You do know I know that, right?"
"Not this," Tyler shakes his head. "Look. I- I should've told you when we dated. Nobody should date me without knowing. I'm just- I'm too scared to tell Colby, so I wanted to tell you and see how you reacted because then maybe I'd know how a normal fucking person would react, because I don't know. I haven't told anyone, how could I know? And maybe- and maybe-"
"This sounds serious," Lachlen says slowly, "and you don't have to tell me if you don't want to, alright? I understand. But- if you really should've told me, I guess I'd like to know."
"It's saying it," Tyler says. "I don't know how to say it."
Lachlen sits forward in his chair, his hands together in front of him, thoughtful. "Well, maybe say it in your head a few times, and figure out the clearest, shortest way. Then just say that."
I'm inbred. My mother is my father's daughter. I'm a freak of nature. I shouldn't exist. No, Tyler already said that last one. "I- actually, can I- can I draw you a diagram? Is that weird?"
"Honestly? I'm not sure what you can explain with a diagram, but if you can, sure," Lachlen says. He pushes a napkin Tyler's direction and digs around in his small backpack, pulling out an eyeliner pencil. "Here."
And so, as Lachlen sits there and watches, Tyler tells his secret for the first time ever, in a stupid little diagram. He puts a P , draws a line down, writes Carol, and from that line, draws a right-angle down, descending Tyler and Trey from it. A family tree with branches that grow out sideways like an extra mutated limb.
Tyler slides it across as all that anxiety just numbs. He can't feel anything as he stares at Lachlen's face as he examines the drawing for far too long, unable to parse it. Unable to make sense.
"I don't-" the minute he talks, his face suddenly screws up in disgust, and he pushes the drawing back at Tyler, hiding his face in his hands. "Oh God," he whispers with a shudder, and Tyler...
Well, he's not upset. It's about what he expected. Confirmation of what he already knew; that he was disgusting, a monster. It was written into his genes. There was no escaping it, no pretending otherwise. He was a freak of nature and objectively unlovable. If it wasn't true of him, who was it true of?
"Yeah," Tyler shrugs. "I needed to know what it looked like to anyone else-"
"I hope I'm interpretting this correctly," Lachlen mutters. "Your dad is..."
"...also my mum's dad. Father-daughter incest." It got a lot easier to say once that disgust was already on Lachlen's face. Upon closer inspection, Lachlen doesn't even look disgusted- he just looks sad. No doubt he's upset he didn't know this before he dated Tyler.
"Jesus," Lachlen mutters. "I'm so sorry."
"Sorry for me?" Tyler raises an eyebrow. "You should be sorry for yourself. I didn't tell you, and you dated me-"
"-it really puts into perspective how awful your dad is," Lachlen continues, cutting Tyler short. "I guess I got desensitized to the idea. But god. And your mum- oh, that's why you called her by her name for a while? Because you thought of her as your sister?"
Tyler narrows his eyes. Something is unexpected about Lachlen's response, but he can't pin down what. "Uh, yeah. Not anymore, because, well, she raised me and all that. I just-" he figures it out. "I feel like you should be more bothered by me now than my dad."
Lachlen furrows his brow. "Why would I be bothered by you? It's not your fault. It's gross, yeah, but it's gross on the part of your dad that he fucking molested his kids. It's just kind of sad that you're a result of that, but it's not- it's not your fault."
"But like-" Tyler gestures at himself, as though there's something Lachlen isn't seeing. "-my genes are fucked. You had sex with me. Surely you didn't want those fucked up genes inside of you?"
"Well, I mean, why would I care? It's not, like, something I can catch. I might, might care if biological kids had ever been a thing we were going to have, but, like, no. Even then- if you're healthy, would it even make a difference? I'm not sure it would. You've got no issues. Although now I guess I know why Trey does."
"So you-" Tyler's struggling to put the pieces together here, even as they're laid out in front of him so clearly. "So you don't think it matters? Theoretically, if I'd told you when we were dating, you wouldn't have broken up with me?"
"Look, you were, and always have been, out of my league. I still would've been lucky to have you. I broke up with you because you cheated on me, and you know that. I wouldn't have broken up with you over your genes, Tyler. Like, literally, the only  concern with that kind of thing I can imagine is biological kids, which I assume isn't going to be a thing with Colby."
"You're not disgusted by me?"
"Incest is pretty disgusting, but it's disgusting on the part of your father, Tyler. You didn't do anything. How can I be disgusted by you?"
---
The hospital fucking sucks and Tyler just wants to cry. He hasn't cried in a while- he's too old to cry, he tells himself- but it just would be really nice to not feel this horrible loneliness pushing down on him from all angles, to let out the pain and confusion that's making him shake.
This room is cold and white. His clothes are dirty and uncomfortable, and he really wants a bath. They let him stay with everyone else for a while, but now they're taken him in here alone, and wouldn't let anyone come in with him. He's afraid and trying his best to bury it. Trying his best to keep himself present and sane.
"I just have a few questions." The woman in front of him is wearing weird, light blue clothing that looks like it's made of plastic. She has a pen in her pocket. She says she's a nurse, but she's not wearing the little white hat with the red cross that Tyler's seen nurses wear in picture books as a kid. Although he hasn't met a nurse before, so he wouldn't know. "They'll be easy, alright?"
Tyler nods numbly.
"Firstly, I need your name. Is that okay? Your friend was calling you Tyler. Is that right?"
She talks slowly, yet the questions all seem to come too quickly for Tyler to answer. He manages to get the strength to nod. Trey had been taken away first, and he'd been calling, "Tyler- where's mummy, Tyler, where are they taking me, Tyler-"
Always turning to Tyler for answers. Kali did it too. Tyler had no answers, hence why it was so nice to be able to let Kevin tell him where to go. He never knew anything.
"Okay." She nods and smiles widely. Too widely. Tyler doesn't trust her. "Let's talk about a few nice, small things, alright? What's your favourite colour, Tyler?"
Tyler shrugs.
"It's okay." The nurse crouches down, making herself shorter next to him. "I promise you that no harm is going to come to you. I know it's scary, and I know everything is so, so different. But right now, we're trying to figure out what's true and what's false. If you tell us the truth right now, we can do the best that we can to make sure that all the good parts of your life stay the same, and all the bad parts change."
Tyler closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He imagines never seeing his father again.
"I- I don't want to see him again," he whispers, clutching his arms. "My- my dad."
"That's a great start," the nurse says. "We can make sure you don't, as long as you tell us why."
"Because I hate him," Tyler spits, and it comes so easily compared to anything else he has to say. He hasn't been able to say it before without getting hit. "I hate him. He's horrible and awful and I hate what he makes me do."
The nurse looks down slowly. "What does he make you do?"
Tyler shakes his head. "No. I'm not supposed to do it, it's gross, it's not..."
He doesn't remember exactly what he said, but he told her. He told her everything, and she just nodded, taking it with a simple smile and making a few notes on a piece of paper that's clipped to a small board she's carrying.
"Your father," the nurse says, "do you know his name?"
Tyler shakes his head. "I don't know. He used to get letters addressed to P. Kristenssen but that's all I know." He's not sure when he started to trust her enough to tell her these things, but the words are coming easily now. And he wants what she's promised.
"What about your mother? Is she good to you, and what's her name?"
"Uh." Tyler rubs his arms. "She's never hurt me like my dad has. Her name is Carol. That's what my dad calls her all the time."
The nurse lifts the paper on the board and looks at a few things on it. Her eyes seem to catch on something, and she reads for far too long, squinting at the letters. "Are you sure about that, honey?"
Tyler bristles at being called that, and it adds to the venom in his voice when he spits back, "yeah, that's her name, what do you mean?"
"Are you sure your dad's name starts with P? There's a P Kristenssen, but it says here his wife has been dead for a long time. He has mentioned a daughter named Carol, and... oh. Wait."
She stares at the paper for a really, really long time. "Are you sure, Tyler, that Carol is your mum?"
Tyler nods. "Yeah. She always has been."
The nurse shakes her head to clear it. "I guess- I guess there must be a good explanation for this. I'm not sure who your real mum is, just- stay here, okay?"
And she swishes out of the room, down the hall, and Tyler's left alone again. He brings his knees to his chest and sighs into them. What the hell did she mean, real mum? He only had the one.
And Tyler sat there, hoping- hoping so desperately- that everything would be okay. That he'd be able to see his friends again when all this was over. That he wouldn't be seperated from Kali, or his brother, or- or Kevin.
It dawns on him only then that they had escaped. They were out. And he was only afraid.
He laughs at the absurdity of it, and the laughs are still shaking him when the nurse comes back in.
"Come with me," she says, her face white as a sheet. Tyler stands and follows her, simply because he has no idea what else there even is to do just yet.
She leads him down the hall, into the door Trey went through. Trey's sitting on one of the same shitty plastic hospital beds that Tyler was, and he's crying, head in his hands and shaking. The nurse who's looking over him glances up as Tyler enters, and Tyler thoughtlessly, wordlessly, jumps up next to Trey and puts his arm around his shoulders. Trey leans into it with a stifled sob, and says nothing.
Finally, into the room comes their mother, lead by another nurse, and she all but runs to them, sweeping the two of them up in the biggest hug either of them have ever gotten. It's about then that Tyler gives up the ghost and starts to cry himself, shaking as the tears stream down so suddenly and quickly he can't even comprehend it.
"My boys," Mummy says, her voice wracked. "I'm so glad you're okay. And I think- I think I'm going to get to stay with you. I don't think they're going to take us away from each other."
"Don't- don't- don't let them take you away," Trey mutters inbetween sobs.
"I won't," Mummy says, shaking her head. "I love you both."
"I love you too," both boys say. It's Tyler who asks the hard question, trying his best to ignore the stares of the nurses who are still trying to sus them all out. "What about Daddy?"
Mummy sighs deeply. "I think- I think he's going to go to jail. He's going to be locked up for a long time in a place where he can't hurt any of us again."
"Will we ever see him again?" Trey asks, and for a long moment, his question hangs in the air, before Mummy answers.
She shakes her head. "No, darling, I don't think we will."
Tyler hopes. He hopes and he hopes and he hopes that he's not being lied to, that this is the truth- that for real, his dad's going to go to prison and he'll never have to deal with him ever, ever again.
One of the nurses clears their throat. "Excuse me, Carol? I just need to clarify something."
Mummy doesn't let go of Tyler and Trey, but she looks over her shoulder and asks, "what would that be?"
"According to your father, these boys are your brothers. Both of them named you as their mother, though. I just have to ask their actual relation."
Tyler frowns. Why would Daddy lie and say their mum was their sister? It was weird and didn't really make any sense. Yet, as she's asked it, Mummy stiffens, bristling at the question.
"Both are correct," she says in a dry, almost angry voice. Trey leans closer into her, afraid.
"No, I mean- biologic-biologically," the nurse says, but even as she's saying that word she seems to stutter to a stop. "Unless...?"
Tyler's looking at her face, and he watches as she gags, clutching her chest as though she's choking. Hearing her say it is the first time Tyler's ever heard the word: "unless you're saying they're inbred?"
Mummy closes her eyes. "Our father hurt us all. What he did to me, it's why they exist, yeah."
The nurse holds a hand to her mouth, as though she's about to vomit, and another one covers their eyes like they're afraid. "That's horrible," whispers the third nurse in the room.
"Jesus," says the first nurse. "Why the fuck did you- did you let that happen? You should've fucking beaten your stomach in or something, by God." She looks at Tyler with a sneer of disgust, and Tyler feels sick down to his bones. "That's disgusting."
Mummy stands up to defend them, and an argument starts, and Tyler's left holding Trey close as he cries harder than before. That look of disgust, those words, branded him that day.
That's the day when Tyler learns he never should've been born.