Tyed - Chapter 40: Chapter 40

Tyler always feels at home walking up the stairs to Colby's house. His reality is changing, and he's not used to it just yet, but he's getting there. He's reeling from what he learned about himself just today, what he's forced to stop running away from.
He thinks it to himself, closing his eyes. He loves Colby.
He felt the spark from the moment that they locked eyes. He sort of knew that he was in love every time it nearly slipped out. Often, his mouth comes to conclusions before his brain does. He just struggles to think of when it happened.
He wasn't in love the first time they fucked. It wasn't that kind of deal. He wasn't in love on that date, the day they went out for dinner and Tyler casually freaked out. He was already in love when he found out they were co-arsonists.
He triangulates. He started falling in love when he went, drunk as hell, to Colby's house instead of his own, thinking of it as his. Colby cleaned him up, looked after him, and took him to Trey's in the morning. He had finished falling in love by the time of his punishment, when he'd ended up crying and clutching Colby's chest, afraid of change. It was probably that moment- when Colby held him after that- that Tyler fell in love.
Tyler was afraid of change. His last love didn't end so well, and he doubted this would be much better.
Tyler must be an awful person. He went through so much as a child, and every time he thought things were better, his suffering would return tenfold. Losing Colby was going to hurt, and it was going to happen.
"So," Colby says once they're up the stairs. Tyler turns to look at him. "How do you feel, in terms of what you want to do? We can relax and do nothing. Or we can do something kinky. I'm giving you the choice, depending on how you feel."
Tyler takes him in. Colby Blake. A CEO and a rich man who was dating a young, pretty, broke student. Divorced and a father of a dead child. An arsonist. A man with a perfect memory, and a kind manner despite his sadistic nature that he refused to truly give into. Estranged from his family. Living alone in a three-bedroom apartment. Gentle, strong, loving, intelligent, caring. His boyfriend, his sugar daddy, his master, his love- which was the truest word?
I feel like I love you. "I could go either way," Tyler says, cheeks red. "I guess, um... the kinky stuff, maybe?"
Colby smiles, a slight uptick of his mouth. Tyler's realisation just feels like another secret he has to keep. He can't very well go saying he loves him less than two weeks in, can he? "Sounds good," Colby says. "Take your clothes off, then. And get your collar."
Tyler heads upstairs to do just that. As he takes his phone out of his pocket, he decides to make the dangerous decision to admit what he's just learned. Not to Colby. Of course not to Colby. He's not sure if he'll ever be able to admit that.
He sends a text to Nancy. Code Red. I think I fucking love Colby. I'm serious.
He puts his phone down on top of his pile of clothes, and replaces his day collar with his proper collar. The weight around his neck is comforting, familiar. It burns the same words he can't stop thinking about into his brain. He loves Colby. His stupid, idiot self loves Colby.
He heads back downstairs, and his emotions are... a mess. Tyler casually observes them from the outside. Anticipation of what's going to happen soon, and a good degree of excitement about it. Apprehension at the knowledge that this has got to, must be temporary. Sadness at the knowledge that he loves Colby and there isn't shit he can do about that; and it's only sad because it's going to end.
There is, of course, that swell of love that Tyler recognises when he sees Colby downstairs. Colby's arms cross, and the corner of his mouth tilts in a little smile he probably doesn't even realise he's doing as he takes Tyler in. His eyes are so soft and warm. They're yellow, as Tyler's always felt, but one day they went from the gaze of a hungry wolf to the flicker of a fire just beginning, the gentle warmth that can only grow from then on.
Tyler walks up to him, before Colby can say anything, and leans up to kiss him, hard and sharp. Before the kiss, Tyler took in Colby's expression, and it hits him now, the clarity of what he saw.
Colby looked so gentle and soft, loving perhaps, if Tyler were to be hopeful. He looked at him for a long time, like he didn't want to do anything else but stare, but take him in.
In that kiss, the sparks are there, and it's good, but it also feels right. It's locking into place something that was spinning out of orbit, and it's terrifying, because running free all your life can be wonderful but it can also be tiring. When it ends, when you find a place to belong, you so desperately want it, but at the same time it feels like being trapped. And you never know if you really want to be there or not, not while you're falling in.
Falling in love.
It wasn't this fast the first time, and that's what's terrifying, too.
Tyler's fallen in love before, but it took time. It was deep, it was hard, and it broke uncleanly, leaving rotting shards buried deep under Tyler's skin. Tyler's not going to say he loves Colby more than he loved Kevin- not at all. It just happened so much quicker this time.
---
It happens pretty unexpectedly.
Tyler was just thinking about him, which was weird. He was laying in bed, realising it had been exactly a month since he'd seen Kevin, and his heart had clenched; and then he'd heard the call. "Tyler," his mum had called, "someone's at the door for you."
Tyler had gotten up from bed, still wearing his school uniform, and he'd swung open the door without any real expectation. That's how he got to where he is now, staring Kevin in the face.
Kevin looks... bigger, in a way. His long hair has been cut shorter, which Tyler doesn't know if he likes or dislikes, but he looks better fed, and his cheeks have a bit of squishiness to them, instead of the gauntness Tyler's used to.
That's the first thing Tyler thinks about, and the first thing he does. He reaches out and pokes Kevin's cheek. "You look healthier," he says, uncertain of when he started grinning.
Kevin's just staring at him. Blankly drinking in his face, his body, his eyes; and finally, he opens his mouth to say, "...and you look happier."
Tyler rushes forward. He grips Kevin with all the ferocity of a raging bushfire and pulls him in. His arms around Kevin. This is all he's wanted for a month.
"We have so much to talk about," Tyler grins. "You wanna see my room?"
Kevin's kind of still just staring at Tyler. He opens his mouth, but doesn't speak. Instead, he just nods.
Tyler opens the door and lets him in. Kevin glances at the half-done furniture in the living room that still hasn't been put together yet, the haphazard setup of the dining table, the bareness of the house in general. Tyler's not sure Kevin actually ever went inside his house at Darkfilly Copse. This would all be new.
"Your house is very empty," Kevin remarks. "My mum has a lot of stuff."
Tyler shrugs as he opens his door. "We did just get here."
Tyler's bedroom is similarly empty. He's got his bed and not much else at the moment. A lot of stuff just sits on the floor. Tyler feels a little self conscious, sure, but he's too excited that Kevin is here to really, truly care if he thinks his room is sparse or whatever.
Kevin goes and sits on the bed. He still looks kind of wonderstruck, and Tyler just sits on the floor in front of him, looking up and waiting.
Kevin keeps staring before he breaks the silence. "Nobody would tell me where you were," he says after a long moment. "Nobody knew."
Tyler's brow furrows. "I asked about you too," he says. "And nobody knew either. How did you find me?"
Kevin looks down at his fingernails. "I, um. I searched, a lot?" He swallows visibly. "I ended up looking at the enrolments of a bunch of schools until I found which one you were at, and then I got your address from the school."
"Is that a thing you can just do?" Tyler asks, tilting his head.
Kevin sighs. "Um, I mean, not usually? I had to get help, and uh. It was hard. It's also not, like, um, something you're supposed to do."
"Oh." Tyler doesn't know what that means. He frankly doesn't really care, because Kevin's here now and that's what matters. "I'm glad it go you to me, though. Tell me about your school and everything that's happened with you."
Kevin takes a deep breath. "It sucks," he mutters, to Tyler's surprise. "I'm stupider here than I was in Darkfilly Copse. The teachers yell at me all the time and I don't know where to go. I don't really have friends? I kind of do, I guess, but everyone makes fun of them and I don't really want to be a part of that. I just wanna hang out with you like we used to."
"We totally could," Tyler says, standing up and grabbing Kevin's hands. "We should go hang out, like we used to. I reckon it'd be fun and it'll make us feel better."
"I don't wanna walk around the city in the dark," Kevin mutters. "Concrete is scarier than trees because people could be hiding behind it. I'm not afraid of possums or spiders in the woods but I'm afraid of people."
Tyler shakes his head. "You wanna go for a walk now?"
Kevin shrugs. "I don't care. I just wanna hear your voice."
Tyler sits beside him on the bed. "Okay. You wanna hear what my school's been like?"
Kevin nods, and Tyler leans into his shoulder as he talks.
"First day, I was apparently rude to this lady when I asked for directions, and I got sent to detention." Tyler can feel Kevin's cheeks moving into a smile as he says that. "I met a girl named Nancy and she's pretty cool, I guess. I've sort of made a few friends? People make fun of them too but I've decided that I don't fucking care, honestly. Like you said, though. I just wanna hang out with you. Fuck everyone else."
Kevin nuzzles into Tyler's hair. "I missed you," he mutters. "So much. I spent... I don't know, I spent every night wanting to leave and find you and I just didn't know where you were. I hate not knowing where you are."
Tyler intertwines his hand with Kevin's. "Well, you know now," he says with a small smile. "I'm right here. Are you far away?"
Kevin shakes his head. "Fifteen minute walk," he says. "Not far at all. Never too far to find you."
Something about the cadence of his voice betrays something new, a new thought running through his mind. "What's up, Kevin?"
"What do you mean?" Kevin says softly. "I've got you back. I'm happy about that. What you do mean what's up?"
Tyler tilts his head, looking up so he can see Kevin's face from his perspective on his shoulder. "The way you talk," Tyler explains. "It sounds like something's changed, if that makes sense? Like it's not bad, I just... I just don't know what it is, is all. You know?"
Kevin bites his lip. "I mean, a lot's changed," he mutters. "We're out of Darkfilly Copse. And that feels... well, it's big, and confusing, and I don't know what to do, but also it's free and it's good? I dunno. I guess it always felt like this big goal, and now... I don't know what to do."
"I understand," Tyler says, just something still itches at him. He can tell what it is when he closes his eyes and he feels Kevin's thumb rubbing over the back of his hand. He knows what it is now, what's changed. He feels it too. He knows it too.
He moves to kiss Kevin, and he feels the weight of the world lift for just a moment. It's still there, it doesn't go away- but it gets lighter. It gets easier to carry. Kevin's lips feel right, easy, simple, like home.
He pulls away. It's such a natural conclusion that he sees no reason not to share it immediately. "I love you, Kevin."
Kevin's smile is immediate and wide. "Oh, god," he mutters, "I didn't think I was going to hear you say that. Um." Kevin blushes bright red. "I love you, Tyler. I think I have for a long time."
They don't kiss after that- Tyler just presses his forehead to Kevin's, and for a long time they sit there, holding each other, feeling the other's presence. Being together, and doing nothing else.
It was never simple. But it was inevitable.