Tyed - Chapter 45: Chapter 45

The silence drags on for only a moment too long before Colby breaks it. "It's nice to meet you, Trey. I've heard a lot about you. All good things."
Tyler wouldn't call that a complete lie so much as an exaggeration, but Colby deceives well enough that Trey doesn't pick up on this detail. Tyler only does because he feels like in the short time he's known Colby- and god, it really has been a short time, hasn't it?- he's picked up a lot, enough that he'd be able to tell it wasn't entirely true even if he didn't know he'd barely mentioned Trey to Colby and was scared to say too much.
Colby's smile is charismatic and unwavering, however, and the strong foundation allows Trey to feel comfortable and smile, too. "Hi," he says, his voice quiet but not quite shaking. His uncertainty is still clear, however. "It's nice to meet you, too."
Colby stands up and extends a hand to him. "I'm Tyler's new partner. We've only started dating recently. My name is Colby."
Something befalls Trey's face, and he says nothing as he slowly shakes Colby's hand. It's only then that he looks at Tyler. "I need you to t-tell me the truth, Tyler," he says, and Tyler's paying more attention to Colby's slight confusion than anything else, even though Trey is somewhat staring at him, his gaze continuously falling as he struggles to keep eye contact. Fair.
"Uh," Tyler mutters, worried, "...yes?"
"Mum said daddy wouldn't come back ever." Trey's voice is scarily even. "And he did. You said Kevin won't come back ever and now you're with someone else and not him even though he loves you more than anything and you said you loved him too. B-but daddy's not dead yet, but he's gonna die- you would've, you would've told me if Kevin w-was dead, right?"
"Trey-" their mum begins, as Colby steps back and looks, to his credit, only somewhat alarmed. Tyler has no words.
"You w-wouldn't l-lie, or h-h-hide it from m-me," there's the nervous stutter, "r-right? If Kevin w-was- was d-dead? You'd tell me, right? R-right?"
Tyler's mouth feels glued together, and their mum runs forward to grip Trey's shoulders. "Trey," she says, "don't worry about Kevin, okay? Don't-"
"No," Tyler tells Trey the truth, "I wouldn't. I didn't, Trey. I didn't tell you when he died, okay? Because it was awful and you didn't need that at that point of your life."
Trey's gaze completely falls, and his mother glares daggers at Tyler, hissing, "what the hell is wrong with you, Ty?"
"Is Kali dead too?" Trey whispers, barely loud enough for Tyler to hear. Colby steps back to make sure he's not in Tyler's mum's way as she hugs her eldest son, holding him close.
"I don't think so," Tyler admits. "When she and Kevin got taken away, Kevin found us, but she didn't, and I couldn't find her. The honest truth is that I don't know where she is and if she's alive any more than you do. But I can tell you she's probably much happier than she was, and she's probably alive."
That's only a little bit of a lie. The same demons that killed Kevin could very well have caught Kali, too.
"I'm sorry," Colby mutters, and Tyler stands to take his side. Colby puts a gentle hand on Tyler's back, rubbing small circles that Tyler closes his eyes and takes comfort in.
"You didn't do anything," Tyler responds, watching as Trey slowly hides his eyes from view, a single tear running underneath his hand, visible. He was barely friends with Kevin, didn't even like him, but Trey had so few people growing up that of course he felt some affection for Kevin.
"No, I mean... I'm sorry for your loss." Colby's voice is so soft. "Both of you."
Trey lets out a single sob, and says nothing. Tyler leans on Colby's shoulder. "I'll tell you his story later," Tyler promises. "It's complicated."
"You could've saved that part of his story for another time," Tyler's mum comments, glaring at Tyler, but there's a sadness in her eyes that is highlighted and contrasted by Trey's, and Tyler's that he feels deep in his chest even if he isn't showing it right now. "We had some business to discuss."
"I'm- I'm- I'm ok-okay," Trey sniffles. "I kn-kn-knew."
"You did?" Tyler says, "then why did you ask?"
"I wanted- I want-wanted to b-b-be w-wrong," Trey forces out. "Be-be-c-cause he... He should be a-alive and, and, and- daddy should-shouldn't b-be."
Colby's hand doing circles on Tyler's back only pauses for a split second upon hearing that. "He won't be for long," Tyler mutters. "And what you said, Trey- what you told me on the phone? I think that's a good idea and I agree."
"What was this?" Their mum asks, fixing Tyler with a stare.
"Seeing him is a good idea because we get to see him die and know he has no power over us."
Then, the circles on Tyler's back completely stop. Colby's hand hovers there still, but it doesn't move. Tyler tries to take no notice, although knowing that those words have some effect on Colby makes him incredibly nervous.
"Well," their mum says, "I would've liked to hear a more compassionate reason you boys might have had to see him. For God's sake, he is a human being, if one possessed by a number of devils, and he is dying of cancer at age seventy in prison! Are you not grateful for the lives you have now?"
"The lives he did everything he could to keep from us? I love you, mum, but I don't love him," Tyler scowls. Trey, tears still on his face, reaches out for Tyler, and Tyler takes his hand.
"It's not about love. It's about basic compassion. You're capable of that, I know you are. Can you use it just this once?"
"I'll do what I have to do, okay?" Tyler hates to make this concession because he knows he's right. "You so desperately want me to see him, and so I will. I just won't be happy about it, alright? Let me find whatever happiness in it I will. Same with Trey, if he wants to see him because knowing Dad is dead would make him feel safer I see no problem in that."
Trey nods his thanks to Tyler. Tyler notes that Colby isn't touching him anymore and hasn't said anything. Great. That makes him feel just great.
Tyler's mum makes eye contact with Colby. "I apologise for what you've walked into," she says, her voice stiff. "I apologise for my sons' seeming lack of empathy."
"It's fine," Colby says, a little stilted, "...anger is a natural reaction to childhood abuse. For what it's worth, if my opinion isn't unwelcome- and I understand if it is- seeing him could help you both- all- forgive. If he dies and you haven't-"
"I don't want to forgive him." Is that the first time Tyler's even slightly raised his voice at Colby? "Mum can and Trey can but I don't want to."
"You may change your mind when you see him," Colby says, and Tyler's about to snap back when Colby's hand touches the middle of his back again and he remembers where he is and who he's with. "Or you may not, but my only point is that you have the chance while he's alive and it'll be harder when he's dead."
"...thank you," Tyler's mum says. "That's my point, what he said."
"I'm sorry," Colby says, "I didn't catch your name earlier, by the way."
Tyler's mum blinks in surprise. "Oh, uh. I'm Carol, and this is my husband Saxon. Uh, I'm sorry. I forgot that I heard your name from Tyler, and that I didn't tell you myself."
She seems to have collected herself, pulling herself from the shock of seeing Colby, acting like they hadn't met before. Yet Tyler has a feeling he didn't drop Colby's name at all. He explicitly didn't want to mention that Colby was rich, to avoid connotations of Colby being a sugar daddy- even though he kind of was- and he therefore had a feeling he hadn't given his mother Colby's name. Definitely not his full name. That obviously wasn't the real pressing evidence that they'd met before- after all, Saxon knew about Scarlett.
Tyler burnt a house down with Colby, and now his parents knew him. Clearly, either the world is tiny and chance does strange things, or fate is real and stitching something together with him and Colby. Tyler's an atheist and he'd like to believe the first, but what the reason is is much less important than what the situation is- why his parents know Colby in the first place, but Colby doesn't seem to know them.
Tyler doesn't want to ask his parents just yet, but he does want to ask Colby. He will the moment they get a chance.
Tyler's still got Trey's hand in his, and Trey squeezes it, prompting Tyler to look up at him. He still has some tears present, and he was silent while everyone else talked- standard, but still Tyler would like to hear what he had to say.
"It's g-gonna be okay," Trey says, and Tyler wonders how he must be coming across such that Trey felt the need to comfort him, too.
The air feels thin and Tyler can barely breathe. "So what is there left to settle?" Tyler asks, gazing at his mother. "We're discussing dad, right? We'll come see him or whatever."
Tyler's mother sighs. "He'll only be home for a few days. Then he's going into palliative care. So if you boys will agree to come see him you've only got those few days, alright?"
"Weird question," Tyler mutters, "but we're still going to Rosebud, right?"
"Dad's dying and all you're concerned about is the holiday we're meant to go on?"
Tyler hopes that the way she says Dad doesn't read to Colby like she's talking about their shared father. Everything in this room vibrates with danger to him, worrying that something will cause this fragile relationship to implode before Tyler is ready.
Tyler will never be ready for it to implode, but he'll always be expecting it.
"No," Tyler says, worried now that his delay will read like he's lying when he denies it. "Look, I'm fucking concerned about this situation. I don't want to see him, I kind of wish he'd died in jail, and now I'm feeling guilty for not wanting to see my shitty abusive dad or whatever. But I kind of just want Trey to have some good god damn news right now, alright?"
Trey squeezes Tyler's hand again, as Tyler's mum scowls, "do not-" before cutting herself off with an even bigger sigh. She tries to restart her sentence, but nothing comes out of her mouth.
She turns to Trey. "Yes, we're still- we're still going to go, a little later than we were, but. But we are. Don't worry, Trey, we... we still get something good at the end of this."
Silence reigns for a moment, because there really isn't anything left to say.
"So we'll come," Tyler mutters. "And we'll be nice. Trey, I'll be with you, okay? You won't have to face him alone."
Why does it seem like Tyler and Trey are the only ones who see this as the disaster to be overcome that it is?
Things are tense after that. Not tense in a way like anyone is holding back words- more in a way of everyone holding back feelings. Tyler has every temptation to back out of this agreement, and it fucking sucks, but he's also distracted by the fact that things are clearly going on in his parents' heads that he doesn't know about. He doesn't think he's ever seen Saxon nervous before, and this silence and careful contemplation is about standard for Saxon, but something about the tapping of his fingers on his sleeve feels new.
Tyler doesn't know much about Saxon because Saxon doesn't talk much if he doesn't have to. He knows Saxon's family is religious but Saxon himself is not. He knows Saxon is the kind of person who enjoys being an accountant or whatever. He knows that Saxon isn't entirely joyless, it's just that his joy is quiet and held within, and routine comforts him. His emotions are somewhere deep beneath the surface, but at the same time not much moves him. He's never had a reaction to movies or music that Tyler has seen.
So what could possibly be making him nervous right now? If that's nerves Tyler is seeing.
His mother asks Colby some questions that feel forced, and Tyler grits his teeth through it. Ultimately, Colby gets a call and uses it as an excuse to step out of the room; it seems legitimate enough, but Tyler just hopes he'll pretend it's something major and let them fucking leave.
Saxon mutters something to Tyler's mum that Tyler can't hear. Trey turns to Tyler and says, "Colby is nice."
"Yeah," Tyler says, patting Trey's arm, "he is. He's been really good for me recently."
"I'm not at all convinced you have any motivation here other than money," Tyler's mum says, arms crossed, "and frankly I'm amazed you seem to have convinced yourself of it."
Tyler's motivation is that he's fucking stupid and he went and fell in love- in like two weeks- with his sugar daddy. "Alright, mum, you believe what you want. I don't care. I'm actually pretty damn happy right now, so..."
"I'm sure money feels nice."
"Mum, why are you taking your anger out on me? You've met him, he's nice, and I'm not ever gonna stick around with anyone who hurts me- if he was bad for me someone other than you would've seen it."
She points her finger at him. "It's- it's just that rich men are always going to take advantage of people if they can. I don't- I just don't trust him. Is that so bad?"
"Why don't you trust him, mum?"
"Stop it," she hisses, arms crossed and retreating. "Won't you ever listen to me?"
Trey's form beside Tyler suddenly seeming to shrink keeps Tyler from yelling, keeping his voice even. "Not without a reason to, I won't."
"I'm twice your age, Tyler. I know things you don't, okay, so-"
Her sudden silence is, amateurishly, unhidden the minute Colby pokes his head back through the door. Tyler reads annoyance on his brow that he doubts his family sees. "I'm so sorry to interrupt," he says, with a slightly longer glance towards Tyler than expected, "but I've got to go deal with a work emergency, and unfortunately I'm Tyler's only way home. Is there anything else you guys need to discuss, or are we safe to go now?"
Tyler breathes a sigh of relief in the moments while his mother is saying it's fine and they're all saying their goodbyes. Tyler hugs Trey longer than he hugs his mother.
He knows something's off by the time they've turned away from his family and Colby still has a touch of annoyance about him. "What's wrong?" Tyler asks as they're crossing the lawn, "what was that about?"
"The call was not important," Colby says as Tyler rounds to the passenger seat. Once they're both sitting in the car, Colby adds, "it was from my CFO essentially saying everything is fine. That's not..."
"You seem annoyed," Tyler ventures as Colby starts the car. "I... what did I say, exactly?"
"It's nothing specific you said," Colby replies slowly, confirming he's annoyed as they pull out onto the road. "And it's... misplaced annoyance. Truthfully, if anything I should be concerned."
"...about?"
"My dad was shitty, alright? I don't know the extent of how shitty your dad was, but mine beat me, berated me, never hugged me, never gave me any freedom, kicked me out of home- but I still felt bad when he died. He was the only fucking dad I had. Even if I was just sad because his life was wasted being an asshole and I didn't get a good dad, it's- I can't imagine not being even the slightest bit upset that your dad is dying. And I just- how can you feel like that, Tyler? How can you know your father is dying and wish he would die faster? You don't have to think he's great and love him, but don't you fucking long for a dad who loved you, at the very least?"
Tyler can't help the scoff that comes from deep in his chest; he holds the front of his shirt as if that would keep his heartbeat from betraying him. He longs for Colby to love him. "I don't know. I guess it might've been nice, but I don't want that man to love me, so why should I feel bad?"
"Because- he's fucking dying? I don't know, your dad is dying of cancer and you feel nothing about it? It doesn't sit right, Tyler."
"What about it doesn't sit right? Did you-" Tyler sucks in a deep breath- "do you really know what he did, Colby, the things he was fucking arrested for-"
"Does that really change it so much that you don't want a dad, don't want to know if he regrets it, don't want-"
"I don't want a dad because if a dad is like him then that's the fucking opposite of what I want." The roads of Gem Varily are going past a little faster than Tyler expected them to. Colby must've not realised he was speeding. "I don't get what this has to do with you at all."
"It doesn't. I'm just concerned because you're acting like- you're acting like you have no emotions at all and that fucking concerns me."
"No emotions? What the fuck do you mean, no emotions? I'm upset you would even fucking say that-"
"-but not upset your dad is dying? And why didn't you seem even the slightest bit upset about Kevin, when apparently-"
"Don't fucking say shit about Kevin. You don't know anything." Now Tyler is fucking mad. "I loved him and he's gone and I was sure as fuck not okay when that happened, alright? I'm sorry that years later I can talk about it without bursting into tears. Like, listen to yourself, what do you want me to do?"
"I don't know? It's not like I want you to be upset, Tyler. I-"
"Then what?"
Tyler stares at Colby, eyes turning into daggers, and Colby stutters, out of words for a moment.
He takes a deep breath, not at any point taking his eyes off the road. "My concern is simply this, Tyler, alright? I-"
"Stop saying my name like that."
"Like fucking what?"
"So- so condescending. Like you're talking down to me like I'm a child."
"You're fucking acting like one, aren't you? I'm trying to have a civil conversation explaining why your actions are concerning-"
"You're doing it. Stop it."
"If you would fucking stop and listen to me maybe I wouldn't have to spell out everything like that-"
"So it's my fault you're being rude-"
"If you don't shut up for five fucking seconds, Tyler, and let me talk-"
"Then what? What are you going to do, Colby? What are you going to fucking do?"
Tyler's thrown by how quick the car is pulled to the side of the road. They were on the highway out of Gem Varily, and this pitstop is normally only used when cars are actually breaking down when they're going a hundred and not supposed to stop. Colby stays perfectly still for a moment, breathing heavily, and Tyler's anger is still coursing through him, burning like fire.
"What are you going to do, huh? Make me walk home like I'm a child? My dad sucked worse than most shitty dads, so you're going to give me the normal shitty dad experience of dumping me on the side of the road for a bit until you feel bad and come pick me up?"
Colby just looks at him, and Tyler knows he should stop. He knows he should stop. "Are you trying to be my dad or something? I know we've got the whole fucking sugar daddy thing but I assure you I don't need you to pretend you're an actual-"
"Doll," Colby says, and the bite in such a pretty word shuts Tyler right the fuck up, "if you don't shut your mouth right now I will shut it for you."
Tyler finds himself grinning with a spiteful scowl at the corners of his mouth. He leans closer. "Oh yeah? I bet you're afraid to hurt me the way you want to. You're not going to do any god damn thing, you're just going to-"
The hand in his hair causes him to cry out in pain at how unexpected it is, and Tyler finds himself pulled towards Colby, looking up at him from where Colby's hand has pulled him over the console and half into his lap.
"I'm not afraid of shit, doll. In fact, I'm curious to see just how fucking far you're willing to push me."
Tyler is on fire, because the answer is pretty fucking far.