Tyed - Chapter 5: Chapter 5

"What?" Tyler assumed they were going to go to Colby's house, but it's whatever. He rattles off his address, and Colby puts the cigarette in his mouth for long enough to surprise Tyler by picking him up around the waist. For a moment, Tyler's flailing in the air, his sense of proprioception totally thrown off, before he realizes he's on his feet and he's fine. He's indignant about being so easily moved- he goes to the gym, he's almost 6 foot, there should be no way- but with all this weird attraction he's feeling to Colby, it should come as no surprise that he actually kind of enjoyed the strength that was just displayed.
"Follow me," Colby says, stubbing his cigarette out on an ashtray on the table. "I'm taking you home."
"Why're you saying it like that?" Tyler says, frowning. "I thought we were..."
Colby doesn't answer, and Tyler has to scramble to catch up to him heading down the stairs. He feels cold and rejected, and although it's not like he hasn't been rejected before, it's usually nicer than this. Tyler does follow him, though; he quickly unwraps the green ribbon and hides it in his pocket, just in case.
At the bottom of the stairs, Colby stops and waits for Tyler to come stand next to him. "Let's talk when we're out of here," he says, and Tyler takes that as encouragement. Tyler sees Lachlen speaking to someone at the bar and figures he'll be fine; he can just look him up on social media later to let him know what happened, if Lachlen wants to know. He follows Colby out, and as they hand their ribbons back to the girl at the front, Tyler receives a knowing look from her that he wishes he could respond to without being an asshole. He says nothing, though, and follows Colby out onto the empty street. Back on the façade of old buildings, empty of personality, the magic of the colours and lights almost fades, until Tyler recaptures it the moment he looks into Colby's eyes.
It's sudden and unexpected that Tyler finds himself pressed against the old bricks, and with a sharp breath he looks up and into eyes like a wolf's. "Let me make one thing clear," Colby whispers, low enough to send a shiver up Tyler's spine. His eyes search Tyler's like he desperately needs to find something. "I like you."
Tyler's dumbstruck, and it takes him a moment to answer. He spends that moment mesmerised by Colby's eyes. "Really?" is what comes out of his mouth, somehow sounding both disbelieving and insecure. Tyler wonders if he's ruined his chance by speaking so carelessly, and that keeps him from saying anything else stupid.
"Yeah," Colby breathes, stabilising Tyler's internal worrying. "I do."
"So where are we going?" Tyler asks, beginning to get impatient. His heart is racing, he can almost hear the blood rushing through his veins, and Colby's so close. When Tyler leans away from the wall, he pushes his chest out towards Colby, and breaks his gaze away for just long enough to glance at Colby's lips before looking back.
"No," Colby answers, not looking away from Tyler's face. He bites his lip as he considers, but ultimately the sentiment just comes out a little stronger. "No."
"What?" Tyler's brows furrow, the mixed signals becoming more and more tangled up in each other. Sure, he's drunk, but he's not sure he could make sense of this anyway. "What do you mean, you like me but no?"
Colby reaches up and takes Tyler's face between his hands. Tyler closes his eyes and just listens to the sound of Colby's voice. "We'll talk tomorrow," he says, each word soft and gorgeous. "But tonight there's just one thing I have to do."
"What?" Tyler whispers, opening his eyes for just a short moment before an overwhelming wave of feeling takes over him, a blossoming heat spreading over his body starting from his lips as Colby kisses him. It takes Tyler's breath away, drives his heart at a thousand miles an hour, every nerve exploding with energy. It's like they've just created an entire sun between them, with this kiss alone. As Colby's lips move against his, Tyler reaches and grasps at Colby's shirt, pulling him closer with an intense desperation that's unfamiliar and exciting to him. He needs every inch of his skin pressed against Colby's, as soon as possible. The desperation and magnetism causes a few clashes of teeth, a few bitten lips, but even so, Colby's a good kisser. Possibly not the best kisser, considering Tyler's lost count of how many people he's kissed, but there's no one else Tyler wishes he was kissing right now. There's something electric, a connection, two opposing sides of a magnet forcing themselves together. Something special, something that meant Tyler didn't much care what happened next. Nothing Colby could say would make him want him any less, Tyler decides in that moment.
Suddenly Colby's mouth is on his throat, kissing lines on the underside of his jaw, and the hot, sweet feeling on such a sensitive part of his body is enough to draw a gentle moan from Tyler's throat, something he tries to suppress but finds he can't.
In that moment, he's out of control.
The feeling of being out of control, in Tyler's experience, is horrendous. It's a spiral, down and down and down until he falls, fear and paranoia taking over. That's when the darkness and the silence approaches, when the world fades around him and as far as he's concerned, the world is ending. That's the crushing weight on his chest that can only be spared by time or death. That haunts him, waiting every second to return. Losing control is usually the first thing to trigger it.
Usually, almost always, but not this time.
Tyler doesn't think about the darkness. He doesn't begin to fade or lose the real world. Instead, he clutches tighter, seeing the colours brighter, feeling sensations more than he did before.
He hasn't lost control. He's given in, and it feels amazing.
"Fuck, Colby," Tyler gasps, clutching at the back of Colby's shirt. "Please, can we- can we-"
Tyler regrets saying anything, because the heavenly touch at his throat breaks for Colby to look him in the eyes. Tyler's eyes are half-closed, and he lolls his head back against Colby's hands, looking to him for an explanation as to why he stopped.
Colby gazes at him, hard, for a long moment. He's clearly turning thoughts over in his head, and as Tyler leans up to try and kiss him again, Colby almost reciprocates; but he pulls away at the last second.
Tyler's brows furrow in confusion. He tries to say something, but Colby shakes his head and that's enough to silence him. He steps away. Tyler frowns, feeling cold and a little lost. He doesn't like feeling cold; he surrounds himself with fire, even if it's hellfire, to avoid feeling cold.
It's not just Colby's absence; it's the fact that the night's gotten colder, and it's seeping through Tyler's skin, soaking into his bones. Colby drove the monster away much more effectively than any of Tyler's previous hookups had, even in that short moment, but the monster returns nonetheless. When Tyler closes his eyes, he sees Darkfilly Copse, the freezing forest outside his father's house.
"I'm taking you home," Colby says, something lost about him as well. Tyler sees it and acknowledges it, recognises that Colby's pain is different from his own, and understands its existence as a certainty.
"That's a good idea," Tyler finally agrees after a moment. They share a moment of silent understanding, and Colby nods, seeing the same thing that Tyler just saw and acknowledging it, too.
Tyler remembers getting into Colby's car, and vaguely thinking it was pretty nice. Very nice, as far as cars were concerned, not that Tyler knew much about cars. He would've never seen a thing like this around Gem Varily, let alone Darkfilly Copse, that hole in the ground. He runs his fingers over the fabric of the seat, but he's unable to really appreciate just how nice it is. Even if he knew anything about cars, all he can think about is how he's worried he's fucked this up already, and how much he desperately wishes that Colby will spend the night with him.
He doesn't say anything, because he's pretty sure he'll feel different about all this when he's sober, but for now, he has no choice but to let the worry simmer. It bubbles aggressively in his stomach and doesn't give him a chance to defend himself. All he can think about is how wonderful that kiss was, and how Colby stopped it as soon as Tyler implied he wanted to sleep together. Didn't Colby want that? Isn't that what he did, like Luna said, sleep with people?
Lachlen didn't outright answer when Tyler asked if he slept with Colby, but his initial description implied he only spoke to him. Maybe Luna was outright lying, just to fuck with Tyler. Maybe Colby didn't sleep with anyone.
Tyler hates that prospect when he thinks about it, too. That would mean Tyler isn't special; that would make him the same as everyone else. The feeling of not being special may well have been what Luna was trying to warn him against. If he knew Tyler at all, he wouldn't have bothered to try and warn him, because Tyler didn't ever heed warnings.
The car stops outside Tyler's apartment, and Tyler looks over at Colby in the driver's seat. The streetlights illuminate his face through the window, casting soft lights in the darkness. Colby tries to avoid looking at Tyler, and Tyler decides to give it one last go.
He leans across the console, putting his hand on Colby's leg. "Hey. Before I go."
Colby turns to him. "I was going to walk you in," he says, but Tyler's not even listening. He leans forward and kisses him again, pressing their lips together with the same fiery desperation as before.
It's a reassurance to Tyler just how much vigor Colby answers his kiss with. Tyler immediately climbs over the console, leaning deeper into the kiss as he does. He straddles Colby, grabbing his shirt and pulling him in close. The kiss is hungry, needy, wanting, and it's impossible for Tyler to truly believe that Colby doesn't want him. He's never been magnetised like this, not ever.
Tyler's back hit the steering wheel, and the surprise shocks him out of that feeling. Colby's leaning with one hand on either side of Tyler, his eyes burning like the headlights of a car about to run Tyler over.
"Stop tempting me," Colby hisses, his voice his low Tyler almost doesn't hear what he says. Colby doesn't break eye contact as he opens the car door. Tyler gets the message and gets out of the car; he's not happy about it, but he's not about to question Colby's motives. His choice of words is enough to give Tyler the pride of knowing he's a temptation, and the way Colby's looking at him has the same energy as a wolf staring down prey.
Colby follows Tyler out of the car, and Tyler waits for a moment for his companion to catch up. He leads the way into his apartment building, not saying anything. Once he's inside the door, he turns around in the last moment to corner Colby against the door.
"This is your last chance to come with me," Tyler says, a gentle hand on Colby's chest. "Or at least give me your number or something."
Colby smiles, taking Tyler's hand from his chest. This short-circuits Tyler's brain; the way he holds Tyler's hand is kind, familiar, close. It's horrifying, and Tyler inadvertantly digs his fingernails into Colby's skin. He can't exactly explain that to him, though. "Of course," Colby says, and Tylers' expecting then to be shoved up against the wall and kissed again, but instead something is slipped into his pocket. "Go to sleep and call me in the morning."
"Do I have to wait until morning?" Tyler says, taking the excuse to tear his hand from Colby's to investigate the card Colby put into his pocket. He sees it's a business card, and frowns. "What, you want me to purchase your services or some shit?"
Colby rolls his eyes. "I'm giving it to you because it has my number on it, and an address. In case you want to come and see me."
Tyler takes one look at it and confirms that information. "Fine. Fine. You're not coming in?"
"Shut up," Colby says, and Tyler's shocked for a minute before Colby kisses him again and he can't breathe. "Stop talking," he says in between kissing Tyler again. "And call me tomorrow."
There's one last kiss before Colby steps back from Tyler and leaves. Tyler's left standing, staring at the door and wishing he could go back through it and pull Colby back, tempt him enough that he changes his mind.
But he doesn't. He turns and goes up the stairs to his apartment, feeling empty and alone again. At least it's not the darkness.
He collapses on his couch, not even bothering to make it to his bedroom. He vaguely hears some others coming home when he's half asleep, hears Tee's voice in his ear, but not the words.
He has a dream, a continuance of the kiss from the car. Eventually, it becomes a nightmare, because almost every dream Tyler has does; but at least, for a short while, it's a good dream.