Tyed - Chapter 8: Chapter 8

Tee and Shouto aren't home when Tyler stealthily enters the apartment, but Nancy is. "Shouto? Or Tyler?" she calls, and Tyler doesn't say anything, unsure of how to answer the questions Nancy definitely, definitely has. He left feeling good, but on the train home he was thinking about it, and thinking about it, and overthinking, and while overthinking isn't something Tyler does very often, he was doing it.
He can't say that he and Colby are together. He can't say that anything happened at all. He feels like it did, but when he thinks about it, nothing has materially changed.
When Nancy asks, her excited grin radiating from the stairs, "what happened?", Tyler's not sure what to say.
He leans against the wall on the top of the stairs, gazing at Nancy. Her brow furrows in confusion. "What? What happened?" she asks again, almost worried.
Tyler frowns. "Honestly? I don't know. It seemed good- it felt like things were good, and he said I was different- but God damn, I'm confused. I don't know if we're a thing now or not."
"Tell me everything that happened," Nancy demands, smiling a little. "I need to know."
Is Tyler supposed to tell her that Colby has a freakish memory, that he used to question him about the fact that he was a cheater? Is he supposed to tell her how he was pushed up against the desk and he felt something unnameable that he's never felt before, and he's not sure how much he wants to explore that? Is he supposed to tell her that nothing happened between them the way he wanted it to, and he's got no idea when- if ever- that's going to change, because Colby keeps pushing him away when he gets too close?
"We talked," Tyler goes with, "and we might've kissed a few times."
Nancy grins again, looking up at him expectantly. "And?"
"And I don't know." Tyler shrugs, deciding to be honest with her. "I don't know what's going on. He said he's going to text me, I think."
"You don't sound very excited," Nancy says, frowning. "Is there something you want to-"
"I don't know," Tyler interrupts her a little too forcefully. "I'm annoyed because it feels like something happened but then when I think about it nothing did."
"What do you think should've happened?" Nancy asks, and Tyler looks away.
Honestly? After hearing what Luna said, it really seemed like Tyler should've fucked Colby by now. But that's so stupid, isn't it? To be upset that you haven't slept with someone who's clearly into you? Someone who's about to solve all of your problems and then some? Shouldn't Tyler be thinking about how he's not going to have to go home instead of being upset about this minor thing?
"I don't know," Tyler says for the third time.
"Tyler."
"I just don't understand why he doesn't seem to want to have sex with me, that's all, and I didn't want to say it because-"
"He doesn't? Did he say that?" Nancy asks, clearly amused by this revelation. She recognises the silliness of it all, and divorced from the situation, she can laugh at it. For Tyler's sake, she's trying to hold it back.
"No, but apparently he sleeps with a lot of people so why not me? He can't be into me no matter what he says if-"
"Hang on. You're upset that he hasn't slept with you yet? Did you try initiating it?"
"Yes, and I didn't get far."
Nancy's giving Tyler the smile he gets when she finally understands his issue, and that it's not really that complicated. She has a specific smile for that. "Can I just take a moment to comment on how funny it is that you're getting a sugar daddy who doesn't want to sleep with you, and you're upset about that? That's the dream for most people."
"Yeah, well, most of... those are gross, and he's not," Tyler responds.
"Okay, fine. But there's a number of reasons you haven't even thought of. Maybe he likes you more than anyone else, so he wants it to be romantic and take his time. Maybe he's got an STD or erectile dysfunction or something-"
"Gross," Tyler says, but the thought of Colby simply being embarrassed makes him laugh. What Luna said makes the second two possibilities seem pretty unlikely, but the first is a comforting thought. "It's just that yesterday I talked to this guy who said he sleeps with everyone. I guess maybe it's a good thing I'm not like everyone else?"
"I think you're paying way too much attention to what one random person said and not enough to what Colby's saying. What has he said, or implied, about it?"
Tyler flashes back to last night in the car, when he was pushed against the wheel and accused of tempting him. And, just before, words that made Tyler shiver to remember; that he made it difficult for Colby to restrain himself.
"Yeah, when I think about it, I'm pretty sure he's into me," Tyler admits. "Thank you."
Nancy shrugs. "Text him later and keep me updated. Now that I've helped you to stop freaking the fuck out-" she gently smacks a hand into his chest- "how about you come help me with this god damn math?"
"What class are you doing math for?" Tyler asks, frowning as he follows her to the table. She's doing a nursing course, but the math is for an elective, and although she's smarter than Tyler in many subjects, math happens to be his one talent. He helps her get through the problems she was struggling with, and it reminds him to do his own homework. Some time later, he's partway through working on that when Shouto comes home, walking slowly and looking around with a frown on his face.
"What's wrong?" Nancy asks. Tyler looks up to see Shouto staring at him like he can't believe he's real.
"What?" Tyler asks, squinting back. "What did I do?"
"Apparently," Shouto says, "you paid the rent."
"Is that surprising?" Nancy asks, but to Tyler it is, because he didn't.
"...for everyone," Shouto finishes, "for the year."
Tyler's first reaction is to laugh, because it's funny. The very idea is kind of ridiculous, because that's thousands of dollars and he's got double digits. For a moment, he believes Shouto must be joking. Then he realises Shouto's jokes are nothing like this and Shouto's staring in disbelief.
"Oh." Tyler realises what happened, and then he starts laughing again, because it's ridiculous for a completely different reason. "That happened. That actually happened."
"Colby?" Nancy asks, and Shouto's looking at her in confusion. He left for school earlier today than anybody else got up; he hasn't heard a whisper of any of this. Tyler almost wants to keep him in the dark simply because he thinks it would be funny, but he doesn't think he can keep that up.
"Yeah, he must've," Tyler tells Nancy. "He took my phone earlier. He must've gotten the landlord's number from it, or something, and done that."
"Who's this?" Shouto asks, crossing his arms. "Did someone..."
"You won't believe this," Nancy says, pulling up Google on her phone, the same page she had open this morning. "You will not believe what Tyler did last night."
Tyler's face flushes red as Nancy shows him a picture of Colby. "You see this guy?" she says, and Shouto nods slowly. "Well, he like, owns the hotel that Tee works at and Tyler may or may not be dating him now."
"May or may not," Tyler reaffirms, unsure of why he's so embarrassed until he meets Shouto's judgemental stare. "I don't know, dude. It just kind of happened. I didn't ask him to do that."
Shouto shakes his head, finally taking the time to take his bag off of his back and set it down. "Look, I-" he pauses, reframes his words. "I don't want to know about that stuff. I guess I should just be glad for you."
Tyler wants to leave it there, because there's an awkward way about Shouto's words that makes him want to drop the subject, but Nancy faces that discomfort head-on. "He didn't even sleep with him if that's what you're looking so uncomfortable about. Colby just did that. It's wild."
"I'll agree on that," Shouto says, shaking his head at Nancy. Nancy ignores Tyler's glare as Shouto heads upstairs.
"What?" she says, shrugging. "He's gonna be weird about it regardless."
"It is weird," Tyler shrugs. The feeling of judgement is the thing that really bothers him; it's something he had hoped to leave behind when he left home, but he'd much rather deal with it from Shouto than his mother.
Tyler tries to focus on homework, but he can only focus for so long. The second he gets a text, he scrambles to his phone in a rush to see what Colby wants, and since it's sitting on the table next to Nancy, she gets to have a quiet snicker at Tyler's desperation.
It's not from Colby, and Tyler deflates. As soon as he sees who it is, any hope he had turns into annoyance.
Saxon: Your brother's annual vacation is coming up. We would appreciate it if you came with us.
Tyler rolls his eyes and turns the screen black. "What'd he want?" Nancy asks, and Tyler's not sure if he even wants to talk about it.
The phone was sitting next to her, so Nancy might've seen who the text was from, but Tyler tells her anyway. "It was my stepfather," he says. "About my brother."
"Did something happen?" Nancy asks quickly, looking up in something of a panic. Tyler shakes his head quickly.
"No. He gets a vacation every year, and we used to all go to like, some beachy place for a few days until he had to go back. They want me to go again with them this year."
"Well, of course they do. You're going to go, right?" Nancy leans on her elbow, looking up at him. "I know you don't get along with your parents much, but you've got to go for your brother's sake."
"Why?" Tyler's hackles raise at her words; he doesn't really want to go, no, and he resents the assumption that he will because it would be compassionate. He can be compassionate and still not want to go. His next sentence is only half true. "It's not like he particularly wants nor needs me there."
"You're his brother, why wouldn't he?" Nancy says with a shrug. "He's probably just not good at communicating it."
Nancy knows a lot of the story, but she doesn't know all of it. She knows just enough that he can say what he wants to say and it'll make enough sense. "Sometimes he wants to see me and sometimes he doesn't. He probably resents me because I didn't end up like he did," Tyler scoffs. "I got lucky."
"Not to be ableist or anything, but honestly, I don't think he has the capacity to resent you. And you didn't get lucky so much as he got unlucky."
No, Tyler thinks to himself. He got lucky, that's for sure.
"Just go," Nancy urges him. "Say you' ll come now. If you change your mind later you can always claim to be sick or something."
Tyler rolls his eyes at her, but just to shut her up, opens up a response text. He doesn't really want to engage at all; in his mind, it'd be easier to pretend he never got the text. He's willing to entertain the idea, though, and he figures that he can, if he must, put up with it for some stretch of time just to make his brother happy.
Tyler: I'll come if he wants me to.
Tyler barely has time to tell Nancy, "fine, I did it. Happy?" before his stepfather texts back.
Saxon: He does. You should visit him sometime.
Tyler considers that, not for his stepfather's sake- his stepfather's one of the less sucky members of his family, but he's still not Tyler's favourite- but for his brother's. Tyler got a better lot than he did, even considering how shit he got it, and Tyler can always spare him time.
"Are you doing anything on Saturday?" Tyler asks, and Nancy looks up, confused.
"Yeah, I got work, why?"
"I was going to go visit him- my brother, I mean- and I would appreciate the support."
Nancy shakes her head, and then a cheeky smile comes across her face. "Nah, I can't come, but you should ask Colby."
Tyler snorts. "Yeah, let's have our first date out in Gem fucking Varily visiting my disabled brother. Real nice introduction to my life."
"It's better than showing him Darkfilly Copse," Nancy shrugs, and Tyler winces visibly. "Sorry," she says immediately, realising her joke went too far. "That wasn't cool."
Tyler never actually told Nancy about Darkfilly Copse. It was on the news, and when Tyler, his mother and his brother all moved up to Gem Varily, it came out pretty quickly. Everyone knew what happened at Darkfilly Copse and everyone knew Tyler came from there. There were some secrets he was able to keep under wraps- like exactly why his brother is the way he is, and the exact details of what happened- but they were few and far between.
"Yeah, but it's fine," Tyler shrugs. He feels a chill at the mention of that place, a chill that never quite seems to leave.
---
Tyler sits in the ruins of what was once a treehouse, right up until the branch broke- or was cut, it's unclear- and the whole thing tumbled to the ground. He sits huddled up against the half-broken wall, trying to find comfort from the bracing winds that seem to persist through the forest, never stopped by the thickets and trees. Tyler has a few cuts along his hands from falling in the underbrush, and there's a rip in his thin woollen sweater that isn't helping the situation. There's frost on the ground and Tyler's shivering out of his mind.
He's either five or six. It depends on whether it's tomorrow yet or not. It's very dark, but Tyler can't tell whether it's eleven o'clock or twelve o'clock or what. He can never know anyway, because he can't read the clock, but he'll know when the sun rises that he's six for sure by then. Not that he's too excited; he was, but now he thinks Daddy might not let him have any kind of celebration. They normally don't celebrate birthdays much, but last year Tyler got to pick what they had for dinner, and for Trey's seventh birthday Mummy even made him a cake. Tyler was hoping for something small like that, but now it depends on how mad Daddy is.
He must be pretty mad, because Tyler's been locked outside for a long time now. The sun was up when he got pushed out here, screaming and crying, and for a while he banged on the door, but nobody ever answered. He heard Daddy lock the door and yell at Mummy to leave him out there, so he's not getting back in until Daddy's not mad at him anymore.
He shivers, bringing his little sweater closer around him. The ice on the ground is seeping into his pants and getting in through his socks. His heart is shuddering in the cold and his fingers are turning blue in the ends. A possum scutters overhead, shaking leaves down over the ruins of the treehouse. It doesn't provide much shelter from the wind. It provides more shelter than sitting on the porch alone does, though.
Tyler hears crunching nearby, and shrinks in on himself, making himself as small as he possibly can. He wants to disappear, to stay completely still, but he's still shivering; the cold ache of the forest penetrates his bones. It smells like rain, and Tyler doesn't want it to rain.
"Tyler?" comes a voice, and as soon as Tyler recognises who it belongs to, he sits up suddenly, excited. If Mummy's out here, that means Daddy let her out, and that means Tyler can come back in. Daddy's not mad anymore and Tyler doesn't have to shiver until his fingers go blue anymore.
"Mummy?" he calls out softly, standing up and peeking through a hole in the wood. He can see her trudging towards him, wearing a dress and her gumboots, a thin jacket pulled around her. She shivers just as much as he does.
"Tyler? Oh, thank the Lord," she says, running over to him. "I thought you'd been ate by foxes."
"No, I hid in here!" Tyler forces the cheeriness through chattering teeth. He's cold and lonely and he wants to show her he's not angry anymore and he's okay to come inside. He didn't realise how scared he was until she got here and he wasn't anymore. "Can I come back inside now?"
"Of course you can," she says, leaning down to pick him up. He puts his arms up and happily links them around her neck; she huffs with the effort it takes to lift his weight. "You've just got to sneak in through the back door so Daddy doesn't get mad, okay?"
"Okay," he whispers, sinking his face into her neck. Her blonde hair smells like strawberries. "Is he still angry at me for what I did?"
"No, sweetie," she sighs. "God, you're heavy."
"Sorry," he mutters, assuming it's somehow his fault. Daddy says Mummy's weight is her fault, so his probably is too. "What did I do?"
"I don't know, sweetie. Just do as he tells you and he won't get all mad, okay?" There's sadness in her words when she says that. She carries him back to the house, and he clings to her warmth for dear life. "No more questions, okay?"
"Just one more?" Tyler asks, and Mummy sighs a deep sigh that he takes as a go-ahead. "Is it my birthday yet?"
"It isn't your birthday until the sun rises," she says. "But you are getting old awful quick."
"Six isn't that big a number," Tyler argues. "Daddy's old, and I bet you're old too."
"I'm not old, I'm twenty-one. That's not a lot. Daddy is old, though," she tells him. "Now shush. We're gonna sneak in and I'm gonna put you to bed, and in the morning Daddy will have forgotten what he was even mad at you for, okay?"
"Okay," Tyler whispers, just to show her he's committed to being quiet. He's still shivering, but he's warmer than he was. The chill is there, but being in Mummy's arms sure does feel nice.
She puts him down on the porch. "Now I'm serious. Be real quiet," she whispers, opening the door slowly to keep it from creaking. Tyler slips inside, padding along to his door. He waits as she slowly closes the screen door, then the main door, and takes her gumboots off before walking over and opening his bedroom door.
He walks in slowly, looking up at Trey on the top bunk. Trey looks down at him, big blue eyes blinking in suspicion, but not saying anything. Tyler clambers into bed, careful not to shake the creaky metal too much.
"Goodnight, Tyler," Mummy says, leaning down to kiss him. "Goodnight, Trey."
"Goodnight," the two boys say in unison, Trey's voice slightly louder than Tyler's.
Mummy shuts the door, and for a moment, there's silence. Then Trey asks, "what did you do?"
Tyler shrugs even though Trey can't see him. He burrows into his sheets, searching for warmth that he can only find superficially. "I don't know."